Is an orgasm so important ???

The_Morrigan

sam34 wrote: »

another convent girl here.... i was taught that women had to "endure" it, while men "liked" it.

I rebelled against the convent learnings of "you must please your husband" ah here no, if "God" gave me the ability to orgasm then so be it!!

Count Duckula

sam34 wrote: »

my my. most women only enjoy penetrative sex because they have been told they enjoy it?

nothing to do with the sensation of a having a cock inside them, being filled, squeezing their muscles and feeling that cock, the rate of thrusts, the depth of penetration, the angle of penetration, that spine-tingling sensation when the depth and angle combine to ensure their cervix is stimulated.... nothing at all to do with that, it;s all because theyve been told that they will enjy it so like good little girls they obey without question.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight :rolleyes:

But how in any way does that penis feel better than a vibrator doing the exact same thing but also hitting all the other hot spots?

sam34

Count Duckula wrote: »

But how in any way does that penis feel better than a vibrator doing the exact same thing but also hitting all the other hot spots?

i never said it did.

but to answer, tbf, ime, its hard get the same thrusting speed and force (for want of a better word) that you get with the real deal. if youre thrusting un and out with the vibrator you wont get sustained clitoral stimulation, (which some people need) whereas you can get that thru real sex. plus there is all the body to body contact that you cant emulate, plus the intimacy and closeness etc

LegacyUser

Count Duckula wrote: »

But how in any way does that penis feel better than a vibrator doing the exact same thing but also hitting all the other hot spots?

I imagine there're three main reasons:

1) Unless it's a good quality cyberskin dildo that's been warmed up, it's not going to feel exactly like a penis.
2) You have to hold it and use your hand to manually stimulate yourself, I imagine that's not half as thrilling as having someone else to it do you. The unpredictability of the actions of another party in the sexual act is half the fun.
3) There's an actual physical person there you can talk to, see the reactions of, reach out and touch, smell etc. Sex is a very psychological thing. Having sex with someone is much more of a turn on than masturbation.

polly78

Biscuits. wrote: »

but I am dubious of the mass amount who say "I can have great sex without an orgasm,

I agree with this statement which takes it back to OPs question. Its very enjoyable but never "great".

I feel sorry for girls who can't and for the guy who thinks it's something he's doing wrong, I feel it rarely is.

Guys know exactly what will work for them as they've been working on it since puberty, girls rarely do and are more consumed with the romanticism of boys in their early years.

I was aware of my ability to orgasm at an early age but from talking to friends and from media this doesn't seem to be the norm.

I can't imagine how it could ever be encouraged for young girls to explore this but I genuinely believe that once a girl herself has mastered it, it comes completely naturally when she's having sex, penetrative or otherwise.

metrovelvet

sam34 wrote: »

my my. most women only enjoy penetrative sex because they have been told they enjoy it?

nothing to do with the sensation of a having a cock inside them, being filled, squeezing their muscles and feeling that cock, the rate of thrusts, the depth of penetration, the angle of penetration, that spine-tingling sensation when the depth and angle combine to ensure their cervix is stimulated.... nothing at all to do with that, it;s all because theyve been told that they will enjy it so like good little girls they obey without question.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight :rolleyes:

Nature abhors a vacuum.

Faith

Count Duckula wrote: »

But how in any way does that penis feel better than a vibrator doing the exact same thing but also hitting all the other hot spots?

Like sam34 said, at the end of the day you know that a vibrator is just a piece of synthetic material. No matter how good it feels, IMO it would never replace the feeling of a real penis inside you - the heat, feeling the changes as your partner is about to come, feeling him come, having his body pressed against yours... None of that can be replicated with a toy.

I was never, ever told that penetration was the important bit of sex, and I was never told I just had to enjoy it. Yet it's by far my favourite sexual act, I orgasm most easily through penetration and if I had to choose one act to do for the rest of my life, there's no doubt that it would be penetration. This notion that women only do it because they're supposed to, and that they're lying to themselves about enjoying it, is absolute bollox.

At the end of the day, I have all the orgasms I want to, I'm still happy on the occasions where I don't orgasm, and it doesn't matter if anyone else thinks I'm lying about that kind of thing because I know I'm not. As long as I'm satisfied, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, and I'm sure that goes for every other woman on this thread. Debating whether someone else's happiness is real or not is pointless .

diddlybit

Count Duckula wrote: »

I remember being told by a gay friend at university that the best lover a woman could have is another woman. She knows everything that will get her off, because it gets her off too, and she won't simply be desperate to "stick it in and get on with it".

I actually think that's probably true.

I'd love to agree with this but, unfortunately I have to admit that having the same topography as someone else doesn't necessarily mean that you know what you're doing. *Thinks back to teenage lesbian escapades in shame *

Personally I think that sexual compatability and chemistry has a lot more to do with good sex than a person's gender or the sexual practices that people assume fit that gender (just refreing back to previous posts here). Fixating on certain sexual practices based upon gender is pretty restrictive, whether you are gay or straight. Assuming that someone behaves in certain way on the basis of their gender i.e. men are selfish or that women only want loving intimacy is equally restrictive.

People across all spectrums of sex, gender identification and sexualities have diverse sexual perfrences in the bedrooms. Just because I am X, does not necessarily mean that I want Y in the bedroom

sam34

polly78 wrote: »

I agree with this statement which takes it back to OPs question. Its very enjoyable but never "great".

"never"? really?

you can generalise and speak for every woman, can you?

polly78

sam34 wrote: »

"never"? really?

you can generalise and speak for every woman, can you?

I never said for every woman, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was speaking for all girls, I wasn't, just that I'd never describe sex without orgasm as great.

sam34

polly78 wrote: »

I never said for every woman, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was speaking for all girls, I wasn't, just that I'd never describe sex without orgasm as great.

fair enough, apologies if i misunderstood. its just that when you posted what you did in response to

but I am dubious of the mass amount who say "I can have great sex without an orgasm,

it looked as if you were generalising.

Stheno

The_Morrigan wrote: »

Does that actually happen? I can't recall being told anything about enjoying sex (I learnt from the nuns), it was purely procreation within marriage

I'd a very very orthodox Catholic upbringing and when it came to my sex education I got given a book to read with the output being that I would write an essay on my understanding of the book.

Strangely enough the book focused on the act of making love and placed a huge emphasis on it throughout describing having sex and so I from the outset associated sex with love and pleasure and jointly enjoying it.

Count Duckula

I guess that I struggle to understand the mentality that "penetration is enough" because in my head sex is all about the pleasure and the orgasm. Maybe that has something to do with me being a man, or maybe I'm just a terribly cold lover who doesn't value the intimacy as highly as I should, but to me sex needs to lead to orgasm or I'd probably consider it a waste of time.

So that's why I struggle to understand why a woman would prefer penetrative sex to a toy; because all the other benefits that penetrative sex with a partner brings don't mean as much to me. It's all about the physical pleasure.

Just purely out of curiosity, if you could somehow combine the emotional and intimate aspects of penetrative sex with the overwhelming physical stimulation of a rabbit toy or similar, would most women do it or would they leave things as they are? Note that in this scenario the man is still perfectly content - for him everything is the same.

Dolbert

CD if there was a male toy that felt better for you than intercourse does that mean you would prefer it to sex with your partner?

polly78

Count Duckula wrote: »

I guess that I struggle to understand the mentality that "penetration is enough" because in my head sex is all about the pleasure and the orgasm. Maybe that has something to do with me being a man, or maybe I'm just a terribly cold lover who doesn't value the intimacy as highly as I should, but to me sex needs to lead to orgasm or I'd probably consider it a waste of time.

So that's why I struggle to understand why a woman would prefer penetrative sex to a toy; because all the other benefits that penetrative sex with a partner brings don't mean as much to me. It's all about the physical pleasure.

Just purely out of curiosity, if you could somehow combine the emotional and intimate aspects of penetrative sex with the overwhelming physical stimulation of a rabbit toy or similar, would most women do it or would they leave things as they are? Note that in this scenario the man is still perfectly content - for him everything is the same.

I have read this 5 times and have no idea what you are on about.

diddlybit

I think he's asking that if women could have the benefits of a sex toy (working on the problematic assumption that they are superior to the real thing but just for this context) in combination with the intimacy of intercourse, would women forsake sex with a real life partner for this.

I think this is what's meant.

Like the Sandra Bullock/Sylvestor Stallone sex scene in Demolition Man, but with a vibrator... But with only one person there. Just the head set gadget and a vibrator.

So sorry, I've confused myself now trying to envsion how this would work

polly78

Count Duckula wrote: »

maybe I'm just a terribly cold lover who doesn't value the intimacy as highly as I should, but to me sex needs to lead to orgasm or I'd probably consider it a waste of time.

I've got it now. I don't think you value intimacy at all otherwise you could have answered your own question.

Otis Driftwood

Count Duckula wrote: »

I guess that I struggle to understand the mentality that "penetration is enough" because in my head sex is all about the pleasure and the orgasm. Maybe that has something to do with me being a man, or maybe I'm just a terribly cold lover who doesn't value the intimacy as highly as I should, but to me sex needs to lead to orgasm or I'd probably consider it a waste of time.

So that's why I struggle to understand why a woman would prefer penetrative sex to a toy; because all the other benefits that penetrative sex with a partner brings don't mean as much to me. It's all about the physical pleasure.
Just purely out of curiosity, if you could somehow combine the emotional and intimate aspects of penetrative sex with the overwhelming physical stimulation of a rabbit toy or similar, would most women do it or would they leave things as they are? Note that in this scenario the man is still perfectly content - for him everything is the same.

There have been (occasional :P) times that I have had sex with partners but didnt orgasm for whatever reason,doesnt mean it wasnt enjoyable.A big thing about sex for me personally is that I get off knowing that whoever Im with has gotten off.Getting off is not neccessarily ejaculating.An orgasm is not the be all and end all and tbh your post reads kinda like you see sex as being mechanical to a certain degree.Get in,cum and thats that,it serves a function as opposed to a purpose.

If someone I was with had that view of sex then I dont think we would last too long.

metrovelvet

This thread is so technical. No one cares about sensuality?

diddlybit

metrovelvet wrote: »

This thread is so technical. No one cares about sensuality?

Possibly becuase it began with talk of orgasms or lack therefore of. Immediately people think of how to give one and how to have one and there are plenty of articles and books on the subject so it's an easier topic to about than sensuality. (The mechanics of sex are bullet-pointed in Cosmo, Diva etc) I do think posters have been trying to express it, it just a lot harder to pin down.

Ickle Magoo

metrovelvet wrote: »

This thread is so technical. No one cares about sensuality?

Sex and orgasm are not dependent on sensuality and nor does sex or orgasm preclude sensuality...what's cared about or even what is meant when using broad sexual terminology is entirely subjective.

Wibbs

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Sex and orgasm are not dependent on sensuality and nor does sex or orgasm preclude sensuality...what's cared about or even what is meant when using broad sexual terminology is entirely subjective.

[ex romantic]True, but I kinda get MV's point[/ex romantic]:)

Count Duckula

Dolorous wrote: »

CD if there was a male toy that felt better for you than intercourse does that mean you would prefer it to sex with your partner?

Quite possibly, and I think a lot of men would, which is why male sex toys are viewed as so "creepy" - if they became socially acceptable, men might start to prefer them to sex.

I can only speak for myself and the two or three friends I've spoken to (so not all men) but we agreed that we tended to have sex for the orgasmic release, not the intimacy - our greatest intimate moments with our partners came away from the bedroom. A lot of the time we have sex because we're really horny and we want the orgasm. Hence men masturbate quite so often - we just want that few seconds of bliss that comes with release. We'll have sex if it's available because it feels a lot nicer than our palms, but at the same time if something else came along that felt even nicer, then a good chunk of the time (when we're just after the release), we might start using that instead.

Again, that's my personal experience and that of a few friends. I suspect there are many men out there who feel entirely differently.

Count Duckula

diddlybit wrote: »

I think he's asking that if women could have the benefits of a sex toy (working on the problematic assumption that they are superior to the real thing but just for this context) in combination with the intimacy of intercourse, would women forsake sex with a real life partner for this.

I think this is what's meant.

Like the Sandra Bullock/Sylvestor Stallone sex scene in Demolition Man, but with a vibrator... But with only one person there. Just the head set gadget and a vibrator.

So sorry, I've confused myself now trying to envsion how this would work

Actually I was saying if you could somehow make penetrative sex feel like the vibrator but whilst maintaining all the good bits about it (the other person, the intimacy, the emotional bonding) would you do it?

Ickle Magoo

Wibbs wrote: »

[ex romantic]True, but I kinda get MV's point[/ex romantic]:)

I dunno, just because posters aren't spouting mushiness like something out of a mills and boons novel while posting doesn't mean their actual sexual relations lack or don't consider sensuality...I'm not a particularly gushy, mushy romantic person in front of others at the best of times, posting publicly even less so - in the bedroom is a different story tho...

metrovelvet

I wasnt talking about mills and boons mushiness, just so you know or anything sentimental. I wasnt even really talking about romance either.

Ickle Magoo

I'm not sure what you are talking about when suggesting "what happened to sensuality" then - I obviously can't speak for anyone else but I certainly don't view sensuality and sex/orgasm as one and the same so talking about only one doesn't automatically infer there is none of the other and visa versa - which seemed to be what you were suggesting?

metrovelvet

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'm not sure what you are talking about when suggesting "what happened to sensuality" then - I obviously can't speak for anyone else but I certainly don't view sensuality and sex/orgasm as one and the same so talking about only one doesn't automatically infer there is none of the other and visa versa - which seemed to be what you were suggesting?

It's too hard to explain for this board. It would take pages. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it or assumed anyone would know what I was talking about. But Im sure there are one or two who know exactly what Im talking about.

But no, I was not suggesting they were exclusive, which is why I brought it up in the first place as it seemed to be left out of the discussion.

Ickle Magoo

I'm sure everyone knows what you are talking about by sensuality - I'm just confused at your statement and why you'd assume because the technicalities are being discussed that the romantic or sensual side doesn't exist? As you say, it would take pages to put into words all the nuances of individual sensuality - I imagine we're using technical language for the sake of brevity rather than because there is only one or two posters who are romantic or appreciate sensuality?

metrovelvet

Im going to drop it. There is very clearly a language problem.

I didnt say there were only one or two people who appreciate it. I said there were one or two who know what Im talking about, most likely because its evident I am speaking a different language here, thats all, there maybe many others who appreciate it but dont recognise what I am talking about because we are using different words. For example, Romance, has nothing to do with what I am talking about at least inso far as what I understand romance to be, but others may have a different understanding of what this word means.

So..Im dropping it. Sorry I brought it up.