Divorcing PPR and child maintenance

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134060#Comment_121134060

Ill state this again nowhere have i said put the kids out on the street infact the opposite, i have advocated that the father do all he can to get custody of them so they arent stuck with a toxic mother. You and the other musketeers deliberately misquote me and lie.

"She isnt gunning for more money" more lies heres a qoute from the OP original post "My ex believes I should be paying much more "

Does this sound like a reasonable person to you or a person of good character that should be allowed to raise kids? stop..

The assumptions in this thread are unreal that the mother should get the kids and the house, she should be turfed out he should get the kids and the house and she should pay him maintenance if this country was anyways ran.

Widdensushi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134126#Comment_121134126

Post 70 and 71

the.red.baron

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134239#Comment_121134239

when he gets the kids and house he can't work

then he loses the kids and house

I mean its so stupid

Bass Reeves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121127658#Comment_121127658

She would not be getting any more than she is now. Along with that any payments he be making would be tax deductible for him

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134275#Comment_121134275

Why cant he work? who says they cant arrange childcare? why isnt she forced to get a job? it'd be alot cheaper for him to keep the house and for them to get childcare so she can go work and feather her own nest.

Plenty of options that would be better for the kids in the long run.

But its not about the kids she wants to gain financially she wants her cake and to eat it too shes using the kids as leverage.

You didnt even know she was looking for more money off him and here you are commenting with not a notion.

the.red.baron

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134258#Comment_121134258

yes remember it now, then it the courts, she wont engage there either, be a disaster, but its the only avenue, they will take his well being into it aswell

the.red.baron

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134284#Comment_121134284

FFS, childcare will eat up all the earnings, because no doubt her job won't equate to his job, its just the way of the world

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134291#Comment_121134291

It will eat up her earnings just as much and he gets to keep the house and kids, im sure he could make arrangements between work and family members for childcare. It would actually be a net gain for him as he would be able to live in the house.

The main problem here is he is the one suffering for her wrong doings while she is benefitting from them, childcare and her having to pay maintenance towards him and the kids would be justice.

Maybe she can go live with the lad she cheated with?

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121133958#Comment_121133958

You see alot on boards but this here must be one of the most "gone off a cliff" trips I've seen. You've gone from fraud, to ignoring court orders, to insults and insinuating other posters are cheaters themselves!

Op please dont listen to this cause in what world is losing the family home, becoming unemployed, forcing his kids into a council house away from their friends and school and everything they've ever known and doing all this to spite his ex ever going to be the best for the kids?? Kids arent stupid and this kind of behavior would only force them further and further away from him.

You have no idea of what his wife did apart from cheating, you're making her out to be some kind of cheating maniac when you know absolutely none of this.

Its no secret that family court in this country needs an overhaul and things do swing in favour of the mother but often thats genuinely because they are the primary caregiver and she has in this situation. Its not her fault that the country has been allowed become a place where someone in the OPs situation cannot afford a place on his own on his wage and take care of his kids. So take the fight somewhere else but what you're suggesting is downright damaging to not just the OP but to his kids, his reputation with the banks and his career.

Bass Reeves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134133#Comment_121134133

That is if the settlement is court approved. OP has stated the court case is next year. OP wages are 3.5k net per month out of a 70ishk wage before tax which indicates he is bei taxed as a single person. This indicates it's a voluntary agreement and he is getting no tax relief.

Her wages and one parent payment is all that is taxed at present and she is paying about 35/ week in tax.

@Hammerhead1 can you confirm

the.red.baron

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134317#Comment_121134317

no this is the current situation without a court mandated settlement

its obvious he is paying too much

so that wouldn't continue

thats why he asked for the advice

having a mental breakdown like you are suggesting, going bankrupt is not the solution

to adjust how much he is paying now, in lieu of any formal agreement is best

acting like a rational adult is the only way to go, short term pain, long term gain

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134362#Comment_121134362

Your great for the catchy phrases "short term pain, long term gain" give us a look at what that road map looks to you?

Because based on the advice you've given him so far to sum it up is be mature go to court, give your ex the house and half your wages or more for the next 20yrs and go home and have a nap on your parents couch.

Yeah struggling to see the "gain" there bud.

Bass Reeves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134291#Comment_121134291

He is already paying for after-school childcare. FFS he is paying for everything.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134385#Comment_121134385

Its insanity, i fear for the OP once they have that chain around your neck, it wont be coming off anytime soon shes already suggesting he should be paying "Much More" and you've this lot saying its in the best interest of the kids and to go along with it and be mature like a bunch of robots.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134355#Comment_121134355

You're pretending as if the status quo is much better, that he gets to live on his parents couch, what relationship is he meant to have with his kids? where's he going to have it do they sleep on the couch with him when they are staying over is it?

Lets take stock.

As it stands he is :

1) Homeless

2) Wages reduced to 1.5k for the next 20 yrs minimum reduced further if his ex has her way.

3) No prospect of getting a home or even renting on that money and due to paying her mortgage.

4) At her mercy for when and if she allows him to see the kids.

If that's your definition of a sane mature outcome id rather be a lunatic everyday of the week and id question the sanity of anyone that would willingly accept such an outcome.

"Its not her fault the country has become a place where someone in the OP's situation cannot afford a place on his own and take care of the kids"

That has to be one of the most removed from reality sentences ive read... i hate to break it too you but its all her fault every single bit of this is her fault lmao.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121124063#Comment_121124063

Gulp!

delusiondestroyer

Best of luck Op,

I hope you become less agreeable and disregard this "go along with it" horseshit mantra on here twill be the ruining of you and condemn you to a life of misery and your kids wont be better for it.

There is no worse fate than being a modern day slave for your ex-wife because that's who you'll be working for if you nod along with the courts in this country.

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134432#Comment_121134432

Listen to yourself!! Theres hysterics and then theres hysterics. You're making things up.

1) Homeless; Hes not homeless. Its not ideal but hes not homeless.

2) Wages reduced to 1.5k for the next 20 yrs minimum reduced further if his ex has her way: Hes said himself 8-10 years.

3) No prospect of getting a home or even renting on that money and due to paying her mortgage. Ill address that below.

4) At her mercy for when and if she allows him to see the kids. Thats never been in question, he has the kids, he has said its amicable and he sees a way forward.

As for the removed from reality comment, again, listen to yourself. The biggest issue in this country is the housing crisis and the rapid increase in the cost of living. Someone making 3.5k shouldn't be in a situation where he cant look after his family and house himself and move forward with his life. Shes cost the marriage for sure but she hasn't caused every single issue in this country.

You clearly dont read things and have gone on this rant, that has given the OP absolutely nothing of substance, advised him horribly and made up your own version of events when OP has said the opposite. Much like you have here; ive said the system needs an overhaul but you taking that as me pretending the status quo is better.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121124657#Comment_121124657

Sweet Jesus! I find it mind boggling how guys who have just come out of a divorce dive right back in and find themselves a " partner/ soulmate" or worse still a new wife! No wonder the crowd who really coin it in these situations, the solicitors, rub their hands in glee!

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134486#Comment_121134486

Fair question how does OP the kids are his and she hasnt cheated before? it seems to be asked multiple times in this thread now seeing as you think shes some form of good character explain that to us.

As the saying goes Once and cheat always a cheat.

He is essentially homeless he is sleeping on his parents couch.

Wages reduced to 1.5k for 10 years so still not exactly selling it to me

He earns enough to afford a house in this country infact he already has one but the system is in the process of stealing it from him. He could actually afford another one if he had his full wage but thats being stolen from him aswell by the system and for what ? no fault of his own but a cheating wife.

Where is the fairness in that? she didnt give a **** about the kids when she cheated, she didnt care how it impacted em.

And the biggest sign of all the says to me she is of despicable character is even after all his paying and the horrendous situation he is in rather than be remorseful she is looking for and ill qoute op "much more money" what sort of a demented person does that to someone and then believes they are entitled to there money.

The only one in hysterics here is you, it must pain you to know that some of us would rather burn our money than give it to a corrupt system.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125263#Comment_121125263

Sounds like you had a bit of a bad experience yourself! You stopped just short of having her committed to an asylum!

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134516#Comment_121134516

Again, listen to yourself. You are again making stuff up and jumping to conclusions. You're now going into hes having his stuff stolen from him and modern day slavery to his ex. Man you're gone down a rabbit hole and along with that giving downright dangerous advice.

Theres no world in which this is easy for the OP but you're throwing gas on the fire for no return whatsoever but to give your own bitterness a voice.

realdanbreen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125306#Comment_121125306

Certainly mandatory for anyone thinking of getting divorced!

tayto lover

I really don't believe that men get fair treatment in Family Law courts. I hear many stories about it. As I said earlier I knew someone who went through the process and he didn't believe he got fair play at all. His wife also refused to attend mediation beforehand. She seemingly took the advice of Womans Aid. Her best friend who fell out with her over it told him that Womans Aid told her to put him out of the home, keep him out and take him for everything she could. Seems very unfair too as it was her fault the marriage broke up.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134592#Comment_121134592

I know of a man that killed himself over the state sponsored destruction of his life by his ex-wife who cheated, took him for everything denied him seeing his kids, moved the guy she cheated with into the family home he paid for.

That's the law doing that, that's what is done in these courts all of this was done in the guise of what's best for the kids.

Disgusting despicable people and system.

DeanAustin

Read the first and last page so not sure what's been covered in between. Sounds like you're being rode a little bit OP. Don't just agree to whatever she wants and don't rely on your solicitor to get the best for you. You need to challenge some of this stuff - solicitors just want the divorce to be done and to get paid. They don't give much of a f**k beyond that. I had this and my ex is doing well enough out of me but had I agreed to what she wanted, I'd be living under a bridge somewhere.

Here's my advice. No one gets everything they want out of this. She'll think she should be getting more, you think you should be paying less. You have to understand what it is you need to be happy in life and make sure you've enough out of the settlement to pay for that. Sure, I'd like more money, particularly the money I'm paying her, but I'm lucky enough right now that I can afford to do the things I really want to do.

Good luck with it.

A2LUE42

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134592#Comment_121134592

Having seen people on both sides of these disputes. Men do not get fair treatment in the Family Law Courts. But, if either party wants to ignore what is best for the children, there is very little the courts can do about it. The slow procedures ensure that a divorce and subsequent court orders carry very little weight when either partner doesn't care about the children and they are used as pawns in a game that nobody can win.

Two simple examples,

1. The number of fathers who don't see their kids at Christmas, despite having written agreements and have to wait until the new year when the courts reopen to be able to do anything about it, which is a bit late at that stage.

2. The number of Mothers and kids abandoned with little or no financial support.

Some people are a$$holes, irrespective of gender, and if they are willing to make their kids suffer, sometimes in the misguided belief that it is all the other persons fault, there isn't a lot that can be done to mitigate it.

OP, There is no simple or easy fix here from a financial or logistical point of view. Get good legal representation(also costly) and try and get a separation agreement agreed upon and signed off, as a basis for a divorce, as soon as possible.

Once everything is agreed, there shouldn't be anything left to fight about, so ye should be able to focus on getting on with your separate, but intertwined lives.

Unfortunately, sometimes people love the drama aspect of it and will continue to create conflict at every opportunity, hopefully that is something you won't have to deal with. Best wishes and take care of yourself and your kids.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134361#Comment_121134361

That is what I said. That her OPFP is taxable. (Also provided a screenshot above). And sorry, you're wrong again. It is not dependant on waiting for a settlement next year.

The OPs ex wife would already have had to submit all the current financial details to social welfare in order to claim a one parent family payment, including the OPs details and proof of any "efforts made" to secure maintenance. They are especially vigilant in the case of separating couples. On awarding the claim SW automatically advise Revenue of the amount being paid for tax purposes and her tax credits are amended.

Also maintenance paid by the liable relative (the technical term used by social welfare, or if you prefer, the maintenance debtor as used by the Courts) is not tax deductible.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134385#Comment_121134385

This is out and out untrue. The OP is paying €1500 - €1750 a month, inclusive of the mortgage payment, out of an income of €3500.

If you think a household with four kids living in it can be run for a total of €1750 a month inclusive of the full mortgage, utilities, food, etc etc without touching the mother's income then you are seriously underestimating the cost of living.

He is not "paying for everything" and he is not being left penniless. And for the record, I also said earlier in the thread that I believe this be addressed in the divorce.

A big issue for the OP will be that the mortgage is in his name only.

the.red.baron

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121134385#Comment_121134385

its obvious he is paying to much. Lads keep up