The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

dusty207 · 05-06-2011 07:50PM

What do you call a woman with only one leg?

Eileen

What do you call a woman with no legs?

Noleen

pappyodaniel · 05-06-2011 08:18PM

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

Rick Deckard · 05-06-2011 08:24PM

peatcass wrote: »

I was waiting at the bus stop when a fat woman waddled up.
"whens it due, love?" I asked.
"You cheeky bastard!" she spat.

"The bus, chubby," I said, "who'd want to ride you?"

peatcass wrote: »

In a shop; "Can I have a Kikat chunky?"
*hands me a Chunky Kitkat*

I wanted a normal one, you fat kunt!

Saw two girls at the bar last night, so I approached the one and said,
"Can I borrow your lighter mate?"
She said, "I don't smoke."
"Neither do I," I replied, "I want to dance with your fit friend, you tubby fcuk".

giles lynchwood · 05-06-2011 08:26PM

An Irishman and an Englishman sitting at a bar as usual trying to out do each other,so the englishman say´s" Football mate the most popular game in the world and we invented it".
To which the irishman replies "Hurling the fastest grass sport played and we invented it"
"British Beef "shouts the englishman",best in the world".
"Guinness"replies the irishman,world famous.
At this stage the englishman is getting annoyed and thinks to himself i´ll shut this mick up once and for all and announce´s to all "Sex we invented Sex"
To which the irishman replies"and we interdouced to WOMEN":D

Reloc8 · 05-06-2011 09:03PM

What's green and sits in the corner ?

A bold frog.

TiGeR KiNgS · 05-06-2011 09:15PM

dusty207 wrote: »

What do you call a woman with only one leg?

Eileen

What do you call a woman with no legs?

Noleen

gtfo and dont come back

giles lynchwood · 06-06-2011 12:15AM

If a black bird has black babies,and a white bird has white babies,what bird has no babies.
A Swallow.:pac:

pockets3d · 06-06-2011 01:24AM

I know a good joke about roofs
but it'll probably go over your heads.

policarp · 06-06-2011 01:38AM

pockets3d wrote: »

I know a good joke about roofs
but it'll probably go over your heads.

You should take a bit of a slating for that...

Fart · 06-06-2011 02:06AM

snyper wrote: »

A family are driving behind a bin lorry when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

Aha, best joke I've heard in years. Literally crying with laughter.

paddy kerins · 06-06-2011 04:08AM

Nicolas Cages career

Hootanany · 06-06-2011 07:34AM

giles lynchwood wrote: »

An Irishman and an Englishman sitting at a bar as usual trying to out do each other,so the englishman say´s" Football mate the most popular game in the world and we invented it".
To which the irishman replies "Hurling the fastest grass sport played and we invented it"
"British Beef "shouts the englishman",best in the world".
"Guinness"replies the irishman,world famous.
At this stage the englishman is getting annoyed and thinks to himself i´ll shut this mick up once and for all and announce´s to all "Sex we invented Sex"
To which the irishman replies"and we interdouced to WOMEN":D

dusty207 · 06-06-2011 03:41PM

TiGeR KiNgS wrote: »

gtfo and dont come back

Why?

Scram · 06-06-2011 03:51PM

Hootanany wrote: »

sounded like the joke ws going somewhere, i dont get it either.

pappyodaniel · 06-06-2011 06:09PM

Scram wrote: »

sounded like the joke ws going somewhere, i dont get it either.

There is a good punchline at the end but the joke is very muddled up with bad spelling.

Spread · 06-06-2011 06:12PM

pappyodaniel wrote: »

There is a good punchline at the end but the joke is very muddled up with bad spelling.

Dotti oops Ditto

kfallon · 06-06-2011 06:39PM

Two Monkeys in a bath

one goes "ooo oo ah ah o ah oo ooo ah"

the other says "well if thats fuckin' hot put a drop of cold in!"

kfallon · 06-06-2011 06:42PM

Boy sees sign in shop window:

Doughnuts €1

Sandwiches €2

**** €5

Young lad goes into the shop all excited and asks the Busty Blonde shopkeeper "Are you the lady that gives the ****?"

"Yes" she replies

"Could you wash your hands please and I'll have a ham sandwich!!"

kfallon · 06-06-2011 07:04PM

I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I was devastated.

My friend said, "Don't worry mate, there's plenty more fish in the sea."

I replied, "Yeah, but its not just the smell I miss."

Frank Black · 07-06-2011 04:25PM

dusty207 wrote: »

Why?

Because 1978 called and it wants its joke back – now take a hike buddy.

Fbjm · 07-06-2011 04:34PM

No idea if this has been posted yet, but here's one.

An old guy meets someone in a club and brings her back to his place, but the problem is his parts aren't as functional as they used to be. So he tells her to go into the bedroom, and he'll be in in a few minutes. He heads for the toilet and takes out his secret bottle of liquid Viagra. Now the girl is a real looker and he wants to make it a long night, so he downs half the bottle.

Now I don't think I mentioned this before, but this poor man's eyesight is also beginning to go, and he collapses on the bathroom floor after downing half a bottle of Tippex. The girl hears the commotion, comes out and sees him on the floor. In a state of panic, she calls for an ambulance.

So the man ends up being ok; in fact, he wakes up in the hospital the very next morning - with a MASSIVE correction.

Ledger · 07-06-2011 05:18PM

Fbjm wrote: »

No idea if this has been posted yet, but here's one.

An old guy meets someone in a club and brings her back to his place, but the problem is his parts aren't as functional as they used to be. So he tells her to go into the bedroom, and he'll be in in a few minutes. He heads for the toilet and takes out his secret bottle of liquid Viagra. Now the girl is a real looker and he wants to make it a long night, so he downs half the bottle.

Now I don't think I mentioned this before, but this poor man's eyesight is also beginning to go, and he collapses on the bathroom floor after downing half a bottle of Tippex. The girl hears the commotion, comes out and sees him on the floor. In a state of panic, she calls for an ambulance.

So the man ends up being ok; in fact, he wakes up in the hospital the very next morning - with a MASSIVE correction.

shut the door on your way thanks.

Fozzydog3 · 07-06-2011 05:31PM

Chris P. Bacon wrote: »

Not really a joke but,everyday i look in the mirror and say "i cant wait for tomorrow"....because i get better looking everyday

FYP

sean1141 · 07-06-2011 05:56PM

i thought this was best jokes thread not a FYP thread

Cypher_sounds · 07-06-2011 06:30PM

Amy Winehouse bumps into Jeremy Clarkson and asks 'what do you do?' Clarkson replies 'i do top gear' Amy Winehouse says 'aww i'll have 3 grams please'

Rick Deckard · 07-06-2011 09:03PM

Once you go black, you never go back.

I'd love to see Kari test that one on MythBusters.

Fbjm · 07-06-2011 09:04PM

Ledger wrote: »

shut the door on your way thanks.

-.-

PeterIanStaker · 07-06-2011 09:13PM

Two wrongs never make a right;

But they do make an episode of Jerry Springer.

AlanBr · 07-06-2011 09:20PM

Why is Beyonce's song called "To the left to the left"...?

Because black people have no rights.

Fbjm · 07-06-2011 09:23PM

peatcass wrote: »

Once you go black, you never go back.

I'd love to see Kari test that one on MythBusters.

http://sickipedia.org/

Copypasta?

Third highest of the day.

Original.

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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