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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

13567…168

Comments

  • #102
    B_Fanatic
    Registered Users Posts: 334 ✭✭B_Fanatic


    *Slow Clap*

    A friend was bitching to me about a project she was doing. She brought up that one of the people in her group wrote an email saying he couldn't do it because he was depressed. She was there bitching, mocking and complaining. I just looked at her and shook my head. She thought I was shaking my head in incredulity at the guy's behaviour. No ma'am, it's YOUR divine feckin' ignorance that astounds me.

    Now, obviously when people declare that they're depressed occasionally they will be very sad ("I was so depressed last, I had to stay in when everyone else went out") about something in particular (Like the difference between panic disorder and phobia disorder; one has no direct cause while the other has) but who is she to determine from the email that the guy isn't completely incapicitated lying in bed. Christ, and just sit there mocking him is absolutely awful.


  • #103
    flutterflye
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    TaxationTheft wrote: »
    The real primary reason people give out about mental illness and it's ever expanding diagnostic criteria is poor research. I don't believe "intermittent explosive disorder" is a medical condition for example. If society wants to remove the stigma of mental illness, people are going to have to accept that research into the actual causes of mental illness will have to be stepped up to the level expected in physical medicine.

    Take your life into your own hands and never blindly trust other people. This is the advice that worked for me. Become angry at the world and don't take any crap. This will work wonders for your mental health. Realise that there are people out there who are willing to destroy your life. Through both legitimate and illlegitimate means. Common sense really.

    Until Doctors are willing to up the ante, more sufferers will suffer in silence, the suicide rate will continue to rise exponentially, and medical companies will continue to profit from real genuine human suffering. Depression is the final frontier. The most dangerous disease to possibly inflict someone is also poorly understood:(

    I agree with your point about how for many, there is little credibility in an illness that no one understands fully. No one truly understands causation, what actually happens in the brain when depressed, or exactly how to cure it.
    There isn't even an official definitive diagnostic tool.

    I think that once more is understood about depression, the stigma will start to life finally.

    I do see your point about anger.
    Anger is much more useful than depression.
    It is directing all those emotions outwards rather than internally.
    But at the same time, I don't think it is the answer here!
    For starters, you can't just wake up in the morning and decide "hey, today I will stop being depressed, and be angry instead".
    Never mind the fact that anger can be just as destructive as depression.

    Also, it bugs me when people call depression a disease.
    To me it just doesn't sit right.
    I think it's an illness, not a disease.

    And I also wouldn't say it is the most dangerous either.
    There are many terminal diseases that are more dangerous.

    But this is just me being semantic and anal! :)


  • #104
    missvirgo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 77 ✭✭missvirgo


    Excellent thread.

    I've suffered with depression all my life & only fully accepted it recently.

    I've been on anti-depressants, seen counselors, researched it and have never been able to deal with it effectively.

    Untill recently...

    'A New Earth' by Ekhart Toll has changed my life. It changed my perspective on life and what's important.

    I always used to say 'Tiochfaidh MO Lá'

    not any more... My day is NOW. My time is NOW. I'm happy NOW.

    I have much to contribute to life, i wouldn't be here if i hadn't. Deed'n i'm not the worst of 'em!

    Peace Out <3


  • #105
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    DeVore wrote: »
    Depression can make people seem to be right selfish bastards sometimes. And sometimes thats true but sometimes its an interpretation of their actions by people who are trying to make sense of them. Like the person earlier on who said their boyfriend broke up with them.... well that sounds like he simply couldn't see a future for the relationship, many people who suffer depression feel like that, nothing could possible come from X and its dooooooomed to failure so why bother.

    Sometimes there is a break up not because the person suffering depression can't see a future but they can't see how to get to that future or that dealing with the 'Now' just has them over whelmed.

    It also depends on how depression manifests, for some people the isolate themselves for other's it manifests as anger which is always looking for a target and a bf/gf/partner/spouse/whatever can end up being that target.

    It depends on the type of depression and how well a person an manage it, most people I know who suffer from it are often very smart, clever people with high standards for themselves, how are seen and strong by others and will go out of their way to help those they consider friends and family but, but they find is very, very hard to ask for help from others or to be a burden in any way what so ever.

    The little things they will do for someone else with out a bother they can't bear to ask or let other's do for them when they need it as it's a failure.
    It's also in how they think about themselves, what can be called negative thought patterns about themselves, if anyone else was to say out loud about someone they care about, the judgement they cast on themselves, they'd go bananas defending that person but we do it to ourselves.

    DeVore wrote: »
    I wonder if there is a genetic element to depression too. My father gets it , my grandfather rarely left his bed (so, hilariously, I grew up thinking Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was perfectly reasonable to portray grandparents who never left bed!). They didnt know what was wrong with him so despite the fact that the man was as hard as nails, was cranky as f*ck with everyone but me, they blamed it on his "nerves". (wtf?!)


    I do think there is a gen tic element but it's also the passing on of specific ways to deal or not deal with an issue. My Nana took to the bed, so does my Dad, I've had weeks of it myself, with barely living the house to go to the shops and not even doing that if I can get someone else to do it for me.

    Kid can be a blessing in terms of making you get up and get going, but then again having mine triggered depressions which were so acute I had to stop working and took years to get out of afterwards. It's something I've battled with from my late teens, been on meds 4 times so far, it comes and goes.

    All you can do it so what you can on the bad days, and not beat yourself up for doing more and know that eventually it will pass.


  • #106
    Dav
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,840 ✭✭✭Dav


    Hello. I rarely post in AH, but incase you don't know me, my name is Dav and I'm the Community Manager here on Boards.ie. I suffer from depression. DeVore who started this thread isn't just my boss, he's been one of my friends for many, many years (I think it's about 14 or 15 at this stage) and the two of us had a chat before he made this post. He hadn't asked me to, but I thought it no harm in sharing my own thoughts on Depression and what it's done to me.

    My life is really good overall - I have a job I love and that keeps my bills paid. I have a girlfriend I love and who loves me. I have some great friends who I share a wide range of interests with and who're numerous enough so that there's nearly always someone around to goof off with if I'm in that sort of mood. I have hobbies I really enjoy and the means to indulge in them at any time (an XBox and newly built PC for gaming as well as a number of guitars and associated equipment for my musical interests), so what have I got to be depressed about? It's like DeV says, the better things are, the more likely I am to be depressed.

    I am currently on medication - a course I started only 2 weeks ago having had a really rough year this year. It's the second time I've had to take anti-depressants in my life - the first time was about 4 years ago. It was weird having to take tablets to fix my mood - I was very sceptical at first but I cannot overstate how useful it was *for me* to have that little tiny pill re-balance my head. For at least 6 or 7 years before that, I had no idea I suffered from depression (looking back, I would seem to have been suffering from it for a huge portion of my life - I can pick out "episodes" from before my teen years. I would urge everyone who thinks they may have an issue to talk to a GP and get referred to somewhere that can help - medication isn't for everyone and there are a slew of alternatives to it.

    A bit of background: I'm from Mayo and, well, being blunt, it has been my experience that the general populace of Mayo aren't all that open minded. I don't like Mayo and will never ever return to live there - I even hate going to visit. I didn't have a great childhood, but I don't try and place blame on that fact, no one's life is perfect and there are plenty of people who've had it worse than me. For anyone who's seen Hardy Bucks, being a young adult in Mayo wasn't all that far removed from the madness of the "Bucks" daily life between drinkin' and schmokin' and fightin' and all that goes with it. Last Christmas, I went home amongst all the snow and misery and after a 7.5 hour journey cramped in the back of my cousins Jeep with boxes of presents piled up around me, I got into the house to find there was no water because of the -15 degree cold. The whole thing triggered a lousy mood for me and my time in Mayo was terrible last Christmas. I didn't want to go out to see my friends because I was feeling so ****ty and their text messages wondering where I was and if I was ok only made things worse.

    I eventually got back to Dublin 4 or 5 days later swearing never to go back and since then went into a downward spiral of apathy and general dislike (I couldn' even work up the energy to hate) everything about my life. I wouldn't sleep properly, was frequently still awake at 4 and 5 am staring at the ceiling hating my brain for not switching off and letting me get some proper rest. I've put on a huge amount of weight (I've always been a bit of a fat bloke to be fair) because it's easier to eat another bag of crisps than it is to cook a meal. This has affected my ability to work here at Boards because this is a very demanding job and I've been plagued by feelings of "meh" towards some extremely important parts of it, which then turns into despair because I'm looking at my ever increasing "to-do" list and then turns into "head in the sand" because you just can't deal with some of it. That's not fair on my employers and it's not fair on the volunteer Mods and Cmods and Admins who help this site tick and most of all, it's not fair on the members who *are* this site - for what it's worth folks, I'm sorry it's taken me this long to get my act together.

    Needless to say, it's been a very long year and it's taken me far too long to build up the head of steam to go and do something about it - and getting the drive to sort it out can be the most difficult thing you can do. Funnily enough, the final push to go see my previous psych doctor was a chat with DeVore on the subject were a part of it as well as discussion with my girlfriend and a few other good friends who were also familiar with the nature of depression and how it works.

    So I'm 2 weeks into a 2 month course of medication and already I feel much better. My mood is no longer swinging from high to low - the first time on the meds it was astonishing to wake up one day and feel "balanced" - I had completely forgotten what it was like as it'd been probably close to 8 years since I'd been that way. My sleep pattern's starting to normalise somewhat and I'm getting a better night's rest when I do sleep. For me, depression's insidious nature as DeV mentioned means I can't see the wood for the trees and I'm right in the middle of everything for a long, long time before I realise (or someone points out to me) that I'm under depression's spell so to speak and then it becomes a tough battle to get out of it.

    So why am *I* posting? Well Boards.ie is a place where Irish people talk about things and like DeVore, I know that this site has more power to influence and inform people than you might think. We've already seen one person who's gone to their doctor on this thread and got themselves on the right track (and fair play to you efb). We're seeing plenty of people who're saying "wow, I never knew that's what it was like" and plenty others saying "that explains it so much better than I've ever been able to" and we're dispelling myths and standing up saying "yea, I have depression, it doesn't mean I'm bonkers!" We're seeing people sharing stories and hitting home the idea that this is something that can hit anyone from any walk of life and at any age and that's important. It's the most important thing this site does.

    The only way to break the taboo on mental health issues is to break the taboo on mental health issues :) You're not less of a person for having depression (or anxiety or bi-polar or any other sort of mental health issue) in the same way that someone who's got heart disease or cancer or diabetes isn't less of a person for their illness. I have an aunt who's a cancer survivor and a depression sufferer and she says she'd rather face cancer again than continue battling depression if given the choice. This from a woman who had half her bowel, her womb and an ovary removed over 20 years ago and had a long and painful recovery.

    Like a lot of mental health issues, you don't recover from depression, you just learn to live with it. Sometimes you have to learn several times - if you fall off the horse, it's a real challenge to get back on especially when it's something that manifests as lack of drive and energy and willpower, but I'm (re-)learning that with help, it's a far from impossible task.

    Thanks to everyone for reading what is a much longer post than I intended and to all the others who've shared their experiences. It's days like this where despite having yet another letter here threatening to bring the site to court and demanding compensation and a list of things to catch up on because I was out for a couple of days with a bad head-cold, I love what we do here and I love working here.


  • #107
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    I think I have run out of "thanks" :)

    One very good point made above is that we need to also educate people who WANT to help but dont know how. I actually dunno what to say to those people.
    You cant really help someone who doesnt want help. All you can honestly do is make sure they know you will take them seriously and listen when they are ready to talk. They have to do some of the work too and thats a problem when they probably feel like doing nothing, forever.
    You can try to win their trust and just be there for them.

    The other point was about not noticing someone was depressed. Oh boy.... If I dont want you to know I'm depressed, you wont know. My folks didnt know and my *dad* gets it.

    When I'm depressed, I'm still capable of functioning (though it takes an effort of will), but when need's be... man I'm Robert DeFeckinNero crossed with Sean Connery. I would fool a polygraph machine. Its horrible because a voice will still be calling me a "fraud" inside my head but I will put in a multi-oscar winning perfomance and everyone leaves saying "That DeV fella, he's some character! Life and soul of the conversation."


    I have to say, people warned me off posting this, particularly in AH. But this thread and the response (on and off it) is putting a smile on my face.

    DeV.


  • #108
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Nice post DeV, made me laugh in certain places!

    I was diagnosed over two years ago. I was in final year of college, had no motivation, concentration. Just wanted to sleep and stay in bed all the time. Was out 3/4 nights a week drinking until I couldnt remember what was going on. I went to my doctor because I was worried about failing college. Was put on medication straight away but refused counselling after one bad session. Medication helped with my motivation and study alright, but not much with the emotional aspects. Finally tried a new councelor after a few months and it really helped me. Graduated top of my course with a 1.1.

    When I finished college I was set to take a year out, as I hadn't been able to deal with the pressure of looking at post-grads while studying. Tried to come off me meds which was a disaster. I was having a lot of personal issues and relationship problems with friends and boys and kept lowering my dose. Think I was trying to prove to myself I didn't need them. I know I technically shouldn't use the word psychotic, but I was sometimes. I was a crazy bitch for a while, I'm ashamed of some of the things I did. In the end I just had to swallow my pride and go back to the doctor. She told me not to be disappointed, some people just have a longer recovery time.

    I started seeing a new private counselor. My first two had been college counselors. She did me the world of good. If I could afford it I would have seen her all year, but we felt a few months had brought me far enough.

    The biggest thing that came out of my depression is my eating disorders, I was anorexic for a while, and when my appetite came back I became bulemic. I'm dealing with the purging much better this year, but between my bouts of it I binge eat. As soon as I start college again next year its back for more counseling. I wish I had gone months ago, but simply cannot afford it.

    This year has been great for me though. Have rarely cried, my crazy girl rants have pretty much stopped. I have taken up a scholarship for a masters program in Canada which starts right after Christmas, following days I thought I could never have the motivation for college again. I have worked hard to rebuild my relationships with people, and while most have not been reciprocated I have also worked on building new great relationships. Have a great boyfriend who I share everything with.

    Still not good at talking to people about my problems! Had to go to the chemist the other day for my meds, told my sister to wait outside while I got private things. She assumed pregnancy test :pac:

    But as you can see from LONG LONG POST, I find it good to harp on about it on Boards :)


  • #109
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    starlings wrote: »
    I appreciate that with all the variables of each individual and their circumstances, and those of their loved ones, there can be no guidelines to suit all cases. Perhaps a process, such as that used in Al-Anon (for families and friends of alcoholics) might help? The goal here would be to support the people who wish to support someone who is depressed because, from what I have read here, a vicious circle of isolation is a frequent experience.

    www.aware.ie


    Aware have family/partner group meetings for those who are living with or have someone in their life who is living with depression. Those are sharing and support meetings, they help people figure out that it's not that the person doesn't' love them enough and to try and learn to not be hurt when a person retreats and how to offer support with out making them feel completely crippled by it and as a way to talk about what emotions it causes for them as a release and to share coping stragey.


  • #110
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    Yeah great post, nice to see it debated here.
    I, myself, have real trouble finding the will to get up most mornings. Once I do, I get progressively better through the day, but my first feeling on waking up can sometimes be 'what the fuck for?'
    I have very good friends though, an understanding gf, and a close knit family, so in a lot of ways I consider myself lucky.
    I worked as a carer for a good number of years, first for an organisation that worked with children/teenagers with physical/mental handicaps and later in a children's refuge as a counsellor, and working there helped me a lot, I guess because I worried about other people rather than myself, coupled with that great feeling you get when you're really a help to someone, but after a while you start to fade and I had to stop and think about myself.
    My depression is mainly down to events that happened in my childhood, a horrendously physically abusive father in my early years and after that a period of sexual abuse by another person left me with a deep feeling of mistrust for people in general, which, for a large part has stayed with me, and to this day I suffer panic attacks and periods of depression because of it. It was also the reason I was a good counsellor. I could relate. But it's hard when counselling not to soak up some of the real unhappiness of people, especially kids, I wasn't good at the 'dis-associating' thing and therefore had to give it up.
    Now it's time to look after myself. It's harder than you might think.


  • #111
    TaxationTheft
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭TaxationTheft


    I only speak from my own experience, but why is it that generally those with a high IQ suffer from very severe Depression? I'm not gonna lie, anybody who looks at the state of the world on a day to day basis and does not become depressed, isn't thinking too deeply or may not even be human I would imagine.

    Society is a nothing short of a nightmare. The state of society fosters depressive symptoms. Not in all cases, but it is something to consider. I have often thought about this myself.


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  • #112
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    TaxationTheft wrote: »
    I only speak from my own experience, but why is it that generally those with a high IQ suffer from very severe Depression? I'm not gonna lie, anybody who looks at the state of the world on a day to day basis and does not become depressed, isn't thinking too deeply or may not even be human I would imagine.

    Society is a nothing short of a nightmare. The state of society fosters depressive symptoms. Not in all cases, but it is something to consider. I have often thought about this myself.
    True, but I guess that's largely because good news is not newsworthy, it seems, and what we get instead is the crimes and the disasters and the gloom of the economy. If you believed the media you'd swear all teenagers were about to stab you for your mobile phone and you'd never go out. The truth is that wonderful things happen every day, they just don't make the news. Apart from the obligatory humorous item at the end of the news, sometimes funny, mostly of no consequence.


  • #113
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    TaxationTheft wrote: »
    I only speak from my own experience, but why is it that generally those with a high IQ suffer from very severe Depression?

    I don't think it's just IQ, I think the greater force for change a person can be in the lives of others and the world around them, they more frustrated they get at the things which they can't change or feel they can't change and personal change/growth is really fúcking hard.

    You can go through life with people lauding you for what you've done or how good you are to/for people but none of that is going to mean a damn when you can't bring yourself to put on shoes and go to the shop to get milk as it means leaving your 'cave' or that you may have to talk to someone. Which means on that day you've failed as an adult and a person and that wipes out everything else.


    With internet shopping and with so many things we can now access online it is easier and easier for someone who is suffering depression to become an utter shut in and for most people not to know as well they just assume that the person is ok and grand. The front doesn't even have to be in person, you can be fronting and being the life and soul of the party online, and no one knows you've not had the will/engery/motivation to go shower for the last 10 days.


  • #114
    starlings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 683 ✭✭✭starlings


    Sharrow wrote: »
    www.aware.ie


    Aware have family/partner group meetings for those who are living with or have someone in their life who is living with depression. Those are sharing and support meetings, they help people figure out that it's not that the person doesn't' love them enough and to try and learn to not be hurt when a person retreats and how to offer support with out making them feel completely crippled by it and as a way to talk about what emotions it causes for them as a release and to share coping stragey.

    Thanks Sharrow! I'm an occasional An-Anon-goer (for obvious reasons) and though letting go is painful, it really is the only way to get over blame and guilt. So I'm glad there's an application of similar thinking to the problem of depression. I'll pass it on whenever I can.


  • #115
    thebaz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭thebaz


    another good thing about this thread - is to know that you (anyone) are not alone -

    as regards the mental illness, so much greatness has been created by sufferers - and yet still there is the shame ....


  • #116
    nesf
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    So yeah, similar to Dav I don't post here much despite being a mod of it many years ago.

    My story is a bit more complicated than DeV's, I've gone through psychosis, depression, mixed states (think manic and depressed at the same time) and anxiety. I've been all over the place for most of the last 10 years and been ill one way or another for closer to 15. I just finished a 3 month stretch in mental hospital recently.

    Psychosis is so poorly understood amongst the general public to be infuriating. I don't want to derail this thread but I'd just like to echo DeV's and Dav's point in that people with mental illness walk amongst you and you do not notice us. We look like you, talk like you (at least when I'm not paranoid anyway :p) and so on. The worst cases are of course in mental hospital most of the year but these illnesses can rob you of your life without you ever needing to go into hospital.


    There are a lot of myths about mental health but I'd like to focus on one particular one. If someone is suicidal, talk to them about it. Talking about suicide is not a trigger, you're either suicidal or you're not. When I'm suicidal all I can think about is way and means to kill myself. A bus passes me on the street and the thought immediately pops into my mind that I could just step out in front of it very easily. Talk to me about suicide when I'm not suicidal and it's a purely academic discussion and doesn't affect me. If someone you know is suicidal, talk to them about it, encourage them to seek help from Pieta house, the Samaritans or whoever (the Samaritans have been a great help for me) and whatever you do make sure they know you're there for them. If they are immediately in danger of acting on their impulses, take them to A&E and get them put in hospital for a while, they might not like you for it immediately but when they get their senses back they'll thank you for it (I've done this to/for people).


    Anyway, yeah, I'll stop before I turn this into a rant about the attitudes towards mental health in this country.


  • #117
    flutterflye
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    TaxationTheft wrote: »
    I only speak from my own experience, but why is it that generally those with a high IQ suffer from very severe Depression? I'm not gonna lie, anybody who looks at the state of the world on a day to day basis and does not become depressed, isn't thinking too deeply or may not even be human I would imagine.

    Society is a nothing short of a nightmare. The state of society fosters depressive symptoms. Not in all cases, but it is something to consider. I have often thought about this myself.

    I have had depression about 15 - 25 times, and I do have quite a high IQ.
    Whether or not there is some correlation, I have no idea.
    I know many, many people who are highly intelligent, yet have never suffered with depression.
    There are so many factors - your socio economic background, whether or not you learned adequate coping strategies, biology, life events, stress levels, sleep habits, diet etc etc etc...

    You can't really say that it is to do with levels of intellect.
    Sure there are some people out there who are as thick as a wall and they suffer from depression.


  • #118
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    There's also a very good thread in the Long Term Illness forum for people who suffer from Depression and I think it's also a great resouce for people to offload http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992
    Plus one. I'd add and I hope he doesn't mind me namechecking him, Nesf's posts on that forum on his journey through his illness is damned inspiring for anyone, depressed or not. Never met the chap but he'd be someone I'd look up to.
    degausserxo wrote: »
    I'd say there definitely is a genetic element to it. Two of my mam's brothers have schizophrenia, she herself was on antipsychotics for years, and I've been treated for psychosis for the past two years now. That can't be coincidental.
    AFAIR it's pretty much a given that there is a strong genetic component to schizophrenia. Again IIRC those studies into primitive societies that found much lower rates of unipolar depression found the same rates as anywhere else when it came to schizophrenia.

    One of the things I've learned over the years is that "mental illness" is a bloody huge range and severity of conditions and I've also learned that many, if not most people lump them all in together. Almost as if the daft catchall term "mad" has been replaced by the term "mental illness". One size does not fit all. IMHO too often we forget about the individual and look at the label. We see the illness not the person. Being honest I've been just as guilty of that in the past myself. It's bad enough with cancer, but with a "hidden" illness like depression it can be even worse. It adds to the stigma.

    I think the stigma is all about fear. Fear can come from simple ignorance. The notion that someone will go postal and "freak out". As social animals that can really throw us. I'd also say a lot of the fear is down to the notion it may be catching with a large sideorder of "oh I feel like that sometimes myself, God I can't admit that, so will avoid like the plague".

    Plus we may struggle to find what to say to someone who comes out and tells us of their illness. In fairness that can be an issue. Yes insensitive types may come out with "pull yourself together/go for a run/etc", but genuine people can also say similar. Not out of badness, but out of the above fear and ignorance about what to say. Even something like a naturally empathic phrase like "I know how you feel, I've felt like that myself at times" can be picked up very wrongly by the person they're genuinely trying to help. Naturally enough too as the thought "how the fcuk do you know/just because you feel how does that make me feel better" can come to the fore in the person who may have temporarily lost that empathic sense because of the depression. IME the latter seems common enough and is where some of this notion that depressed people are selfish may come from?

    For my money if someone is being like that they're not being selfish, more self centered. I would make a clear distinction between the two myself. Again for me selfish is someone who is wholly aware they're being so. Self centered is someone who is focusing internally and bringing the outside world into that focus through their own internal prism first. We ALL do that to some degree or other(unless your name is Mr Buddha or Mr Christ). Our worldview decides the world quite subjectively. If your head's in a good place that's fine, but if your head isn't, of course you're going to have a very different world to inhabit.

    EG While I can have off days like anyone, I'm pretty objective in most emotional and interpersonal stuff. Almost to a fault. In general life, thank god/fates/dumb luck, I'm happy or sad or trundling along within "normal" parameters. Happy things make me happy etc Even when I'm under heavy enough, even chronic stress I can always find something that cheers me up. However with romantic relationships, my own personal prism, my worldview, is quite out of the norm on that score for all sorts of reasons*. Indeed would match up with one of the descriptions of general depression, the flatline feeling part. In that facet of my life I'm completely "meh"/flatline. I'm fully aware of this too, but good luck in resetting that mechanism. I don't know how people who feel that way about their life in general get through that. I'm genuinely in awe of those who can, or even actively try to get through it.







    *mix of bad experiences, but mostly like DeV noted I " see (it) TOO clearly". I know the script too well and you can't unsee it so to speak. It's how I've been able to help mates and others going through rough relationship patches(including two psychologists for that matter), so at least that's a good and socially useful side effect of it.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #119
    starviewadams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    I'm fairly sure that there is some sort of genetic predispositon to depression.

    On one side of my family alone 7 of my aunts and uncles suffer with some form of depression,as well as five of my cousins,well six actually,if you count my cousin who took his own life back in 2006.

    It makes talking about mental health issues with my family a very touchy subject to say the least,the only way my mother found out that I suffer from depression was when I ended up in A&E basicaly getting my arms stitched back last year after a pretty bad mania episode and she was contacted by the hospital.

    That's one of the main reasons that I hate this time of the year,because all the family will come together and put on their happy faces,while nobody will dare mention the giant elephant in the room.That and the fact that most of my friends are either heading home or are coupled up,which makes me feel even more alone!

    Rant over,sorry!


  • #120
    ziggy23
    Registered Users Posts: 1,919 ✭✭✭ziggy23


    Fair play to you OP:)

    I suffer from depression on and off and have had a pretty horrible 2 weeks. Why is it when you tell some people about it they run a mile?:( It's not contagious and as the OP said it doesn't mean you are going to kill somebody. Mine has gotten worse lately due to lonliness and feeling isolated. I'm a single parent so when the skiddler is put to bed its just me. All I would love now is a hug from somebody who meant it not a pity hug:(


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  • #121
    flutterflye
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    Sharrow wrote: »
    www.aware.ie


    Aware have family/partner group meetings for those who are living with or have someone in their life who is living with depression. Those are sharing and support meetings, they help people figure out that it's not that the person doesn't' love them enough and to try and learn to not be hurt when a person retreats and how to offer support with out making them feel completely crippled by it and as a way to talk about what emotions it causes for them as a release and to share coping stragey.

    Also GROW (link) - they follow a 12 step programme, and follow a structure every week, including homework you give yourself, such as "by this time next week I will have gone back to the doctor", or whatever is relevant to you.
    I find them very good.

    Edit: Just to clarify, GROW is mainly for people suffering from mental illness, but friends and family are welcome to go along too.


  • #122
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    Aware lo call helpline 1890 303 302


  • #123
    TaxationTheft
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭TaxationTheft


    flutterflye wrote: »
    I have had depression about 15 - 25 times, and I do have quite a high IQ.
    Whether or not there is some correlation, I have no idea.
    I know many, many people who are highly intelligent, yet have never suffered with depression.
    There are so many factors - your socio economic background, whether or not you learned adequate coping strategies, biology, life events, stress levels, sleep habits, diet etc etc etc...

    You can't really say that it is to do with levels of intellect.
    Sure there are some people out there who are as thick as a wall and they suffer from depression.

    Good point. It's too simple to say that one factor causes or is even associated with it. Former is more controversial. It's just that from my own experience of people I have known with Depression, none of the people were idiots by any stretch.

    The day will come when depression can be traced fully at the biological level. Research is already moving in that direction. This disease is too dangerous to write off with outdated theories. Thankfully, people in the medical community are starting to realise this.

    Look at Depression today. Stigma is still rampant, but it's better than it was. I genuinely hope I live long enough to see a complete acceptance of depression along with better treatments. It is a biological illness, it's just that we can't pinpoint it yet. Thoughts arise from the brain after all. Time will fix this.

    There is a reason why people call it the silent killer today...


  • #124
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Thank you Dav and DeV for your posts. What we need are people in positions of power, wherever they may be, to talk openly about their experiences of depression. Only this way can the stigma be slowly removed.

    Micky Dolenz did an awesome post a while back, which had a long list of contacts for anyone who is suffering from depression.


  • #125
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    starviewadams wrote: »
    I'm fairly sure that there is some sort of genetic predispositon to depression.
    There is, but you don't have to have it to suffer from it. And suffering some sort of trauma wouldn't necessarily trigger depression either. People who live perfectly ordinary lives, with supportive friends and family and a job and a roof over their heads can suffer from depression. People who look perfectly happy on the outside can suffer from depression. I think lots of people suffer from loneliness and depression and never let on.


  • #126
    djk1000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 899 ✭✭✭djk1000


    Here are a couple of posts I've put up in recent weeks/months, thought they'd be worth repeating in this thread.

    The first was in a thread about understanding depression, I thought I'd offer my 2 cents.
    I've had depression for many years. I'm an expert at fitting in and acting positive. The difference is that a happy person enjoys being happy, a depressed person feels like they've run a marathon after acting happy in front of people for the day.

    The more depressed you are, the bigger the effort to act normal and the worse you feel when you take off the mask.

    The second was in the long term illnesses forum, this one took a while to write!
    So, first time posting here, they say that writing things down can help, so I thought I'd share with the group!

    I've had depression on and off for years, went through a few years of feeling fairly content and thought those days were behind me. A few things happened, each of which I guess you'd call a major life event, one thing could crush you, I had three in a row! lost my dad, lost my business and broke up with my fiance!

    all of these things made me sad, which is natural, but looking back, I guess I didn't deal with them properly. About a year or so after the last thing happened, I started to get a feeling that I hadn't had since I used to have depression before. It was a kind of mania where my mind races, I started to think about all kinds of weird stuff like I wanted to quit my job and head to India, or I wanted to sail the world. Each of these thoughts completely engrossed me one by one for more than a week, couldn't concentrate on anything else, like living in a day dream.

    That seems to happen to me before the depression hits, each and every time, the weird thing is that when it happens, it never registers with me as a sign that the fall is coming :-) I don't know if I'm describing it well, it's not manic per se, or bi-polar, the best way I can figure it is that my brain sees what's coming and tries to fight back.

    Anyway, I went to bed one night and couldn't sleep, my mind was racing on all this stuff, but the thoughts started to turn to the bad things that had happened, in particular my ex leaving me. That was when I had the mother of all anxiety attacks, I've never felt anything like it. My rational mind knew that it wasn't normal but I couldn't stop it, just got worse and worse like the adrenalin tap was stuck open. After pacing the room for a while and searching the house for alcohol, I went for a run (not something I'd normally do) to try to tire myself out so I could sleep, I ran until my feet blistered and I was puking! Next morning I pulled a sickie, went back to my mothers house and told her what had happened, I phoned the GP and made an appointment.

    He put me on lexapro, which didn't agree with me, then effexor which was horrible! (I should point out that this is my experience of anti-depressants, they work really well for some people) I also have some Xanax for emergencies. I stopped the antidepressants and just avoided my problem for a while, felt like **** every day, just couldn't function, I managed to keep up with work and social life, but I was putting on a front every day, I was just so tired when I got home each day, faking it from morning to night really takes it out of you! I was totally frustrated, I'm a smart guy and I just couldn't think my way out of this, no matter how logical my mental argument against anxiety and depression was, it just didn't help

    The GP gave me the number for a psychologist when I saw him, that number sat by my bed for a long time before I called and made my first appointment (another major anxiety attack spurred me on to phone him).

    I've had a few sessions now and it's tough, really draining, every minute of it is difficult, but I haven't had a bad anxiety attack in a while now (thanks xanax!) and I'm starting to deal with some repressed stuff, I told a friend that I was seeing someone, he asked me to describe it, the best way I could was this, it's like going to a physiotherapist with an injury, you've been limping for weeks and avoiding dealing with it and it's just not going away, the physio finds the most painful area and pokes and prods until you're nearly in tears, you swear you'll never go back, but the next day the muscle feels a bit better, each visit is tough, but the next day you always know its worth it.

    So now it's one day at a time, I still feel ****ty, but at least now I have some help, this period of my life is the first time that depression has really taken over, where I don't really see an end to it, I'm hoping that that kind of thinking will change in time.

    To anybody on this thread, don't suffer alone, there is help out there but no one is going to knock on your door to offer it. I understand that going to a doctor/Councillor/whatever is a very very difficult step, but for me its been worth it. It's a long post, but I wrote it in the hope that if there are others that have felt this way, they know that they are not alone :-)

    I have never bee so frustrated in my life, I'm smart, I'm fit, I'm usually outgoing. I'm used to meeting challenges and kicking their ass, I don't think I have ever set myself a goal and then not achieved it, but depression is kicking my ass at the moment and not many things get the best of me.

    I was supposed to do a very important exam today, couldn't get out of bed! I have another on Wednesday and I just can't study. I know I'd feel better if I went for a run, but I just can't but my runners on. It can be crippling sometimes, if I wrote down all the things good and bad in my life, there would be very little in the bad column, yet I feel like ****!

    Hopefully the above give a bit of insight to those that haven't experienced depression.

    D


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  • #127
    nesf
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    flutterflye wrote: »
    Also GROW (link) - they follow a 12 step programme, and follow a structure every week, including homework you give yourself, such as "by this time next week I will have gone back to the doctor", or whatever is relevant to you.
    I find them very good.

    Edit: Just to clarify, GROW is mainly for people suffering from mental illness, but friends and family are welcome to go along too.

    One thing I'd caution about GROW (and Aware too) is that it doesn't suit everyone. I went and hated it for instance. Worth going to to see if you like it but don't feel bad if it's not for you, group therapy and such doesn't suit everyone.


  • #128
    darraghdoyle
    Registered Users Posts: 62 ✭✭darraghdoyle


    It's threads like this that make me love this site all the more. I frequently point to things like this, like PI or RI or BI and the other 'personal' threads that are shared and I say - "THAT is Boards.ie". So, yes, well done.

    Thank you everyone who shared your story, especially the people I know, like and give a damn about.

    I remember going through a particularly tough patch in my last job and not being able to talk about it to colleagues. I left the office and walked around Dublin city on a Tuesday morning and not having anyone I could talk to about it, because my friends were in work, my family would have made it worse and, well, who else do you have? It wasn't "important" enough to ring AWARE or The Samaritans about and I couldn't afford "professional" advice.

    Since then I've been wondering about the idea of a drop-in centre in Dublin for people who are feeling less than okay to drop into, to have someone to talk to, to have someone listen, maybe advise. Boards.ie is wonderful for the virtual part of that but sometimes you need to have someone there as well.

    There are many reasons I know that it might not work but the benefits to people if it did would be brilliant. So I'm working on that idea at the moment.

    Talk about Mental Health issues. Share them online and on places like this. We've hidden behind too many reasons not to for far too long and it's gotten us nowhere.


  • #129
    Deus Ex Machina
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭Deus Ex Machina


    I am very wary of the common trend of self diagnosed depression. This is because deciding that you're suffering from a vague malady like depression could obfuscate the facts of one's life. For example, if you find yourself unhappy or apathetic due to problems within your life, and decide that you are depressed (without, as so many do, consulting any authority on the issue to get a definitive diagnosis) you distance yourself from responsibility for your dissatisfaction, and are therefore less likely to take the necessary steps in your life to solve the problems which are actually causing you to feel down.

    I have sincere sympathy for those who suffer from genuine endogenous depression, or some types of reactive depression, but I think that many people need to stop deciding that they are depressed based on their own flawed self assembled criteria, and take steps to improve their life circumstances, and in doing so, become satisfied and happy with their lives.

    Don't get me wrong, I think that genuine depression is a terrible thing to live with, and if you suspect that you suffer from it you should find out and then seek help, but it actually angers me when people take on victim/sufferer status rather than tackle their own issues.


  • #130
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    So... this is my story. Whatever you call it. I'l do what I did in C&H and spoiler it.


    Well, not to put a whole lot of context on it, since I'm not in a good place right now and it'll just make me sadder, my dad spent... from the day I was born, from what I've been told, till he moved out when I was 14, and then some, beating the **** out of me, treating me like crap, telling me he never wanted me and I should have been aborted, and yet still being a good dad to my two brothers and two sisters. In 2001 he broke my arm. And in 2006 he he cracked my head open. And more than once he tried to leave me in places, like literally just take me into a busy shopping place like, and leave me. And generally just treating me like rubbish. And my mum got a bit of.. abuse as well. and the only person that ever stood up for me was my sister, my very eldest sister. And my mum didnt kick him out till 2007, when he came in drunk on new years day, took the new wii she'd bought me, since he was unemployed, smashed it, and poured boiling water over my face. Which was good.But then against my better judgement, in march 08, when i was 15, she convinced me to go and stay with him for a week in birkenhead, which is across the water from liverpool, he got a job, she said he was attending meetings, he'd sorted himself out, all that. So I went, and he was ok, and he acted all apologetic, until, i dont know what made him do this, but, he put something in my drink. and i was.. unconsience. if thats how you spell it. or whatever. And when i was awake, he'd tied to a bed. his bed. whatever. and he touched me. in that way. and.... he raped me. and then, he got some, he said they were friends, but i dont know how he met those kind of people, they came in, and they did... similar things, you know


  • #131
    kincsem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,013 ✭✭✭kincsem


    Tom,
    I don't know what to say, but fair dues for saying how you feel. That is very un-Irish. :)

    Steely Dan lyrics
    Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you my friend
    Any minor world that breaks apart falls together again
    When the demon is at your door
    In the morning it won't be there no more
    Any major dude will tell you

    A lot of people in this town think you are ok.
    And ffs keep off the smokes.

    Seán


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  • #132
    nesf
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    I am very wary of the common trend of self diagnosed depression. This is because deciding that you're suffering from a vague malady like depression could obfuscate the facts of one's life. For example, if you find yourself unhappy or apathetic due to problems within your life, and decide that you are depressed (without, as so many do, consulting any authority on the issue to get a definitive diagnosis) you distance yourself from responsibility for your dissatisfaction, and are therefore less likely to take the necessary steps in your life to solve the problems which are actually causing you to feel down.

    I have sincere sympathy for those who suffer from genuine endogenous depression, or some types of reactive depression, but I think that many people need to stop deciding that they are depressed based on their own flawed self assembled criteria, and take steps to improve their life circumstances, and in doing so, become satisfied and happy with their lives.

    Don't get me wrong, I think that genuine depression is a terrible thing to live with, and if you suspect that you suffer from it you should find out and then seek help, but it actually angers me when people take on victim/sufferer status rather than tackle their own issues.

    That's where doctors and psychiatrists comes in. They can separate one from the other. That and there's a big push towards life improvement and similar with all forms of depression. It's not just about meds.


  • #133
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    Dav wrote: »

    My life is really good overall - I have a job I love and that keeps my bills paid. I have a girlfriend I love and who loves me. I have some great friends who I share a wide range of interests with and who're numerous enough so that there's nearly always someone around to goof off with if I'm in that sort of mood. I have hobbies I really enjoy and the means to indulge in them at any time     (an XBox and newly built PC for gaming as well as a number of guitars and associated equipment for my musical interests), so what have I got to be depressed about? It's like DeV says, the better things are, the more likely I am to be depressed.
    I have all those! Except the Xbox and gaming PC, I have to make do with the old PS2:(:p
    Seriously though, for a while there I thought getting new stuff would make me feel better. It doesn't. I do however have all the important things.


  • #134
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Just so people know, if you feel like you're not able to talk openly about it like others are, Personal Issues does allow anonymous posting which is pre-moderated.


  • #135
    missvirgo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 77 ✭✭missvirgo


    I have to agree with a few of you about taking medication. It literally saved my life a number of years back when i thought i was going insane. I think anti-depressants are very useful to get you out of a serious 'turn' and i have recommended them to friends of mine in similar situations.

    I have only stopped taking them (this time) for around 7/8 weeks and so far so good... it has to be said, the main reason i stopped taking them was because i couldn't face going to town and dealing with people!! :D

    My point is, i wouldn't hesitate in going back on them if/when i feel the downward spiral...

    There is a serious lack of help & understanding from GP's... I have given up trying to explain how i feel, and basically i just tell them what i want.

    The taboo that exists around depression is scarier than the depression itself... :eek:

    I never related my so-called achievements in my life to my depression before now... I suppose i always felt i had to do better to prove to myself that i am normal...


  • #136
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    Deus Ex Machina wrote: »
    I am very wary of the common trend of self diagnosed depression. This is because deciding that you're suffering from a vague malady like depression could obfuscate the facts of one's life. For example, if you find yourself unhappy or apathetic due to problems within your life, and decide that you are depressed (without, as so many do, consulting any authority on the issue to get a definitive diagnosis) you distance yourself from responsibility for your dissatisfaction, and are therefore less likely to take the necessary steps in your life to solve the problems which are actually causing you to feel down.

    I have sincere sympathy for those who suffer from genuine endogenous depression, or some types of reactive depression, but I think that many people need to stop deciding that they are depressed based on their own flawed self assembled criteria, and take steps to improve their life circumstances, and in doing so, become satisfied and happy with their lives.

    Don't get me wrong, I think that genuine depression is a terrible thing to live with, and if you suspect that you suffer from it you should find out and then seek help, but it actually angers me when people take on victim/sufferer status rather than tackle their own issues.

    People who do that annoy me no end. I've being diagonalised 6 times been on meds 4 times (once I couldn't cos I was pregnant), too many people use the term depression when they are just sad or down.

    Some of them are self declaring and could well be actually depressed but they use that as an excuse to not go to the dr. If someone is saying to you that they are depressed or using the term depression as an excuse but have not been to a dr then badger them until they do.


  • #137
    Morag
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    missvirgo wrote: »
    I never related my so-called achievements in my life to my depression before now... I suppose i always felt i had to do better to prove to myself that i am normal...

    When we are well, we can be very driven, almost to make up for lost time and to re establish ourself worth.


  • #138
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    ziggy23 wrote: »
    Fair play to you OP:)

    I suffer from depression on and off and have had a pretty horrible 2 weeks. Why is it when you tell some people about it they run a mile?:( It's not contagious and as the OP said it doesn't mean you are going to kill somebody. Mine has gotten worse lately due to lonliness and feeling isolated. I'm a single parent so when the skiddler is put to bed its just me. All I would love now is a hug from somebody who meant it not a pity hug:(
    But now you know you arent alone. None of us are. Fnck it, theres enough of us to form an army and stage a coup :)
    I send you a big manly man-hug. :)


    Nesf, I have always admired your near-brutal honesty on the topic. I didnt want to drag you into it, but you are one of the reasons this thread exists. I have watched you talk about tougher things than I and felt shamed into action (a good thing for me, I need that poke sometimes!). Talk soon mate. :)

    DeV.


  • #139
    sing_dumb
    Registered Users Posts: 89 ✭✭sing_dumb


    Thank you SO MUCH for this, really THANKS. I admire your courage and honesty. Xmas is an awful time for people who suffer from "the old black dog" as Winstan Churchill called it. I know this, only too well. Fair play to you for sharing this.


  • #140
    Mr Trade In
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,705 ✭✭✭Mr Trade In


    I have been in a bad place for about several years now, during this time I have been diagnosed with a few problems of which I am trying to get re-assessed, I have been diagnosed with Diabetty as I like to call it, this past 3 years have been the roughest with the last 8 months seeing me finally meeting a good GP who has listened and referred me to some specialists to deal with my mental health.

    I am on medication now for my depression which has been a long term issue but was only diagnosed in September,I haven't even told my family about this as they are still of the old Irish adage, kill your problems with drink, it is hard to deal with some days but I know there is help there.


  • #141
    carbsy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,083 ✭✭✭carbsy


    Absolutely fantastic post DeVore, without doubt the best I've ever read on this site.Sincere respect! :)


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  • #142
    foxinsox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,080 ✭✭✭foxinsox


    I eventually found this post I wrote last January in a different thread:

    Heres the link to the thread http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056130173


    I have been suffering from depression for many years, not the moany self indulgent attention seeking type.. the real ****ty horrible type..

    I've been avoiding posting this for ages, why? Because it hurts like hell to actually say it out loud/type it.

    I've been reading everybody else's posts, and to be honest this thread has made me go to places I didn't really want to go, but I will go there and if it can be of any help to anyone else then it might be worth it..

    What pisses me off the most about my story is that there is no reason for it, no physical thing, this is the hardest thing to accept. My parents have often asked me "Did something ever happen to you?" and it sounds ridiculous but maybe if I had a "reason" it might make more sense.

    I have tried every treatment available to fix this, I am lucky to have a fantastic doctor now, who knows me well and can nearly see me going down before I realise it myself. I am on medication now, I have been for years. I did go through stages of taking it then feeling better then stopping meds and hitting rock bottom again.

    I have never felt suicidal, well once I did on a particular anti-depressant that I was on for only two weeks, and to be honest it scared the crap out of me the way it made me have suicidal thoughts, needless to say my doctor prescribed another one immediately.

    I have to now accept that I will probably be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life, clinical depression due to a chemical inbalance in my brain.

    Even though people take meds for heart conditions, blood pressure, I should feel the same about taking my meds... I don't feel that way, I hate it, there is something wrong with my brain and I can't fix it. I am a fixer, I always solve problems, find a way to make things work. I cannot fix this and it makes me mad.

    I've been through the whole mill of my friends, "ah, you'll be grand!" and after many years I have realised who my true friends are, although very few understand how I feel but they understand if sometimes I say "I'm not feeling great at the moment", but most of the time they are afraid to actually ask.

    I have really hurt my family in the past and god forgive me for the amount of worry and stress I have brought on them. I couldn't survive without my family, they really are the best. But I do find as they get older I tend to hide my feelings form my parents as I don't want them worrying. So I put on my "happy face", I believe if I was an actress I'd have an oscar by now with my "happy face" moments.

    There are times when I feel that I just "exist" in this world, the anti depressants make it so, I am not down, but neither am I up.. I just am. But being "just am" beats being down any day.

    This is a bit of a rabble because this thread has forced me to think about things that I haven't thought about in a long time, I don't think, I avoid it, it can stress me out.. what should I be doing with my life? am I happy? Do I want children? Am I too old now to have children? What is happiness anyway? Are my friends happy? And the vicious thought train hurtles along.. so without being a bimbo I avoid the thought.

    I am a "bit down" at the moment, christmas and new year always hits me.. but I am ok and I will be ok. I will be happier in a few days when I am back at work and back to routine..

    OK so the point of my post to show people the random rabble that goes on in my head because of depression... oh and to share the things I found helpful...


    What I have found helps me:


    Avoid stress if at all possible, this means work, relationships etc.

    Excercise, even a little walk of 20mins per day.

    Diet, sounds so simple but try eat properly.

    NO alcohol or cigarettes.

    Have a routine, if I have nothing planned, I do nothing.

    Counselling can be great, even just to cry for an hour, I guarantee you you will feel better.

    Find a good doctor, one that has time to listen and will really help, not just meds.

    Somebody always cares, no matter how **** you feel please reach out and talk to someone.


    Sorry it is so long, I don't know whether any of this makes sense to anyone or whether it is actually beneficial to anyone. But it is my experience and sometimes I am fine and happy as a pig in shiv and other days are just yuck..

    I wish you all the best :)



    Thanks to DeVore for posting this thread.

    I'm doing very well at the moment, in a job I love and seem to be pottering along quite happily in life. My meds are working grand, but as others have mentioned, I know I have to keep an eye on myself and things can change from day to day.

    As mentioned lots of times, if you are feeling bad please talk to someone.. I of all people know how ridiculous this can seem when you feel like ****, but I promise you it WILL make you feel better.

    :)


  • #143
    thebostoncrab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,491 ✭✭✭thebostoncrab


    Fantastic post, one of the best things I have read on Boards. Depression in its many forms is still incredibly misunderstood in Ireland, and Im often knocked back by the attitude alot of people have when they find out someone they know has it. I know from personal experience it makes it even harder to talk to people about it and makes you feel ashamed of ourself. I mean I know it sounds silly but I'm almost 25, have lived with my bipolar since around 16 and yet alot of friends and none of my family are aware. I know they would understand, especially my mother, but I still can't being myself to say anything incase I'm treated differently, even thought I know 100% they wouldn't.

    Id like to share a big misconception people have about bipolar. They often believe its just a jump between emotions and is very snappy and fast. It couldn't be further from the truth (At least in my case).

    My episodes usually begin with my mind racing through different thoughts. They keep getting faster and faster and in turn my body gets more and more active. On the outside some often find it amusing because I will say anything and give off a certain "I don't give a **** lets go mad!" attitude. But the truth is it is the most horrible feeling in the world. It becomes almost impossible to keep up with your own thoughts and your helpless to stop it. It's incredibly draining and can leave me very fatigued. Imagine if you were on a treadmill, that kept increasing in speed and angle and no matter what you couldn't slow it down or stop it. That's how it feels.

    This can happen for a few hours or even a day or two. The worst I had was at 19 were it lasted almost two weeks. Then, out of nowhere, it all just grinds to a stop. In a split second you go from 90 miles per hour to 0. Nothing is going through your head and you are just completely numb. Those who I have talked to about this find my next point odd at first, but despite this huge numbness and lack of motivation, it is when I'm at my happiest during an episode. Yes, I feel like ****, have no desire to move and become incredibly self loathing; but I'm in control. And having that control and beginning to rebuild myself back to normal is such a massive welcome change than the hyper energy and thought process that proceeds it.

    My episodes aren't as bad as when I was younger, but they still happen. Thankfully I have been blessed with an amazing fiancée who understands and has helped me out alot. She can tell when my episodes are starting and is always ready to pick me up or try stop my mind from spinning.

    Every case is different, so please don't think that every bipolar case is like mine. But next time you hear about someone living with it, listen to them and don't just think they go from happy to sad and back again.


  • #144
    Captain Graphite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭Captain Graphite


    *Warning: long post ahead!*

    Thanks for this thread Dev. It's great when people are willing to talk about it. I really hate the stigma that's associated with mental health.

    Having said that, I find it really difficult to talk to people I know about it. I never talk to my family about it and only one or two close friends. Whereas I'd say pretty much anything online or to a stranger in the pub. I just can't help feeling that my family would see me and treat me differently if I talked to them about it.

    Personally I go through extreme periods of complete and utter self hatred; some days I'll look in the mirror and think "you're ok, keep trying to get better" but then the next day I'll just say "it's completely hopeless, why are you even trying? You're a worthless piece of **** and you don't deserve to get better and you never will." Most of those days I can't even look in the mirror because seeing my reflection makes me feel almost ill.

    I have a counselling appointment tomorrow; I've been on the waiting list a long time. I know I have to go but I don't want to put too much hope in it because if it doesn't help it will make me feel worse.

    In the mean time, I sometimes find blogging helpful to try and deal with stuff. I write a lot about feeling depressed and, although I sometimes worry that I sound like a self-pitying ingrate, it does help release tension and stuff. (Link is in my sig; anyone interested can find depression-related posts mixed in among various book reviews and a couple of posts about the presidential election.)

    This is an excerpt from the last post I wrote, which was on Saturday night. Reading back over it at this precise moment in time I can say "ah shur, that's over the top. Things aren't that bad." But tomorrow I might read over it and decide it doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel.
    It’s been two years since diagnosis. Six months since rock bottom. And a matter of hours since “**** it, what’s the point?”

    I don’t get why I’m still here, acting as if things are mostly ok and that taking a little pill every night magically makes everything better. I still can’t talk to family about it because it’s too awkward. I can’t even be honest with my GP anymore because she thinks I’m improving and I don’t want to let her down. How ridiculous is that?

    I never feel like I’m sick enough. Why have psychiatrists not yet told me that I have bipolar disorder? Or borderline personality disorder? Or schizophrenia? Or…..something? Regular plain old depression just doesn’t feel like enough anymore.

    I should be out getting drunk, getting high, smoking anything that’s fits into skins, not giving a **** about any consequences. I should be starving myself and then binge eating until I throw up. I should be slicing my arms with a knife or a razor just to prove that I’M NOT ****ING OKAY.

    Instead I stay at home like a good little boy and bottle everything up like good little boys do. The internet is my only outlet for frustration now and there’s only so much sexygirl123 on thisisaforum.com can help you with stuff like this.

    It’d be easier if my family didn’t care about me; then I’d have no problem self destructing like I’m supposed to. It’d be easier if I had no friends or family at all because I could just kill myself without any guilt. Right now the most I can do is stab myself with a red pen and act as if the ink is blood.

    I can’t say how I really feel, how angry I am that “mild depression” is all I’ve ever been diagnosed with. I can never get over how angry I am with the college lecturers who let me down and made me feel like an idiot, the selfish exes with the worst sense of timing in the world, anyone whose life is easier than mine and anyone whose life is harder than mine.

    Most of all though, I get angry at myself. A lot. Even over the littlest things; like if I can’t finish a Sudoku puzzle or if I go wrong somewhere, or if I can’t do the numbers game on Countdown or if I only get a six letter word instead of a seven. Clearly stuff like that happens because I’m a ****ing idiot who doesn’t deserve to be alive. And every time I think of my degree and wish to God I could go back in time and do it all again, I say to myself “Four years of your life gone. Congratulations on being a bigger underachiever than anyone could have predicted.”

    I feel like I don’t do enough to let the world know just how much I hate myself and how often I really wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up again.

    But, then again, this time next week I’ll be in grand form and everything will be looking up and people will say I clearly don’t have a problem in the world.

    I don’t know how to fix what I can’t identify as being wrong. And I honestly can’t wait around much longer to figure out what needs to be done before it’s too late. 2012 is make or break; it’s either gonna be the best year of my life. Or the year I finally give up any hope of the future for good.


  • #145
    irelandspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,082 ✭✭✭irelandspurs


    Is life insurance void if suicide is the cause of death?


  • #146
    TaxationTheft
    Closed Accounts Posts: 48 ✭TaxationTheft


    irelandspurs wrote: »
    Is life insurance void if suicide is the cause of death?

    Generally, yes. This is why death inquests are unwilling to record suicide directly, as it places a financial hit on the family. Most private insurance forms will clearly state that suicide can potentially void the contract.


  • #147
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    DeVore wrote: »
    Insect Overlord, your early life mirrors mine very closely!

    Snowie, if the black hole has balls, I hope you burst them :) Its good to hear therapy has you back to yourself and you are happy and focused.

    Depression can make people seem to be right selfish bastards sometimes. And sometimes thats true but sometimes its an interpretation of their actions by people who are trying to make sense of them. Like the person earlier on who said their boyfriend broke up with them.... well that sounds like he simply couldn't see a future for the relationship, many people who suffer depression feel like that, nothing could possible come from X and its dooooooomed to failure so why bother.


    Thank and you too :). Ill putt it to you this way, it was a case of being pissed of that I was unhappy all the time. I was prepared to make and except changes and thats what I did :).

    I agree on the selfishness on booth your points, I was being a little over critical :o but to every one who spoke up said something which is tough to play and those who don't think they have the nuts to. I say this

    Your holding on to bad jew jew if your an work your problems out its for the better, youle have moment soy clarity that well its like euphoria :D I promise


  • #148
    JuliusCaesar
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    Have just read the 10 pages of Laugh @ Depression and have ended up feeling very dispirited...I'm a toiler in the Mental Health Services of the HSE.

    We do provide free services to the public, but it's not timely enough or general enough. Services that are available in one area aren't available in another. What we do have going for us is that we are multidisciplinary and we are all over the country. When I retire, there won't be anyone to take over from me in my area because there's no funding to train anyone. (I've 20 years of experience, so there's no point waiting till I'm ready to go and then training someone in!)

    People don't even know we exist and that we can provide a lot of services - inpatient units, day hospitals, day centres, group therapy, inidividual therapy, medication, meditation etc even including job preparation to help fill holes in CVs.

    If only, I think, some of the energy that went into posting in AH went into pressuring the Minister to implement Vision for Change!

    Anyway, glumly,
    JC


  • #149
    irelandspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,082 ✭✭✭irelandspurs


    I have suffered with depression since the age of 14 i'm now 27 married with 2 kids and am about to lose my wife and kids because of it.


  • #150
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    irelandspurs wrote: »
    I have suffered with depression since the age of 14 i'm now 27 married with 2 kids and am about to lose my wife and kids because of it.

    Are you receiving any sort of help for it?


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  • #151
    Benny_Cake
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,205 ✭✭✭Benny_Cake


    JuliusCaesar wrote: »
    Have just read the 10 pages of Laugh @ Depression and have ended up feeling very dispirited...I'm a toiler in the Mental Health Services of the HSE.

    We do provide free services to the public, but it's not timely enough or general enough. Services that are available in one area aren't available in another. What we do have going for us is that we are multidisciplinary and we are all over the country. When I retire, there won't be anyone to take over from me in my area because there's no funding to train anyone. (I've 20 years of experience, so there's no point waiting till I'm ready to go and then training someone in!)

    People don't even know we exist and that we can provide a lot of services - inpatient units, day hospitals, day centres, group therapy, inidividual therapy, medication, meditation etc even including job preparation to help fill holes in CVs.

    If only, I think, some of the energy that went into posting in AH went into pressuring the Minister to implement Vision for Change!

    Anyway, glumly,
    JC

    Very interesting post JC - the HSE gets a lot of stick but there are a lot of excellent people like yourself working there to make a real difference in people's lives. The hiring ban is having a really negative impact on services though. Anyway, you make a good point, I must take a look at the Vision to Change document.


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