Uncle wants to take 11 year old on Holidays on their own Mod Warning #51

Kaybaykwah

Kaybaykwah wrote: »

I wouldn't allow this to happen.

The great majority of child abuse events take place in proximate circumstances, i.e: family/friends. Wouldn't chance it.

If something happened that left the children needing to be looked after long term by somebody that isn’t their parents or grandparents, who would you choose, a stranger or family?

raclle

Nunu wrote: »

OP you’ve already made up your own mind, with your put down description of your wifes brother. Now you’re just looking for allies.

This!

Not everyone has it easy in life. Sounds like you don't know your BIL that well at all

antix80

Duke of Url wrote: »

But the OPs daughter knows her Uncle.

The OP and many posters here think the Uncle is a peado.

My brother's like this. He doesn't let men look after his kids (not that most would want to!).
Not just the pedo aspect- think it's just the risk of anger issues and bad decisions. Some truth in though, as you rarely hear of women injuring children (that aren't their own). You have to go back to Louise Woodward for anything high-profile.

ZeroThreat

raclle wrote: »

This!

Not everyone has it easy in life. Sounds like you don't know your BIL that well at all

In fairness if someone doesn't own their own property and have a long term partner by middle age they're probably lacking in the maturity stakes and not suited to looking after someone else's kids.

antix80

antix80 wrote: »

My brother's like this. He doesn't let men look after his kids (not that most would want to!).
Not just the pedo aspect- think it's just the risk of anger issues and bad decisions. Some truth in though, as you rarely hear of women injuring children (that aren't their own). You have to go back to Louise Woodward for anything high-profile.

Jesus there is so much wrong with that I don't know where to start...

antix80

Deleted User wrote: »

Jesus there is so much wrong with that I don't know where to start...

Some truth in it though!

ZeroThreat

ZeroThreat wrote: »

In fairness if someone doesn't own their own property and have a long term partner by middle age they're probably lacking in the maturity stakes and not suited to looking after someone else's kids.

Amazing.

There are myriad of reasons for not having a partner and/or living with parents.

antix80

antix80 wrote: »

Some truth in it though!

The only true thing that shows is that your brother thinks very poorly of men. Nothing more, nothing less.

raclle

ZeroThreat wrote: »

In fairness if someone doesn't own their own property and have a long term partner by middle age they're probably lacking in the maturity stakes and not suited to looking after someone else's kids.

That's absolutely ridiculous. You can't just judge a book by its cover

Duke of Url

ZeroThreat wrote: »

In fairness if someone doesn't own their own property and have a long term partner by middle age they're probably lacking in the maturity stakes and not suited to looking after someone else's kids.

What a load of Shite

I would say that there are more married people with kids lacking in the maturity stakes and not suited to looking after their own or someone else's kids.

Oink

I trust my brothers with my life and I would still find it weird. Not that they would ask, because it’s weird.

I’ll assume that the brother-in-law is a 100% straight-up guy. It’s still weird.
Going away with an 11 year old girl who’s not your own for 2 nights, with COVID in full blast? How does that... Just... What?

Duke of Url

Oink wrote: »

I trust my brothers with my life and I would still find it weird. Not that they would ask, because it’s weird.

I’ll assume that the brother-in-law is a 100% straight-up guy. It’s still weird.
Going away with an 11 year old girl who’s not your own for 2 nights, with COVID in full blast? How does that... Just... What?

Would you think its weird if an Uncle was to bring their Nephew over to Anfield or Old Trafford to watch a match?

Onshuh

Not a hope would I allow it. It's not appropriate. He might be sound and nothing untoward might happen but I'm the guardian of my daughter and I wouldn't take that risk on her behalf. The majority of sexual abuse cases are committed by a member of the family or someone well known to the family.

nj27

Covid would be enough to 86 this idea for me, that aside I assume if there were any real reason to believe this guy is ped you wouldn’t be asking this question. I’d still be unlikely to allow it considering the kid’s age, tough to be away from the aul pair abroad at 11.

Oink

Imagine she was absolutely dying to go to a concert, and there was no one else to take her. It involves staying overnight. The uncle offers to take her because she’s desperate to go and he’s the cool uncle. A bit awkward, but there would be a reason, and he’d be trying to be nice.

So... Does he have an amazing memory-making trip in mind that would justify “a few nights” abroad? Or is he freewheeling it without a clue as I suspect he is?

@duke of Earl: This should answer your question - we posted at the same time.

Duke of Url

OP. Are you sure the The BIL and his girlfriend are not going on holiday and are offering to bring your daughter also?

raclle

Oink wrote: »

Or is he freewheeling it without a clue as I suspect he is?

OPs description is very vague so that's what anyone can only base it on. We obv need more information before anyone can really start to criticize but its quite unfair to do so until then.

stesaurus

Check his Netflix watch history. If cuties is on it then we should all head around to his house to deliver some mob justice.

For actual sensible advice then...he's clearly trying to impress the new girlfriend. It was probably her suggestion. Fairly standard to see what kind of dad he'd likely be.
I've always been pretty close with my nephews and nieces and the same with my ex and current girlfriends'. It would be normal for me to take the kids on my own and nobody would bat an eyelid if we offered to take them away as a couple.

Kaybaykwah

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Ever?
How about scouts? School trips? Football? Visits to Granny and Grandad?

As a parent all you can do is make the best decisions you can. You cannot protect your child 24 hours a day. It comes to a stage where you have to trust people whether they are schoolteachers, creche workers, scout leaders, football coaches etc. You can reduce perceived risk but you can't eliminate it without restricting the childs movements to an unreasonable degree.

It just so happens that abusers find their way to the types of occupations you listed. Of course you can't be everywhere, but honestly, the uncle alone with your 11yr old girl is a bit much. Better safe than sorry. A lot of folks are supposed to have your best interests at heart, but don't.

I recently watched testimony from a victim in the Haddad case. He was the US gymnastics team's doctor therapist.
Therapist was in fact The Rapist to dozens of girls for years. The victim in question stated that she had complained to her parents, he was confronted, and they never believed her.
A lot of crummy people around.

NeVeR

We don't know this person at all.. so we can't really judge.

But when I was younger 9/10/11/12 my uncle brought me everywhere - Mancherster / Paris / even the US!! It was more a father to me then my dad ( is is still amazing, but he just had to work all the time)

0ph0rce0

I think you're all mad.

Going by the posts nobody here would trust their own brothers/family and if asked to go out or away automatically think he's A) a peado or gonna beat your child.

Neither of those would even cross my mind.

Everyone that has already posted saying I wouldn't, you actually thinking your bro/bro in law is a peado?

What is wrong with yous?

Zhane

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

I think you're all mad.

Going by the posts nobody here would trust their own brothers/family and if asked to go out or away automatically think he's A) a peado or gonna beat your child.

Neither of those would even cross my mind.

Everyone that has already posted saying I wouldn't, you actually thinking your bro/bro in law is a peado?

What is wrong with yous?

I absolutely agree. I’ve been following this thread for a while now and I’m actually so mad. I love my nieces and nephew and They’ve even stayed over night in my house while my sister and her husband wanted a night off or we’re going out. And I doubt they’d have a problem if I wanted to take them away somewhere as long as they didn’t have to miss school. If my sister or her husband thought of me the way some people on this thread, I would be seriously hurt. But I’ve never given them a reason to not trust me.

I didn’t move out of home until my early 30s. Mainly because I was saving for my own place and it just made sense. Don’t think that’s something I should have to be demonised for? So why should the BIL?

0ph0rce0

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

I think you're all mad.

Going by the posts nobody here would trust their own brothers/family and if asked to go out or away automatically think he's A) a peado or gonna beat your child.

Neither of those would even cross my mind.

Everyone that has already posted saying I wouldn't, you actually thinking your bro/bro in law is a peado?

What is wrong with yous?

I don't trust my brother with my kids.

Mainly because I have seen him with his own kids and consider him a poor father. I also know his addictions reduce his capacity to make good decisions and are his primary concern.

They are my children and the primary concern above all else. Many would do to remember that when considering hurting someone's feelings

Zhane

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

I don't trust my brother with my kids.

Mainly because I have seen him with his own kids and consider him a poor father. I also know his addictions reduce his capacity to make good decisions and are his primary concern.

They are my children and the primary concern above all else. Many would do to remember that when considering hurting someone's feelings

Yeah but you’ve given a (valid) reason why you would have said no. The OP have given us nothing to suggest this. And then we have the the posters saying it’s weird anyway. It’s not weird, it’s part of being a family.

jam_mac_jam

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

I think you're all mad.

Going by the posts nobody here would trust their own brothers/family and if asked to go out or away automatically think he's A) a peado or gonna beat your child.

Neither of those would even cross my mind.

Everyone that has already posted saying I wouldn't, you actually thinking your bro/bro in law is a peado?

What is wrong with yous?

Yeah I completely agree. I was quite close to a couple of my uncles growing up. Never occurred to anyone they would do anything. Just happened to get on with them.

My nephew stays with me all the time. I think it's a completely weird way to look at your family.

Faith

If this chap had ill intentions, whatever they may be, there’d most likely be plenty of signs of it before now, if you looked for them. He’d be offering to babysit, stopping by unexpectedly to spend time with his niece, taking her on local trips, offering to drive her places, basically finding any reason to be alone with her without raising suspicion.

The OP can’t even describe the type of relationship the uncle and child have, and suggests that they typically only see each other at the grandparents’ house. While it might be odd that he’s offering to take her away, I think it’s insane to jump to the conclusion that it’s anything nefarious.

Very few familial child abusers go straight to taking a child abroad for several days to abuse them, tbh.

I don't get the paranoia around this at all. I know plenty of aunties/uncles with better relationships with kids than their own parents.

If I wanted to take my brothers kids away for a weekend somewhere I'd say they'd be more than happy to (would never happen, as I hate kids, but you know what i mean, there would be no trust issues).

Honestly, OP, you sound a bit strange yourself. Judging someone on where they live or if they're single or not is a bit weird, in and of itself, to be honest (in my opinion). Especially at a time when half the country has kids and parents living together up to all ages.

Zhane

Zhane wrote: »

Yeah but you’ve given a (valid) reason why you would have said no. The OP have given us nothing to suggest this. And then we have the the posters saying it’s weird anyway. It’s not weird, it’s part of being a family.

Indeed but by the same token, the fact it's an uncle doesn't mean it's all good. Yes, calling him a paedo is a bit much but so too are the people shrugging their shoulders over it and considering the uncle's feelings over their concerns.

The op for example, hasn't suggested any common bond or interest at play. A football match for example. I would have been closer to my uncle's through marriage than my actual blood uncle's because of music and football. So yeah, one brought me to gigs and I watched many a game with the other. What's the connection here?

Zhane

Niner leprauchan wrote: »

Indeed but by the same token, the fact it's an uncle doesn't mean it's all good. Yes, calling him a paedo is a bit much but so too are the people shrugging their shoulders over it and considering the uncle's feelings over their concerns.

The op for example, hasn't suggested any common bond or interest at play. A football match for example. I would have been closer to my uncle's through marriage than my actual blood uncle's because of music and football. So yeah, one brought me to gigs and I watched many a game with the other. What's the connection here?

The OP said it was a standard relationship, I suppose that would depends on what you view as a standard relationship. Mine would be based on my family, your standard relationship will be different based on your family history with your brother. He has said nothing to say the uncle is a bad person at all. The OP has only said he lives at home and only recently started seeing someone.

raclle

Zhane wrote: »

He has said nothing to say the uncle is a bad person other than he lives at home.

There could be many a reason he lives at home. Saving for his own place, unable to afford to move out, out of work etc

I feel we as a nation just assume things without thinking for a logical explanation and suddenly jump to the worst conclusion