SUPPORT for victims of sexual assault thread - mod warning post #1

Millicent · 16-04-2012 05:11PM

Givenmecourage wrote: »

I have never told anyone about this. My family have no idea. I feel dirty and like it was my fault. I still have to take my child to see his family and it kills me to be around anything to do with him.

You do know none of that was your fault though, right? He was a predator and an abusive man. Monsters often prey on the young and vulnerable because they know they haven't the life experience or the wherewithal yet to understand fully that it is wrong.

The horrible truth of it is (given his other rape accusation) that if it wasn't you, it likely would have been someone else. It was nothing to do with you or anything that you did at all; it was all to do with him and his need to abuse and control.

You need to look at it this way--you weren't weak to be abused by a predator; you were strong to walk away from him. Even if it took some help to do that, you did it and that shows massive reserves of strength.

Givenmecourage wrote: »

Because my self esteem is so low I have been in other situations since, where I have done things with other men that I'm not happy about. I feel like I can't say no at all and it adds to my self disgust.

A giant +1 there. I would do stuff I wasn't proud of regularly (and usually under the influence) and the cycle of thinking I was horrible and good for nothing but sex would continue on and on and on.

That's a perfectly normal response to rape and abuse and a common one too. Your mind needs to normalise the pain so seeks to rationalise it by entering similar situations with unsuitable partners. You can say no. Maybe not at the moment but after a bit of counselling. If you get into one of those situations again, don't beat yourself up. You are human, exhibiting a very human response to a horrible experience.x

midlandsmissus · 16-04-2012 05:11PM

Givenmecourage wrote: »

Reading this thread has given me the courage to finally admit that I was raped... multiple times.
I have never been able to admit this to myself before because I the man was someone I had b een going out with for four years. I thought that I loved him and that he loved me so it couldn't be rape. He had such a high sex drive that often I'd be raw from having sex and he would want more. I would say no but he would get into a foul mood and continue anyway. I remember lying there in pain hoping it would stop soon.
Sometimes he wouldn't force me but would torment me into consenting and the same thing would happen.
He was m y first boyfriend and I didn't ralise how wrong this was at the time. He was abusive. The relationship was hidden from my family, I lost all my friends because of him. He emotionally abused me as well. My self esteem was gone. He could be so aggessive. I literally had nobody to turn to.
He fathered my child and when this happened my family found out about him and they knew he was horrible to me but they didn't know the full extent. I remember shortly after my child was born, he harrassed me for sex. With my families support I finally ended things but still had to see him regulary where he would still be pushy to me when nobody was around.

Shortly afterwards a member of his extended family accused him of raping her but he committed suicide before the trial. Everyone thinks it was lies but deep down I know it was true.

I have never told anyone about this. My family have no idea. I feel dirty and like it was my fault. I still have to take my child to see his family and it kills me to be around anything to do with him.

Because my self esteem is so low I have been in other situations since, where I have done things with other men that I'm not happy about. I feel like I can't say no at all and it adds to my self disgust.

This has had a huge effect on my life but it's only now I can admit to myself that I was raped. I am to ashamed to tell anyone about it.

That's so sad Givenmecourage, and I'm sorry that happened to you. That is the first step (I found) on the road to healing: is admitting to yourself what happened. Because you go into shock and block it out. I have yet to get to the next stage of telling people. Most of my friends don't know. Hopefully I'll get there some day.

I really hope you get a chance for healing and happiness, maybe this thread will be a good start for you

. I'm sending you love.

Dudess · 16-04-2012 05:15PM

BarackPyjama wrote: »

Why do women, or men for that matter, have their own forums where you are treated differently to the opposite sex? Are we not seeking to live in an age of unadulterated equality? These divisive discussion forums would suggest otherwise. Time to merge The Ladies Lounge and the The Gentleman's Club. :cool:

This posted on a thread about rape and sexual assault and sexual abuse. Sweet Jesus...

Dudess · 16-04-2012 05:18PM

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I also have to wonder why, on a site this size when just this one tiny corner is dedicated to female posters and their perspectives, this forum should be host to male Vs female debate or educating male posters or whatever else that is just a standard discussion that can be had in any other forum.

And not only that - using reprimands for stirring crap (e.g. stating lots of women hate men - with a smiley-face) as "proof" of "misandry"...

Massive respect to all here for their courage.

LegacyUser · 16-04-2012 05:44PM

Does anyone else who experienced sexual assalt or rape in a relationship find it hard to admit to themselves what it was?
I found I was making excuses for it or felt guilty, like I was blowing things out of proportion.
I was telling myself I can't have been raped because this is the same guy I watch tv with and cook dinner for.
Does that make sense?

mariebeth · 16-04-2012 05:52PM

Givenmecourage wrote: »

Does anyone else who experienced sexual assalt or rape in a relationship find it hard to admit to themselves what it was?
I found I was making excuses for it or felt guilty, like I was blowing things out of proportion.
I was telling myself I can't have been raped because this is the same guy I watch tv with and cook dinner for.
Does that make sense?

I find it really hard. I only admitted it to myself last year, even though it happened a few years ago. I haven't been able to admit it anywhere outside of this thread yet either.

LegacyUser · 16-04-2012 06:34PM

Had couple of instances - not violent but has always stayed with me. Had silly one night stand, woke up next morning and he forced himself on me again even though I did say no. Thought it was safer to just stay quiet and then get out, rape? probably not but was not pleasant.

Happened with BF as well, didnt want to but kept pushing and pushing and pushing, he was quite drunk. Again I should have screamed shouted NO but stayed quiet. What does it say about me?

Tigger99 · 16-04-2012 06:56PM

Ah pet it doesn't say anything about you. It's sounds like a v frightening situation and maybe you thought it safer not to scream. I am very sorry that this has happened to you and the others that posted.

Have you spoken to your boyfriend about what he did? Sorry, you don't. have to answer that if u don't want to.

Millicent · 16-04-2012 07:38PM

Winter45 wrote: »

Had couple of instances - not violent but has always stayed with me. Had silly one night stand, woke up next morning and he forced himself on me again even though I did say no. Thought it was safer to just stay quiet and then get out, rape? probably not but was not pleasant.

Happened with BF as well, didnt want to but kept pushing and pushing and pushing, he was quite drunk. Again I should have screamed shouted NO but stayed quiet. What does it say about me?

It says that that's your fight or flight response. That's it. It says nothing more about you. FWIW, it's my fight or flight response as well. Owing partly to a hard upbringing and partly a sensitive nature, I freeze up when really frightened and shake. That's not your fault--it's your body's instinctive response.

And yes, I would classify both instances you described as rape as you said "no" both times and they both carried on regardless.

I'm really sorry that happened to you.

x

Millicent · 16-04-2012 07:40PM

Givenmecourage wrote: »

Does anyone else who experienced sexual assalt or rape in a relationship find it hard to admit to themselves what it was?
I found I was making excuses for it or felt guilty, like I was blowing things out of proportion.
I was telling myself I can't have been raped because this is the same guy I watch tv with and cook dinner for.
Does that make sense?

Again, those are perfectly normal responses. Your brain seeks to protect you from hardship in whatever way it can. That includes normalising your relationship with your boyfriend to the extent that your brain tells you "It wasn't rape". It's self preservation.

17-04-2012 11:17AM

Winter45 wrote: »

Had couple of instances - not violent but has always stayed with me. Had silly one night stand, woke up next morning and he forced himself on me again even though I did say no. Thought it was safer to just stay quiet and then get out, rape? probably not but was not pleasant.

Happened with BF as well, didnt want to but kept pushing and pushing and pushing, he was quite drunk. Again I should have screamed shouted NO but stayed quiet. What does it say about me?

All it says about you is you are a survivor.
Much love...

miec · 17-04-2012 11:54AM

I have never told anyone about this. My family have no idea. I feel dirty and like it was my fault. I still have to take my child to see his family and it kills me to be around anything to do with him.

Because my self esteem is so low I have been in other situations since, where I have done things with other men that I'm not happy about. I feel like I can't say no at all and it adds to my self disgust.

@givenmecourage, I am so sorry what you went through but you have been incredibly brave to share it here. Like you and others here I've had sex when I didn't want to, it wasn't rape, it was just because the man wanted it and I didn't feel I had the right to say no, again I believe it is because for so long I felt powerless.

I got great help from the Rape Crisis Centre for a couple of years and they really helped me to process everything, they have centres in Dublin, the midlands, Galway and I think Cork, I would really, really recommend them to help you and to anyone else to help you through all this. I found that intellectually I was able to say yes it was not my fault but for years I still felt the shame in my body, emotionally I was unable to forgive myself or realise in my body that the shame belonged to the perp, not me. Counselling helped me understand intellectually, emotionally and in my body that it was his sickness and his shame, not mine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ickle Magoo
I also have to wonder why, on a site this size when just this one tiny corner is dedicated to female posters and their perspectives, this forum should be host to male Vs female debate or educating male posters or whatever else that is just a standard discussion that can be had in any other forum.

Quote: And not only that - using reprimands for stirring crap (e.g. stating lots of women hate men - with a smiley-face) as "proof" of "misandry"...

The best way to deal with the above behaviour is laugh or ignore them. Their comments are very telling. They remind me of Dolores Umbridge in The Harry Potter books / movies, all pink on the outside and seething with malevolence on the inside.

LegacyUser · 17-04-2012 12:41PM

I was raped three years ago by a family "friend". No one knows. I can't bring myself to admit it. He came into my room one night and forced himself on me, there was no come on from me he just decided he wanted sex and was going to get it. He held his hand over my mouth the entire time and warned me to keep it quiet. He now thinks he did nothing wrong. He actually contacted me a few weeks after and asked me why I was not talking to him! I always thought a rapist was someone who hated women, who was sick in the head, this is a normal guy and he thinks we had sex! I will never trust another man again. I feel like filth. Have contacted the RCC and they are great but I don't think what has been done can ever be repaired.

Morag · 17-04-2012 05:35PM

http://www.rcni.ie/find-help.aspx

There are 17 rape crises centers in the country.
There is also a 24 hour helpline – 1800 778888

seenitall · 17-04-2012 05:35PM

This thread has been getting more and more upsetting for me to read. My utmost respect goes to all you survivors and my deep gratitude to the universe that I have been spared this particular horror of an experience. May sound mushy but I'm really distressed and made feel emotional by this thread.

One other thing that I would like to say to you: please go, or carry on, with counselling. Counselling, counselling, and more counselling. It really is the way to go forward from trauma (talking from experience).

midlandsmissus · 17-04-2012 06:12PM

And talking about it is a great step to healing, so this is an absolutely great thread, and I hope people get some comfort from this.

There is actually I feel no other resource really like this on the internet, because if you go to specifically rape and sexual assault forums, no-one is really in the place to give you kindness and advice because everyone is so severely traumatised themselves.

So I think this is a great healing thread. I already feel better for talking about it on here. You feel powerless and you want a voice, and I'm getting my voice back, other ladies ye can too.

Babybuff · 17-04-2012 06:23PM

seenitall wrote:

This thread has been getting more and more upsetting for me to read. My utmost respect goes to all you survivors and my deep gratitude to the universe that I have been spared this particular horror of an experience. May sound mushy but I'm really distressed and made feel emotional by this thread.

One other thing that I would like to say to you: please go, or carry on, with counselling. Counselling, counselling, and more counselling. It really is the way to go forward from trauma (talking from experience).

I can't actually talk about some things for a variety of reasons, avoided this thread like the plague since it started. When I did read some of the comments here made me physically ill. I wouldn't have the strength to deal with criticism if it were there, it's way too painful to contemplate but I admire those who have spoken openly about their experiences.
It was ten years before I even considered how certain events affected my life and I was so physically depressed at one point I lost the ability to communicate verbally for some time. I couldn't work or function in society as a result and spent a lot of time contemplating suicide. Trivialising these kind of issues is both provocative and insulting and while I'm not surprised or shocked that some people will, it was still disappointing to see.

edellc · 17-04-2012 07:14PM

I was in college and our class socialised together, one night we where out and ended up going back to one of the lads houses to continue the party...I was not drunk nor had I done drugs that evening, I never ever got drunk in situations like the one I was in...anyway it got late and blankets and mattresses where put on the floor, I lay down with a friend of mine to sleep also a girl, one of the guys in my class who I thought was a right creep and over 10years older than us at the time lay beside me, I didnt say anything as my friend really liked him so I just went asleep....a few hours later he put his hand down my pants......

I was so terrified I just froze and did nothing, I was young at the time 19 and I know now I should have jumped up and yelled at him but I didnt I froze in terror, I ended up turning on my side away from him...waited a bit woke my friend and asked her to leave with me which she did, we ended up on the street in a really dodgy area at 4am but I felt safer there, I did tell her the next day what happened but I dont think she believed me....I never said anything to this man about what he did but I did ignore him when ever he spoke to me or in my general direction when in college and made it perfectly clear that I did not want him near me to all in the class.

I felt dirty for years and it took me a long time to get over it and I blamed myself so many times but he was a 28year old man who sexually assaulted a 19year old girl who he thought was drunk and on drugs as that was what they where all up to that night except me. I have learned to move on from it but will never forget his face, name or the town he came from and if I ever encounter him again I know as a fully grown 30+ year old woman with a family I will say what I think of him

Thank you for reading this is the first time I have shared this in many years and I only ever told that friend

beks101 · 17-04-2012 09:27PM

This thread has chilled me to the bone.

I honestly had no idea that sexual assault was so widespread among women. It's certainly a conversation I've never had with my female friends, but it's making me wonder, how many friends of mine have fallen victim? Could some of my best mates be suffering in silence, traumatised over some horrible incident that they've never felt they could talk about?

Personally, I can't say I've ever been sexually assaulted. A few ass/boob grabs over the years, but nothing that ever left a dent on me.

This, however, struck a chord.

Wibbs wrote: »

OK this is just my opinion, but that opinion would be that in particular many younger women are more highly driven to be socially accepted. More easily "led" by this, more likely to go along with a pressured social situation and much less likely to say no if they feel ill at ease in a situation. You tend to get a lot more of the "I really didn't want to, but..." among younger women than the same women in their 30's

This is certainly true for me. I think owing to confidence issues, and general need to please others, when I was younger I often tried to 'please' men by having sex when I really wasn't ready for it, and ultimately wounded up feeling cheap and dirty.

Up until I read the above, I think I had always fobbed it off as 'I have a high sex drive, I'm a liberal, adventurous kind of lady', which is easier to deal with than the idea that I didn't like myself enough to put a value on myself and let sex be something comfortable and enjoyable and done at my own pace.

My thoughts are with all the ladies here who are still struggling to deal with their experiences. I admire you all for speaking so candidly about what was probably the worst experience of your life. Hopefully that's the first step to dealing with it and not letting it have power over the rest of your life.

YumCha · 17-04-2012 10:50PM

Firstly, everyone who has shared their story in this thread is absolutely amazing, especially in the face of some of the opinions in this thread. I hope the courage you had to post here is the same courage that will get you through whatever stage you're at, whether it's telling someone else, seeking help, or to keep on moving on strong.

Like a lot of girls I had one bad experience. I was 17 and he was my 19 and my first boyfriend, I had terrible self-confidence - he had actually tried to go out with my best friend first and when she rejected him I was only too happy when he turned his attention to me.

At the time I was a virgin and very staunch Christian and had told him that I wasn't really comfortable with a lot of stuff (not just sex) but as anyone who has grown up super-religious knows, out of sheer frustration you end up doing a lot of things that are on the 'don't do' list.

After one fumbling episode however I felt especially bad and explicitly said that I didn't want to do anything beyond kissing which he agreed to. Long story short we were at a party, we ended up away from everyone else and after we started kissing he kept going and right then I understood where the expression 'paralysed by fear' comes from.

He did everything but rape me, and afterwards I had a lot of the similar reactions: first I acted like everything was okay, and then I went into a terrible depression. I broke it off, after which he was absolutely distraught. He had my friend deliver me a letter in which he admitted and confessed what he did and how he knew it was wrong, and even though I had actual proof all I wanted was every single trace of him out of my life so I ripped it up and threw it away. You can imagine the utter turmoil and helplessness that ensued.

I spent a lot of years hating/not trusting men (I had this notion that they were all capable of the same thing - I mean my ex wasn't your typical 'bad' guy), and I used to think about it all the time - it was literally all consuming.

I can't remember what the actual trigger was for me to start healing, but I think I knew deep down that I just didn't want to live life being that upset, and also I knew it didn't make sense to let him tar every single guy I met. So one day I just made a decision to forgive him (which to clarify is NOT the same as saying what he did was okay), and for me that was the beginning.

Over time I built really good healthy friendships with guys (I didn't get involved with anyone till seven years later when I was 23 though), and eventually I just thought about it less and less till one day it just didn't hurt anymore.

I have to say it was a very conscious decision though - like one day I just realised how crazy it was that I was the one who was continuing to live with all this grief and pain even though I did nothing wrong, while he probably hasn't given it a second thought since. It's been kind of a guiding principle to how I deal with hurtful people now - I don't diminish or excuse away the pain of what they've done, but I just refuse to let bad people affect how I want to live my life.

To me the saddest part about reading this whole thread is that the onus will almost always be on victims to either report an assault, get help, or just start dealing with things - I spent so long wanting to tell just someone, anyone, before realising no one was going to magically swoop in and ask me what was going on.

To have to find that kind of strength when you literally have none is the most difficult thing ever - and believe me, when you do pick up the courage to say something and then have to hear things like "Well, what were you wearing?" or "You must have done something to lead him on" it's devastating. However, as someone who has come out the other side, I can 100% say that that taking the first step was absolutely worth it.

Thanks for reading and huge hugs to everyone who is still going through stuff...

LegacyUser · 18-04-2012 12:16PM

Hi, I have been reading this thread with a mixture of dread and sadness. I dont even know where to start. I have never told a single soul what happened to me. Here it goes. A number of years ago I went away for a weekend with friends. Lots of alcohol was consumed and great craic was being had. We met up with a stag party and I did a lot of flirting with one particular man. Looking back maybe i brought all of this on myself. Anyways I ended up going back to his hotel room. I was still a virgin and pretty naive about sex. He ended up getting very rough with me and basically forcing himself on me. I remember saying no numerous times but it did not make any difference. In the end I gave up struggling and just lay there.I left after it was over. I went back to my accomodation and had a shower. I was trying to wash what I thought was dirt on my inner thigh. When I looked more closely it was his handprint. I examined the rest of me and found bruising on my arms also. I was also bleeding pretty bad. In fact it took over a week for things to settle down there. I was so naive. The worst thing about it all is he had my phone number and texted me on numerous occasions. I responded. What the **** was I thinking. I changed my phone number a few weeks after. It is only after reading this thread that I realise the impact this encounter had had on how I deal with men. I have heard myself referred to as the Ice Queen. When I do let a man get close and we end up having sex I Ignore him after. I mean totally ignore his phone calls, texts, everything. I have never told a soul about this and I dont intend to. In fact I had blocked the incident out of my head till now. I kinda do feel a sense of relief writing it down now. Maybe this will bring some closure.

mariebeth · 18-04-2012 12:27PM

guest 444 I really hope you start to get closure. But please, believe me when I say it, you did not bring that encounter on yourself by being nice and flirty with the guy.

Jelly2 · 18-04-2012 01:03PM

titan18 wrote: »

Like, I'm a guy, I don't drink, and if someone says no, that's cool and I would hope that most of my male friends would be of the same opinion in that no means no, and would be respectful enough to back off in that scenario. I don't think I'd be friends with them if they held a different opinion tbh.

Also, as I'm always sober on a night out I wouldn't go near a girl who had been drinking, incase she's actually really drunk but just appears fine. It's a sketchy area to get in if you are sober imo.

But, the scenario of someone saying yes, out of fear that I(or any guy) may attack her or get violent is a bit odd to me. If she says yes, and makes no moves at any point to stop the guy, to most men, this is consensual.

Well, I know it happens. Take a girl who is with a guy; when she asks him to stop, he doesn't. She tells him to stop clearly, he doesn't, in fact he uses his weight to pin her down. She struggles, he holds harder and gets more persistent using his greater strength to just smother anything she does to try to get herself off the couch. He's not violent exactly, but he is so strong that she knows she cannot stop him. She fears what he will do if she tries even harder to get him off her. She freezes as she realises that he is going to continue however hard she tries, and she knows that she is going to be raped. He does what he does, she tries to block it out while he finishes, because she just wants it to end, and she is left a mess, conflicted with shame that she couldn't get him off her. That is what happens, and that is why it is rape.

newport2 · 18-04-2012 01:30PM

Jelly2 wrote: »

Well, I know it happens. Take a girl who is with a guy; when she asks him to stop, he doesn't. She tells him to stop clearly, he doesn't, in fact he uses his weight to pin her down. She struggles, he holds harder and gets more persistent using his greater strength to just smother anything she does to try to get herself off the couch. He's not violent exactly, but he is so strong that she knows she cannot stop him. She fears what he will do if she tries even harder to get him off her. She freezes as she realises that he is going to continue however hard she tries, and she knows that she is going to be raped. He does what he does, she tries to block it out while he finishes, because she just wants it to end, and she is left a mess, conflicted with shame that she couldn't get him off her. That is what happens, and that is why it is rape.

titan18 said "If she says yes, and makes no moves at any point to stop the guy".

In your example "She tells him to stop clearly".

Two different scenarios.

Jelly2 · 18-04-2012 01:42PM

newport2 wrote: »

titan18 said "If she says yes, and makes no moves at any point to stop the guy".

In your example "She tells him to stop clearly".

Two different scenarios.

Yes. I misread Titan18, and didn't note that he said that the woman said 'yes'. But freezing can happen early in the scenario, cos the whole event can be so quick. It's hard to explain. Sorry.

LegacyUser · 18-04-2012 02:07PM

I fought back.
We were in a room at a house party, but he starting telling me I was a whore. We still had our clothes on, on the bed and I told him to stop. We'd been flirting for weeks, but he starting telling me I was a whore and that everyone knew I wanted him and that there as no point changing my mind now. I pushed and shoved him, he grabbed my hair and bit my ears to get me to stop, I punched him and scratched him, to get him off and he laughed. He let go my hair and I head butted him and he got off me nose streaming blood, roaring he'd ruin me. He went downstairs telling them I was a freak and attacked him cos he wouldn't do some kinky crap he made up.

I got thrown out of the party, everyone told him he should press charges against that crazy bitch and he did. 48 hours later still in shock at what had happened to me having not told anyone, I was in a garda interview room and they didn't believe me that he tried to rape me, said there was no proof and that his uncle who was a garda had come in with him to give a statement and he was from the town and I was just another girl from Dublin enrolled in the college who tought she could get away with things. I was suspended from college over it, never went back, my family were disappointed in me, I was the first to go to college, some of them don't believe my side of it, he dropped the charges in the end after ruining me. Sometimes I wonder would my life have been better if I had just let him.

Neyite · 18-04-2012 02:12PM

I was sexually assaulted by an elderly neighbour as a small child -I would be sent with messages to him from the parents and he would instigate "tickling" which scratched me and hurt me. I wet mysef out of fear and was more worried about being told off for wetting myself. My mother realised something was amiss after several encounters and brought me to a GP. He, in his wisdom told her I was so young that I would forget and that it was best to let me move on...I never forgot.

Maybe I looked vunerable as a teen, because several adult males - dads of friends felt me up. As an teen, my memory was sketchy about it, so I didnt know how far it had gone. Nobody told me as a child or as a very confused teen that I was not to blame for what happened, I went off the rails a bit and felt like Beks101, that if I was liberated and all that, I would not be vunerable to have something happen me that I didnt want. I didnt have the vocabulary as a child to explain what happened. In counselling in my late twenties I finally made sense of it.

I think that is a theme running through this thread - Its so hard to vocalise and put into vocabulary such a traumatic event.

18-04-2012 02:57PM

Jesus, that's awful.
Sounds like you felt very alone and isolated.
I hope you feel stronger and more in control of your life now.

neuro-praxis · 18-04-2012 03:20PM

I am stunned as the stories keep coming.

I just want to reiterate how much I admire everyone here who has had the courage to speak up, even if it was only in this thread. You are so strong and resilient.

I also want to remind you of how beautiful you are. I know that might sound corny, but it's true. You are beautiful women and this should never have happened to you.

Sending out the virtual love to you all.

LegacyUser · 18-04-2012 03:46PM

When I was little I lived in a bad area. A lot of people got shot and stabbed and there were lots of fights at school. I learned by the time I was 6 that if you were "nice" to the older boys they would stop other people from bullying you and beating you up. It was a really messed up neighbourhood, but I remember things like the guys making the girls line up so they could choose the one they wanted, and things like that.

Anyhow, we moved away when I was about 9 and I never told my parents about any of it. I did not tell at first, because I thought that every place was like that and it was just a part of life. Then as I got older, we started having classes about sex and our bodies, and how you are supposed to wait and only do those things with people you are married to when you were older.

I felt guilty, like I had caused it because everyone talked about how pretty I was, and how all the boys must be after me. I now know they meant it as a joking compliment, but in my child's mind they knew the things I had done and were blaming me.

I still felt like if a guy asked for it, you had to do it though. I used to get shaky and sick any time a guy looked at me as if they were attracted to me. So, I started gaining weight, and wearing frumpy clothes. Cause, if a guys asks, you have to, but if he does not want you, then you are safe.

It took me a long time, and a lot of therapy to start having self confidence, to stop being afraid of men, and to realize that just because a man is attracted to you, it does not mean you have done something wrong. I sometime still get nauseous if I think someone is looking at me, but I am much more confident in myself.

SUPPORT for victims of sexual assault thread - mod warning post #1

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