31 year old single childess female

A) is having kids critical to you?

B) why are you panicked? Am 40, and of all my friends of similar age who are now burdened with kids, the vast majority hadn't even met their respective husbands/wives at 31.

C) besides the "sperm-donor" (which is all you seem to think of in a father), how prepared are you for marriage/motherhood? Career? Housing situation? Maturity wrt life-long relationships?

I can’t relate but I can share some insight. I have 4 kids and a great husband but I tell you one thing kids are hard work. You really don’t know how much till you have one. I take my hat off to any genuinely single parents doing it all on their own, kids are great but it’s bloody hard work, and my advise for what it’s worth is don’t panic. I had my last baby at 41!

It's when you have your first not your last that's important - the younger the better.

Why do you think "the younger the better"? The best age is simply when one is ready to have kids - mature, financially capable of raising children, stable relationship with life partner, secure housing, career objectives on track/met, travelling done, happy to have a very minimal social life etc. Very few people have that in their early 30's, let alone their 20's.

It should be like dogs, get one at the pound, or seeing as it's a kid adopt, so many kids need a home,

I didnt meet my wife til she was 34, we didnt have our first child until she was almost 39 and had our second when she had turned 40. There is plenty of time for you. Now thats not me trying to downplay how you are feeling or anything like that, more to try to illustrate that all is not lost just because you are over 30.

Except you are considered a geriatric over 35 and you have a higher risk of complications. I know 2 people in their early 40s who Just had babies with DS

Because virtually no children are given up for adoption anymore.

And getting an overseas adoption takes years (if at all) due to the cost, waiting times and bureaucratic hurdles.

So - you are saying 13/14 is the best age to have kids? Really?

Not sure how you came to that conclusion. I didn't mention a specific age. I simply said "the best age is whatever age they are ready". Do you not agree? How is this a "dig" at anyone?

A 36-year-old woman being considered a "geriatric" is taking it a bit far (and you have probably offended a lot of ladies on here 😁) . Yes, there are increased risks, and they increase greatly as you go into your 40's. But it is not that big a risk in your late 30's. If we want to go with anecdotal evidence, none of my friend's spitting out babies in their mid-late 30's have had a DS baby. So, its probably better to go with official stats. At 35, the chance of DS is 1 in 400, rising to 1 in 30 at age 45.

But there are also huge risks having kids earlier in life, like not being able to financially support them, not being in a mature, stable relationship, not having a secure/suitable home, trying to balance hectic social life with children, trying to balance career-ladder-climbing with maternity leave and competing priorities (or simply exhaustion!) in the initial years of the child's life etc.

Like most things in life, it is about balance. Very few people actually get to have everything perfect (perfect husband/job/family/house/finances/life etc) and expectations have to be constantly reassessed. For most (not all) women planning a family, that balance is usually found in their mid-late 30's.

OK, look at that as a good thing. At least you know it is very important to you. A significant amount of people at your age are tentative on the subject, so you are in a far better position than them!

Don't worry. It is not. Don't get me wrong - you don't have forever, but there is still plenty of time for things to happen.

There are some health risks (for mother and child), but they are still relatively low in your late 30's.

Don't worry - life rarely turns out how one expects/plans when they are young. You just need to reassess (again and again throughout your life), and set realistic goals and work towards them.

Where are you in your career and are you happy with it? How are you financially? How close are you to having a secure and suitable home for a family? Are you happy that you have accomplished a lot of travel/hobbies goals etc? - i.e. are you, as a person, ready to start having a children? As tough as it may sound, this is the easiest part, as this is all about you and mainly within your own control.

Now, with "you" sorted (or at least a plan to do so), you will also need a daddy!

How have your relationships been to date? What have you looked for in men and what have you expected from a relationship to date, and how has that worked out? What qualities do you think are important for a man to be a good husband and father (and how closely aligned is that to the men you normally go for)? What qualities do you think are important for a woman to be a good wife and mother (and how closely aligned are they to the real you)? What would your ex-boyfriends realistically say about you and would it tally with how you view yourself? What are you doing about trying to meet these "suitable husbands/fathers" and what are you bringing to the relationship to both attract and, more importantly, build a life-long relationship with one of these "suitable husbands/fathers". There is never a guarantee that you will meet someone, but at least if you know what you are looking for and are actively pursuing, the chances of finding a suitable candidate increase dramatically.

Is your priority having a child and is that more important than being in a relationship with the father? I know several women who've gone the sperm bank route. That's a whole lot easier than finding a partner to have kids with. Though as a woman in my 40s dipping my toe into online dating, I rule out at least 50% of the guys I see because they have/want kids and I most definitely don't.

Actually, the term is "geriatric primogravida" for a first pregnancy over 30. It's an obstetric, medical term and in no way implies that a woman is past having a healthy pregnancy and delivery. It just signifies increased risks of complications and these risks can be monitored and managed. They are risks, not certainties.

many health professionals use the term as they prefer to use science based data. Rather than hiding it

Geriatric is the terminology. Take that up with the medical professionals if you think it's insensitive.

OP, this 2022. You’re still young, with possibly 12-15 years of biology still on your side. Many many first time mothers are late 30s these days. Plenty aged 40 and over as well. It’s not unnatural or unnormal (is that a word)?

Loadsa time left for you OP

OP, you have received lots of conflicting advice. Here's my tuppence worth!

I understand where you are coming from if you are hearing your clock ticking loudly now. Fertility does decline sharply by 35 and it is worth noting that a lot of women who are having babies in their late 30s and into their 40s are doing so with medical assistance. It can be as minimal as taking a few tablets, or as invasive and harrowing as IVF. For those who have conceived without issue in their late 30s, this is simply not an argument for them. For those who have experienced problems with conception as any age, this is a huge factor to consider. HOWEVER, others have wisely pointed out that having a baby is multi faceted and you should probably be considering all the other factors too! A sperm donor/ ex boyfriend may be a quick solution, but a more rounded plan would probably be a good idea!

Equally, nothing will doom a relationship quicker than a smack of desperation off either party. If you are meeting guys with the sole aim to procreate - and as soon as possible - then you may be on a bit of self-destruct mission. I do understand how difficult it is to control those emotions though. How about doing some research into the costs/practicalities of freezing your eggs? Then you might have a bit of sense of control over the whole issue and it might give you a bit of head space to put energy into a new relationship? You might also meet a like-minded guy who is only too happy to leap into parenthood.

Either way, I wish you the best and try to tread carefully!

37 old guy here. I thought I would have at least one child by now. Still single too, no luck with the dating app etc