Embarrassing sexual antics

yeahme · 29-10-2010 9:26am

She wanted to toss the salad on me, so being a gentleman i said yes of course darling, anything to make you feel better and to heighten our lovemaking experience.....
However I had a silent fart brewing up at the time and just as I was blowing, it blew from the other end, not exactly what she wanted to swallow...........
NSFW
NSFW.......

fakearms123 · 29-10-2010 10:11am

Right so I was in my bedroom, aged 15 and I said I'd pop one out to this new playboy magazine that I borrowed from a friend. I stripped down to my boxers for some reason to do it, less restriction I suppose, I started flicking through the pages and doing the business on myself at the same time. Half way through the session I could hear footsteps coming straight towards my door, I panicked and jumped out of bed and threw the magazine onto the back cover which so happened to be a very muscular semi naked male model, it was too late to hide the magazine now and my mother busts in the door! I had a boner so I kneeled at the edge of my bed so my mam couldnt see it and then what did I do! For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to pretend to pray! Yes pray! Praying half naked in my boxers with a boner to a magazine of an also half naked man in his boxers!

My mam left the room straight away and I decided that I would be better off not finishing myself off

joolsthedog · 29-10-2010 10:14am

Did you have a hard landing?

Donal Og O Baelach · 29-10-2010 10:27am

There was a poor old fella back our way caught doing things to a poster of an elected politician a few years back, see the end of this article

thebigbiffo · 29-10-2010 10:34am

i was after this total ride i worked with for a loooong time and eventually we locked lips back in her place at a party.

she led me upstairs to her room but the problem was, i was bursting for a piss. just as she started getting passionate i upped and asked to to just hold that thought for just a minute, got up and took a very long slash in the en-suite. when i re-entered the boudoir she'd scarpered back downstair obviously turned off by my very immediate need to relieve myself.

considering it wasnt a big party - and everybody'd seen us head upstairs - the walk back into the living room was something of a mind crunchingly embarrassing situation.

i never did get to ride her..."regrets, i've had a feewwwwww"

mikerowsopht · 29-10-2010 10:58am

I roide my burd once so hard she had an orgasm

Sykk · 29-10-2010 11:24am

I have a great story but it'd probably earn me a ban. I wouldn't want to scar anyone mentally either. Perhaps I'll spill in the capitol if I go! :pac:

0verblood · 29-10-2010 11:25am

When having sex, white sticky stuff started coming out of her and it was all over my member. I stopped and asked "what the fcuk is this?" She was like "Oh it's my tampon..."

listermint · 29-10-2010 11:26am

mikerowsopht wrote: »

I roide my burd once so hard she had an orgasm

Shes only had one once..

Poor Girl :cool:

Sykk · 29-10-2010 11:33am

thebigbiffo wrote: »

i was after this total ride i worked with for a loooong time and eventually we locked lips back in her place at a party.

she led me upstairs to her room but the problem was, i was bursting for a piss. just as she started getting passionate i upped and asked to to just hold that thought for just a minute, got up and took a very long slash in the en-suite. when i re-entered the boudoir she'd scarpered back downstair obviously turned off by my very immediate need to relieve myself.

considering it wasnt a big party - and everybody'd seen us head upstairs - the walk back into the living room was something of a mind crunchingly embarrassing situation.

i never did get to ride her..."regrets, i've had a feewwwwww"

Argh the same thing has happened me before.. It's a disgusting feeling, especially cause you've got her in the bag

. Ya end up going home and pullin' yourself around the house :cool:

Hasmunch · 29-10-2010 11:41am

i once jizzed in my pants*

Saturday night live wrote a story about it.

*True story, very embarassing and probably not who saturday night live were singing about

MajorMax · 29-10-2010 11:43am

I decided to show my sensitive side and cook my girlfriend a home cooked meal from scratch using all natural ingredients. We got to fooling around and stuff when her moans started to get quite loud and she started cursing....I was thinking "yeah baby, you like that don't you, you dirty b!tch"
Next thing she pushes me away and legs it for the bathroom. I follow her in as she is obviously having a problem. She's standing in the shower cubicle with the cold water tap on and rubbing her **** and cursing me, she was literally speaking in tongues and I was starting to suspect Demon possesion.
I had forgotten that I had been making Chili and had just cut up the hottest chilies I could find. I had washed my hands after, before getting busy, but apparantly not well enough. That was 18 years agoI still can't eat Chili without smiling:rolleyes:

Johnny Bitte · 29-10-2010 11:55am

talla10 wrote: »

Poppin' out at a crucial stage of an extra hard thrust (for her pleasure :P)....the pain of it :eek: 3 years later i still walk with a limp and speak at a slighly higher pitch

I feel like a complete sack but what exactly happened here?
And whats, tossing the salad!

phill106 · 29-10-2010 11:57am

The_Goose135 wrote: »

I feel like a complete sack but what exactly happened here?
And whats, tossing the salad!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=toss+the+salad

DubMam · 29-10-2010 11:58am

my then two yr old walking in on us having a quickie in the kitchen, "Mammy why is daddy willy and your bum in it???":p

29-10-2010 11:59am

Princess Peach wrote: »

Gag reflex....

Why???????

cherryghost · 29-10-2010 12:06pm

I remember years ago, I was with my ex-girlfriend and we were at her cousins wedding. We booked into a B&B nearby and went off to get wasted, basically. The owner had a nice set of hamsters in the hall and the house was really really clean and recently refurbished, I believe.

So we came back anyways and one thing led to another of course. Being totally wasted my mind was kind of zoning in and out and I started thrusting really hard and fast. Well jesus didn't we have a heart attack when the bed flung into the wall and smashed the headboard up well! The owner started knocking on the door and we were so pissed all we could say was 'the hamsters did it!' So all we could hear was 'ehhh ok ok well ummm... less of that, ey?' So we panicked and started putting together the headboard... by just forcing the bed up against the wall and sticking parts of the headboard between the matress and wall.

We managed to get out of the B&B first thing the next morning without the owner copping on :pac: Needless to say we were guilt ridden and we never went back there again

thebigbiffo · 29-10-2010 12:07pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

Gag reflex....

i want more details - but if it's what i think it is you need not fear, i've been in the same situation i think...:D

homerun_homer · 29-10-2010 12:09pm

Ugh...
I've walked in on my parents - nearly made me celibate for life that did.
Been walked in on by a newly ex-bf of someone I was with one night:eek: I thought I was dead meat right there.

helimachoptor · 29-10-2010 12:11pm

2 friends of mine, on the girls first night staying the the bfs house when he lived at home. She was hammered and went to the toilet, she got into bed and start cuddling up to her boyfriend but she'd actually gotten into bed with his parents.

Next morning his dad comes into the room waving her g string at her

Princess Peach · 29-10-2010 12:12pm

thebigbiffo wrote: »

i want more details - but if it's what i think it is you need not fear, i've been in the same situation i think...:D

Ah the classic, pushing the girls head down. Let me go at my own pace please!

bubbaloo · 29-10-2010 12:15pm

I was with a guy once on a chair and the chair was banging against the door of the room - in a hostel!
The whole population of the hostel were outside the door wondering what the f**k was going on so Security got the key and walked in on us!
About 6 months later I met a girl who also stayed in the hostel and we started talking about the guy I had been with.
The girl told me the story of him "apparently riding someone up against the door...blah blah blah".
Ha ha - you should have sen her face when I told her it was me !!!

29-10-2010 12:15pm

Ladies this is gross.. Apologies in advance..Wanted to fart while getting head. Thought it would be ok as i was on knees and she was lying down.. No harm i thought , Silent, float up I thought.....All great except it wasn't a fart.....I followed through. After a day on the beer.... Not good.....SOOOOOO Not good.

Johnny Bitte · 29-10-2010 12:16pm

phill106 wrote: »

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=toss+the+salad

Holy ****! :eek:

kiad · 29-10-2010 12:16pm

Fat chicks

/thread

29-10-2010 12:20pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

Ah the classic, pushing the girls head down. Let me go at my own pace please!

Princess Peach... You truly are a Lady.....At your own pace...Fabulous.. Bless your little cotton sox

spadesaspade · 29-10-2010 12:22pm

Had an almighty cramp when getting a BJ, tryied to hold it in but had to let it go, silent and wet, poor girl pretended nothing happened, smell of sillage nearly knocked me out. Never saw her after that night

phill106 · 29-10-2010 12:25pm

The_Goose135 wrote: »

Holy ****! :eek:

jelly or syrup?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPaZ6FymGmA

Capt'n Midnight · 29-10-2010 1:04pm

recylingbin wrote: »

An incident I think we can all recall and one which ensured she has never been invited back to the Late Late Toy Show.

FYP

pinkyponk2 · 29-10-2010 1:38pm

talla10 wrote: »

Poppin' out at a crucial stage of an extra hard thrust (for her pleasure :P)....the pain of it :eek: 3 years later i still walk with a limp and speak at a slighly higher pitch

Being the girl in the misionary position (on the bottom) when that happens and that extra hard thrust ends up in the wrong one ...

That my friend is pain like you wouldnt believe!

Embarrassing sexual antics

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