The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years?
Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist, he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat
"I do not have a Headache;
I do not have a headache,
I do not have a headache.."
It Worked! The headaches are all gone."


The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years.
Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"


The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back.."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,
She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my Wife.
She's Not my wife.
She's not my wife..."


[
His funeral service will be held on Friday.

1 The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

2. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could
spell disaster. .

3 My sister-in-law sat on
my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

4. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay"
as she likes to call it.

5. After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, 'Screw it, soldier on!'

6. I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I
remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30am.

7. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

8. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

9. My missus packed my bags and, as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay?!"

10. A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

11. A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

12. I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.