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31 year old single childess female



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,622 ✭✭✭ dotsman

    Yes having kids is critical to me and yes biological clock ticking loudly :(

    OK, look at that as a good thing. At least you know it is very important to you. A significant amount of people at your age are tentative on the subject, so you are in a far better position than them!

    Panicked that I'm behind in life I meant or that time is running is out......

    Don't worry. It is not. Don't get me wrong - you don't have forever, but there is still plenty of time for things to happen.

    I know there's lots of extra risks for mother and baby when mother is older than 35 also.

    There are some health risks (for mother and child), but they are still relatively low in your late 30's.

    I never imagined myself as an older parent either I guess. My life really just hasn't turned out how I'd expected or planned for it to go.

    Don't worry - life rarely turns out how one expects/plans when they are young. You just need to reassess (again and again throughout your life), and set realistic goals and work towards them.

    Where are you in your career and are you happy with it? How are you financially? How close are you to having a secure and suitable home for a family? Are you happy that you have accomplished a lot of travel/hobbies goals etc? - i.e. are you, as a person, ready to start having a children? As tough as it may sound, this is the easiest part, as this is all about you and mainly within your own control.

    Now, with "you" sorted (or at least a plan to do so), you will also need a daddy!

    How have your relationships been to date? What have you looked for in men and what have you expected from a relationship to date, and how has that worked out? What qualities do you think are important for a man to be a good husband and father (and how closely aligned is that to the men you normally go for)? What qualities do you think are important for a woman to be a good wife and mother (and how closely aligned are they to the real you)? What would your ex-boyfriends realistically say about you and would it tally with how you view yourself? What are you doing about trying to meet these "suitable husbands/fathers" and what are you bringing to the relationship to both attract and, more importantly, build a life-long relationship with one of these "suitable husbands/fathers". There is never a guarantee that you will meet someone, but at least if you know what you are looking for and are actively pursuing, the chances of finding a suitable candidate increase dramatically.

  • Registered Users Posts: 22,020 ✭✭✭✭ ted1

    I did insult them. It’s the correct ter, for those over 35.

    you may want to look up the risks associated with geriatric pregnancies

  • Registered Users Posts: 9,400 ✭✭✭ Caranica

    Is your priority having a child and is that more important than being in a relationship with the father? I know several women who've gone the sperm bank route. That's a whole lot easier than finding a partner to have kids with. Though as a woman in my 40s dipping my toe into online dating, I rule out at least 50% of the guys I see because they have/want kids and I most definitely don't.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,622 ✭✭✭ dotsman

    You may want to know that very few health professionals use that term anymore as it is regarded as offensive/misleading by many women. I am well aware of the risks - as I stated earlier, they do increase from the mid-thirties, but are still very low in the late-thirties.

    Is raising a child alone easier than finding a man? Especially when "alone" in this case also includes zero financial support as well as none of the potential part-time parenting support that a divorced/split-up mother may have from the father? I can appreciate it as a last resort, but don't think a 31-year old needs to abandon the hope of finding a husband just yet.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 22,020 ✭✭✭✭ ted1

    It’s 35 not 30 and geriatric pregnancy is the accepted term.

    risks can be managed ? some risks can be managed but not mitigated against. There are many risks that can’t be

  • Registered Users Posts: 22,020 ✭✭✭✭ ted1

    many health professionals use the term as they prefer to use science based data. Rather than hiding it

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,622 ✭✭✭ dotsman

    I don't want to get into a tit-for-tat with you on this, but as a "term", most health professionals these days (especially the good ones) refer to it as "advanced maternal age" because "geriatric" is misleading and just wrong. Having children in your late 30's is becoming the norm and while the risks are increasing, it is still a very low risk age.

  • Registered Users Posts: 23,695 ✭✭✭✭ lawred2

    Geriatric is the terminology. Take that up with the medical professionals if you think it's insensitive.

  • Registered Users Posts: 23,695 ✭✭✭✭ lawred2

    hmmmm was used to describe my wife in the Rotunda only last year... we all have our anecdotes

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  • Registered Users Posts: 50,976 ✭✭✭✭ walshb

    OP, this 2022. You’re still young, with possibly 12-15 years of biology still on your side. Many many first time mothers are late 30s these days. Plenty aged 40 and over as well. It’s not unnatural or unnormal (is that a word)?

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,622 ✭✭✭ dotsman

    Read the post above yours...

    Yes, there may be some geriatric healthcare workers who use the term, but most don't any more. And this is really taking the thread off-topic, so won't say any more on it. If you want to learn more, simply google the term.

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,457 ✭✭✭✭ Loafing Oaf

  • Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭ Wezz

    A Hollywood actress with access to the kind of private medical intervention most mere mortals could only dream of? Yeah, not very reassuring to the OP. She's also stated she wants to be a young parent so waiting until she's pushing 50 to start a family probably isn't going to be of any relevance to her.

  • Registered Users Posts: 228 ✭✭ boardlady

    OP, you have received lots of conflicting advice. Here's my tuppence worth!

    I understand where you are coming from if you are hearing your clock ticking loudly now. Fertility does decline sharply by 35 and it is worth noting that a lot of women who are having babies in their late 30s and into their 40s are doing so with medical assistance. It can be as minimal as taking a few tablets, or as invasive and harrowing as IVF. For those who have conceived without issue in their late 30s, this is simply not an argument for them. For those who have experienced problems with conception as any age, this is a huge factor to consider. HOWEVER, others have wisely pointed out that having a baby is multi faceted and you should probably be considering all the other factors too! A sperm donor/ ex boyfriend may be a quick solution, but a more rounded plan would probably be a good idea!

    Equally, nothing will doom a relationship quicker than a smack of desperation off either party. If you are meeting guys with the sole aim to procreate - and as soon as possible - then you may be on a bit of self-destruct mission. I do understand how difficult it is to control those emotions though. How about doing some research into the costs/practicalities of freezing your eggs? Then you might have a bit of sense of control over the whole issue and it might give you a bit of head space to put energy into a new relationship? You might also meet a like-minded guy who is only too happy to leap into parenthood.

    Either way, I wish you the best and try to tread carefully!

  • Registered Users Posts: 22,020 ✭✭✭✭ ted1

    Also with twins you can be pretty sure it was IVF

  • Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭ Wezz

    And one of each as well. Seems to be a lot of boy/girl twins in celebrity circles.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,411 ✭✭✭ deirdremf

    Kids aren't found under cabbage bushes any more, and the storks went on strike.

  • Registered Users Posts: 9,734 ✭✭✭ cena

    37 old guy here. I thought I would have at least one child by now. Still single too, no luck with the dating app etc

  • Registered Users Posts: 246 ✭✭ pinkfloyd34

    I think single people can Foster a child, think of all the children that are neglected for different reasons and you could give a child a better life even just temporarily and see how much work it is, just a suggestion there is also an allowance to cover the expenses.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 13 onelove1

    some of these comments are pretty depressing 😫 egg freezing and what not......

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,011 ✭✭✭ Daisy78

    In fairness it’s an awful term. They need to come up with something better than that.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,011 ✭✭✭ Daisy78

    I often wonder what people mean when they say “join a club”. It sounds very generic and the reality is (well in my experience anyway) that men don’t tend to join clubs or partake in activities. Lots of women all right but sadly men of the eligible type are few and far between. The exception might be tennis or tag rugby but unless you are into sport that may not be an option.

  • Registered Users Posts: 296 ✭✭ Ann84

    I had my first child at 20 and just had my second at 38… based on my personal experience both ages suck for different reasons. I hate being a parent and am severely depressed since having my second child (got pressured into it over a number of years - major regrets)

    My point is, there is no ideal time to have a family - try to appreciate your life, find things to really get passionate about because once you meet someone and have kids, you’ll not have that freedom to lie in, spontaneously travel, sit and read a book with a nice coffee, mooch around town, cook and enjoy a nice meal… go to the cinema… awww I’m gonna cry 😢

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,660 ✭✭✭ Demonique

    Firstly, are you sure you actually want kids yourself?

    I know someone who realised she only wanted them because her mother wanted grandchildren and didnt actually want them herself. Unfortunately she only realised this after she spent €30,000 on IVF

  • Registered Users Posts: 19,762 ✭✭✭✭ yourdeadwright

    Your only 31 your grand, your only a young one . Just keep doing what your doing & itll all hopefully work out ,

    For context my missus is pestering me for one last child , she's 40 so you've plenty time yet ,