What are your funniest Irish sayings?

Coileach dearg · 25-09-2007 1:40am

Go lasfaidh dia thú

Go suas ort fhéin

One to use at a Wedding:
Go n-éiri an leaba libh!

Hagar · 25-09-2007 7:47am

If he saw the Liffey he'd want his piss back.

I will in me bollix.

Did your mother have any kids that lived?

He'd drink piss out of a hoor's boot.

What sort of eejit are ye?

As thick as bottled pigshite.

If he had brains he'd be dangerous.

If he had another brain it would be lonely.

Such is life without a wife and the man next door has two.

A face like a well smacked arse.

As sick as a small hospital.

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?

djsctt · 25-09-2007 8:13am

"He'd get up on the crack of dawn"

Jesus Wept · 25-09-2007 9:12am

animaX wrote:

"Be jaysus" always makes me laugh!

be the lord lamb of jaysus - hokey.

Dizzyblonde wrote:

Face like a boiled shíte

a face like yesterdy's porridge

a face like a melted welly.

As full as a bingo bus.

(a great one from the country fella's)

She had nipples like calf-nuts.

Daz wouldn't shift her.

I asked my grandmother how she was recently and her response was

'pullin the divil (devil

) by the tail!'

Lola123 · 25-09-2007 9:29am

"I will in my swiss"

"Jaysus, I'm sweatin like a dyslexic on countdown"

"He'd get up on a cracked plate"

"Yore wan is a bleedin sssdope!"

jazoo · 25-09-2007 9:39am

yore only a geebag

Dyr · 25-09-2007 9:44am

ahfordeluvanhonourajaysus (will ye leave yer sister alowin!!)

Im wall-falling (wit de hunger begob)

whats dat got to do wit de price of turnips??

lshe looks like her da set her head on fire and her ma put it out with a shovel

a heart the size of wrens bollix

and on top of them i dunno how many times i had to explain "scaldy" to foreigners

Jesus Wept · 25-09-2007 9:47am

Bambi wrote:

and on top of them i dunno how many times i had to explain "scaldy" to foreigners

mug ah scald.

Stephen P · 25-09-2007 9:47am

On seeing a beautiful woman...

"I'd suck the diarrhea from her knickers with a mcdonalds straw!

Mexicola · 25-09-2007 9:49am

He's as thick as a double ditch.

Jesus Wept · 25-09-2007 9:52am

stephen p wrote:

On seeing a beautiful woman...

"I'd suck the diarrhea from her knickers with a mcdonalds straw!

You just made that up, didn't you.

That's just wrong.

kev_s88 · 25-09-2007 10:22am

d'ya want yer go???

and for pure genius just look to Father Ted's John and Mary:

MARY:"you've got a face like a pair of tits"
JOHN: "well at least thats one pair between us"

Stephen P · 25-09-2007 10:24am

The-Rigger wrote:

You just made that up, didn't you.

That's just wrong.

LOL. Yea it is wrong. Heard it last week from a friend, thought it was hilarious! But I'm just sick

thelordofcheese · 25-09-2007 10:30am

my favourite is one i picked up when i was in limerick

"you gowl"
(usually delivered with a look of pure exasperation)

I now live with and english man, scots man and a canadian, so i have a great time using irish turns of phrase on them and confusing them

Bex81 · 25-09-2007 10:33am

A friend of mine uses a few good ones on a daily basis:
"Howya now thank God?" (without awaiting the reply)
When you ask her if she has "Any news?", her immediate response will always be "Divil a bit"

My parents were discussing someone who died the other day and my mum says "Did he die in the Times or the Indo?" (ie was he a country-man or a Dub)

Finally, to be read in one of those husky pikey voices a la 'Snatch': "Horse it into me good and proper there boss, nono o that fancy shte"

Sorry, I hope the last one doesnt offend

ejmaztec · 25-09-2007 11:37am

Some old family friend used to attend every funeral wake within a twenty mile radius of his house, whether he knew the people or not.

"There's Mossie, sniffin' for a corpse!"

When he died, there was standing room only!

25-09-2007 11:43am

amn't is still my favourite.

"You're drunk!"
"I amn't!"

roughan · 25-09-2007 11:44am

Heard a classic over the weekend on a mate describing a one night stand....

" I left her face like a painters radio" !

_blank_ · 25-09-2007 11:45am

I'd ate the arse of a low flying baby.

Banahan · 25-09-2007 12:10pm

Orange69 wrote:

Bertie Ahearn is a competent and inspiring leader.

Very funny

Mawg · 25-09-2007 12:15pm

My Grandad always says "Oh be-da-holy!" when something surprises him

Fri_day · 25-09-2007 12:15pm

"Ask me arse" is one I hear a fair bit.

"If there was hair on it, you'd get it in" is another.

"Up in Nellys room, behind the wallpaper" is one me aulfella uses whenever someone asks him where someone or something is and he either doesn't know the answer or can't be arsed thinking about it.

Cormster · 25-09-2007 12:34pm

not sure if its Irish, but

Tighter than a duck's a**e

is one of my favourites.

noker · 25-09-2007 12:34pm

Jaysus, people are dying now that never died before!

Dick Turnip · 25-09-2007 12:38pm

im so hungry i'd eat a nun's arse through a tennis racket!

stcatherine · 25-09-2007 1:24pm

Ones I use regularly :

"F**k ya, ya hoors C**T" (the favourite in times of sudden pain)

"How'd ya like to wake up with a crowd around ya"

"How'd ya like the toothfairy to bring ya the jackpot" (My all time favourite)

"I'd eat a Nuns arse through a convent gate / Child's arse through a chair"

"It's better than a kick in the teeth and no breakfast"

"I'm up and down like a Hoor's knickers"

"You smell like a tarts handbag"

"**** me sideways with a chainsaw"

"Jesus I'm like ****e on a swing swong"

(I take this to mean I'm all over the place .... like ****e would be if you were to pile it on a swing and then let it fly)

to my 5 year old when he dresses himself - "Jesus you look like Mickey Hick"

and I always remember me ma saying "Jesus wept and flittered his dickie" when I was a kid ...still to this day have no idea what thats about !

oh and my grandad always used to say

"ah Clare ta jaysus" .... again ... no idea !

Jesus Wept · 25-09-2007 1:38pm

Fri_day wrote:

"Up in Nellys room, behind the wallpaper" is one me aulfella uses whenever someone asks him where someone or something is and he either doesn't know the answer or can't be arsed thinking about it.

Up me arse, pickin daisys

Saint_Mel · 25-09-2007 1:40pm

Probably already said but:

Hunger
- I'd eat the hind leg off the Lamb of God
- I'd eat the belly out of a low flying duck

Ugliness
- She has a face like a plate of mortal sins
- She's Bruce Lee's sister, Ug ...

redtom · 25-09-2007 1:44pm

"You will and your bollox!" - meaning "stop talkin rubbish"...

Don't know how well known this one is - had fun tryin to explain it to a Japanese girl one night...

Just seen the variation on it a few posts back: "I will in me bollix" - this is probly what I'm thinking of, could be different versions of it - when you try to break it down it doesn't stand up...

red_ice · 25-09-2007 1:58pm

Orange69 wrote:

Cheapness:
He could peel an orange in his pocket.

scabby
He could peel an orange in his pocket with a boxing glove on and still keep it a secret

complement
Yor r'only massiff

general term
Gerrup ourra dah

uglyness
She has a face like a boiled scrotum
She has a face like a smacked arse
She has a face like a bulldog chewing on a bumblebee

random stupidity
If you fall off dah wall n break boat yaw legs dont cum runnin' t' me
Shuh yaw mout n eat yissaw dinnaw

kev_s88 · 25-09-2007 2:17pm

shut your mouth when you're talkin to me..... one of my teachers used to always say that!!!

cjt156 · 25-09-2007 2:21pm

stcatherine wrote:

"ah Clare ta jaysus" .... again ... no idea !

shortened from; I declare to Jaysus

(notice I capitalise, showing the respect that Jaysus H F*cking Christ on a Bike deserves)

Trojan911 · 25-09-2007 2:27pm

On women with reputations:

She was clanging like an ole ships bell for it.

She could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

She could suck the chrome off a car bumper.

On Stubborn people:

It's like pushing a car with a rope.

TJ911...

fits · 25-09-2007 2:36pm

The-Rigger wrote:

I asked my grandmother how she was recently and her response was

'pullin the divil (devil ) by the tail!'

gas

Pat the Baker · 25-09-2007 2:45pm

I'd ate the knickers off a scabby nun.

Wagon

Spa

lezizi · 25-09-2007 2:53pm

my mothers always says when your sick ' Jesus you look like s**t on a slate'

And a few limerick ones ' you gowl' and ' I was bate like a red headed step child'

Vegeta · 25-09-2007 2:57pm

whoa i just posted but it disappeared, weird

anyway it was

"I'd eat a bag of chips outta her knickers"

neuro-praxis · 25-09-2007 3:04pm

"Will you be coming out tonight?"

"I will in my arse."

gibo_ie · 25-09-2007 3:25pm

"pick a window"

ibh · 25-09-2007 3:36pm

One of my favourites is a simple, "Do i look like i give a ****e?" Some english friends of mine like "I'm as sick as a small hospital". They say it only works in an Irish accent though...

gyppo · 25-09-2007 3:43pm

She had a belly on her like a poisoned pup!

nice1franko · 25-09-2007 3:47pm

An old favourite of mine that my grand pappy used to say:

"jasus, them brits are an awful shower of cnuts"

ejmaztec · 25-09-2007 4:58pm

But, I don't want to bend over, Father!

lizzyd66 · 25-09-2007 5:14pm

After a night on the town...

.....You look like a boiled ****e!

....Here's the wreck of the hesperis (sp!)

...the dead arose and appeared to many

On a well built woman ....

...She is beefed to the heels like a mulligar heifer!
....Her arse was smiling at me

Some one being a bit above themselves

...A neck like a jockeys arse!

Heavily disguised compliment ....

You're not as green as you're are cabbage looking

Most of the above came from my mum or her family . The boiled ****e one was the most used during our teens /early twenties and the last thing you wanted to hear after a night on the lash.

Orange69 · 25-09-2007 5:17pm

neuro-praxis wrote:

"Will you be coming out tonight?"

"I will in my arse."

Can also use, "I will in my hole".

When someone arises after a nights boozing.

"Ah, The cracken awakes!"

skinner2x · 25-09-2007 5:27pm

"As mane (mean) as ditchwater"
" As tight as a ducks arse" (explain 'arse' to the yanks)

Lucky: If he fell into a river, he come out with fish in his pockets!

Are ye goin on the beer? ..I am in the back springs of me bo**ix...

DonalN · 25-09-2007 5:29pm

I'm so hungry I'd ate the balls off a low-flyin duck!!!.....

Bald? er, dash! · 25-09-2007 5:42pm

A few from my ould fella:

"Up she flew & the cock flattened her!" - no idea?????
"Livin' away like a small farmer" - in response to "How're things?" or similar
"Neck like a jockey's bollix"
"... said the actress to the bishop..." - usually replying to someone saying "F**k me!"
"F**k me said the duchess, more in hope than in anger" - probably not irish in origin
"There he/it/they was, gone"
"A hoor's bastard"
"Quare(queer) wan" - the wife
"That's her... said the Kerryman to the bull"

monaghanbiffo · 25-09-2007 5:45pm

Nearly never bucked the goat

head on ya like the price of spuds

hairyfairy00 · 25-09-2007 5:47pm

'Better than a bang in the sh**e'

'Well fu(k me pink'

'As dumb as a box of hammers' + 'As daft as a brush'

'Look at the head on him and the price of turnips'

What are your funniest Irish sayings?

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