Paying to attend a wedding?

AlabamaWorley · 30-03-2014 06:38PM #1

Is it common to be asked to pay (100 euro in this case) to attend a wedding?

I've never been to a wedding so I felt it was a bit strange, surely if they can't afford a big wedding they should go low key?

It'll be another 170 to stay in the hotel.

Any insights appreciated

Chattastrophe! · 30-03-2014 06:39PM

No.

January · 30-03-2014 06:39PM

People actually asked you to pay admission to their wedding???

How the heck did they word that one?!!

Moonbeam · 30-03-2014 06:42PM

That is the rudest thing that I have ever heard.
I can think of very few situations in which it would be acceptable.

dee_mc · 30-03-2014 06:43PM

Never heard of that, did they ask for €100 in lieu of a gift or are they expecting pressies too?! Have to say, I'd politely decline, sounds like really bad form!

AlabamaWorley · 30-03-2014 06:43PM

I was chatting with a friend, and they seemed okay with it.

No gift, just giving them bride/groom 100 quid to cover costs.

Not sure I'm so comfortable with it, but then again I'm not sure of wedding etiquette

tempnam · 30-03-2014 06:45PM

Maybe theyre doing this with guests they didnt actually want to, but felt obliged to, invite...

January · 30-03-2014 06:45PM

I'd be declining, that's the rudest thing I've ever heard of. It's even worse than hinting at cash for a gift on the invites.

StripedBoxers · 30-03-2014 06:46PM

It is absolutely not normal for bride and grooms to asks guests to pay to attend a wedding, it is beyond rude to ask such a thing.

Were you asked to pay admission to a wedding? If you were, I would decline the invitation.

If anyone asks why, tell them so. I sure as hell wouldn't be paying to attend anyone's wedding, they are expensive enough for guests as it is without admission fee's as well.

Moonbeam wrote: »

That is the rudest thing that I have ever heard.
I can think of very few situations in which it would be acceptable.

Could you post those situations? Because I can't think of any in which it is acceptable in any way, shape or form.

Anyone asking for guests to pay to attend a wedding shouldn't be having that wedding if they cannot afford it.

dee_mc · 30-03-2014 06:47PM

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

I was chatting with a friend, and they seemed okay with it.

No gift, just giving them bride/groom 100 quid to cover costs.

Not sure I'm so comfortable with it, but then again I'm not sure of wedding etiquette

Wow, I'd be strongly of the belief that if you can't afford to get married, you should either do it quietly with a small family bash or else wait til you can afford to do it! It's certainly not the norm and I wouldn't be comfortable with it but each to their own I suppose!

Penny Tration · 30-03-2014 06:47PM

That's one of the rudest things I've ever heard.

No, it's not normal, and I'd be telling them to fcuk off if I were in your position.

mikemac1 · 30-03-2014 06:48PM

Attend and get them a toaster and a set of steak knives

pablo128 · 30-03-2014 06:49PM

mikemac1 wrote: »

Attend and get them a toaster and a set of steak knives

Ah no. A flip top bin would be more fitting.

Dan_Solo · 30-03-2014 06:49PM

Well I'd have a flimsy and transparent excuse not to go ready... Game of Thrones is on that night or something.

StripedBoxers · 30-03-2014 06:49PM

OP if you declined to pay, would they revoke your invitation? Or what would happen?

30-03-2014 06:49PM

mikemac1 wrote: »

Attend and get them a toaster and a set of steak knives

From Tesco!

tempnam · 30-03-2014 06:50PM

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

I was chatting with a friend, and they seemed okay with it.

No gift, just giving them bride/groom 100 quid to cover costs.

Not sure I'm so comfortable with it, but then again I'm not sure of wedding etiquette

In many cases people do give money instead of a gift; but it's unusual for the couple to blatantly ask for money!

But if you think about it.... Some couples register with a shop and expect guests to buy gifts on their list from that shop or whatever. Maybe these felt it would be easier for all guests to just give money and that way they avoid having 20 toasters as wedding presents!

Still seems cheeky though!

bee06 · 30-03-2014 06:50PM

Definitely not normal! And the height of rudeness. How did they even word the request??

bee06 · 30-03-2014 06:52PM

tempnam wrote: »

In many cases people do give money instead of a gift; but it's unusual for the couple to blatantly ask for money!

But if you think about it.... Some couples register with a shop and expect guests to buy gifts on their list from that shop or whatever. Maybe these felt it would be easier for all guests to just give money and that way they avoid having 20 toasters as wedding presents!

Still seems cheeky though!

It's one thing to include a naff poem asking for money ... It's quite another to ask for a specific amount of money!

AlabamaWorley · 30-03-2014 06:52PM

Thanks for the reply all.

The maid of honour (A relative of mine) informed me of this - wedding invites are not officially out yet, so I'm unsure how it'll be requested, so I was just wondering if this was the done thing.

A2LUE42 · 30-03-2014 06:54PM

Few people have asked here OP. How was this request worded? Or was it through chatting with your friend that you got that version of the request?

Was it a case of you getting an invite and then your friend(who one would assume is not the bride or groom) telling you that this was the etiquette?

30-03-2014 06:56PM

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

Thanks for the reply all.

The maid of honour (A relative of mine) informed me of this - wedding invites are not officially out yet, so I'm unsure how it'll be requested, so I was just wondering if this was the done thing.

I get it now. It's not unusual for someone close to Bride and Groom, usually a parent, to suggest money rather than gifts, especially as nowadays most couples are living together beforehand and have no need of the traditional gifts to fit out a new household.

Santa Cruz · 30-03-2014 07:03PM

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

Is it common to be asked to pay (100 euro in this case) to attend a wedding?

I've never been to a wedding so I felt it was a bit strange, surely if they can't afford a big wedding they should go low key?

It'll be another 170 to stay in the hotel.

Any insights appreciated

Maybe if a Chinese masseuse providing a "happy ending" is included it would be ok to pony up €100

StripedBoxers · 30-03-2014 07:06PM

So........have the bride and groom asked, or are they definitely going to ask for money?

Or is it a case of the bridal party, family etc just putting the word out that money is preferable instead of material gifts such as toasters, crystal, things for the home etc?

Because, there is a difference between the two.

AlabamaWorley · 30-03-2014 07:18PM

StripedBoxers wrote: »

So........have the bride and groom asked, or are they definitely going to ask for money?

Or is it a case of the bridal party, family etc just putting the word out that money is preferable instead of material gifts such as toasters, crystal, things for the home etc?

Because, there is a difference between the two.

I'm not 100% sure, this revelation only came out yesterday that it's expected of us to pay 100 quid to cover costs.
I just thought I would get a general idea anyways, will know more once invites are received.

John Mason · 30-03-2014 07:24PM

we were invited to a wedding where the groom told everyone they were expecting a minimum of 80e per person as a gift.

they got a 40e photo frame from us.

January · 30-03-2014 07:25PM

Ok, the way I see it the maid of honour was telling you that they wanted cash instead of gifts and not that they were expecting you to pay into their wedding... well I hope it's that way anyway.

Still quite rude, unless you asked what to get them as a gift... but not as rude.

30-03-2014 07:25PM

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

I'm not 100% sure, this revelation only came out yesterday that it's expected of us to pay 100 quid to cover costs.
I just thought I would get a general idea anyways, will know more once invites are received.

What they mean is you give a gift of money, rather than a gift of items for the house as was traditional.

30-03-2014 07:27PM

If you are invited to a wedding and wish to attend, give a gift to the value that YOU can afford. If thats €20, €50 or €100+ it's up to you.

amdublin · 30-03-2014 07:27PM

It's never "said" but most b&g's are counting on/hoping for money per couple.

So in reality it's actually really common.

I hate that. Why can't b&g's just save up and throw a party without expecting their guests to pay for it????

missdavis1986 · 30-03-2014 07:30PM

I'm totally intrigued by this...how did they ask on the invite? It's one of the strangest things I've ever heard!

Paying to attend a wedding?

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