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Maths jokes!

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭Colours


    Just come across this tweet from Michael McKean @MJMcKean:

    I'm generally not fussy about toilet paper brands, but I've definitely bought my last roll of Moebius.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,615 ✭✭✭TheBody


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,615 ✭✭✭TheBody


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,615 ✭✭✭TheBody


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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,949 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    Not so much a Maths Joke, more of a Joke trying to do Maths:

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,615 ✭✭✭TheBody


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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


    TheBody wrote: »
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    One hundred And one, One Hundred And two, ...


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,949 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    OK, I have a cubic equation to solve, shall I cheat and use the calculator?

    10765937783_8c69d1de27.jpg

    Nah, I'll do it the hard way ...

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



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  • Registered Users Posts: 2 shoshuban


    rjt wrote: »
    Disclaimer: Some of these are so bad that they physically *hurt*, but I suppose I'll post them in the interest of sadism.

    Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness.

    Why do mathematicians confuse halloween and christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec!

    A student was found dead in a lecture theatre, the blackboard covered in Calculus. The police arrived, took away the body and performed an autopsy. The student's lecturer went to ask how the student had died. The police told him that the boy's blood alchol level had been quite high. Confused, the lecturer asked how this had led to the boy's death. The policeman responded:
    "Don't you know never to drink and derive?"

    When the flood ended, Noah opened the ark and said "go forth and multiply". A couple of days after, Noah went out into the forest, and found that all of the animals had multiplied, except for particular breed of dark snakes. When Noah asked the two snakes why they hadn't reproduced, they told him to chop down some trees and return in a few weeks. Noah obliged, and returned a month later, to find the forest brimming with the snakes. Curious, Noah asked, "Why did the trees help you to reproduce?". The snakes replied, "We're Adders, we need logs to multiply!".

    Chat up lines:

    1. Are you the square root of 2, 'cause you're making me irrational!

    2. <insert something involving exponent curves>

    HAHAHAHA.. the oct-dec joke was too good xD


  • Registered Users Posts: 2 shoshuban


    Jamon wrote: »
    I know that this one is an engineer joke, but here it goes.

    A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are investigating the hypothesis that every odd number is a prime number.

    Mathematician: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number but 9 isn't, the hypothesis is false!

    Physicist: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number but 9 isn't, but the hypothesis holds 4 times our of 5.

    Engineer: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number and 9 is a prime number. I think it's okay.

    Yours,
    Jamon

    1 is not a prime number, actually :p


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight




  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,201 ✭✭✭black_frosch




  • Registered Users Posts: 1,666 ✭✭✭charlie_says


    Once upon a time (1/t), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a
    field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix.

    Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition
    that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly,
    however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
    particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it
    was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

    Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her
    surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, three branches of a
    hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all
    sense of directrix and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning
    point she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf and
    plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once
    more she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-euclidean space.

    She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking
    inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular
    expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He
    decided to integrate improperly at once.

    Hearing a vulgar function behind her, Polly turned round and saw Curly Pi
    approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by
    his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms, that he was bent on no good.


    "Eureka" she gasped.

    "Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little Polynomial you are. I can see
    you're bubbling over with secs".

    "O Sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."

    "Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are purely
    imaginary "

    "i, i," she thought, "perhaps he's homogenous then?".

    "What order are you," the brute demanded.

    "Seventeen," replied Polly.

    Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet?" he asked.

    "Of course not", Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent."

    "Come, come," said Curly. "Let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take
    you to the limit."

    "Never," gasped Polly.

    "Exchlf," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone.
    Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly
    removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began
    to smooth her points of inflexion. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand
    tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.


    There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. He integrated by
    parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all
    the way around and did a contour integration. What an indignity. To be
    multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until
    he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

    When Polly got home that evening, her mother noticed that she had been
    truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As
    the months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally she generated a
    small but pathological function which left surds all over the place until
    she was driven to distraction.

    The moral of this sad story is this: If you want to keep your expressions
    convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,949 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    20140523.png

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    from YLYL

    10313551_956165664412887_7294645896443772237_n.jpg


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1 EurolectionS


    this is not normal...

    i^2 = j^2 = k^2 = ijk = −1

    ...but in math it is.


    MATH
    NOT EVEN ONCE


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,615 ✭✭✭TheBody


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,615 ✭✭✭TheBody


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  • Registered Users Posts: 817 ✭✭✭dafunk




  • Registered Users Posts: 12,949 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    Seen on Futility Closet:

    A mother is 21 years older than her son. Six years from now, she will be five times his age. Where’s the father?

    ;)

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



  • Registered Users Posts: 914 ✭✭✭Jakey Rolling


    Halfway through a flight from Warsaw to New York, the flight crew took ill with food poisoning. After they had passed out, one of the flight attendants asked over the intercom if there were any pilots in the cabin.

    An elderly gentleman, who had flown a bit in the war, raised his hand and was rushed into the cockpit of the 747. When he got there, took the seat, and saw all the displays and controls, he realized he was in over his head. He told the flight attendant that he didn't think he could fly this plane. When asked why not, he replied,
    "I am just a simple Pole in a complex plane"

    100412.2526@compuserve.com



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


    bnt wrote: »
    Seen on Futility Closet:

    A mother is 21 years older than her son. Six years from now, she will be five times his age. Where’s the father?

    ;)


    Ha ha!
    He's in the same place she is. In fact, part of him is probably inside her!


  • Registered Users Posts: 817 ✭✭✭dafunk


    My girlfriend is like sqrt(-100)




    She's a 10, but she's also imaginary.


  • Registered Users Posts: 914 ✭✭✭Jakey Rolling


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    Took me a while... TAN function?

    100412.2526@compuserve.com



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,143 ✭✭✭locum-motion


    Took me a while... TAN function?

    i believe so, yes.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,538 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


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  • Registered Users Posts: 14,538 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


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    Sartre's philosophy dictates that the next number in the sequence can be any number except the given non number, in this regard I submit that you are correct but only because you chose a number and not specifically that number, in fact any number would be correct,, I choose 47 and am equally correct as a result. Your equation, however well engineered and as ruggedly beautiful as it is, is merely window dressing, shame on you.

    :p


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