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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,572 ✭✭✭✭ brummytom


    A great post DeV, reading your OP and Insect_Overlord's is actually quite unnerving (maybe it's a Tom thing!), apart from I wasn't really bullied in Primary School much.


    I'm quite lucky in that I've got two particularly close friends who are always there for me, and don't judge me. But apart from to those two, I wouldn't admit to anyone how I feel. It's particularly bad at the moment for some reason, but hey ho. Hopefully it'll fade!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,075 Wattle


    I've been hugely affected by depression in the past but am now on top of it. I plan to leave a huge chunk of money to Aware in my will. Good karma.


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,961 ✭✭✭✭ boneyarsebogman


    I think people tend to really misjudge After Hours sometimes - while there are quite a many pointless thread that does descend into mockery, there are those ones that remain respectful and intelligent debates can happen.

    Personally I used to suffer from depression, which would usually come and go, but it would always be somewhat hidden and those closest to me would be surprised if I told them. I got help, received medication and actually did something to make changes. I'm now beginning the process of coming off of those meds and I'm feeling better than ever.

    With all this talk of depression lately, I feel like it's the right time to bring back my sig.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 Miss Fluff


    What a brilliant thread DeV. I think there is still such an unfortunate and senseless stigma to the black dog still that it can leave people feeling terribly isolated - great to see such an open and honest thread which will hopefully raise awareness.

    You mention that talking about it is really important. Just to remind people that there's a Personal Issues thread here on Boards and while nobody is medically qualified to help, there are lots of kindly folk over there who are too happy to listen.

    There's also a very good thread in the Long Term Illness forum for people who suffer from Depression and I think it's also a great resouce for people to offload http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992

    Thanks again DeV, I think this thread will really help people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,164 Konata


    Talking about my life on-line has always helped. The year I spent modding the Clearasil & Hormones forum brought me close to an incredible group of exceptional young people. Most of them have stopped posting in that forum now, but we all helped each other through some really bad times. It didn't matter that some people suffered more than others. There was just an acceptance and an understanding and an empathy in that group that made the forum a magical little corner of the Internet. We are the generation who knows it's okay to talk and to share and to be honest. And all of that is possible because of this marvellous resource the OP has been building since the late 1990s.

    ^^This a million, million times over! I was lucky enough to be a part of C&H around the time that I was at my lowest, and I can't express how much talking to people on there helped :)

    Fantastic post DeV, and all the people who have replied. After suffering from mental health problems for nearly 8 years, and finally having come out the other end of the tunnel, I take it upon myself to share my experiences whenever possible. I don't believe that mental health should be "covered up". I understand that it's extremely difficult to talk about these issues but I hope to help and inspire people in some way with my own little story - show them the immense difference that talking can lead to.

    I'm 21 now, nearly 22 and can trace my mental health issues back to when I was 10 or 11. Really though, it all started when I was 14 and became obsessed with my weight. By 17, I was diagnosed with anorexia. During my "recovery", I started self-harming, a condition that became progressively worse up until last year. At 19, I was bulimic, managed to stop vomiting but developed binge eating disorder instead. I became so severly depressed that I could barely leave my room. I stopped going to college, I stopped getting dresses, I stopped caring about anything. Every day, I slept, stayed up all night, got drunk alone and self-harmed. At 20, I dropped out of college after only a year and a half.

    I never felt like I was good enough in life. I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't smart enough etc. etc. I was obsessed with what everyone thought of me and I longed for their approval. I wanted love and attention and I craved it from any boys around me. But once they DID show me attention, I couldn't cope with it. Physical intimacy made me feel sick and dirty. I couldn't cope with the teenage lifestyle that my friends seemed to manage so well.

    What DeV said about intelligence and depression is exactly what I also experienced. I had always been near the top of my class in primary school. In my Junior Cert I got 10As and 2Bs - an amazing result by all accounts. But for me, it wasn't good enough. 2 people in my year got better than that. Study became the one thing that I excelled at - it was what began to define me. But it was just another coping mechanism and I completely abused it and let it destroy me. My obsession with being the best resulted in a constant anxiety, an inability to relax and huge internal pressure. The Leaving Cert came around and I got 8A1s, one of the best results in the country. I got my scholarship to college, I got this recognition that I had craved. But it didn't make me happy. And once I realised that it wasn't the magical cure I had dreamed of, everything began to fall apart until a year and a half later I couldn't even look a book for more than 5mins without giving up.

    Talking about my depression was the best thing I ever did. C&H helped me hugely and I met some fantastic people on there who supported me through my darkest times. I met my boyfriend, my housemates and many other wonderful people on boards. Nowadays, I'm so much better. I returned to college this Sept, studying a course I really enjoy and I've learnt that I don't need to be the best all the time. I've developed so many other interests in life that give me great pleasure every day. I haven't self harmed in over a year. I still get down about my weight sometimes and I'm still on anti-depressants but I've learnt that life doesn't change overnight. Recovering from mental illness is a long and slow process and it often feels like for every step forward, there comes 2 steps backwards. But you just have to keep trying, you have to keep going and you have to try and believe that someday, things will be better. And that is exactly why I share my story. I never, ever believed that I could fix my life, that I could live without some kind of destructive coping mechanism, that I could ever be content. But I am - and I truly believe that every person who suffers from mental illness can live a fulfilling life.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 Seren_


    Overheal wrote: »
    I have a bedroom floor index myself, based on a ratio between 0 and 1 of how much of my floor I can see visibly and how much is obscured by random clutter or laundry.

    Haha, I'm the exact same! The state of my bedroom always reflects the state of my mind :P

    Brilliant thread - it's so important to raise awareness of mental illness!

    Just a little bit of my own experience. I've suffered from depression pretty much most of the last 6 years. There's been some happy times in there (my first year of college especially) but mainly bad tbh. The worst period was the first half of 2010, when I ended up in hospital twice. Not doing well at all at the minute, but I'm seeing a great therapist and it's really helping, I'm also lucky that my GP and psychiatrist are really helpful too :)

    I know this is a bit of a silly thing to say, but if it weren't for boards I don't think I'd still be here. I started posting here properly around the time I started feeling really low, and it was a good distraction from how I was feeling (most of the time anyway). One thread and forum in particular helped so much, namely the "Have you ever had depression?" thread on C&H :) Just knowing that I wasn't the only one going through a hard time and that other people were able to get through it and feel better helped me so, so much. Thanks to all you boardsies for being awesome <3


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,961 ✭✭✭✭ boneyarsebogman


    I'm also lucky that my GP and psychiatrist are really helpful too :)

    This is a massive issue for me. It seems like there just aren't many GPs in Ireland that can give great advice about the area of mental health. Recently I went to my local GP about coming off of these meds - he Oohh'd and Aahh'd, looked in a book and was completely unable to give me any sort of an answer.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭ Anatom


    Wow. Just, wow...

    Your description of what depression meant to you - not being down per se, but having that "nothing"/"flatline" feeling - hit like a mallet.


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,961 ✭✭✭✭ boneyarsebogman


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    What a brilliant thread DeV. I think there is still such an unfortunate and senseless stigma to the black dog still that it can leave people feeling terribly isolated - great to see such an open and honest thread which will hopefully raise awareness.

    You mention that talking about it is really important. Just to remind people that there's a Personal Issues thread here on Boards and while nobody is medically qualified to help, there are lots of kindly folk over there who are too happy to listen.

    There's also a very good thread in the Long Term Illness forum for people who suffer from Depression and I think it's also a great resouce for people to offload http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992

    Thanks again DeV, I think this thread will really help people.

    As Insect Overlord mentioned, there is a fantastic thread in Clearasil & Hormones for some of the younger users, as well as other threads. See my sig for links to some of these.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭ cloud493


    I 100% agree with that description. Its like.... I can't describe it nearly as well as that. Its like... just nothing at all. Like, you can still laugh, or smile, at times maybe. but you'll be sitting there, and for me, things that should cause some sort of emotional reaction, it just does nothing.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,559 Millicent


    cloud493 wrote: »
    I 100% agree with that description. Its like.... I can't describe it nearly as well as that. Its like... just nothing at all. Like, you can still laugh, or smile, at times maybe. but you'll be sitting there, and for me, things that should cause some sort of emotional reaction, it just does nothing.

    And the worst of it is, people don't get why you don't just *fix* that behaviour. I remember at one stage not leaving the house for days on end because I was too demotivated to shower or get dressed. It wasn't even that I didn't want to -- I literally could not muster the energy or will necessary to turn off the tv, get off my couch and step under the shower. Even though I needed cigarettes, I would beg and plead with my boyfriend to go and get them for me because I couldn't face the people in the shop looking so scruffy but couldn't do without the cigarettes (I smoke like a trooper when I'm down).

    I just felt too "nothing", too numb, too inert to function and would freak out when I had to challenge that feeling with everyday life.

    It's definitely why you can't tell people to just snap out of it. Who would live like that if they could just stop it at any time?


  • Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,414 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭ DeVore


    cloud493 wrote: »
    I 100% agree with that description. Its like.... I can't describe it nearly as well as that. Its like... just nothing at all. Like, you can still laugh, or smile, at times maybe. but you'll be sitting there, and for me, things that should cause some sort of emotional reaction, it just does nothing.
    Yeah, thats it. I *know* intellectually that I should respond with excitement or anger etc, but at the core, I dont feel it. Its a layer on top so to speak.

    But then there are times when emotion, particularly with anger, will burst out and explode and I have absolutely no control (or at least I used not to). So when I was a kid I got into fights over things like injustice or bullying. I would just absolutely lose it.
    This also caused problems for me with my father and our relationship suffered (something I'm glad to say has reversed completely).

    I found acting relatively easy, in some ways I've been Robert DefnckingNero all my life :)

    DeV.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 Seren_


    This is a massive issue for me. It seems like there just aren't many GPs in Ireland that can give great advice about the area of mental health. Recently I went to my local GP about coming off of these meds - he Oohh'd and Aahh'd, looked in a book and was completely unable to give me any sort of an answer.

    I definitely agree with you. A lot of doctors are also too willing to hand out scripts for anti-depressants without even having a chat with their patient. In a lecture last week, we were told that the average GP consultation time for someone with mental illness is 3 minutes - that's just ridiculous.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,545 ✭✭✭ hairyslug


    Was at the gp today, after a bit of nagging from the wife and what i can only call an emotional breakdown lastnight, went through all my problems, was great to get it all of my chest, my wife has suspected that i suffered from depression for sometime now and i went purely to keep her happy, was a strange feeling telling a stranger all my problems but after an hour i came out a lot more relaxed than have been in a long time, the possible "cure" if it can be called that wasnt what i wanted to hear and will take some work but i hope in the long run itll will but me back on the right road.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭ cloud493


    I find counseling, or the ones I tried not very helpful. After my.. incident, i March, they referred me to pieta house. Which is for self injurers. Its a great facility, no doubt, its free, good counseling and what not. I just hate counseling. I hate trying to explain myself to someone who doesn't understand., either how I'm feeling, or what I'm going through, or what's gone on in the past.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,142 ✭✭✭ Babooshka


    Thank you for writing this. I remember telling someone I worked with that I had just faced up to some depression/eating disorder issues about 8 years back. I only told her as I had broken up with a guy who was a close friend of hers, and felt I owed her an explanation as to why, as she had also been very nice to me at work at the time I worked there. Biggest mistake ever. She told me I should keep my mouth shut about it and not tell anyone else at work, that I wouldn't want any record of anti depressants on a work file and that it doesn't look good. It made me feel very small.

    I am not sure what she was trying to say was to be practical and offer advice, or if she was just a bitch at heart and conditioned by her own background, and does the reason really matter? I just found it so cold and not understanding at all. I was pretty much blanked by her after that and I think she told others, as my phone stopped ringing a while later. Luckily it was only a contract and I got to walk away but it still hurt and it's made me very reluctant to talk about mental health issues at all to people I work with now, or anyone I am not very close to, and I can count on one hand who I am close to. Don't get me wrong... I do not want to tell everyone I know casually at work that I get depressed sometimes on tea breaks, it's hardly light conversation, but I just find it a very harsh world that someone would say something like that to you when you're revealing a vulnerable side of yourself during a private moment.

    Luckily I have a loving partner now I can discuss things with if I feel up to talking about my episodes, but there is quite simply a huge lack of empathy and understanding out there. I think the woman's attitude said a lot more about her than about me - but I allowed what she said to affect my trust in others to the point I never forgot it, and won't tell many people now. Therein lies the problem.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭ efb


    Right doc went well, but out of work til Xmas


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭ flutterflye


    I have THIS post by Mickey Dolenz bookmarked on my laptop, just thought I'd stick it here for anyone who also might find it helpful.

    I am in the middle of a very bad bout of depression and anxiety atm.
    I am still shocked at the amount of ignorance out there, even in close family/friends who I would have thought would know better.
    I guess the more it is talked about in the open like this, the more aware and educated people will become.
    Well I hope so anyway.


  • Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭ DailyBlaa


    I have being suffering from depression for 10 years. You have you good and bad days with it. As the OP said it is nothing to do with your life a lot of the time. I have had nothing but success in everything I have done. I would consider myself very fortunate to have a very good family and I am in an amazing relationship. But none of that stops you feeling utterly empty inside. Not happy, not sad but nothing. It takes away from your self belief so much. It is almost impossible to talk about because of the stigma associated about it. Only one person knows about it in my life.

    The worse thing about it is the overwhelming sense of worthlessness you feel. You can't escape it. I would like to thank the OP for this post today as it prompted me to finally admit to it to my work colleagues. It has greatly affected my work of late. Saying it is such a difficult thing to do. I have been in a life threatening situation before but having to stand there and tell someone about this is far more difficult to face.

    I know what it is like to be at the very bottom. It is scary beyond belief. It is like being at the bottom of a well and when you look up it is just darkness. When it was really bad before I admit I considered to end it. That day is when I turned to a friend to help me. I will be forever grateful that I did. So my advice to anyone out there suffering in silence don't do it alone. Talking can be the best medicine. When you talk about it it can feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders, you feel like you can breath again.

    I lost a friend to depression before. It was such a shock. I was talking to him the night he done it and he seemed 'normal'. I was arranging to meet him next week. That is the thing about sufferers from depression, we tend to get very good at hiding our true emotions. That is what makes it so devastating when it all comes to a head. There is such a release of emotion it can lead to some awful consequences. That is why I urge anyone who is feeling like the way the OP described please talk to someone, pick up the phone, send an email whatever it takes to share it and in doing so help yourself.

    More needs to be done in Ireland about depression. The stigma of it needs to dealt with. Sufferers don't want your pity only your understanding.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭ cloud493


    Some people just stereotype, shockingly so. Or just don't get it. Which isn't unreasonable really.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,205 Benny_Cake


    Was kinda taken aback by the title of this thread - until I saw who posted it :D Thanks for posting this DeVore and to everyone else who has posted their experiences here.

    I've suffered on and off with depression over the years. When I compare my experiences with it with the problems some people have mentioned here, I feel quite lucky really..with me it relates primarily to generalised anxiety (I tend to obsessively worry,which is followed by a spell of depression, and so on..).I'm on medication at the moment which seems to be helping, and I'm seeing a very good counsellor who is helping me view my problems with this in completely new ways, and has helped me figure out that this goes back to a lengthy spell of bullying in school.

    There is no silver bullet for all this and for a lot of people it may be something they wrestle with for the rest of their lives. It can be helped though, see a doctor and talk to someone - the first person I spoke to was my OH and she has been an absolute rock to me, despite having put up with a lot.


  • Registered Users Posts: 972 moco


    Did Devore invent boards?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 31,970 ✭✭✭✭ Sarky


    DeVore wrote: »
    I wonder if there is a genetic element to depression too.

    There can be. If you're genetically predisposed to, say, having your brain produce less serotonin (essentially a feelgood chemical), then you're more likely to get some kinds of depression. But there are plenty different kinds of depression, and they're not all based on neurochemistry.

    I went through about a year and a half of depression because a nasty combination of serious illness, messy breakup, work stress and having to deal with horrible people all at the same time just flattened my serotonin levels and left the world looking horribly bleak and overwhelming. It's impossible to describe just how unpleasant it is, partly because it hits everyone in its own way. Some people feel nothing but misery, some people feel nothing at all. I wouldn't wish it on the worst criminal, however it strikes.

    It can be a catch 22 situation where you feel terrible for no reason, and knowing that makes you feel worse, and you know there's no reason to feel worse which makes you feel even worse, and so on until you're just locking yourself in a toilet cubicle and hiding from the world in the hopes it will just leave you alone.

    You can work your way out of it, though it's not at all easy. Once my own serotonin levels started recovering I was pretty much fine, and it was quite enough of a struggle just keeping the edge off the despair until then. I am in awe of anyone who manages to deal with depression on a regular basis, it takes a lot of willpower and determination to keep it in check. Friends and counselling and treatment help, certainly, but depression is a very personal and subjective beast, and all the help in the world is little help if the sufferer doesn't want it. So kudos, you guys. Keep it up. Don't be ashamed to go for help if you need it, you wouldn't be embarrassed about going for antibiotics when you have an ear infection. Same thing applies here.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,457 ✭✭✭✭ Mr Benevolent


    I get depressed on and off for maybe a few days at a time (like one of the above posters, mainly in the form of obsessive worry and thoughts of death) and frankly haven't told anyone. My dad has had a psychosis for years and while he's ok now he was fairly unstable for years, and I don't want to be treated like he was (by myself and my family). Frankly, it seems like a silly thing for me to admit when I can still function fine. Is this a stupid attitude? Maybe.


  • Registered Users Posts: 904 MetalDog


    Great post OP. . . we need to discard the stupid backward attitude towards mental illness & suffering that people have, not just in this country, but in most of the modern world.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,757 ✭✭✭✭ TeddyTedson


    moco wrote: »
    Did Devore invent boards?
    Or was it boards invented DeVore, I forget:confused::P

    I remember reading somewhere that depression could be defined as extreme sadness for a period of longer than 2 weeks, but after reading DeVs post that is obviously an awful definition. I wonder how many people suffer from depression without really knowing it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 34,823 ✭✭✭✭ smash


    Another thing is that a lot of people confuse depression with GAD (generalised anxiety disorder). I'm not sure which is worse though.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,642 ✭✭✭ Teyla Emmagan


    Great post OP.

    I suffer from anxiety, which I have struggled with for the last few years (GAD as it happens, thanks Smash). Not as bad as depression, but it can have an awful affect on your life at the same time. I have had days when I was afraid to go into work, couldn't focus on the smallest task, found fault with everything I did and was utterly overwhelmed by the most basic tasks. Thankfully I have a great doctor though, so after one panic attack too far, we gave up the 'rest and take it easy' approach a kick to the kerb and started me on some SSRIs. They have made the most massive difference to my life. I literally would have had to give up working without them and my mood is hugely improved.

    So all I have to add to the thread is don't suffer in silence - reach out and get help.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,529 ✭✭✭✭ thebaz


    depression is such a curse of Modern life - sadly i believe, it is never really understood unless you have been unfortunate eneogh to actually suffer with it - patience in my mind is the only cure, waiting for life to swing back to hope , when minutes seem like days .... life constantly changes and never stands still - just keep riding the journey of life , swings , and roundabouts

    without the darkness how much poorer the Art world would be - from Rothko to Joy Division - Pollock to Hemmingway

    Swimming in cold sea water i find benificial , the freezing water can calm and **** the emotional pain


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,205 Benny_Cake


    smash wrote: »
    Another thing is that a lot of people confuse depression with GAD (generalised anxiety disorder). I'm not sure which is worse though.

    Believe you me, it is quite common that the two go together.The thing about GAD is that it wears you out worrying and being on guard all the time, so it makes it easier for depression to take hold. I know I saw some statistics about the commonality of both GAD and depression, I'll see if I can find the link.


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