Female on Male Violence

Paulegend

Boston wrote: »

I do mixed martial arts training with women and men. I'm 6foot 3inchs 120 Kgs. I'm mean, tough and all the rest. I've been held down by a 62 kg woman whose 5 foot nothing.

Take the example of the slaps you received. A lot of woman wear rings with cut stones in them. Something which is popular with limerick and dublin slags is to turn around the rings so that the stone is on the palm side and then swipe it accorss the face of unexpected males, such as door men and gardai. You let a woman like that strike you, well done mate you've just got yourself a scar for life maybe even loose an eye.

Then what are you going to do? Shell accuse you or rape if you reports her. Maybe you'll meet a nice garda officer who thinks like you do, that you're lying cause women are not danger to men.

well mate i dont exatly mean leave them slap you around. i just mean that if they do slap you then its a sign that they dont wanna be the lovely housewife

i once got a cut on my forhead but that was because of an incident with another crazy chick and handchuffs:) had to wear a hat all week. just glad it didnt leave a scar

Boston

Paulegend wrote: »

so Paulegend doesnt approve of men hitting women no matter what(just raised that way. maybe its wrong but its part of my morals that you NEVER hit a girl)

So theres some scum bag junkie beating the living hell out of your girlfriend, what are you going to do? Stand there and look sheepish while your girlfriend gets beaten to death? Do you live in the real world or is everything make believe for you?

Paulegend

Boston wrote: »

So theres some scum bag junkie beating the living hell out of your girlfriend, what are you going to do? Stand there and look sheepish while your girlfriend gets beaten to death? Do you live in the real world or is everything make believe for you?

wow wow wow

cool it there amigo. id kick his ass. it goes without saying. just because im against violence id kick the crap out of anyone that touched her like that

Boston

And what if the junky is a female? That possibility clearly didn't cross your mind.

krudler

Paulegend wrote: »

wow wow wow

cool it there amigo. id kick his ass. it goes without saying. just because im against violence id kick the crap out of anyone that touched her like that

I think he meant if the junkie was a woman.

Also, about women not being able to do as much damage, bullsh1t, it only takes a punch with 9lbs of pressure behind it to break your nose, your average woman could do that problem.

If it was a choice between sticking to my morals and not hitting a girl or some junkie or crazy drunk woman trying to claw my eyes out or worse I'd have no reservations about knocking her out if I absolutely had to, thats self defence, doesnt matter if its a 7foot guy built like a wrestler or a 5 foot woman who wants to attack you, if someone attacks me then they're on equal ground,and deserve anything you do to protect yourself, regardless of gender.

Paulegend

Boston wrote: »

And what if the junky is a female? That possibility clearly didn't cross your mind.

actually it did just after i pressed submit reply:) oops

in that case i would try to restrain her. i wouldnt go directly into violence mode if it was a she. but the one thing that is significant is if it comes down to my girlfriend or wife been hurt i guess my morals go out the window.

but i would have a really hard time living with my concionse if i hurt her

Paulegend

krudler wrote: »

I think he meant if the junkie was a woman.

Also, about women not being able to do as much damage, bullsh1t, it only takes a punch with 9lbs of pressure behind it to break your nose, your average woman could do that problem.

If it was a choice between sticking to my morals and not hitting a girl or some junkie or crazy drunk woman trying to claw my eyes out or worse I'd have no reservations about knocking her out if I absolutely had to, thats self defence, doesnt matter if its a 7foot guy built like a wrestler or a 5 foot woman who wants to attack you, if someone attacks me then they're on equal ground,and deserve anything you do to protect yourself, regardless of gender.

yea i realised:D

if a woman attacks me i will do anything possible to stop her without resorting to violence.

we may not agree but its how i feel.

ill do what i have to but as A VERY VERY VERY LAST resort.

i feel guilty if i hurt my girlfriend in by accident when we are messing around

Herbal Deity

With all due respect, Paulegend, all I can say is that I'm happy that I was not raised in the manner in which you were with respect to this issue...

Men aren't any more emotionally strong than women. Society dictating that men can't cry, can't show emotion etc. is the reason there's so many male suicides.

We're all just people. Some people are stronger than other people, and there is a biological bias towards men in this respect, but this doesn't mean that women are incapable of physically injuring men. As I said before, just because they're statistically more likely to be stronger than the average woman, doesn't mean that men should just "get over" an assault by a women.

Boston

Paulegend wrote: »

actually it did just after i pressed submit reply:) oops

in that case i would try to restrain her. i wouldnt go directly into violence mode if it was a she. but the one thing that is significant is if it comes down to my girlfriend or wife been hurt i guess my morals go out the window.

but i would have a really hard time living with my concionse if i hurt her

So you go in half assed and put yourself and other in greater danger. If someone is attacking you or someone you love, there is no hesitation, you hit them with as much force as possible. I'd question that morality of any person who left it's ok to hit a man in a particular situation but not a woman. What is your issue? What if its a short man, you going to let him get in the first punch to make it all nice and fair.

You should never put your hands on anyone unless it's a serious situation. If it is a serious situation then gender doesn't matter.

Paulegend

Herbal Deity wrote: »

With all due respect, Paulegend, all I can say is that I'm happy that I was not raised in the manner in which you were with respect to this issue...

i and alot of other guys i know have grown up with these values. it has never affected me in a bad way.

i treat women with respect. in fact i treat everyone with respect. i would find it hard to directly insult anyone even on here.

i have a happy life with a good few real friends. i can prob count the amount of people i didnt get on with in my whole life on 2 hands. but even at that most where petty squables which ended in a friendship.

i will raise my kids the exact same way

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Men aren't any more emotionally strong than women. Society dictating that men can't cry, can't show emotion etc. is the reason there's so many male suicides.

very true. it is a big problem with our society. but in a relationship the man has to be strong for the woman. he has to be the emotional rock to comfort her. dont get me wrong if she is emotionally strong thats good. its great. but i wont be emotionally weak.

Herbal Deity wrote: »

We're all just people. Some people are stronger than other people, and there is a biological bias towards men in this respect, but this doesn't mean that women are incapable of physically injuring men. As I said before, just because they're statistically more likely to be stronger than the average woman, doesn't mean that men should just "get over" an assault by a women.

all i mean is if its a slap that cause nothing but forsight into the person she is then whats the point in not just getting over it and leaving her.

Boston wrote: »

So you go in half assed and put yourself and other in greater danger. If someone is attacking you or someone you love, there is no hesitation, you hit them with as much force as possible. I'd question that morality of any person who left it's ok to hit a man in a particular situation but not a woman. What is your issue? What if its a short man, you going to let him get in the first punch to make it all nice and fair.

You should never put your hands on anyone unless it's a serious situation. If it is a serious situation then gender doesn't matter.

dude. seriously i just seen the other thread and you seem to be picking arguements with everyone. maybe your the one with an issue??

as i have stated i will not EVER hit a girl.

unless i HAVE to. the only time then is if its my girlfriend being attacked and i have no other way of stopping the attacker.

i have been involved in "altercation's" but i have never resorted to much more than simple restraint or suppresing the attacker. i will not use violence unless i need to.

i think the whole gung ho attitude is whats wrong with society in the first place. people with that attitude should look at themselves before telling me that my values are wrong

Dr Galen

This thread is for discussing the issues surrounding female violence against men. I know this is a pretty broad subject, with many different factors etc, but lets try not to get bogged down in the minute details of individual posters. I think we're in danger of turning into a thread about "when is it ok to hit a female' type discussion. Thats not really the OP, it's probably a separate discussion tbh.

cheers

MM

Boston

Paulegend wrote: »

as i have stated i will not EVER hit a girl.unless i HAVE to.

Says it all.

iptba

krudler wrote: »

If it was a choice between sticking to my morals and not hitting a girl or some junkie or crazy drunk woman trying to claw my eyes out or worse I'd have no reservations about knocking her out if I absolutely had to, thats self defence, doesnt matter if its a 7foot guy built like a wrestler or a 5 foot woman who wants to attack you, if someone attacks me then they're on equal ground,and deserve anything you do to protect yourself, regardless of gender.

If this happens in the open especially with a "strange" female, you probably won't get into trouble. If it happens with your female partner behind closed doors, I'm not 100% convinced if that will always be the case (i.e. you may sometimes get in trouble).

iptba

Paulegend wrote: »

and to answer an above question yes i told my mate he was a coward and an idiot. if i didnt force him to man up and grow some balls he would still be with her. he is remarried now and very happy.

Sounds like you weren't just a "lazy" friend, you were there for him, put thought into it, etc. Sounds like you did good.

Black Swan

Not a gentlemen, but you lads post on LL all the time, so I thought I would post my two coppers worth on your forum...

I sometimes wonder what messages are being sent to females, especially fit and athletic ones, by cinema over the past decade or so? I know several lads at university that ooooooo and ahhhhhhh over films with beautiful action hero females, that KO males as a part of their expected roles.

For you Mr Smith's (as played by Brad Pitt), do you really fantasize and cheer when Mrs Smith (played by Angelina Jolie) knocks out a male bad guy, or for that matter, takes on a larger and stronger husband Mr Smith during their domestic fight? Sure this is fun fiction, but when you ask her out to a film like this, or to watch the DVD, what message is being sent to your female date? Most will just see it as fun, and not monkey-see, monkey-do, but it makes me wonder sometimes...

When not at university, I part-time teach taekwondo and self-defense to children, teens, and adults on weekends. About a year ago I had to defend myself against a larger, angry and drunken male. The first thing a male friend asked me when he found out about the fight was, "Did you knock him out?"

iptba

Paulegend wrote: »

all i mean here is you would expect your missus to get angry if you cheated. there was no confirmation that she ever attacked him and he denied it.

we all get angry and that IS HEALTHY. but aggresion is alot different to anger.

Ok, I don't know what happened either. But say we are sure what happened. Let's assume she did run after him swinging a golf club, he tried to get away, she smashed the windows of the car leading to him getting abrasions, etc. is she the sort of person you think a man should dump as being too violent. If that is what happened, that sounds to me as being a pretty violent or "aggressive" incident.

Paulegend

iptba wrote: »

Ok, I don't know what happened either. But say we are sure what happened. Let's assume she did run after him swinging a golf club, he tried to get away, she smashed the windows of the car leading to him getting abrasions, etc. is she the sort of person you think a man should dump as being too violent. If that is what happened, that sounds to me as being a pretty violent or "aggressive" incident.

yea it sounds very aggressive. to be honest its a hrd one doh. no tiger wouldnt have deserved that but i guess its up to him. if this was a once off of pure anger on her behalf maybe its not as bad as its made out to be. if this is only one of a number of aggressive times then yes he should leave her

CDfm

Paulegend wrote: »

yea it sounds very aggressive. to be honest its a hrd one doh. no tiger wouldnt have deserved that but i guess its up to him. if this was a once off of pure anger on her behalf maybe its not as bad as its made out to be. if this is only one of a number of aggressive times then yes he should leave her

she had a golf club aimed at his head - she could have seriously injured or killed him.

as it was that didnt happen -he got away passed out and crashed by all accounts but what would have happened if he hadnt got away

Giselle

CDfm wrote: »

she had a golf club aimed at his head - she could have seriously injured or killed him.

as it was that didnt happen -he got away passed out and crashed by all accounts but what would have happened if he hadnt got away

I thought there were no witnesses? I don't think we should assume anything without proof, she wasn't prosecuted and its unfair to speculate and possibly tar an innocent person with a guilty brush.

I'd say the same if it was a man.

Nevyn

Paulegend wrote: »

women CANT do as much damage as guys can its simple logic. if a girl hits you JUST WALK AWAY. unless she is using a weapon there is no excuse.

That simply is not true, applied knowledge and following through on an action can and will cause damage no matter the gender of the person.

I had someone grab me and try assault me when I was 16, he was a lot older and bigger then I was and I only hit him once, it shattered his nose.

Paulegend wrote: »

i mean it the male race is getting sadder by the day. would SEan Connery let a girl beat him up???

No but he is on the record that it is fine for a man to give his wife a few slaps to keep her in line.

Paulegend wrote: »

of course there is inequality here. a guy punchs a girl he could seriously injure her for life. but a girl punches a guy.............. unless she is a heavyweight boxer i wouldnt exactly worry about long term injuries.

Yes the average male is stronger then the average woman but that does not reflect the range of people and and their knowledge and willing to do harm.

I'd rather take a punch of a bloke then have a little woman with acrylic nails go for my eyes and try scratch them out.

Nevyn

FracturedBeat wrote: »

Well done, that's a good message, if assaulted, walk away, let some dopey bitch off to do similar, or worse, to other people.

How about, if assaulted by a chick, take that bitch down, restrain, inform the police and have her done for assault?

That might make he a bit shy around the thought of assaulting someone in the future.

I mean, your a dude right, you could control her easy.

Good luck with that, she can counter press charges once you hit her back you have assaulted her and you have unlawfully restrained her.
That is if you assume you can take her down to begin with being cocky in such circumstances if often a person's undoing and just because you may be able that does not mean everyman can or that any man should have to.

CDfm

Giselle wrote: »

I thought there were no witnesses? I don't think we should assume anything without proof, she wasn't prosecuted and its unfair to speculate and possibly tar an innocent person with a guilty brush.

I'd say the same if it was a man.

"She supposedly got him out and laid him on the ground," he said. "He was in and out of consciousness when my guys got there.""She supposedly got him out and laid him on the ground," he said. "He was in and out of consciousness when my guys got there

."

The policeman said that and we all run around the place with golf clubs.

Somehow I dont believe Giselle.

LegacyUser

Long time boardsie here


I suffered violence at the hand of a girl, now I would be much bigger and stronger than her but I couldn't hit her or whatever so strength/size mean nothing also any time I tried to restrain her and stop her hitting me I was the bad guy. I was hospitalised twice and for some reason I kept forgiving her and put it down to her previous relationship being an abusive one. Eventually enough was enough and it ended.

She recently told me that she punched a guy she was dating square in the face, seems a leopard doesn't change it's spots.

What I'm saying is it's not uncommon and until you guys find yourself in a situation where you are on the receiving end of something like this it's very hard to pass judgement

Cicero

....think it would be helpful if someone defines violence...you might find when you go looking, that it's not as easy as you think.....couple the word with right or wrong, and you are pretty much in 'After Hours' territory...

CDfm

God help us a College Professor Sandra Stith at Virginia Tech and her former student Collen Baker have published a paper on it in Psychology and Sociology.

Now this lady Ms Stith is described as an expert on partner and intimate violence. Excuse the sarcasm, but this groundbreaking cutting edge discovery is something you would have expected an expert to be aware of.

Updated by artificial intelligence 23 min ago Learn more



Male college students also victims of violence at girlfriends' hands

Published: Friday, February 12, 2010 - 11:00 in Psychology & Sociology
Thinking about a typical victim of college dating violence, you're probably imagining her, not him. Researchers often think the same way, according to a Kansas State University expert on intimate partner violence. Sandra Stith, a professor of family studies and human services, said most research has looked at men as offenders and women as victims.
"In the research on college students in particular, we're finding both men and women can be perpetrators," she said. "In our growing-up years, we teach boys not hit their sister, but we don't teach girls not to hit their brother."
She and a K-State research team are looking at the impact that being a victim of violence has on male versus female college students in heterosexual relationships.
"Most research shows female victims having higher levels of depression, anxiety and school problems than nonvictims," Stith said. "Our research indicates that both male and female college students are being victims of violence, and we want to see how it affects both."
In 2008, Stith and her former student at Virginia Tech, Colleen Baker, published research in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma that found the biggest predictor of whether male and female college students would use violence against a partner was whether the partner was violent toward them.
"It's a dramatically more important factor than anything else," Stith said. "If your girlfriend hits you, that dramatically increases the likelihood that you're going to hit her, and vice versa."
In general, Stith said there are lower levels of violence among college couples than among married or cohabiting couples, and the violence is more likely to involve shoving and pushing by both men and women.
"Previous research indicates that as young people grow up, the violence may become less frequent or severe or it may be eliminated," Stith said. "Sometimes it's about immaturity."
Although alcohol is often a factor in violence among older couples who are married or in long-term relationships, Stith said drinking -- particularly binge drinking -- plays a big part in college student violence. Other factors include a lack of anger management skills and having grown up with parents who are violent with one another.
"When students get angry with their boyfriend or girlfriend, violence sometimes seems to be the normal thing to do," she said.
Stith said when researching alcohol problems, she found that college students often had different standards for themselves when it came to what constitutes a drinking problem. Whereas they see themselves as just partying and participating in normal college life, they would say an older, professional adult behaving the same way has a problem with alcohol.
"I think they might be normalizing their aggressive behaviors, too," she said. "They may think that when they're drinking and get angry and she slaps him and he grabs her, that it's not domestic violence. They may think that domestic violence is what happens in married people's lives."
Stith said one of her basic philosophies is that society needs to work toward ending all violence, not just male violence.
"We need to address female violence, too," she said. "We need to say that when you're in a relationship with someone you care about, you don't hit and you don't kick."

EDIT - these experts also discovered the concept of mutual violence in 2008.

iptba

CDfm wrote: »

Here are a few videos that are worth a view

Violence is about coercion.

Here is a selection - so lets get real about it.

Lots of media presentations present men as wusses in this situation. But the likelyhood is if a guy retaliates he can get prosecuted.

Post what you like -my view is that male and female domestic violence is fairly similar and quite ****ed up. The difference seems to be that female violence gets explained away.

[..]

A shooting victim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPTOXG6Ha48

Interesting your point about female violence being "explained away". Here's the intro and a bit near the end from that video:

When domestic violence happens in the Midlands, about 98% of the time, it's a man hurting a woman.
That's according to the South Caroline Association against domestic violence.
Dale Wells is a rare case. 2.5 years ago Dale says he almost died. Tonight he tells Susan Elizabeth Littlefield how it happened.

[..]

What makes Dale Wells' case (emphasis) so (emphasis) rare, experts say, is that if a man is abused by a woman, in most cases it is a case of retaliation.
Local advocates call Wells a (emphasis) true victim (emphasis).

iptba

CDfm wrote: »

In the research on college students in particular, we're finding both men and women can be perpetrators," she said. "In our growing-up years, we teach boys not hit their sister, but we don't teach girls not to hit their brother."

I think there is something to this, or there was in my house.

Occasionally, I might accidentally hurt my sister when we were playing a game, she might cry and/or run to one of our parents and I'd get given out to, etc.

Sometimes she'd deliberately try to hurt me a bit. I'd like it go (so my parents wouldn't know about it) but also my parents from what I recall had a certain tolerance to it. I see that a bit with my niece and nephew but she is still quite young and there is a bigger gap so not quite the same thing.

I also saw my sister being a little violent (like mothers can be) when we used to mind two children (not going to give more details - nothing serious but showed she could lose her cool a bit).

CDfm

iptba wrote: »

I think there is something to this, or there was in my house.

Occasionally, I might accidentally hurt my sister when we were playing a game, she might cry and/or run to one of our parents and I'd get given out to, etc.

Its stating the obvious -years back i was looking out in the garden from an upstairs window to see my daughter going " Ah stop it etc" naming her brother etc who was no one around.

So parents know this -its like discovering gravity. Big rock dropped on foot hurt theory went back to the cavemen.

Now -when will they discover that women sometimes kill men in a premeditated way -wake me up.

Giselle

CDfm wrote: »

."

The policeman said that and we all run around the place with golf clubs.

Somehow I dont believe Giselle.

No one was prosecuted, and no one else has the right to be judge and jury.

I'm not in the habit of lying, CDfm.

Nevyn

I think that we condition boys not to hit girls cos it's 'wrong' but we teach girls to stand up for themselves as there are boys out there who are not as 'well brought up'.

I have seen the rise in Ladettes who will take advantage of well brought up lads and attack them.