nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

Maths jokes!

MathsManiac

I don't know how to make a sticky - is it only moderators can do that?
[edit: posted back when I was a relative newb!]

Anyway, I think a sticky for maths jokes would be good.

Here's one to start, (an oldie but goodie!)

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

Colours

Just come across this tweet from Michael McKean @MJMcKean:

I'm generally not fussy about toilet paper brands, but I've definitely bought my last roll of Moebius.

Not so much a Maths Joke, more of a Joke trying to do Maths:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkCf3MCuOLk

TheBody

Capt'n Midnight

locum-motion

TheBody wrote: »

One hundred And one, One Hundred And two, ...

bnt

OK, I have a cubic equation to solve, shall I cheat and use the calculator?

Nah, I'll do it the hard way ...

shoshuban

rjt wrote: »

Disclaimer: Some of these are so bad that they physically *hurt*, but I suppose I'll post them in the interest of sadism.

Mathematic puns are the first sine of madness.

Why do mathematicians confuse halloween and christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec!

A student was found dead in a lecture theatre, the blackboard covered in Calculus. The police arrived, took away the body and performed an autopsy. The student's lecturer went to ask how the student had died. The police told him that the boy's blood alchol level had been quite high. Confused, the lecturer asked how this had led to the boy's death. The policeman responded:
"Don't you know never to drink and derive?"

When the flood ended, Noah opened the ark and said "go forth and multiply". A couple of days after, Noah went out into the forest, and found that all of the animals had multiplied, except for particular breed of dark snakes. When Noah asked the two snakes why they hadn't reproduced, they told him to chop down some trees and return in a few weeks. Noah obliged, and returned a month later, to find the forest brimming with the snakes. Curious, Noah asked, "Why did the trees help you to reproduce?". The snakes replied, "We're Adders, we need logs to multiply!".

Chat up lines:

1. Are you the square root of 2, 'cause you're making me irrational!

2. <insert something involving exponent curves>

HAHAHAHA.. the oct-dec joke was too good xD

shoshuban

Jamon wrote: »

I know that this one is an engineer joke, but here it goes.

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are investigating the hypothesis that every odd number is a prime number.

Mathematician: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number but 9 isn't, the hypothesis is false!

Physicist: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number but 9 isn't, but the hypothesis holds 4 times our of 5.

Engineer: 1 is a prime number, 3 is a prime number, 5 is a prime number, 7 is a prime number and 9 is a prime number. I think it's okay.

Yours,
Jamon

1 is not a prime number, actually

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.amazon.com/Million-Random-Digits-Normal-Deviates/product-reviews/0833030477/

Some good reviews on this book

BTW you can download it for free from RAND here
http://www.rand.org/pubs/monograph_reports/MR1418.html

black_frosch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wELDcftORAw

charlie_says

Once upon a time (1/t), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a
field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix.

Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition
that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly,
however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it
was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her
surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, three branches of a
hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all
sense of directrix and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning
point she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf and
plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once
more she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-euclidean space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking
inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular
expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He
decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a vulgar function behind her, Polly turned round and saw Curly Pi
approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by
his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms, that he was bent on no good.

"Eureka" she gasped.

"Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little Polynomial you are. I can see
you're bubbling over with secs".

"O Sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are purely
imaginary "

"i, i," she thought, "perhaps he's homogenous then?".

"What order are you," the brute demanded.

"Seventeen," replied Polly.

Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet?" he asked.

"Of course not", Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent."

"Come, come," said Curly. "Let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take
you to the limit."

"Never," gasped Polly.

"Exchlf," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone.
Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly
removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began
to smooth her points of inflexion. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand
tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. He integrated by
parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all
the way around and did a contour integration. What an indignity. To be
multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until
he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that evening, her mother noticed that she had been
truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally she generated a
small but pathological function which left surds all over the place until
she was driven to distraction.

The moral of this sad story is this: If you want to keep your expressions
convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

bnt

Capt'n Midnight

from YLYL

EurolectionS

this is not normal...

i^2 = j^2 = k^2 = ijk = −1

...but in math it is.

MATH
NOT EVEN ONCE

http://i.imgur.com/8bEs6rd.jpg

bnt

Seen on Futility Closet:

A mother is 21 years older than her son. Six years from now, she will be five times his age. Where’s the father?

Jakey Rolling

Halfway through a flight from Warsaw to New York, the flight crew took ill with food poisoning. After they had passed out, one of the flight attendants asked over the intercom if there were any pilots in the cabin.

An elderly gentleman, who had flown a bit in the war, raised his hand and was rushed into the cockpit of the 747. When he got there, took the seat, and saw all the displays and controls, he realized he was in over his head. He told the flight attendant that he didn't think he could fly this plane. When asked why not, he replied,
"I am just a simple Pole in a complex plane"

locum-motion

bnt wrote: »

Seen on Futility Closet:

A mother is 21 years older than her son. Six years from now, she will be five times his age. Where’s the father?

Ha ha!

He's in the same place she is. In fact, part of him is probably inside her!

dafunk

My girlfriend is like sqrt(-100)

She's a 10, but she's also imaginary.

Jakey Rolling

locum-motion wrote: »

Took me a while... TAN function?

locum-motion

Jakey Rolling wrote: »

Took me a while... TAN function?

i believe so, yes.

Capt'n Midnight

Poor Uncle Tom

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Sartre's philosophy dictates that the next number in the sequence can be any number except the given non number, in this regard I submit that you are correct but only because you chose a number and not specifically that number, in fact any number would be correct,, I choose 47 and am equally correct as a result. Your equation, however well engineered and as ruggedly beautiful as it is, is merely window dressing, shame on you.