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One-Liner Jokes

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    #812
    blinkey 101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 629 ✭✭✭blinkey 101


    George Bush has been working hard, 24 / 7 - 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.
    :DIf you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see perfectly?
    When blondes have more fun, do they know it? Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.:DIf you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
    Is there another word for synonym?Do they sterilized needles for lethal injection ,Schizophrenia beats being alones?If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
    Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat. How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?


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    #813
    blinkey 101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 629 ✭✭✭blinkey 101


    :p
    Rabies wrote: »
    19-08-2003 was the date Kharn posted. He used to be one of the Humour mods.

    'Chillax' *shudder* I hate that word.

    o dear sorry did i hit a nerve:D i love that word omg i so love that word chillax i could say it all day look at me im saying it again chillax ha chillax come on everyone together 123 chillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllax.


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    #814
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    AAABBBSSSOOOLLLUUUTTTELLLYYYYY NNNNNNNOOOOOOOO Bill Hicks?????

    What's wrong with this thread????

    Let me kick it off-
    ....not all drugs are good. Now, some of the are great....


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    #815
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,814 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    It's one of life's little ironies that in a country with free speech, a program called Word costs over a hundred dollars.


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    #816
    McDaid--1916
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭McDaid--1916


    Whats black and white and doesnt like anal?
    The badger locked in my basement.

    When is a pixie not a pixie?..
    When shes on her knees, then she a goblin!


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    #817
    oldgeezer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14 ✭oldgeezer


    what do call a guy sitting at a bar in a suit. Anything you like he wont hear you


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    #818
    kevin216
    Closed Accounts Posts: 97 ✭✭kevin216


    ha ha ha ha ha:D:D


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    #819
    sharkDawg
    Registered Users Posts: 401 ✭✭sharkDawg


    kevin216 wrote: »
    ha ha ha ha ha:D:D
    Seriously kevin216, i think some is trying to up their post count;)


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    #820
    Green Giant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭Green Giant


    A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago


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    #821
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"

    To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"


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    #822
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,263 ✭✭✭Homer


    blinkey 101 wrote: »
    I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me:D

    An Olympic frisbee player died this week after catching something that was going around.


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    #823
    m83
    Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭m83


    BaZmO* wrote: »
    A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"

    To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"


    A Glasgow library??? Now thats funny!!


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    #824
    m83
    Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭m83


    What's long and hard and makes women groan?
    An Ironing Board.

    Whats The Simularity Between Michael Jackson And A Playstaion
    There Both Plastic And Get Turned On By Kids

    How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One, but it takes a whole emergency room to screw it back out!


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    #825
    Enright
    Registered Users Posts: 943 ✭✭✭Enright


    Green Giant wrote: »
    A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago

    i guess all the psychics saw that one coming


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    #826
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,057 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Why did the baker have brown fingers?
    Because he kneaded a poo....

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #827
    bluto63
    Registered Users Posts: 2,228 ✭✭✭bluto63


    Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into the lens maker? He made a spectacle of himself


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    #828
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,814 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Or the bloke who fell into an upholserting macine and was fully recovered


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    #829
    jarvis
    Registered Users Posts: 1,497 ✭✭✭jarvis


    What do you call a monkey terrorist??????

    a BABOOM!!!!!!!!


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    #830
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    What's the best thing about emo pizza? it slices itself....

    Why should there always be more than one person screwing in a light bulb? Because many hands make light work....

    Yeah! (or no....)


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    #831
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    What fruit always comes in twos?
    Pears....


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    #832
    blinkey 101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 629 ✭✭✭blinkey 101


    'AL wrote:
    [EN;1194174']Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
    A: 45 pounds.
    whats the difference between a fox and a dog about ten pints:D


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    #833
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,814 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Last night I dreamt I had written 'Lord Of The Rings'.
    This morning I realised I'd just been Tolkein in my sleep.


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    #834
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,057 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    Last night I dreamt I had written 'Lord Of The Rings'.
    This morning I realised I'd just been Tolkein in my sleep.

    I used to do that too - it's very hobbit-forming...

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #835
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    Ikky Poo2 wrote: »
    I used to do that too - it's very hobbit-forming...
    Troll


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    #836
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Titanic...



    Well that went down well.



    A one Liner joke. Geddit.


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    #837
    McDaid--1916
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭McDaid--1916


    What worse than being raped by jack the ripper?
    Getting fingered by captain hook.:eek:


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    #838
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,814 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What's Irish and sits around the pool?
    Paddy O'furniture.


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    #839
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,814 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    as R2D4 used to say "beep boop det op tang? wakka wakka zzzzzzthp!"


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    #840
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,057 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    What's Irish and sits around the pool?
    Paddy O'furniture.

    What's Irish and hangs from the ceiling?
    Sean d'Olier

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #841
    Beanstalk
    Registered Users Posts: 1,212 ✭✭✭Beanstalk


    bluto63 wrote: »
    Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into the lens maker? He made a spectacle of himself

    The managment tried to blame his co-worker, but he maintains he'd been framed....


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