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Is an orgasm so important ???
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OP, have you tried fantasising during sex? It sounds to me like you're too self-conscious to let go enough to be able to orgasm, and if you're thinking about your weight you're definitely not losing yourself enough during the experience.
On the odd occasion where I'm just not getting there, I let my imagination get to work - and for those who feel that's cheating on your partner (and yes I have encountered that bizarre opinion), I should point out that the vast, vast majority of the time that I need to fantasise, it's actually just remembering the best sexy times that I've had with my man in the past. I ususally find that if I'm not in the right frame of mind for the act itself to push me over the edge, once I start to fantasise a bit I lose myself in the moment enough to forget anything that might be hindering me and BAM! - success!
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Flexiblefriend wrote: »I have shown him a good few times already but he doesnt seem to know a womans body too well and it hasnt worked so far....However I dont intend to stop trying
In fairness to him, how could he know if you keep telling him he's doing what you need and lying to him about orgasming.
I'm sorry OP but you already did stop trying when you started being untrutful with him.
When I first met my partner, it took us a little time to get everything right and there were a couple of times I was tempted to fake it, simply because he was putting so much effort into it, it felt like it would be a reward to him if I lied. But I didn't ... and we got there ... and we've been getting there ever since.
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I don't understand why people lie about this! The problem about lying is he'll think your having them and think what he's doing in the bedroom is right for you when it's obviously not. How would you feel if he lied to you about them? You have to work on things in the bedroom just like you would in a relationship, start experimenting and see what you both like Take a trip into a sex shop and have a look around it can be really fun and add to the excitement of going home and enjoying what you get
Orgasms are important in a relationship because it brings you close to the person, you see each other at their most intimate state. I have them 99% of the time I love to try news things all the time It keeps things fresh and you will find out what gets you ticking Have a chat with you fella, text him a fantasy you want to do and just enjoy yourself.
Whatever you do don't look at it like a job just let it happen naturally 0 -
Wow, what I've said seems to have caused quite a uproar.
Let me be more clear:
- I didn't say penetration orgasms don't count, don't know where ye all got that idea from. It's absolutely great if you have them, you're luckier than most.
-Of course I'm aware that there still are women who find it easy to orgasm that way, I am one of them.
- My attitude isn't "sex is all about the orgasm", I know all the other parts are important but not orgasming despite having the power to and because you want to make someone feel better about their performance is just silly and shouldn't even count as an intimate act.
- Just because I enjoy the climax of something doesn't mean I'll skip to the climax, I don't watch solely the climaxes of movies, like I've said, I watch the whole thing but if it doesn't have a climax then it defeats the purpose of being entertained because that's not entertaining.
- Depriving yourself of an orgasm because of sexual ignorance, to me, lessens the intimacy, trust me, I know all about intimacy and touchy feely womanly stuff, I only have sex with other women.0 -
Wow, what I've said seems to have caused quite a uproar.
Let me be more clear:
- I didn't say penetration orgasms don't count, don't know where ye all got that idea from. It's absolutely great if you have them, you're luckier than most.
-Of course I'm aware that there still are women who find it easy to orgasm that way, I am one of them.
- My attitude isn't "sex is all about the orgasm", I know all the other parts are important but not orgasming despite having the power to and because you want to make someone feel better about their performance is just silly and shouldn't even count as an intimate act.
- Just because I enjoy the climax of something doesn't mean I'll skip to the climax, I don't watch solely the climaxes of movies, like I've said, I watch the whole thing but if it doesn't have a climax then it defeats the purpose of being entertained because that's not entertaining.
- Depriving yourself of an orgasm because of sexual ignorance, to me, lessens the intimacy, trust me, I know all about intimacy and touchy feely womanly stuff, I only have sex with other women.
I'd have whiplash for doing a 180 turn that fast.0 -
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- Just because I enjoy the climax of something doesn't mean I'll skip to the climax, I don't watch solely the climaxes of movies, like I've said, I watch the whole thing but if it doesn't have a climax then it defeats the purpose of being entertained because that's not entertaining.
I don't think you're being misunderstood Biscuits, I think in general people disagree with the above statement. The general consensus seems to be that sex is enjoyable with or without orgasm, but you're saying sex is enjoyable, but why have sex if you're not going to climax? Not that you don't enjoy the other parts, but that it's the finishing line, or the goal. Whereas personally, and I gather what the other posters are saying is, the goal isn't about orgasm, the goal is to have fun and enjoy the overall intimacy And then the orgasm is a nice bonus 0 -
boomkatalog wrote: »I don't think you're being misunderstood Biscuits, I think in general people disagree with the above statement. The general consensus seems to be that sex is enjoyable with or without orgasm, but you're saying sex is enjoyable, but why have sex if you're not going to climax? Not that you don't enjoy the other parts, but that it's the finishing line, or the goal. Whereas personally, and I gather what the other posters are saying is, the goal isn't about orgasm, the goal is to have fun and enjoy the overall intimacy And then the orgasm is a nice bonus
No, I'm not saying why have sex if you don't orgasm, I'm saying it'll be far less enjoyable.
Well, it's easier to make it the goal if you orgasm easily, it doesn't make sex any less enjoyable for me because you know, I don't orgasm once during sex. I think most people view orgasms as a "bonus" this way if they don't orgasm a lot. Just an observation.
I also don't eat because it's enjoyable to eat, I eat because I'm hungry and enjoy how it tastes second. Get me?0 -
I'm of the opinion that orgasms are a nice bonus and they're not rare for me (thank you bf) but if it doesn't happen, no big deal, I still enjoy it just as much. Some of the best sex I've ever had I didn't climax.
Plus, I'm more inclined to keep going if I don't, after I do I'm only fit for a 3-in-1 and a nap :pac:0 -
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Not the only point no, but if I wasn't getting the big O I don't think I'd bother TBH. Actually I know I wouldnt. It would be a frustrating waste of time. Especially if I could get myself off and she couldn't. I could hear the speech of "It's not you, it's me, I think we're better as mates". and go off and find someone sexually compatible. Now that's just me and me as a particular guy and men would be more "goal orientated" orgasm wise*. But I've known women with very "male" sexual responses so it wouldnt come as a shock to discover that some women wouldnt be bothered with sex if an orgasm was unlikely or never.
*We expect one every time. You'll never see a male magazine article entitled "how to have an orgasm". Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.
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This is simply not true in the slightest.
If you think orgasms are the only point of sex, then that's your prerogative. But that's just your opinion and it does not apply to the rest of us. Nor does help the OP in this situation.
OP, it could just be that you're not sexually compatible. But again, there's no point asking us because only you can decide if your relationship is good enough to survive a potential dearth of orgasms.
You've probably never had an orgasm if you think sex is more enjoyable without one. Sorry, but that is absolute bull****.
Now leave me alone like I requested.*We expect one every time. You'll never see a male magazine article entitled "how to have an orgasm".
It's true and I've never sought out the advise myself because I want to orgasm. I think it's important, like men in a lot of cases would, so this is relevant to the OP. Like anything else in life you'll have to want it and not settle for being unsatisfied. I think you guys are kidding yourselves saying that you don't want orgasms and sex is great without one.0 -
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