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What are your funniest Irish sayings?



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,414 ✭✭✭ kraggy

    "That wan's so tight she squeaks when she walks"

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,890 ✭✭✭ muckwarrior

    Ya made a right hoors abortion of that!

  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,986 philstar

    go ask me bollocks:D

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,772 ✭✭✭✭ murphaph

    D'ja know the five lamps?

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,707 skywalker

    A common rhetorical question in Dublin.

    Dya want me to break your face, for ya?

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,111 MooseJam

    herald or the press

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,985 ✭✭✭ Caliden

    I wouldnt get up on her to get over a wall.

    I wouldnt even ride her if she had 2 peddles and a saddle

  • Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 21,750 Mod ✭✭✭✭ entropi

    Favourite oldie : Get up the yard... or failing that one, ask me bollix :D

    Current favourite would be two my little bro uses, up your swiss or for describing hunger: i'd eat the scabby leg off a septic leper :p

    Heard some classics before like : the tide wouldn't take her out etc which make me smile at times

  • Registered Users Posts: 15,115 ✭✭✭✭ MrJoeSoap

    She's only a gowlbag, a sniper wouldn't take her out.

  • Registered Users Posts: 625 E. Fudd

    "ah ask me bastard"

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,137 ✭✭✭✭ admiralofthefleet

    there was an old dude that drank in a pub i worked in a few years ago that always sat at the end of the bar and commented on the good looking female customers by saying 'i'd suck her farts'

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,847 RoyalMarine

    YORE MA!!

    sorry. cant stop laughing when ever this pops up in a decent convo.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,496 Mr. Presentable

    As mad as a wet hen.

    As contrary as a bag of cats.

    The luckiest cúnt who ever p1ssed through a Davy Crocket hat.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,137 ✭✭✭✭ admiralofthefleet

    kiss the back of me sack

    im so hungry i could eat a cows arse through a hedge

    ye dopey bollix

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,854 ✭✭✭ zuutroy

    She's a face like a bucket of smashed crabs and an arse like a bag of hammers.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,367 ✭✭✭ Agamemnon

    MikeHoncho wrote:
    "Id ate a mile of her ****e to get a lick of her hole"

    LOL! A friend of mine says something similar: "I'd run through a mile of barbed wire to poke a stick in her shit." He also says "I'd take a bite out of her arse" but that could just be him being deviant.

    For someone lazy: "If there was work in bed he'd sleep on the floor."

  • Registered Users Posts: 15,115 ✭✭✭✭ MrJoeSoap

    The Podge and Rodge version was something like...

    "I'd crawl for miles over broken glass and hot coals to lick the exhaust pipe of the van that brought her dirty knickers to the laundry"

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,139 Orange69

    Im so thirsty id drink a pint of beamish out of a knackers sock..

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,880 ✭✭✭✭ Dord

    Geh outta tha' garden and gerrup the yard!


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭ TheMilkyPirate

    "He's so tight his arse squeaks when he walks"

    "seen better legs on a table"

    "seen better heads on a pint of guinness"

    "i wouldn't ride her into battle"

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  • Registered Users Posts: 416 ✭✭ Coileach dearg

    Go lasfaidh dia thú

    Go suas ort fhéin

    One to use at a Wedding:
    Go n-éiri an leaba libh!

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,674 ✭✭✭✭ Hagar

    If he saw the Liffey he'd want his piss back.

    I will in me bollix.

    Did your mother have any kids that lived?

    He'd drink piss out of a hoor's boot.

    What sort of eejit are ye?

    As thick as bottled pigshite.

    If he had brains he'd be dangerous.

    If he had another brain it would be lonely.

    Such is life without a wife and the man next door has two.

    A face like a well smacked arse.

    As sick as a small hospital.

    Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?

  • Registered Users Posts: 106 ✭✭ djsctt

    "He'd get up on the crack of dawn"

  • Registered Users Posts: 25,245 ✭✭✭✭ Jesus Wept

    animaX wrote:
    "Be jaysus" always makes me laugh!

    be the lord lamb of jaysus - hokey.

    Face like a boiled shíte

    a face like yesterdy's porridge

    a face like a melted welly.

    As full as a bingo bus.

    (a great one from the country fella's)

    She had nipples like calf-nuts.

    Daz wouldn't shift her.

    I asked my grandmother how she was recently and her response was

    'pullin the divil (devil :p) by the tail!'


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 582 Lola123

    "I will in my swiss"

    "Jaysus, I'm sweatin like a dyslexic on countdown"

    "He'd get up on a cracked plate"

    "Yore wan is a bleedin sssdope!"

  • Registered Users Posts: 355 ✭✭ jazoo

    yore only a geebag

  • Registered Users Posts: 21,813 ✭✭✭✭ Dyr

    ahfordeluvanhonourajaysus (will ye leave yer sister alowin!!)

    Im wall-falling (wit de hunger begob)

    whats dat got to do wit de price of turnips??

    lshe looks like her da set her head on fire and her ma put it out with a shovel

    a heart the size of wrens bollix

    and on top of them i dunno how many times i had to explain "scaldy" to foreigners :confused:

  • Registered Users Posts: 25,245 ✭✭✭✭ Jesus Wept

    Bambi wrote:

    and on top of them i dunno how many times i had to explain "scaldy" to foreigners :confused:

    mug ah scald.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,888 ✭✭✭ Stephen P

    On seeing a beautiful woman...

    "I'd suck the diarrhea from her knickers with a mcdonalds straw!

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 277 ✭✭ Mexicola

    He's as thick as a double ditch.