Divorcing PPR and child maintenance

Yes

The OP is in a tricky bind and needs good legal advice from an experienced professional and probably needs to go to family law court.

The most any of the rest of us can do here is learn from his mistakes.

I think we are all agreed that he should not have moved out of the family home. He was paying the mortgage and had every right to stay. I know he was on the couch but he should have fixed up a spare room (take kids room etc.). By moving out he has considerably weakened his negotiating position and allowed the wife to bring her new partner in.

For all those blokes who own their own houses and are thinking of moving their lady friends in... Rent/mortgage free, DON'T!!

Also ALWAYS keep a secret bank account/stash of cash.... call it your "running away" money. Some day you'll need it.

The OP has already confirmed that his ex-wife's new partner has not moved in with her. The man has his own house.

(Also, the OP himself has a new partner).

some sort of bug I reckon

its biased in favour of the kids and therefore the primary caregiver

if the roles were reversed, the outcome could be the same

The real issue here is that the cost of housing means its almost impossible to split the house

she has to agree to it of course

the kids need to be housed.

Thanks for the clarity on it and of course it makes sense.

If the OP is better off and can house the kids himself by selling the house then surely this would be an argument put to a judge to allow it. In any case I would have stayed in the house but you can't mess with your mental health which the OP noted was not good when he did stay.

Yes, he can definitely put the argument for the sale of the house in front of the Judge for consideration.

5 years from now, even 2 years from now, both the OP and his ex-wife could be in very different places. The OP doesn't say what age bracket they are in, but both have new partners, and life has a way of moving on. He may move in with his new partner (or someone else) and she may move in with hers (or someone else).

There is nothing yet to say the OP is going to be stuck living permanently at his parents and paying the full mortgage for the next 20 years.

Destroying his credit rating now as some would suggest he do, would not be a smart move for his own future chances of buying another place - either by himself or with someone else.

Would be interesting to see some stats on how often the father ends up being the primary care giver instead of the mother.

I think we all know the answer to that.

That bias then transfers toward the primary caregiver just like you say.

Sounds about right.

Soon you will have posters on here testifying that if the judge decides then its all grand. Definitely no bias there! 😂

I think this thread is cooked. No need to post anything further.

How many fathers go to Court actively looking for a 50:50 share of custody?

Or how many fathers were perfectly satisfied with their wives or partners taking care of the vast majority of the hands on child caring responsibilities, up until separation reared its ugly head, and then suddenly they want their kids lives split down the middle?

Or, to be as cynical as some on this thread are - how many men only look for 50:50 custody in the event of a separation because they don't want to pay child maintenance to their ex-partners?

In the vast majority of cases, it's usually the mother who IS the primary caregiver. It is most likely the mother who takes time off when the kids are sick, or goes part time so she can pick up the kids from school or even gives up their career entirely to take care of the children.

If men want this imbalance to change, then they need to start taking on more of the hands on parenting BEFORE their relationships fail. Not after.

Parental leave, Parents Leave, flexible working options, part time options - these are all options available to men as well as women. So why aren't men taking them up?

OP should never have left the house and now that he has should stop paying the mortgage.