The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

19-02-2013 09:54PM

namloc1980 wrote: »

Don't feel too bad for Oscar Pistorius....today South African prisoner, tomorrow South African President!

He might find it difficult to get his foot in that particular door! :pac:

mccarthy37 · 19-02-2013 10:31PM

Two gay lovers were parked down a laneway making out in their car when there was a loud knock on the windscreen. What are you doing there said a cop and one of the lads said we are just necking officer. Well says the cop put your necks back in your trousers and f*ck off out of here.

.skid · 19-02-2013 10:53PM

Apparently Oscar Pistorius is on suicide watch...

At least they won't have to take his shoelaces.

the varg · 19-02-2013 11:03PM

Starting next month viagra will now only be sold under its generic name. Customers are requested to ask their pharmacist for mycoxafloppin.

ScummyMan · 20-02-2013 12:35AM

Dear Lonely hearts, Irritating male obsessed with religious wordplay sikhs similar.....

chughes · 20-02-2013 09:10PM

Deleted User wrote: »

He might find it difficult to get his foot in that particular door! :pac:

No problem to Oscar getting in the door. 4 well placed 9mm rounds and a cricket bat should do it for him.

Chocoholic84 · 20-02-2013 10:49PM

What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.

Chemical Burn · 20-02-2013 10:55PM

Knock Knock?

Who's There?

Siobhán

Siobhán who?

Siobhán your knickers, your mother's coming

What's the difference between a junkie and Batman?

Batman can go into town without Robbin

What's the similarity between junkies and sperm?

They come in their droves and only one of them will work

Why was the washing machine laughing?

It was talking the piss out of the knickers

chrismon · 21-02-2013 01:23PM

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

chrismon · 21-02-2013 01:24PM

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

Curly Judge · 21-02-2013 02:32PM

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
In Britain they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

J Cheever Loophole · 23-02-2013 12:49AM

It has been revealed that the judge in the Oscar Pistorious trial only agreed to bail after Pistorious agreed to wear an electronic tag on his ankle.

Capt'n Midnight · 23-02-2013 03:38AM

If the legs do no fit, you must acquit.

Dartz · 23-02-2013 04:45AM

Pfft.... defense doesn't have a leg to stand on...

buffalo909 · 23-02-2013 04:51AM

Coriolanus wrote: »

You're right. People make jokes about the Holocaust too without realising how many people have been personally hurt by the treatment of the Jews.

Take my grandfather for example. He was treated absolutely horribly by the Nazies at Dachau...

Passed over for promotion, again and again.

I don't like jokes about the holocaust, Anne Frankly, they're not funny.

buffalo909 · 23-02-2013 05:01AM

How do you give a duck soul??

Put it in a frying pan until its Bill Withers.

Duck goes into a chemist and asks for some chap stick, chemist says "that'll be $2", duck says "just put it on my bill."

Zen65 · 23-02-2013 08:36AM

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Inquisitive Chinese students always prefer to enrol at the university of East Anglia.

It's their insatiable thirst for Norwich.

Please forgive my pedantic response to this but that should have been "Japanese". The Chinese people have no problem with the letter "L", but they replace "R" with "L" in speech. Conversely the Japanese replace "L" with "R" in speech.

Z

frag420 · 23-02-2013 11:52AM

Zen65 wrote: »

Please forgive my pedantic response to this but that should have been "Japanese". The Chinese people have no problem with the letter "L", but they replace "R" with "L" in speech. Conversely the Japanese replace "L" with "R" in speech.

Z

That's not funny!!

mccarthy37 · 23-02-2013 01:22PM

True story.
Students of Norfolk University in Virginia were suspended for a chant they used at a football match.
We don't or smoke "Norfolk".

Capt'n Midnight · 23-02-2013 02:35PM

Zen65 wrote: »

Please forgive my pedantic response to this but that should have been "Japanese". The Chinese people have no problem with the letter "L", but they replace "R" with "L" in speech. Conversely the Japanese replace "L" with "R" in speech.

Z

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xECUrlnXCqk

:pac:

buffalo909 · 24-02-2013 04:30AM

A farmer buys a stallion and lets him loose on the farm, the stallions walking around when he meets a cow, he asks the cow "what do you do around here?" Cow replies "the farmer milks me every morning and I just hang out in this field" Stallion goes on his way and meets a sheep and asks him the same question, sheep replies "the farmer shears me every now and again and sells my wool" Stallion goes on his way and bumps into a zebra, asking it the same question, zebra says ''I just hang out in this field and eat grass, why what do you do around here?" Stallion says "Get outta those fcuking pyjamas I'll show you what I do!!"

In Exile · 25-02-2013 12:59AM

Zen65 wrote: »

Please forgive my pedantic response to this but that should have been "Japanese". The Chinese people have no problem with the letter "L", but they replace "R" with "L" in speech. Conversely the Japanese replace "L" with "R" in speech.

Z

Was the "z" at the end of your message your signature or everybody else falling asleep at your story!!

Push Pop · 25-02-2013 01:19AM

There is no way Oscar Pistorius could have committed that crime because it was so dark.

He couldn't see two feet in front of him!!!!!

Anyway, the jury are stumped :eek::eek::eek:

Ok last one: Everyone knew the couple weren't getting on well but he just couldn't walk out on her!!!

p4ddyh1 · 25-02-2013 01:51PM

buffalo909 wrote: »

I don't like jokes about the holocaust, Anne Frankly, they're not funny.

My grandfather died in a concentration camp

He fell out of his gun tower

podgemonster · 25-02-2013 04:55PM

p4ddyh1 wrote: »

My grandfather died in a concentration camp

He fell out of his gun tower

FFS stop with these Holocaust jokes they are NOT funny, my ancerstors were treated very badly by the Nazi's.

Passed over on Promotions numerous times!

everlast75 · 25-02-2013 05:38PM

Q: What do you call a dog with no tongue?

A: Smellyballs....

25-02-2013 08:13PM

Grandpa, what Is couple sex?(Funny one--cute and clean)
Make sure that you understand the question first....
All you Grandpas and Grandmas, this was too funny not to forward. We are all reaching that stage where we need to keep the wax out of our ears
and keep the hearing aids tuned up. (Some of us anyway!) Enjoy! rr
--- What Is Couple Sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grandpa, what is a couple sex? The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey? The little girl replied, "Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.

exador · 26-02-2013 12:16AM

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next **** could spell disaster.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge lastnight.
Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me andthe wife were
going to commit suicide yesterday.
But strangely enough….once she killed herself I startedto feel a lot better.
So I thought, "**** it"….soldier on.

admiralofthefleet · 26-02-2013 12:27AM

IKEA meatballs contain horse DNA...

Theres a joke in there somewhere, youll have to assemble it yourselves

Roger_007 · 26-02-2013 12:44AM

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

IKEA meatballs contain horse DNA...

Theres a joke in there somewhere, youll have to assemble it yourselves

Sh1t! That's the extra bit that's always left over!

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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