The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

theparish

Apologies if this has been answered before but is there a way to unblock spoilers or are they there for a reason.

Laika1986

theparish wrote: »

Apologies if this has been answered before but is there a way to unblock spoilers or are they there for a reason.

Just highlight it mate

The King of Moo

theparish wrote: »

Apologies if this has been answered before but is there a way to unblock spoilers or are they there for a reason.

Just highlight them with your cursor.

theparish

Laika1986 wrote: »

Just highlight it mate

Well I be damned,learn something new everyday.Thanks.

hondasam

Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peaks in and catches his folks in the act. Before daddy can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, "Oh boy! Horsey ride! Daddy, can I ride your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees...

Johnny hops on daddy and starts going to town... pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping... Johnny cries out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the mailman usually get bucked off.

OutlawPete

theparish wrote: »

Well I be damned,learn something new everyday.Thanks.

Ctl A reveals 'em all at once.

--

Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and mob.

Cypher_sounds

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
...
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

spiralism

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman bought a rifle.

Paddy Irishman took the rifle and shot Paddy Englishman because he was a member of the IRA.

AgileMyth

FruitLover wrote: »

It's "twelve years old and full of alcohol".

'Fraid not.

"I like my women how I like my whiskey.

12 years old and mixed up with coke."

Galway K9

spiralism wrote: »

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman bought a rifle.

Paddy Irishman took the rifle and shot Paddy Englishman because he was a member of the IRA.

What was that....was that meant to be a joke?

marzic

spiralism wrote: »

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman bought a rifle.

Paddy Irishman took the rifle and shot Paddy Englishman because he was a member of the IRA.

... and said "take that Paddy Englishman, you fcuking IRA cnut":D

kellso81

two dyslexic men sitting at the bar, one turns to the other, 'can you smell gas?'. 'No,' he replies, 'I can't even smell my own name!'

marzic

Did you hear about the Agnostic Dyslexic Insomniac?

He stays up all night saying "There is no Dog"!:D
(not the best i ever heard i'm sure, but the cleverest i can think of)

digme

How do you know when you're in a jews house?


There's a fork in the sugar bowl

Godsentme

theparish wrote: »

Well I be damned,learn something new everyday.Thanks.

here here. :D

Poor Uncle Tom

marzic wrote: »

Did you hear about the Agnostic Dyslexic Insomniac?

He stays up all night saying "There is no Dog"!:D
(not the best i ever heard i'm sure, but the cleverest i can think of)

...would be funnier if he stayed awake all night wondering if there really was a dog...

barone

what do you call a fly with no wings?































a walk

DirtyBollox

was up a ladder the other day cleaning out the gutters. my watch came loose and fell off my wrist but its alright it landed on its hands!

Chiggers

What do you call an anoresic with a yeast infection.

...a quarter pounder with cheese.

Chiggers

Chiggers wrote: »

What do you call an anoresic with a yeast infection.

...a quarter pounder with cheese.

Ooops.
"Went to the Doctor yesterday. Got some bad news. Told me I have the big C".

"you've got cancer ?"

"No, dyslexia"

jimbob86

A young lad of about 15 or 16 goes home to his father and tells him "Da...im after ridin the young one nextdoor!"
"Well done son! im proud of you..fairplay" says the father "but i hope you wore protection?"
"of coarse i did...i wore a balaclava!"

AckwelFoley

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again

AckwelFoley

A family are driving behind a bin lorry when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

Poor Uncle Tom

Sitec wrote: »

A man is queuing at the 5 items or less checkout. The girl in front of him turns around and looks at his basket. He has a 4 pack of Heineken and an Indian meal for 1. Shes smiles at him. He looks in her basket and sees a small bottle of wine and a Chinese meal for 1. He says to her "You're single aren't you?" She gives a girly giggle and says "yes, how did you know?" The man replies "cause your an ugly c,unt.

Your Tommy Cooper impression is deafening.......but good..:p

Rick Deckard

Women are like fine wines.







You can get them cheaper if you go abroad.

sidneykidney

George clooney is making a new movie about Gary glitter,called ........Oh she's eleven

sean1141

The queen has cancelled her visit to Cork City because of the traffic. She said that her grandson has been stuck in Middleton for the last two weeks.........

kfallon

Jesus was walking down the road one day and saw a crowd about to stone a woman. He stepped forth, shouting, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!" - to which a voice from the back of the crowd replied, "Ah for fook sake Jesus, you always have to go first, don't ya!!!"

keano_afc

barone wrote: »

what do you call a fly with no wings?































a walk

Thats the best joke you've EVER heard?? Seriously?

Savage Tyrant

Ryan Giggs is suing Twitter.... I can't Imogen Why.

What a career Ryan Giggs has had though....
He's been in 7 FA Cup Finals. 5 League Cup Finals, 3 Champions League Finals and 1 Big Brother Quarter Finalist.