Kicked out at 18?

Mike 1972 · 07-03-2010 02:11PM

How does it work with kids in care homes -are they chucked out on their 18th birthday or is there some kind of transition/follow up support process ?

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Even social welfare would cover that..

Not in Ireland it wouldnt given waiting times/rent deposits/half dole for under 24's

And depending on what month one is born in they could still be in school on their 18th birthday.

Agricola · 07-03-2010 02:52PM

Very harsh and completely unfair. At 18 hes just a big kid. Turfing him out to fend for himself when hes just out of school is wrong. Alot of people under 30 like spouting the line that someone of 18 is an adult and they should be able to manage. Someone of 50, especially a parent would normally have a very different opinion. Maybe if he was 22 and after getting a 3rd level qualification, you could begin to understand, but my opinion is if your goal in life is just to pop a sprog, endure it for 18 years and then get rid so you can get back to the good life, you have no business having children.

gonnaplayrugby · 07-03-2010 02:54PM

well said. 22-23 you might have to start being like maby you should go out and experience the world but 18 no way.

Dudess · 07-03-2010 03:01PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

sometimes I get annoyed at the lack of perspective at how good we had it for most our lives. I know the **** has hit the fan now but we still have it a lot better than most of the world.

That I agree with - I think it's absolutely hilarious to see comments about how Ireland is a "third world country" etc by 20-year-olds here. And I'm not saying I ever knew hardship either. Most people born from the early 70s onwards (and that's stretching it) here haven't a clue what hardship is.
However I don't think that's the issue in this case - the issue is the guy's parents seem totally heartless (ok, it's true we don't have any info on the guy himself but we can only go on what the OP has provided). So what if they had it tough when they were 18? Why should they impose that on their son? It was necessary in their day, it's not now, so why should he be punished?

Magnus wrote: »

They changed the nappies, fed and raised you all those years

Magnus, those - especially the first two - are parental duties. It's not as if there's anything special being done there for a child; as if those are huge sacrifices. If a parent didn't do them, they would be neglecting their responsibilities.
You should have respect for your parents if they are good people and made sacrifices for you, but you don't "owe" them anything for feeding, changing and raising you.

now go out in the world and make something of yourself - that's the least you can do.

Well yeah, but why necessarily at 18? You're just out of school at 18 - the days of having to go out and get a job as soon as you're old enough to do so, because it was an absolute necessity, are long gone for the vast majority in this country.
Staying at home after 18 doesn't automatically mean "sponging" - the person might be going to college, working part-time (full-time duing the holidays) and contributing towards household expenses. That was the case for me. I went to a university which is about seven miles from my parents' house - it wouldn't have made financial sense for me to move out, nor would it have made financial sense for me to move away to go to college when the course I wanted to do was seven miles away.

It just reeks of bitterness and resentment on the parents' part...

Aldito · 07-03-2010 03:06PM

darkman2 wrote: »

it would have thought me a thing or two very bloody quick!

Might have thought you how to spell :P

pickarooney · 07-03-2010 03:13PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Boyfriend's Gran was an orphan in the 1950s, she had to raise all her younger siblings at 14 years old. There was no social welfare back then either. They got jobs in a local sweet factory and had to eat leftover sweets for dinner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 07-03-2010 03:19PM

Abitar wrote: »

I was a niiightmare. Hangovers in school. Grounded? ask my arse.

/climbs out bedroom window

Fucked off for a few days without calling home sometimes. Not much has changed tbh :pac:

So you were like a lot of teenagers. Parents are cnuts, end of...

Lil Kitten wrote: »

In fairness, he had plenty of warning. We know nothing about this situation. Maybe he had given them a hard time, or dropped out of school or was on drugs...

No excuses to make your own child homeless.

Maybe not but once he hits 18 he's an adult.

The state defines an adult as being over 23. Technically, you are dependant on your parents until this age.

If you're not paying rent to your parents then they have every right to kick you out.

They sure do, but you would have to be some piece of shít to kick out your child.

What is all this "poor guy, hope he's ok" stuff? How hard is it to flat share with some friends and pay a few bills?! Even social welfare would cover that.

I am sure you would be able to live on 100 a week, right? :rolleyes:

This is next to impossible to do on social welfare at his age.

Most of our generation were spoiled and selfish

You can speak for yourself and nobody else here.

moving back home in their late 20s to save for a mortgage or asking their parents to loan it to them.

It's extremely difficult for young people to get on the property ladder. There is nothing wrong with having the initiative to buy your own home, even if it means living with your parents to save fora deposit.

Huge pre-recession weddings funded by the Bank of Dad too.

Jealous? You married? Restricted to the registrary office and a cocktail sausages back in the local for your reception?

Cop on and show some respect and gratitude to the people that raised you.

Raised him, then fcuked him out when he was 18 with no house or support. Respect? They need a good slap in the jaw, the both of his parents.

Too many people leaving home at 23 or so,

And? What's your point exactly?

after leeching through college

Generalise much?

so they can save for that doss year in Oz or Thailand.

Have you done it? Probably not. Do you begrudge them this because you couldn't go?

And then when they return *Oh no, I've no money now so I have to move home with Mammy and Daddy*.

So? Why are you so jealous of these people, the relationship they have with their parents and the things they have done?

Who has parents that got to travel all over the world in their twenties?!

Pretty shítty arguement to be honest. Differant times. Why are plenty of people able to see the world in their 20's? Because we fcuking can. Our parents didn't get that chance, but that's not my fcuking problem.

Ever think that maybe your parents want to spend their money on themselves or want some peace and quiet.

They want the best of both worlds, if it's such a problem, don't have kids.

They desrve it after raising you. And anyone that uses a retirement home as a threat is sick.

It's a pretty funny threat actually, and one that should be enforced more than it is.

My Dad, all his friends, and his sisters had to feck off to London at 18/19 in the 1960s because there were no jobs in Ireland.

So did a lot of people back then. That was the norm, your dad and all his friends are not special cases.

Boyfriend's Gran was an orphan in the 1950s, she had to raise all her younger siblings at 14 years old.

That's tough shít really, now we have the infrastructure to deal with this sort of thing.

There was no social welfare back then either.

Well there is now, and it's great...

They got jobs in a local sweet factory and had to eat leftover sweets for dinner.

A job most kids would kill for.

I dunno, I'm ranting but sometimes I get annoyed at the lack of perspective at how good we had it for most our lives. I know the **** has hit the fan now but we still have it a lot better than most of the world.

We had a lot when we grew up, it was great. We are not used to what it was like back in the 50's and 60's, you cannot compare the two eras as most things are completely different.

IvySlayer · 07-03-2010 03:29PM

Ohhhh Xavier. You the man, exactly what I was going to post

07-03-2010 03:44PM

That's horrible parenting.. If I wanted my kid out of the house, I'd set him up and help him for a year or two. Make sure he was ok. But even then, I don't think I could force the issue.
I'm only 22 but look back to when I was 18 as if I was a child running about.

Mike 1972 · 07-03-2010 03:46PM

TBH we dont know this families full circumstances and they may have been some behavioural issues on the part of the son which might have justified the parents actions.

But they would have needed to be pretty extreme quite frankly

Pittens · 07-03-2010 03:59PM

This kind of thing is common in most (AngloSphere) countries - what happens at 18 is you leave home either to go to College, or to go work. many people change cities - how many Americans live where they grew up? In England people go to College away from where they live ( very few people live in Oxford, or Cambridge - and anyway it's just the done thing, there being less concentration of colleges in London - Londoners go to Bristol, Bristolians go to Cardiff or Aberswyth, Northern English go to Edinburgh. It is considered part of the college experience - and in the US too, get into a Frat house)

I left home at 17/18 - to be fair I did go home for weekends whenever I wanted to. Food was cooked. Food was taken. Washing was done, in some cases.

These parents are certainly nasty if they dont allow that, or if he was immediately told to go on his actual 18th birthday. But saying to an adult that he should move on at 18 is exactly right, and good for him.

in norway u cant even get a job until your 21. 18 is not grown up at all. 18 is a kid.

Lol. Irish women have a lot to put up with. The guy stays at home until he is 28, nver cooks nor cleans, and then gets a new mom. This is part of it.

Catari Jaguar · 07-03-2010 04:00PM

Wow, Xavier, just wow...

You confuse my "jealousy" with wanting to have pride and independence and take responsibility for myself. If I want a big fancy wedding (I don't, it's a pointless waste of money) or a gap year I'll pay for it myself. My parents were more than good to me.

As for the rest of your post, your general "me, me ,me I'm alright so **** the rest" attitude sucks. You epitomise the Celtic Tiger cub. And again, my disdain had nothing to do with jealousy.

Yea child labour because your parents are dead. A lollipop is all worth it. WTF is wrong with you?? :rolleyes:

If I was your Mam and knew you'd turn out to have that mindset I'd have left you on the Church doorstep in a bassinet.

Mike 1972 · 07-03-2010 04:05PM

Pittens wrote: »

This kind of thing is common in most (AngloSphere) countries - what happens at 18 is you leave home.

Bit of a difference between leaving home a few months either side of ones 18th birthday and been chucked out the millisecond after one turns 18

Wagon · 07-03-2010 04:11PM

Lil Kitten, your completey wrong and your posts are stained with complete bull. Xiaver is right. His points made complete sense. You on the other hand are basically saying that we should all live in shít because our parents did. Which is just thick because every generation moves forward with its own progress and ALSO it's own new problems that it has to try and solve for the next one.

And also, we never ask to be born. If two people concieve and have a child then they are parents and it's their duty to raise their children. If you decide to fúck your child out on the street to be homeless so they learn to "fend for themselves" then it doesn't matter what you did for them beforehand. You've just chucked them out to be homeless. You're a crap parent. You expect your children to be grateful for that? That's some crap parent you'd be.

Dudess · 07-03-2010 04:11PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

In fairness, he had plenty of warning.

Oh that's all right so - he had enough time to sort something out for himself. Oh wait... he was a teenage boy doing the leaving.

Maybe not but once he hits 18 he's an adult.

How can a person who's just left school seriously be considered an adult?

If you're not paying rent to your parents then they have every right to kick you out.

What if you can't afford to pay rent because you're a student and you're not entitled to a grant?

What is all this "poor guy, hope he's ok" stuff?

He's a kid.

How hard is it to flat share with some friends and pay a few bills?! Even social welfare would cover that.

His friends are most likely still living at home or else moved away to college. And social welfare? This is all a bit contradictory - so just claim the dole when he's kicked out if nothing else is on offer? If making something of himself and being independent are the concerns here, surely he'd be better off staying at home and doing a college course/apprenticeship?

Were you completely independent of your parents at 18?

Most of our generation were spoiled and selfish, moving back home in their late 20s to save for a mortgage or asking their parents to loan it to them. Huge pre-recession weddings funded by the Bank of Dad too. Cop on and show some respect and gratitude to the people that raised you.

Too many people leaving home at 23 or so, after leeching through college so they can save for that doss year in Oz or Thailand. And then when they return *Oh no, I've no money now so I have to move home with Mammy and Daddy*. Who has parents that got to travel all over the world in their twenties?!

So what? They couldn't, our generation can.

I agree with you on the flash wedding, colossal mortgage thing but I cannot understand the problem with moving home briefly - you're their child, there is a bedroom there. Once it's only temporary and once you help out financially and around the house and don't get in the way (and I'm not denying there are some people who completely take the piss out of this)... any parent who'd begrudge that seems pretty damn cantankerous.
I hated having to ask my parents for money - I always did my best to finance myself through college, but at the end of the day, if I needed their help (and I had to move home for a short while at 29 - didn't particularly want to either) I'd have been shocked if they'd begrudged me it.

My Dad, all his friends, and his sisters had to feck off to London at 18/19 in the 1960s because there were no jobs in Ireland.

Boyfriend's Gran was an orphan in the 1950s, she had to raise all her younger siblings at 14 years old. There was no social welfare back then either. They got jobs in a local sweet factory and had to eat leftover sweets for dinner.

I dunno, I'm ranting but sometimes I get annoyed at the lack of perspective at how good we had it for most our lives. I know the **** has hit the fan now but we still have it a lot better than most of the world.

Plenty of your parents' generation will think you've had it too good also though.

My parents' generation had it hard too, but so what? People who make others suffer because they did (and I'm not referring to the harmless "ee, back in mah day" ranting - my mum does that and she's a wonderful parent), not out of necessity, just as a matter of "principle", tend to be unbearable...

07-03-2010 04:14PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Wow, Xavier, just wow...

You confuse my "jealousy" with wanting to have pride and independence and take responsibility for myself. If I want a big fancy wedding (I don't, it's a pointless waste of money) or a gap year I'll pay for it myself. My parents were more than good to me.

As for the rest of your post, your general "me, me ,me I'm alright so **** the rest" attitude sucks. You epitomise the Celtic Tiger cub. And again, my disdain had nothing to do with jealousy.

Yea child labour because your parents are dead. A lollipop is all worth it. WTF is wrong with you?? :rolleyes:

If I was your Mam and knew you'd turn out to have that mindset I'd have left you on the Church doorstep in a bassinet.

Ignore.

iguana · 07-03-2010 04:17PM

Lane Raspy Mackerel wrote: »

The state defines an adult as being over 23. Technically, you are dependant on your parents until this age.

No it doesn't, you are an adult at 18. However if a parent has adult children in full time education the parents may still claim support for them. This doesn't mean they are not adults, however, but adult dependents.

At 18 you are an adult. My parents got married at 18 and 19. They started a family very shortly afterward. My dad went to work, they paid their rent and bills and saved a deposit for a house which they bought at 26 and 25 by which time they had 3 children.

The simple fact is that our generation and younger were coddled. I started work at 17 and worked all through college, but I still faffed around for a couple of years after traveling about and taking advantage of my parent's generosity. I'm pretty ashamed of that. There is nothing wrong with living at home as an adult, but you should sure as hell be a contributing member of the household from as soon as you start having an income. But there is even less wrong with a parent who has raised their children to adulthood expecting to have their lives back.

Cheap Thrills! · 07-03-2010 04:28PM

18 !!

Its a year more than I got !!!

Bleedin spoilt BRAT !!

Dudess · 07-03-2010 04:32PM

I think it's reasonable to express the view that many born in the 70s and onwards have been spoilt and take the piss out of their parents (although apart from the obvious "My Super Sweet 16" or whatever type crap though, this can be subjective) but that doesn't require going to the extreme of agreeing with an 18-year-old kid being thrown out by his parents, just... because.

IvySlayer · 07-03-2010 04:34PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Wow, Xavier, just wow...

You confuse my "jealousy" with wanting to have pride and independence and take responsibility for myself. If I want a big fancy wedding (I don't, it's a pointless waste of money) or a gap year I'll pay for it myself. My parents were more than good to me.

As for the rest of your post, your general "me, me ,me I'm alright so **** the rest" attitude sucks. You epitomise the Celtic Tiger cub. And again, my disdain had nothing to do with jealousy.

Yea child labour because your parents are dead. A lollipop is all worth it. WTF is wrong with you?? :rolleyes:

If I was your Mam and knew you'd turn out to have that mindset I'd have left you on the Church doorstep in a bassinet.

You're 25, why are you speaking like you are in your 40s? You're a 'Celtic Tiger cub' too.

cleremy jarkson · 07-03-2010 04:52PM

Lil Kitten wrote: »

You epitomise the Celtic Tiger cub.

That's the impression I got. Just because the enviroment we grew up in was one of plenty in comparison to 50 years ago doesn't fcuking mean we're more entitled than our parents or grandparents to have an easy life.

Dudess · 07-03-2010 04:59PM

cleremy jarkson wrote: »

Just because the enviroment we grew up in was one of plenty in comparison to 50 years ago doesn't fcuking mean we're more entitled than our parents or grandparents to have an easy life.

It does really...

What it certainly doesn't mean is that today's children and young adults AREN'T entitled to a better life than that of their parents and grandparents.

Fear Uladh · 07-03-2010 05:00PM

Make no mistake I would make sure my child wasn't spoilt and worked hard but there is no way I would let my own flesh and blood live on the streets. It takes some longer than others to develop and own independence so age shouldn't define whether or not your child has overstayed his/her welcome.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 07-03-2010 05:03PM

iguana wrote: »

No it doesn't, you are an adult at 18. However if a parent has adult children in full time education the parents may still claim support for them. This doesn't mean they are not adults, however, but adult dependents.

At 18 you are an adult. My parents got married at 18 and 19. They started a family very shortly afterward. My dad went to work, they paid their rent and bills and saved a deposit for a house which they bought at 26 and 25 by which time they had 3 children.

The simple fact is that our generation and younger were coddled. I started work at 17 and worked all through college, but I still faffed around for a couple of years after traveling about and taking advantage of my parent's generosity. I'm pretty ashamed of that. There is nothing wrong with living at home as an adult, but you should sure as hell be a contributing member of the household from as soon as you start having an income. But there is even less wrong with a parent who has raised their children to adulthood expecting to have their lives back.

If you seek any assistance at all from the state, you will not get very much at all until you are 23. I am not too sure about the social welfare though. How can anybody in this country live on 100 a week? They would have to live at home with their parents.

My parents had a family and got married when they were young too, but times were different back then, a lot has changed and we have changed too. We cannot be expected to do the same as our parents "just 'cause" they did it.

Lil Kitten wrote: »

Wow, Xavier, just wow...

Thanks

You confuse my "jealousy" with wanting to have pride and independence and take responsibility for myself.

How much pride, independence and responsibility would you get for your 100 euro? Not a lot I would expect. There are very few jobs, especially for somebody fresh out of school and with no qualification.

If I want a big fancy wedding (I don't, it's a pointless waste of money) or a gap year I'll pay for it myself. My parents were more than good to me.

If somebody has parents that want to pay for a big wedding or a gap year or a new mini, so what? You talk as if the money is forced from them.

As for the rest of your post, your general "me, me ,me I'm alright so **** the rest" attitude sucks.

Wait, what? The fcuk you talking about? Where have I mentioned "mememe i'm alright so fcuk the rest" or emplied it? Nowhere? Thought so... I didn't talk about myself once in my post, I cannot see anywhere in my post that would reflect a selfish attitude, nor is there anywhere that would indicate to you the following:

You epitomise the Celtic Tiger cub.

So you might want to explain this part, as it makes no sense what so ever. A typical Celtic Tiger cub then, eh??? :rolleyes:

And again, my disdain had nothing to do with jealousy.

It sure came accross as being jealous and it seemed you begrudge those who have a lot. For what reason?

Why do you have disdain for these people exactly? Any reason apart from them having a good life?

Yea child labour because your parents are dead. A lollipop is all worth it. WTF is wrong with you?? :rolleyes:

That's not my fault, or the 18 year old mentioned in the OP. I doubt your granny fed on lolipops for dinner, I can't see this being true. An exageration? More than likely...

If I was your Mam and knew you'd turn out to have that mindset I'd have left you on the Church doorstep in a bassinet.

You're not my mother, thankfully...

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 07-03-2010 05:03PM

cleremy jarkson wrote: »

That's the impression I got. Just because the enviroment we grew up in was one of plenty in comparison to 50 years ago doesn't fcuking mean we're more entitled than our parents or grandparents to have an easy life.

It surely does...

OutlawPete · 07-03-2010 05:04PM

Look he's 18, Abi will take him in, problem solved

And if any 18 year old girls get kicked out, PM me

BroomBurner · 07-03-2010 05:05PM

The guy could have been any sort of nasty individual, stealing money, breaking sh*t, etc. We don't know the reasons behind it, before anyone else comes out with their holier-than-thou "parents are dickheads" routine.

What if he was a danger to other siblings?

Also, he was told at 15 he'd be out, says a lot about him that he couldn't get some sort of plan in to action over the 3 years before the due date. If he knew his parents (i.e. wasn't too self-involved), then he would have known they were serious. His own fault.

Minstrel27 · 07-03-2010 05:08PM

BroomBurner wrote: »

The guy could have been any sort of nasty individual, stealing money, breaking sh*t, etc. We don't know the reasons behind it, before anyone else comes out with their holier-than-thou "parents are dickheads" routine.

What if he was a danger to other siblings?

Also, he was told at 15 he'd be out, says a lot about him that he couldn't get some sort of plan in to action over the 3 years before the due date. If he knew his parents (i.e. wasn't too self-involved), then he would have known they were serious. His own fault.

What if Jesus was a cheese maker. What if, what if, what if?

Pittens · 07-03-2010 05:11PM

My parents had a family and got married when they were young too, but times were different back then, a lot has changed and we have changed too.

You know whats changed - you are in the biggest recession ever. By ever I mean worse than the Eighties. Worse than the fifties. Unemployment is where it was in 1992 when 70,000 people left the country, many of them under the age of 20 ( most of them in their twenties). The "times have changed" thing is malarky. Yes it has. It has gotten worse. The much maligned Eighties had one year of recession.

I'll be linking to this thread when people wonder whether mass emigration will come back to Ireland. Clearly not for anyone under the age of 23 - when we mysteriously become adult ( the age of majority is really 18).

It is possible, probable, that this may change, but it may take a few years of recession before jobs in England which entails leaving home become the norm. However, lets cut the crap about different generations and different expectations.

Median age to leave home in Australia is 20

Dudess · 07-03-2010 05:11PM

BroomBurner wrote: »

The guy could have been any sort of nasty individual, stealing money, breaking sh*t, etc. We don't know the reasons behind it, before anyone else comes out with their holier-than-thou "parents are dickheads" routine.

What if he was a danger to other siblings?

Absolutely. The OP has given us no indication whatsoever of the above though.

Also, he was told at 15 he'd be out, says a lot about him that he couldn't get some sort of plan in to action over the 3 years before the due date. If he knew his parents (i.e. wasn't too self-involved), then he would have known they were serious. His own fault.

I really think posts like this are just going against the grain for the sake of it - by people who didn't have the same experience as this lad. He was a KID. What would your plan of action have been at his age?
Also, the fact he was given three years indicates he wasn't a troublemaker - if he was getting involved in all sorts of dodgy stuff and was a horrible brat, then his kicking-out wouldn't have been so premeditated.

Kicked out at 18?

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