The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

My gay friend (not you, the dyslexic one) always looks forward to the 14th of February. He thinks its called Vaseline day!

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though- he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do.

So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in- the newspaper, rowing, student government, and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him.

He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it.

Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done.

Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered.

Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but there's another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line- fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punch line.

Deleted User wrote: »

Theatre Seats

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

"Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm
going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned
with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man,
but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy
what's your name?"

"Fred," the old man moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the police officer.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,


"The fúcking balcony."

No wonder your post count is so high, you post every joke twice!