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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    What I if told you you read this sentence wrong?



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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I asked my wife why we never talk about gravity, She said it just never seems to come up



  • Registered Users Posts: 18,606 ✭✭✭✭ Ash.J.Williams




  • Registered Users Posts: 77,983 ✭✭✭✭ Victor




  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    Always give 100%, unless it's blood



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    This morning I learnt that Albert Einstein was a real person,Up until now, I'd always thought he was a theoretical physicist.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    The inventor of autocorrect has died, His funnel is tomato



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I thought I heard someone say Hello in Arabic, but it turned out to be a false Salaam.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,981 ✭✭✭ Worztron


    How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware problem.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    Surely, if robots had a gender, it would be emale.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I don't know why everybody hates lazy people, We didn't even do anything.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,981 ✭✭✭ Worztron


    A Blind guy walks into a bar... and a chair and a table.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not



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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I ate a kids meal at McDonalds today, their mom was furious.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭ barneygumble99


    Someone’s been spreading rumours on Facebook that I’m a schizophrenic. Well, three can play at that game.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I dyed my hair today,It was the highlight of my week.



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,082 ✭✭✭ boombang


    Just looked up the recipe for French toast, turns out you don't start off with French bread.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    I've started telling people about the benefits of dried grapes,It's all about raisin awareness.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 87,125 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Capt'n Midnight


    I knew an electrician who died eating a muffin. He was dragged under by a strong currant.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,405 ✭✭✭ MonkieSocks


    What do you call a caveman who is walking really slow?

    A Meanderthal.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 16,019 ✭✭✭✭ everlast75


    I've never trusted lizards.. right from the gecko



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