Divorcing PPR and child maintenance

jj880

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125173#Comment_121125173

Can a prenup scupper this?

What if you leave the jurisdiction outside the EU - which now could obviously mean just moving to the UK?

You would worry about your children marrying in such a backward system.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058314233/divorcing-ppr-and-child-maintenance

If i was you OP I wouldnt be one bit reasonable and i would get to work going to war against the courts and burning her world down as much as you possibly can.

By attacking her financially , outting her on social media to attack her socially, outting the person she cheated with on social media put it on her! people like her deserve what they get and part of the reason people behave like that in the first place is they are protected and have little consequences. But the court of public opinion is a beautiful thing and its crippling effect to have a person think the world is talking about em use it.

I would sell any assets you dont absolutely need to get by and put the money in a protected place ie. somewhere the courts cant get at it when they try there bullshit, refuse them refuse to work if they try to garnish your wages because who'll pay the mortgage ? Do your best to force her into agreeing to sell the house even false promises of money from the sale then obviously give her nothing..

Once you get everything settled then use the assets you have to rebuild and do the best you can for the kids.

But be absolutely ruthless and show her no mercy at all she deserves all she gets.

But protecting your money is the big one even if it means you've to play popper for a while it would be worth it in the long run, no need for a lawyer if you know they cant get any assets and you can sit there in court all day long refusing they cant get what you dont "have" :)

Widdensushi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125263#Comment_121125263

Op , don't put anything on social media, it's poison that the doesn't go away, the above is very bad advice.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125277#Comment_121125277

Poison for her and well earned, perfectly legal too to talk about your own life.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125235#Comment_121125235

Pre-nups are not recognised in Ireland.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125286#Comment_121125286

And when the kids read it? Because that stuff never goes away.

From the sounds of it the OP has many years of co-parenting with his ex-wife ahead of him.

The last thing he needs to do is throw petrol on a bonfire.

For the sake of their children, they both need to keep it as civil as possible.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125293#Comment_121125293

They'd know the truth which they should be told anyway? Why would you lie to them or not tell them only for them to hear from a second hand source eventually.. they should atleast have one parent they can trust to be honest and upfront with them.

thegame983

This thread should be mandatory reading for any man thinking of getting married.

Gusser09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125263#Comment_121125263

FFS.

A prime example of the these forums should be shut on boards. You are getting one side of the story.

In my experience there are 3 sides to every story.

Hammerhead1

I’ve no interest in burning her alight . I have to deal with her for the next 20 years . She is still my children’s mother . I have a new partner . I’ve zero bitterness. I’m just trying to rebuild as best I can . There is very little at play here . 1 house , an average pension , no savings . Very little to get excited about. I’d see it very much as a straightforward divorce settlement (hopefully)

GalwayGaillimh

And if you don't pay your maintenance you can be jailed...yet no woman has being jailed for breaking father's access order to kids in Ireland...

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125314#Comment_121125314

Well i was replying on the basis that the OP was telling the truth about it?

Regardless you can have what ever story you like no story excuses cheating simple as.

They could just leave the relationship.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125300#Comment_121125300

Are you even a parent?

Gusser09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125325#Comment_121125325

You've been hurt before. Don't let you personal experiences fog your advice. All circumstances are different and your advice to play it all out on social media is horrific and can't be taken back once put up there.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125319#Comment_121125319

Well that's straight forward then you just have to capitulate to her demands and just give her the money she needs when she wants it.

Fair play, Far more than a person like that deserves tho!

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125345#Comment_121125345

I have'nt ive actually been very fortunate compared to alot of the horror stories ive seen but when i thought about it, i would certainly take the fire and brimstone approach if i was in OP shoes the courts biasedness alone would drive me mad.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125340#Comment_121125340

Im assuming you'd lie to your children or have ?

They're in for a world of hurt down the line... have a think about it.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125235#Comment_121125235

She could still pursue him in the UK. There are reciprocal arrangements between many states (not just the UK) for child maintenance.

There is a whole division of the Dept of Justice set up for that purpose - the Central Authority for Maintenance Recovery.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125386#Comment_121125386

I wonder is that even effective? like it must be a nightmare resource wise to track a person down in another country who's hell bent on not paying maintenance.

Hammerhead1

In respect of child maintenance for an average salary man like myself is there a typical maintenance amount ? If you equate my 1500 total monthly contribution it’s roughly 85 a week per child .

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125432#Comment_121125432

Think its a max of 150 per child...its surely means tested tho in some shape or form and other stuff will have to be taken into account if ye are going 50/50 with em i dont see why you would be paying her anything.

rowantree18

Any advice about burning her in court etc is poor. I'm telling you seriously only the lawyers win. It's unbelievably expensive and you'll be on the hook, not her.

I'm a woman, divorced abroad (eu) where you only get assets you had before marriage, anything which was yours stays yours. No spousal support as everyone works (good kindergarten system) just state regulated child support if children live in one household. My ex and I are good friends as no acrimony due to a simple system.

jj880

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125444#Comment_121125444

Sounds like a utopia of common sense and progress compared to here.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125378#Comment_121125378

And you think the mature way of handling this is "going to war" and "destroying" the character of the person you have to spend the next 20 years raising your children with?

As for the kids - their parents broke up. **** happens. They can be told more about it when its age appropriate. But one parent going to "war" on the other and growing up will parents who can't be civil to or around each other will end up hurting them a lot more than the original reason for the break up will.

Imagine growing up in an atmosphere where every shared occasion (and there will be many over the coming years) is a tense, angry, battleground between their parents that the kids have to endure? Every birthday party, christmas, school event.

Doesn't sound very nice for the kids, does it? You have a think about that, rather than some desire for revenge.

Thankfully, the OP doesn't sound like the kind of guy who wants that for his kids.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125432#Comment_121125432

There is no typical amount Hammerhead1. Every couple's situation is individual. It depends entirely on both of your incomes and outgoings, and then the child related expenses, shared time, etc.

But I can tell you that €85 per child per week would be considered a very reasonable amount.

Also the cash value of Child Benefit and the Single Person Child Carer Credit should be factored in when maintenance is being assessed.

But - and here is a difficulty. You can't say it's "for the mortgage" and then claim it's also "for the kids". It has to be one or the other.

You should be paying half the mortgage, and half the child related costs, and the mother paying the other half.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125498#Comment_121125498

They didnt break up, there mother cheated and destroyed the family to put her needs first. You are correct tho there would be consequences and it would be ugly but in time they would understand, I would far rather that than a fake environment where everyone pretends to get on. All the while she cripples him financially for the foreseeable future. She will be having a ball, living in the house his paying for probably letting the dude she cheated with live there rent free all the while churning in maintenance on top of lone parents which of course all that money she'll DEFINITELY! spend on the kids and not herself because shes clearly of high moral standards....

He's kids would be alot more resilient for knowing the truth rather than being "protected" and lied to about it.

They would develop the coping mechanisms and way to deal with issues rather than hide from them.

In truth its the country that needs to change adultery shouldnt be rewarded and instead punished.

Hammerhead1

But the ex was never on the mortgage and never contributed to it . It’s in my sole name purchased pre marriage . Regardless of if it’s for the kids or not I cannot pay out more than the 1500 I already am which some months is closer to 2k with all the ongoing extra costs

Hammerhead1

Also does anyone know If the settlement meetings can occur in advance of the 2 years apart rule ? We are not eligible for divorce until next august but I’m trying to get it all moved along as fast as possible

rowantree18

Most eu countries work this way. Anything including property which was owned outright by one person stays that persons, its not up for grabs. In Ireland even a pension is on the table. But a lot of what goes on is due to a crap childcare system and women thetefore staying at home or going part time.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125548#Comment_121125548

You'll probably have to come to a compromise but the children will need a home and since she cant afford it you'll have to maintain the status quo. They will be looking at it from the angle of whats best for the kids not you or your spouse.

Her staying at home during your marriage is worth what she would have lost in earnings i think.