The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

And the best car of 2021 as voted for by readers of Woman magazine is...

A blue one.

If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.

How do you find out how heavy a chilli pepper is?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weight now.

I've just cross-bred a crocodile and a homing pigeon though I expect it'll come back to bite me.

The guy that invented the throat lozenge was buried today, there was no coffin at the funeral.

I've just saw a French footballer playing on a Nintendo.

It was Thierry on Wii.

If you've never tried blind darts then you don't know what you're missing.

It's Motown weather out there.

Three degrees.

Four, tops.

I went to the zoo today and there was a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

I met a Transvestite the other night from Greater Manchester...

He had a Wigan address..

The secret to a great Hawaiian pizza is to cook it at aloha temperature.

Have you been hit with a rhythm stick ?

You may be entitled to personal Ian Dury Claim

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for the fresh prints.

A viola player decides that he's had enough of being a viola player--unappreciated, all those silly jokes. So he decides to change instruments.

He goes into a shop, and says, "I want to buy a violin."

The man behind the counter looks at him for a moment, and then says, "You must be a viola player."

The viola player is astonished, and says, "Well, yes, I am. But how did you know?"

"Well, sir, this is a fish-and-chip shop."

My old Grandad always used to say "the grass is always greener on the other side".

Lovely bloke, awful at laying turf.