What are your funniest Irish sayings?

Aoife9 · 24-09-2007 4:53pm #1

Sorry if this in the wrong forum or if it's been done before mods please feel free to move if you must, but I lived in the states for a few years and my yankie friends used to crack up at the sayings I had, things I didn't even think were that funny like for example; she/he had a face like a slapped arse or a bulldog sucking a bee etc.... anyway I know there are bound to be some from other counties that I haven't heard before so on a rainy dull Monday give us a laugh and post some here:)

Ruu_Old · 24-09-2007 4:56pm

Christ on a bike!

animaX · 24-09-2007 4:57pm

"Be jaysus" always makes me laugh!

24-09-2007 4:58pm

Aoife9 wrote:

Sorry if this in the wrong forum or if it's been done before mods please feel free to move if you must, but I lived in the states for a few years and my yankie friends used to crack up at the sayings I had, things I didn't even think were that funny like for example; she/he had a face like a slapped arse or a bulldog sucking a bee etc.... anyway I know there are bound to be some from other counties that I haven't heard before so on a rainy dull Monday give us a laugh and post some here:)

Did you look in the archives, ar chor ar bith (at all, at all!)

Dizzyblonde · 24-09-2007 4:59pm

Face like a boiled shíte

Brady · 24-09-2007 4:59pm

"Gob****e"

Orange69 · 24-09-2007 4:59pm

Bertie Ahearn is a competent and inspiring leader.

Dave! · 24-09-2007 5:00pm

Hoor's boot

cance · 24-09-2007 5:00pm

"d'ya think i came down in the last banana boat"

STFU!!!

Aoife9 · 24-09-2007 5:04pm

DaveMcG wrote:

Hoor's boot

humanji · 24-09-2007 5:04pm

"For the love of St. Bernadette in the Batmobile"
and
"F*ck me sideways" always makes me giggle.

Aoife9 · 24-09-2007 5:07pm

A friend of mine from Kerry used to say " I am so hungry I could eat the lamb of God"

r3nu4l · 24-09-2007 5:09pm

Jaysus 't'was excitin', me blood pressure was up and down like a hoors knickers!

I was hoppin' mad!

Am I well? How could I be well with me arse split in two, a hole in the middle and no sign of it healin'?

I'm so hungry I'd eat the arse off a baby through a tennis racket!

The phrase "Well aren't you some eejit altogether!"...seems to crack up my English friends.

mac1970 · 24-09-2007 5:10pm

Aoife9 wrote:

A friend of mine from Kerry used to say " I am so hungry I could eat the lamb of God"

And come back and pick his teeth with the nails!!!!

also

as sick as a plane to lourdes

ya bollix

Fu(k me pink and call me toby

Vegeta · 24-09-2007 5:13pm

don't know if its an irish saying or what but using "jamp" as the past tense of jump.

"I jamp off the wall"

MikeHoncho · 24-09-2007 5:18pm

I could eat a nuns arse through a convent gate.

or

Get up the yard!

Colonel Sanders · 24-09-2007 5:23pm

Orange69 wrote:

Bertie Ahearn is a competent and inspiring leader.

LOL!!!!

Colonel Sanders · 24-09-2007 5:25pm

If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall.

I once made my boss nearly get sick laughing when i said to him 'as Ben Dunne would say, my hands are tied'

Dreamer 7 · 24-09-2007 5:25pm

"Get oura tha' garden smell a benjee of ya"
always makes me smile
or

she's as happy as a dog with two mickies

mjquinno · 24-09-2007 5:32pm

tight

"if he had two diseases he wouldn't give you one"
"if you had a bandage in your back pocket he would cut himself"
"he would pull a penny into a copper wire"

work well done

"wouldn't a blind man love to see that"

loosing her virginity

"It will be the golden flute that will ride her"

watna · 24-09-2007 5:32pm

Things that I've been told are funny are:

Somebody just walked you your grave (if you get the shivers), apparently that's an irish thing or another one i used in international company and got a good response is (for a stingy person) "he's as tight as a nuns gee"

MikeHoncho · 24-09-2007 5:49pm

Im not sure how well this one is gonna go down but:

"Id ate a mile of her ****e to get a lick of her hole"

I pissed myself when I heard that one.:D

Orange69 · 24-09-2007 5:51pm

Cheapness:

He could peel an orange in his pocket.

If he dropped 50 pence it would hit him on the back of the neck on the way down to pick it up.

Big lips:

He could eat his dinner through a tennis raquet.

Mad Dog · 24-09-2007 5:55pm

MikeHoncho wrote:

Im not sure how well this one is gonna go down but:

"Id ate a mile of her ****e to get a lick of her hole"

I pissed myself when I heard that one.:D

Me too ! !

mc nuggets · 24-09-2007 6:00pm

Fcuk me backwards with a wooden spoon

Christ on a bike is brilliant

Dun laoire · 24-09-2007 6:11pm

Shove it up your swiss

TPD · 24-09-2007 6:17pm

'Like a bulldog chewin a wasp' (Been said sorta)
'Who licked the butter off your scone?'
'Y'ole hoorbag'
'If i'd a bag of bruised Mickeys I'd not give her one'

satanta99 · 24-09-2007 6:24pm

My friends always kill me for using these sorta phrases and tell me that the last time they heard them was from their parents or grandparents.

I think that this one is gr8 for describing someones meanness!

"He wouldn't give ya the steam off his piss"

or some lady with loose morals

"she'd get up on a gust of wind"

And I think a gr8 variation of "langer" here in Cork has to be "Langball" can be used in situations where a**hole mite ordinarally be used!

Also my American friends seem to be fanscinated by the way we talk, with all these sorta phrases and especially the way we say 'ye' instead of 'you' plural!I'd hate to see us losing all these things coz thats wat make us different from the other English speaking countries.

Dave! · 24-09-2007 6:51pm

Shure, tis only mighty!

murphaph · 24-09-2007 6:57pm

amn't

Sofaspud · 24-09-2007 7:01pm

TPD wrote:

'Like a bulldog chewin a wasp' (Been said sorta)

I prefer "like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle" or "a face like a melted wheelie bin"

A good 'oul Oirish one is "You're in an'out like a fiddler's elbow" for somone who moves about a lot.

kraggy · 24-09-2007 7:06pm

"That wan's so tight she squeaks when she walks"

muckwarrior · 24-09-2007 7:09pm

Ya made a right hoors abortion of that!

philstar · 24-09-2007 7:23pm

go ask me bollocks:D

murphaph · 24-09-2007 7:28pm

D'ja know the five lamps?

skywalker · 24-09-2007 7:37pm

A common rhetorical question in Dublin.

Dya want me to break your face, for ya?

MooseJam · 24-09-2007 7:40pm

herald or the press

Caliden · 24-09-2007 7:58pm

I wouldnt get up on her to get over a wall.

I wouldnt even ride her if she had 2 peddles and a saddle

entropi · 24-09-2007 8:00pm

Favourite oldie : Get up the yard... or failing that one, ask me bollix

Current favourite would be two my little bro uses, up your swiss or for describing hunger: i'd eat the scabby leg off a septic leper

Heard some classics before like : the tide wouldn't take her out etc which make me smile at times

MrJoeSoap · 24-09-2007 8:02pm

She's only a gowlbag, a sniper wouldn't take her out.

E. Fudd · 24-09-2007 8:12pm

"ah ask me bastard"

admiralofthefleet · 24-09-2007 8:31pm

there was an old dude that drank in a pub i worked in a few years ago that always sat at the end of the bar and commented on the good looking female customers by saying 'i'd suck her farts'

RoyalMarine · 24-09-2007 8:36pm

YORE MA!!

sorry. cant stop laughing when ever this pops up in a decent convo.

Mr. Presentable · 24-09-2007 8:41pm

As mad as a wet hen.

As contrary as a bag of cats.

The luckiest cúnt who ever p1ssed through a Davy Crocket hat.

admiralofthefleet · 24-09-2007 8:50pm

kiss the back of me sack

im so hungry i could eat a cows arse through a hedge

ye dopey bollix

zuutroy · 24-09-2007 8:56pm

She's a face like a bucket of smashed crabs and an arse like a bag of hammers.

Agamemnon · 24-09-2007 9:09pm

MikeHoncho wrote:

"Id ate a mile of her ****e to get a lick of her hole"

LOL! A friend of mine says something similar: "I'd run through a mile of barbed wire to poke a stick in her shit." He also says "I'd take a bite out of her arse" but that could just be him being deviant.

For someone lazy: "If there was work in bed he'd sleep on the floor."

MrJoeSoap · 24-09-2007 9:27pm

The Podge and Rodge version was something like...

"I'd crawl for miles over broken glass and hot coals to lick the exhaust pipe of the van that brought her dirty knickers to the laundry"

Orange69 · 24-09-2007 11:49pm

Im so thirsty id drink a pint of beamish out of a knackers sock..

Dord · 25-09-2007 12:02am

Geh outta tha' garden and gerrup the yard!

TheMilkyPirate · 25-09-2007 1:25am

"He's so tight his arse squeaks when he walks"

"seen better legs on a table"

"seen better heads on a pint of guinness"

"i wouldn't ride her into battle"

What are your funniest Irish sayings?

Comments