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Female on Male Violence

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    #2
    donfers
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,006 ✭✭✭donfers


    Icky Thump wrote: »
    im so turned on right now:D

    and you are illustrating the double standard perfectly

    imagine if there was a thread in TLL about the same issue and a guy made that sort of comment (in jest) = instant permanent sitewide ban


    inequality affects both genders, but a lot of one gender tend to think it only affects them negatively

    tbh i am not interested in the race to victimhood, we all should accept that we are indeed different and in certain situations will be judged accordingly

    I simply can't stand the whiney "it's not me, it's my gender being discriminated" attitude espoused by so many, and they play the convenient gender card when they run into any kind of obstacle that they perceive as unfair

    Newsflash: Life is sometimes unfair to us all whether you happen to be a man or a woman


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    #3
    L31mr0d
    Registered Users Posts: 8,067 ✭✭✭L31mr0d


    Personally I've had this experience, quite a few years back.

    I was walking through temple bar on a Saturday night and this scanky female drug addict approaches me looking for money. I made the mistake of making eye contact with her and telling her I didn't have any change.

    I dunno what happened but she snapped, she started beating on me, punching me in the face, kicking at my shins. She wrapped her arm up in my coat so I couldn't run away. I didn't fight back for fear she had a syringe or something in her pocket.

    After a few minutes I broke free, and went into the nearest pub, the bouncer let me in then stopped her at the door. Wasn't really hurt, just all messed up.

    Thing was at least 4 or 5 bouncers where watching this and the streets where full of people. Nobody did anything. I thought to myself after if I'd of been a woman and the drug addict a man I wonder how long those bouncers and bystanders would of just stood there letting it happen. Some man pulling down on my clothes and pushing me around.


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    #4
    Will
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,183 ✭✭✭✭Will


    This could be a great thread, don't go ruin it with replies like "im so turned on right now".

    This is a serious thread.

    Infraction added to icky thump and banned for a week.

    The same shall be done to others who make light of serious issues such as this. Such behaviour will not be tolerated.


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    #5
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    I'm afraid I can't remember the details but I recall that there were complaints in the media (by individuals or a group like Amen, rather than a full story in itself I think) about the training the gardai get about domestic violence, that it is all (or close to all) with the man as aggressor, woman as victim. Don't know if anybody has information on this from Ireland or other countries. It's one thing if people have informal views but institutional problems like this are not good.


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    #6
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    It's interesting in that video that people expressed the view that he probably deserved it.
    Are there situations when one can say a woman deserved it?????
    Are there situations when one can say a man deserved it?????


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    #7
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    What's with the snide comment 'so empowering' in the OP's thread title??

    NEWSFLASH!! Any women I know and myself include abhor domestic violence regardless of which gender is abusing the other.


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    #8
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    Darlughda wrote: »
    What's with the snide comment 'so empowering' in the OP's thread title??

    NEWSFLASH!! Any women I know and myself include abhor domestic violence regardless of which gender is abusing the other.
    I'm not sure whether the title is the best but I think it is a reference to what one woman says in the video after she sees a woman hitting a man (staged incident). She starts shadow boxing as she sees it and clenches her fist as one does if you win something.


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    #9
    Will
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,183 ✭✭✭✭Will


    Thread title amended also.

    To be honest my gut response to a woman hitting a man would be 'he deserved it', if a man was hitting a woman i'd assume he was an agro pr¡ck who was lashing out for no reason. We are conditioned to think as such i believe


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    #10
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    iptba wrote: »
    It's interesting in that video that people expressed the view that he probably deserved it.
    Are there situations when one can say a woman deserved it?????
    Are there situations when one can say a man deserved it?????
    One of the instances mentioned was infidelity i.e. I think it was "he probably had cheated on her"/something like that. But while probably more men than women are unfaithful, statistics would suggest a substantial number of women are also. So for the same "crime", I wonder what people's views would be about what is acceptable behaviour.

    To be honest, this is the sort of area for a long time I have wished all those gender researchers we have, would look at more. Methodology might not have to be that complex e.g. have stories where the only difference is the gender and look at people's views. But also look at the source of the views/reasons given.


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    #11
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Here are a few videos that are worth a view

    Violence is about coercion.

    Here is a selection - so lets get real about it.

    Lots of media presentations present men as wusses in this situation. But the likelyhood is if a guy retaliates he can get prosecuted.

    Post what you like -my view is that male and female domestic violence is fairly similar and quite ****ed up. The difference seems to be that female violence gets explained away.



    a few slaps



    Women fighting women



    A shooting victim

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPTOXG6Ha48


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    #12
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    Will wrote: »
    To be honest my gut response to a woman hitting a man would be 'he deserved it', if a man was hitting a woman i'd assume he was an agro pr¡ck who was lashing out for no reason. We are conditioned to think as such i believe
    Should there be changes so people are conditioned differently? Where does the conditioning come from?


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    #13
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    There is a definite double standard where if a guy gets a thump by a woman that he must have "deserved it" ,what did a woman ever do to deserve a smack in the mouth? Domestic violence is on both sides, but a lot of men would probably feel too ashamed to admit their wife or partner beats them up


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    #14
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Will wrote: »
    Thread title amended also.

    A Cmon will -watch the video and see a woman celebrating
    To be honest my gut response to a woman hitting a man would be 'he deserved it', if a man was hitting a woman i'd assume he was an agro pr¡ck who was lashing out for no reason. We are conditioned to think as such i believe
    iptba wrote: »
    Should there be changes so people are conditioned differently? Where does the conditioning come from?

    Whenever I see words like conditioned and societal and taboo in relation to issues like this I go - Whoa there Neddy. ( a pet donkey we had when I was a child)

    I don't over analyse it. Some people are just aggressive and violent.


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    #15
    deadhead13
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,034 ✭✭✭deadhead13


    CDfm wrote: »



    Would that video still be on YouTube if the genders were reversed?


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    #16
    Will
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,183 ✭✭✭✭Will


    I'm well aware of your posting style, and given your recent history on this forum one would have assumed you woulda taken better care when wording the thread title.

    It did hurt though seeing the woman clenching her fist and punching the air :(


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    #17
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    CDfm wrote: »
    Whenever I see words like conditioned and societal and taboo in relation to issues like this I go - Whoa there Neddy. ( a pet donkey we had when I was a child)

    I don't over analyse it. Some people are just aggressive and violent.
    We were not talking about the "perpetrators", we were talking about different reactions to when men are violent to women and women are violent to men. I think a lot of (most?) people will have different attitudes depending on the gender.

    Although I, personally, also think it is interesting to consider whether the issue of conditioning of individuals in terms of controlling yourself not to be violent.


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    #18
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    @deadhead13 I dont see why not.

    I only started the thread so that the Male Violence Thread could survive and prosper.

    Normal rational people know you get violent women.


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    #19
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    CDfm, domestic violence is domestic violence. For anybody who has been through it is sheer terror. Stop trying with the look see men get beat up too and everyone just thinks its the girls angle. We know. Quit **** stirring.

    It is coming to light the seriousness of female violence against men, and yes there is probably a huge difficulty for men talking about this issue, as there is for women, because regardless of gender who wants to admit the shame of the responsiblity of going back or staying with the abusive partner?


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    #20
    Paulegend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭Paulegend


    Will wrote: »
    This could be a great thread, don't go ruin it with replies like "im so turned on right now".

    This is a serious thread.

    Infraction added to icky thump and banned for a week.

    The same shall be done to others who make light of serious issues such as this. Such behaviour will not be tolerated.

    wow dude that was a bit harsh dont ya think?? doubt he meant any harm with the comment. we have said before its ok to have a bit of light hearted banter........................

    but on topic........... i had a mate whos girlfriend use to beat him. was a bit hard to watch. myself i would never ever hit a girl id just walk away if she hit me. maybe guys should do the same if chicks are hitting them.

    women CANT do as much damage as guys can its simple logic. if a girl hits you JUST WALK AWAY. unless she is using a weapon there is no excuse.

    i mean it the male race is getting sadder by the day. would SEan Connery let a girl beat him up???

    i do sympatise but come on...............

    of course there is inequality here. a guy punchs a girl he could seriously injure her for life. but a girl punches a guy.............. unless she is a heavyweight boxer i wouldnt exactly worry about long term injuries.


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    #21
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    Darlughda wrote: »
    NEWSFLASH!! Any women I know and myself include abhor domestic violence regardless of which gender is abusing the other.
    Have you looked at the video yet in the first message?


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    #22
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Will wrote: »
    I'm well aware of your posting style, and given your recent history on this forum one would have assumed you woulda taken better care when wording the thread title.

    Will I yam competing with Patrick Stewart/ Jean Luc Piquard - I am feeling alienated;)
    It did hurt though seeing the woman clenching her fist and punching the air :(

    Man up Will. It isnt shocking -its life.

    But look at Esther Rantzen on it and she is a sensible woman.




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    #23
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    Paulegend wrote: »
    wow dude that was a bit harsh dont ya think?? doubt he meant any harm with the comment. we have said before its ok to have a bit of light hearted banter........................

    but on topic........... i had a mate whos girlfriend use to beat him. was a bit hard to watch. myself i would never ever hit a girl id just walk away if she hit me. maybe guys should do the same if chicks are hitting them.

    women CANT do as much damage as guys can its simple logic. if a girl hits you JUST WALK AWAY. unless she is using a weapon there is no excuse.

    i mean it the male race is getting sadder by the day. would SEan Connery let a girl beat him up???

    i do sympatise but come on...............

    of course there is inequality here. a guy punchs a girl he could seriously injure her for life. but a girl punches a guy.............. unless she is a heavyweight boxer i wouldnt exactly worry about long term injuries.
    I don't think it's as simple as that if she's the mother of your children. You can walk away but you mightn't see much of your children (but may end up paying more as one now needs two sets of accommodation).

    I'm scared of people who have knives for example whatever the person's size. Similarly boiling water.


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    #24
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    CDfm wrote: »
    Man up Will. It isnt shocking -its life.
    Don't mean to nit-pick but Will was being honest and you criticise him. I think what we want is honesty.


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    #25
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Darlughda wrote: »
    CDfm, domestic violence is domestic violence. For anybody who has been through it is sheer terror. Stop trying with the look see men get beat up too and everyone just thinks its the girls angle. We know. Quit **** stirring.

    It is coming to light the seriousness of female violence against men, and yes there is probably a huge difficulty for men talking about this issue, as there is for women, because regardless of gender who wants to admit the shame of the responsiblity of going back or staying with the abusive partner?
    I am not stirring here - I just think we should abhor it but also be realistic about it and acknowlege it.

    We shouldnt explain it away with blase social theories.


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    #26
    deadhead13
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,034 ✭✭✭deadhead13


    CDfm wrote: »
    @deadhead13 I dont see why not.

    I only started the thread so that the Male Violence Thread could survive and prosper.

    Normal rational people know you get violent women.

    I think it would have been deleted, thereby illustrating the point there are distinctly different reactions to female on male violence and male violence on women, which I thought was the point of the thread.


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    #27
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    Darlughda wrote: »
    CDfm, domestic violence is domestic violence. For anybody who has been through it is sheer terror. Stop trying with the look see men get beat up too and everyone just thinks its the girls angle. We know. Quit **** stirring.
    Would you say something like that to somebody highlighting domestic violence against women (which we certainly hear plenty about)?

    Not sure if you know, but this thread was partly set up because a thread about violence by men http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055838516 was also leading into a discussion that men also suffer violence by women. So this separate discussion was encouraged.


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    #28
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    iptba wrote: »
    Don't mean to nit-pick but Will was being honest and you criticise him. I think what we want is honesty.

    Will is a cool guy and knows I was being tongue in cheek.

    That a woman went cheered the violence shows warped thinking.


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    #29
    Paulegend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭Paulegend


    iptba wrote: »
    I don't think it's as simple as that if she's the mother of your children. You can walk away but you mightn't see much of your children (but may end up paying more as one now needs two sets of accommodation).

    I'm scared of people who have knives for example whatever the person's size. Similarly boiling water.

    well obviously if she is using a weapon then it doesnt matter who they are your in trouble and its not as easy to walk away.

    but as for the whole what if she is the mother of your kids????????????

    dont marry or stay with a PHSYCO.

    i went out on a date there a couple years back. met her in a supermarket and asked her if she wanted to meet up for a drink. met her the next evening. we had few drinks had a laugh and went for food. we where heading back to hers and waiting for a cab she just slapped me.............................. no reason. when i asked what the hell she said ah stop being a girl and slapped me again. first of all i thought ok maybe she is just into kinky stuff but when i told her to stop she just looked at me as i should stop whinging. so i told her it was nice to meet her but i think im going to head home. then i left........................ a couple of slaps did no long term damage to me besides some public embarrasment.

    there is NO EXCUSE. any women who hits you is a women you should not be with. if there are kids involved(dont have kids with a phsyco) there are custody hearings that are going in favour of guys these days.

    if you really are scared then im sorry i dont mean to offend you. here is a number you can contact
    046 9023718 or http://www.amen.ie/


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    #30
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭iptba


    Paulegend wrote: »
    i went out on a date there a couple years back. met her in a supermarket and asked her if she wanted to meet up for a drink. met her the next evening. we had few drinks had a laugh and went for food. we where heading back to hers and waiting for a cab she just slapped me.............................. no reason. when i asked what the hell she said ah stop being a girl and slapped me again. first of all i thought ok maybe she is just into kinky stuff but when i told her to stop she just looked at me as i should stop whinging. so i told her it was nice to meet her but i think im going to head home. then i left........................ a couple of slaps did no long term damage to me besides some public embarrasment.

    there is NO EXCUSE. any women who hits you is a women you should not be with. if there are kids involved(dont have kids with a phsyco) there are custody hearings that are going in favour of guys these days.
    Thanks for the advice and for sharing.

    But it might not always be as clear cut as that case. One may feel one deserves it at least a bit/she deserves to be angry. Take Tiger Woods for example (although he doesn't have the financial worries of most people).

    (I know "one" sounds weird but trying to make clear not talking about an individual).


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    #31
    unreggd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,835 ✭✭✭unreggd


    Paulegend wrote: »
    women CANT do as much damage as guys can its simple logic. if a girl hits you JUST WALK AWAY. unless she is using a weapon there is no excuse.

    a guy punchs a girl he could seriously injure her for life. but a girl punches a guy.............. unless she is a heavyweight boxer i wouldnt exactly worry about long term injuries.

    Are u takin the piss?

    There's plenty of couples where the woman is a lot bigger/stronger than the man

    And the aggression itself is the problem. A woman who thinks shes not that strong would be more likely to go for a weapon, which WOULD cause long term damage / death


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