The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

TheBody · 17-02-2021 11:29PM

My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill so I sent him a “get well soon” card.

auspicious · 18-02-2021 02:54AM

Why did the vegan cross the road?
Because the grass is greener on the other side.

fryup · 18-02-2021 08:56AM

TheBody wrote: »

My friend couldn’t afford to pay his water bill so I sent him a “get well soon” card.

everlast75 · 18-02-2021 08:59AM

fryup wrote: »

everlast75 · 20-02-2021 01:26AM

"Like a virgin" has just been translated into the national language of the Netherlands.

Dutch for the very first time...

TheBody · 20-02-2021 10:01AM

Anybody want my old copies of Chiropractic Monthly?

I have lots of back issues.

everlast75 · 20-02-2021 11:16AM

She give me money
When Im in need
She charges interest
Which leaves me peeved
She's a bank manager
In my town
& lends to me

-Kanye Natwest

fryup · 20-02-2021 02:26PM

^^^^^^^^^^^

Ulster Bank says NO!

bonzodog2 · 20-02-2021 02:29PM

fryup wrote: »

^^^^^^^^^^^

Ulster Bank says NONEVER!

:rolleyes::D

TheBody · 20-02-2021 07:35PM

I got my wife a slinky dress for Christmas.

She looked great coming down the stairs.

Capt'n Midnight · 20-02-2021 09:38PM

Did it put a spring in her step ?

IrishZeus · 21-02-2021 12:52PM

She must have been head over heels in love with him for that present.

TheBody · 21-02-2021 06:59PM

I attended the Tourette’s Society AGM last night.

They swore in their new president

fryup · 21-02-2021 07:10PM

"I keep randomly shouting out 'BROCCOLI' and 'CAULIFLOWER!!' - I think I might have florets."

*edinburgh fringe festival winning joke 2019

TheBody · 21-02-2021 08:19PM

My previous boss liked to write all his correspondence in neon gel pen.

Thankfully when I left he gave me a glowing reference!

Purple Mountain · 21-02-2021 11:26PM

A man is constantly changing channels on the TV, then turns to his wife and says 'I don't know what to watch, the porn or the golf.'
His wife replies: 'Watch the porn, dear. You know how to play golf!'

everlast75 · 22-02-2021 07:49AM

what's the difference between "a Kangaroo" and "a Kangaroot"?

One is a marsupial, the other is what someone from Newcastle would say if they were stuck in a bathroom cubicle!

GBX · 24-02-2021 04:00PM

The wife suggested if I was bored during lockdown, to make a bird table.

Now she's kicking off because I've only put her in fifth place..

Tazium · 25-02-2021 11:20AM

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say Hello from the otherside

RobMc59 · 26-02-2021 06:36PM

***BREAKING NEWS***
A man was admitted to hospital today with 25 toy plastic horses inserted in his bottom..
Doctors have described his condition as stable..

M.T. Cranium · 27-02-2021 12:13AM

They asked him if he wanted a painkiller but he said "neigh."

Capt'n Midnight · 27-02-2021 12:41AM

I laughed until I was a little hoarse.

blade1 · 28-02-2021 10:22AM

I reckon he's done that a capall of times already.

28-02-2021 04:41PM

He recently married a native American woman, her name was four horses!
"Why four horses?" a friend asked,
Nag, Nag, Nag, Nag

whiskeyman · 28-02-2021 07:04PM

I wonder will these horse jokes go on furlong...

blade1 · 28-02-2021 07:30PM

whiskeyman wrote: »

I wonder will these horse jokes go on furlong...

They'll go on as long as people want to stirrup s**t.

Witchie · 28-02-2021 08:10PM

Sad thing is he was only looking for the ride.

whiskeyman · 28-02-2021 08:11PM

1 is ok.
2 fine.
But Aintree enough?

Mehaffey1 · 28-02-2021 08:26PM

One of my own here to share, thought of it on Friday bored to tears in work.

I'm going to quit this job and go into the purse and wallet industry. At least there's money ib them.

28-02-2021 08:56PM

I used to work at a place that recycled old shoes, it was sole destroying!

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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