What are your funniest Irish sayings?

Jesus Wept

stephen p wrote:

On seeing a beautiful woman...

"I'd suck the diarrhea from her knickers with a mcdonalds straw!

You just made that up, didn't you.

That's just wrong.

kev_s88

d'ya want yer go???

and for pure genius just look to Father Ted's John and Mary:

MARY:"you've got a face like a pair of tits"
JOHN: "well at least thats one pair between us"

Stephen P

The-Rigger wrote:

You just made that up, didn't you.

That's just wrong.

LOL. Yea it is wrong. Heard it last week from a friend, thought it was hilarious! But I'm just sick

thelordofcheese

my favourite is one i picked up when i was in limerick

"you gowl"
(usually delivered with a look of pure exasperation)

I now live with and english man, scots man and a canadian, so i have a great time using irish turns of phrase on them and confusing them

Bex81

A friend of mine uses a few good ones on a daily basis:
"Howya now thank God?" (without awaiting the reply)
When you ask her if she has "Any news?", her immediate response will always be "Divil a bit"

My parents were discussing someone who died the other day and my mum says "Did he die in the Times or the Indo?" (ie was he a country-man or a Dub)

Finally, to be read in one of those husky pikey voices a la 'Snatch': "Horse it into me good and proper there boss, nono o that fancy shte"

Sorry, I hope the last one doesnt offend

ejmaztec

Some old family friend used to attend every funeral wake within a twenty mile radius of his house, whether he knew the people or not.

"There's Mossie, sniffin' for a corpse!"

When he died, there was standing room only!

amn't is still my favourite.

"You're drunk!"
"I amn't!"

roughan

Heard a classic over the weekend on a mate describing a one night stand....

" I left her face like a painters radio" !

_blank_

I'd ate the arse of a low flying baby.

Banahan

Orange69 wrote:

Bertie Ahearn is a competent and inspiring leader.

Very funny

Mawg

My Grandad always says "Oh be-da-holy!" when something surprises him

Fri_day

"Ask me arse" is one I hear a fair bit.

"If there was hair on it, you'd get it in" is another.


"Up in Nellys room, behind the wallpaper" is one me aulfella uses whenever someone asks him where someone or something is and he either doesn't know the answer or can't be arsed thinking about it.

Cormster

not sure if its Irish, but

Tighter than a duck's a**e

is one of my favourites.

noker

Jaysus, people are dying now that never died before!

Dick Turnip

im so hungry i'd eat a nun's arse through a tennis racket!

stcatherine

Ones I use regularly :

"F**k ya, ya hoors C**T" (the favourite in times of sudden pain)

"How'd ya like to wake up with a crowd around ya"

"How'd ya like the toothfairy to bring ya the jackpot" (My all time favourite)

"I'd eat a Nuns arse through a convent gate / Child's arse through a chair"

"It's better than a kick in the teeth and no breakfast"

"I'm up and down like a Hoor's knickers"

"You smell like a tarts handbag"

"**** me sideways with a chainsaw"

"Jesus I'm like ****e on a swing swong"

(I take this to mean I'm all over the place .... like ****e would be if you were to pile it on a swing and then let it fly)

to my 5 year old when he dresses himself - "Jesus you look like Mickey Hick"

and I always remember me ma saying "Jesus wept and flittered his dickie" when I was a kid ...still to this day have no idea what thats about !

oh and my grandad always used to say

"ah Clare ta jaysus" .... again ... no idea !

Jesus Wept

Fri_day wrote:

"Up in Nellys room, behind the wallpaper" is one me aulfella uses whenever someone asks him where someone or something is and he either doesn't know the answer or can't be arsed thinking about it.

Up me arse, pickin daisys

Saint_Mel

Probably already said but:

Hunger
- I'd eat the hind leg off the Lamb of God
- I'd eat the belly out of a low flying duck

Ugliness
- She has a face like a plate of mortal sins
- She's Bruce Lee's sister, Ug ...

redtom

"You will and your bollox!" - meaning "stop talkin rubbish"...

Don't know how well known this one is - had fun tryin to explain it to a Japanese girl one night...


Just seen the variation on it a few posts back: "I will in me bollix" - this is probly what I'm thinking of, could be different versions of it - when you try to break it down it doesn't stand up...

red_ice

Orange69 wrote:

Cheapness:
He could peel an orange in his pocket.

scabby
He could peel an orange in his pocket with a boxing glove on and still keep it a secret

complement
Yor r'only massiff

general term
Gerrup ourra dah

uglyness
She has a face like a boiled scrotum
She has a face like a smacked arse
She has a face like a bulldog chewing on a bumblebee

random stupidity
If you fall off dah wall n break boat yaw legs dont cum runnin' t' me
Shuh yaw mout n eat yissaw dinnaw

kev_s88

shut your mouth when you're talkin to me..... one of my teachers used to always say that!!!

cjt156

stcatherine wrote:

"ah Clare ta jaysus" .... again ... no idea !

shortened from; I declare to Jaysus

(notice I capitalise, showing the respect that Jaysus H F*cking Christ on a Bike deserves)

Trojan911

On women with reputations:

She was clanging like an ole ships bell for it.

She could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

She could suck the chrome off a car bumper.

On Stubborn people:

It's like pushing a car with a rope.


TJ911...

fits

The-Rigger wrote:

I asked my grandmother how she was recently and her response was

'pullin the divil (devil ) by the tail!'

gas

Pat the Baker

I'd ate the knickers off a scabby nun.

Wagon

Spa

lezizi

my mothers always says when your sick ' Jesus you look like s**t on a slate'

And a few limerick ones ' you gowl' and ' I was bate like a red headed step child'

Vegeta

whoa i just posted but it disappeared, weird

anyway it was

"I'd eat a bag of chips outta her knickers"

neuro-praxis

"Will you be coming out tonight?"

"I will in my arse."

gibo_ie

"pick a window"

ibh

One of my favourites is a simple, "Do i look like i give a ****e?" Some english friends of mine like "I'm as sick as a small hospital". They say it only works in an Irish accent though...