Uncle wants to take 11 year old on Holidays on their own Mod Warning #51

SCOL · 14-09-2020 09:36AM #1

My wife told me yesterday that her brother wants to take our daughter who is 11 to London for a few day on their own.

He is 40 and still lives with Mammy and Daddy only got a Girlfriend a few months ago. I was shocked when she said it to me am I over reacting ? as I wouldn't even drop any of her friends off without her been in the car.

Dravokivich wrote: »

All, lay off attacking the brother in law. OP is looking for opinions on what others do, as it seems to have come out of the blue for him. Keep responses to that.

US2 · 14-09-2020 09:37AM

SCOL wrote: »

My wife told me yesterday that her brother wants to take our daughter who is 11 to London for a few day on their own.

He is 40 and still lives with Mammy and Daddy only got a Girlfriend a few months ago. I was shocked when she said it to me am I over reacting ? as I wouldn't even drop any of her friends off without her been in the car.

I'd find that extremely weird no way would I allow it.

GreeBo · 14-09-2020 09:42AM

What sort of relationship does your daughter have with her uncle?
Are they very close? Do they meet often or is this just some random thing out of nowhere?

Context is important here. (Though that said, I would do it with any of my nieces)

14-09-2020 09:43AM

You should have said aunt if you wanted proper answers.

blue note · 14-09-2020 09:51AM

That sounds like a nice thing to do to me. I've nieces and nephews and when they're older I was thinking it could be nice to take them skiing some year with me and my wife. If i wasn't married it didn't dawn on me that it could be weird. Or is it still weird even though I'm married? My aunt lived in Paris and my sister went over to her when she was about 13. Was that weird?

listermint · 14-09-2020 09:54AM

Needs more context

Nunu · 14-09-2020 10:02AM

OP you’ve already made up your own mind, with your put down description of your wifes brother. Now you’re just looking for allies.

SCOL · 14-09-2020 10:02AM

GreeBo wrote: »

What sort of relationship does your daughter have with her uncle?
Are they very close? Do they meet often or is this just some random thing out of nowhere?

Context is important here. (Though that said, I would do it with any of my nieces)

A standard sort of relationship, because he still lives with his parents he would be in the house when we are there, he has gone to Legoland with my wife/ kids and the Grandmother in the past.

Seamai · 14-09-2020 10:08AM

I feel that the comment that he still lives with his mammy and daddy at 40 and has only recently got a girlfriend is meant to paint him in a negative light.

seamus · 14-09-2020 10:10AM

It sounds you actually have no idea what kind of relationship he has with your daughter. "A standard sort of relationship" is the answer you give when you've never seen them interacting. Maybe they get on great. Maybe they have great chats. Maybe on the trip to Legoland they had a ball. Where were you?

Go by your wife's feeling on it. If she thinks it sounds good, then put it to your daughter. If your daughter seems excited, then I'd go for it. If she's at all resistant, then don't.

14-09-2020 10:12AM

Tell him to book the hotel and then you can call up a day later and see if he's requested rose petals on the bed. That is literally more useful than equating living with one's parents to paedophilia.

starbaby2003 · 14-09-2020 10:14AM

I’d have no issue if my brother in law wanted to take my kids on holidays. They are all lovely and I 100% trust them. Your post infers you don’t feel the same way about yours. Is there a reason or do you just think it’s odd that anyone would want to spend time with children?

Tombo2001 · 14-09-2020 10:23AM

Nunu wrote: »

OP you’ve already made up your own mind, with your put down description of your wifes brother. Now you’re just looking for allies.

He wants to sense check it, whats the problem with that.

For me this is an absolute No No, the brother should know better. Really, WTF, even if we werent in the middle of a pandemic, this would be a clear No for me.

Baybay · 14-09-2020 10:24AM

I’d have a few questions.

Does your daughter want to go? If not, anything he wants would be irrelevant to me.

If yes, purpose of trip, hotel address, Covid safety prep.

Also, if not already, I’d make sure your daughter has a working phone.
At best it’d be for photos & texts home about a wonderful trip.
Also for touching base with home if she’s feeling a little homesick. One of my daughter’s friends was regularly extracted from sleepovers in many homes as she missed her mum in the middle of the night.

munchkin_utd · 14-09-2020 10:25AM

I personally find this extremely odd. What does a 40 year old and an 11 year old do in a city that is experiencing covid restrictions? They'd likely end up in the hotel for more time than out and about.
Also, if he has a spare weekend wouldnt it not be a more attractive proposition to bring the girlfriend than an 11 year old?
With one you can go for a meal/ to a bar/ talk about grown up stuff, maybe a little action late in the evening
With the child, no craic, no pints, early to bed, no ride (you'd hope).

EDIT: Ive a daughter barely younger than yours and I wouldnt be bothered on a city trip on my own with her, and I have mulled it over a couple of times (planning spins for football matches, family occassions with hotel overnights) and it was too much of a hassle to have her tag along compared to just going on my own.

Purple Mountain · 14-09-2020 10:26AM

Just to add, she needs to isolate for 2 weeks on return.

blue note · 14-09-2020 10:27AM

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Thats an appalling inference, there is a big difference between not wanting them to do it, and reaching your conclusion...

FFS Boards does my nut it sometimes...

The biggest problem the OP has is expecting a reasoned response on this website. Just ask your friends instead. Dealing with shower of ****s here.

Is it not clearly what the OP is concerned about?

ThewhiteJesus · 14-09-2020 10:29AM

It does sound a little weird but without knowing more, context, reason for trip, why just him and her ect it's hard to know.
I'd say there's a good chance he's thinking of kids with the new gf and this is a sort of a trial run ?
Making fun of him in your opening post was harsh though, not everyone in life get's the lucky breaks of a good job, wife and house.

Atlantic Dawn · 14-09-2020 10:31AM

With Covid it would be a straight no for me whether she was going with a group or with him and his kids if he had any, it wouldn't matter.

JeffKenna · 14-09-2020 10:32AM

You come across a right prick OP.

Besides that it's a no no.

14-09-2020 10:34AM

I find it weird that you automatically find it weird.

If something bad were to happen to both you and your wife would you not want your children to be cared for by family? Just because he’s single would that rule him out as a guardian in an emergency?

wildwillow · 14-09-2020 10:35AM

Need more information but I wouldn't be in favour. Just seems wierd, especially if it has come out of the blue. Have they spent time together, at sports, trips, hobbies, exhibitions. cinema?

What are the hotel sleeping arrangments, one room, two or a suite. Is the girlfriend included in the trip.

Covid restrictions make it impossible now with travel restrictions.
and you can use that as a reason to not allow the trip.

Your wife is unlikely to find anything wrong with the suggestion as he is her brother.

Antares35 · 14-09-2020 10:35AM

Definitely would be a no for me. For me, a simple 'no' should suffice.

14-09-2020 10:35AM

Could be an attempt to show the new woman he's good with kids.

kenmm · 14-09-2020 10:37AM

Is there an inference here that there is some weird peado angle? Is that really it?

If you are worried your brother in law is a peado then it sounds like your family has bigger issues!

Edit to add tho- as someone else said context is key. If the uncle ad kid don't have a relationship then the first major interaction being a few days away probably isn't going to work out too well. Kid might get homesick, uncle doesn't know how the kid behaves etc

Antares35 · 14-09-2020 10:43AM

kenmm wrote: »

Is there an inference here that there is some weird peado angle? Is that really it?

If you are worried your brother in law is a peado then it sounds like your family has bigger issues!

From experience, it is usually someone known to the child, and not "stranger danger".

wildwillow · 14-09-2020 10:44AM

kenmm wrote: »

Is there an inference here that there is some weird peado angle? Is that really it?

If you are worried your brother in law is a peado then it sounds like your family has bigger issues!

You don't need the Paedophile angle to find the request wierd.
There was never a suggestion of that fear.

It is the unexpected nature of the request that worries me. If they were buddies, as in used to sharing time and travel, at say sports, it would be fine.
A few days in a new city just seems strange for a first outing.

Hard to make a judgement without knowing the full situation.

kenmm · 14-09-2020 10:46AM

Antares35 wrote: »

From experience, it is usually someone known to the child, and not "stranger danger".

Ye, I edited to add context is key. I can understand that concern. But if there is any evidence at all then something else should be done.

To me tho, all the other concerns would be more prominent- how to care for the child, her mannerisms, how they get on with each other.

First big interaction being a multi day over night trip probably isn't ideal.

kenmm · 14-09-2020 10:47AM

wildwillow wrote: »

You don't need the Paedophile angle to find the request wierd.
There was never a suggestion of that fear.

It is the unexpected nature of the request that worries me. If they were buddies, as in used to sharing time and travel, at say sports, it would be fine.
A few days in a new city just seems strange for a first outing.

Hard to make a judgement without knowing the full situation.

Ye I already added that, probably as you were typing that.

Panthro · 14-09-2020 10:52AM

If you feel uncomfortable with the idea OP, say no.
If you get asked why say worldwide pandemic.

Sleeper12 · 14-09-2020 10:52AM

Can't cast judgement on the fella BUT the vast majority of child abuse is by family and friends. Only a small proportion is done by strangers.

To be honest him only getting gf recently and living with mammy doesn't make him higher risk. He's as likely to affend if married with children

Uncle wants to take 11 year old on Holidays on their own Mod Warning #51

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