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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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Comments

  • #5012
    TheBody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,644 ✭✭✭TheBody


    I quit my job as a butler in a stately home.

    I didn't like being spoken to in that Manor.



  • #5013
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    Le Figaro have exposed a controversial government program of the 1960s where hundreds of French children were shipped off to mime school and were never heard from again.



  • #5014
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,067 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    I once burnt my tongue when I ate a red hot chili pepper and I don't ever want to feel like I did that day...

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #5015
    Comer1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,166 ✭✭✭Comer1


    Guy is sitting on the edge of the bed pulling off his boxers, to which his girlfriend said, "you spoil those dogs."



  • #5016
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119525025#Comment_119525025

    Don't joke about power outages.

    That's just dark humour.

    Post edited by Heighway61 on


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  • #5017
    iamstop
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 13,350 Mod ✭✭✭✭iamstop


    Have you heard this new craic about anal bleaching?

    It's called changing your ring tone.

    https://open.spotify.com/album/69JKwCcZGdLqX4Upj3DwP7



  • #5018
    The Princess Bride
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,658 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    Screenshot_20220902-011130_Twitter.jpg

    ...



  • #5019
    The Princess Bride
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,658 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    Screenshot_20220902-011544_Twitter.jpg

    ...



  • #5020
    The Princess Bride
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,658 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    Screenshot_20220830-020510_Twitter.jpg

    ...



  • #5021
    M.T. Cranium
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,009 ✭✭✭✭M.T. Cranium


    I don't know, officer, we drive faster to get home sooner? I'm guessing that's wrong. We keep changing lanes to reduce the chances of hitting a vehicle that is stopped in our lane? No that can't be right. We honk the horn every five seconds to let people know we're coming? How many guesses do I have?



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  • #5022
    Ubbquittious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,340 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    Q: What did the Russian soldier say when his missile missed its target?

    A: I squandered my Iskander



  • #5023
    Suckit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,211 ✭✭✭✭Suckit


    Gardaí have confirmed that the man who sadly fell to his death from a nightclub roof was not a bouncer.



  • #5024
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    When Marcel Marceau died on September 22, 2007 a minutes noise was held throughout France.



  • #5025
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    In England, contortionist Reg Gridley died in his own arms.



  • #5026
    FraserburghFreddie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 514 ✭✭✭FraserburghFreddie


    Avoid the M1 near Drogheda,

    lorry carrying snooker equipment has overturned.

    Cues in both directions.



  • #5027
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Bruce Lee's daughter Simone now makes a living selling mobile phone contracts..



  • #5028
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    Karl Marks sister Onya invented the starting pistol.



  • #5029
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,067 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Earlier today I yelled into my colander.


    I think I strained my voice

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #5030
    blade1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,770 ✭✭✭✭blade1


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119721647#Comment_119721647

    Hopefully it's not too sievere!



  • #5031
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    Watch what you say in PC World.



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  • #5032
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,067 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    If you work in a medal shop, it must be very hard to ask people what they want without sounding sarcastic.....

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #5033
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    My wife is giving me the silent treatment. I spent too long in the bar at her sister's wedding before telling the story of the time we went flying stunt kites in the Kent countryside.



  • #5034
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,067 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    People thought that Tina Turner had moved into my spare room last weekend but she was simply the guest...

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #5035
    FraserburghFreddie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 514 ✭✭✭FraserburghFreddie


    BREAKING:

    Superman reversing Earth's rotation loses title as biggest U-turn in human history.



  • #5036
    everlast75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,067 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    My wife bought a ruler from Smyths, and heaven knows I'm measureable now...

    Elect a clown... Expect a circus



  • #5037
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I was going to kill myself with painkillers, but after the first two I started to feel better.



  • #5038
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I recently got divorced from my wife. We decided to split the house. I got the outside.



  • #5039
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    If anyone wants a list of my favourite Bugs Bunny quotes, I'll send them to you in a WhatsApp doc.



  • #5040
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    A bad electrician charges the earth.



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  • #5041
    Heighway61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,978 ✭✭✭Heighway61


    Eva Braun invented the spot-the-ball puzzle.



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