Uncle wants to take 11 year old on Holidays on their own Mod Warning #51

shesty

First thought....Is the child going to isolate for 2 weeks on return?

And second thought....no I just wouldn't really be that comfortable with her sharing a room with him and she is too young to have a hotel room of her own for several nights (assuming that is the set up).
His motives may be utterly innocent but I don't think the overnight element in particular is that appropriate, particularly for her age.

Tombo2001

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

My 6 year old and 4 year old recently went to the other side of the country with my sisters husband. They had a great time as he is off work at the moment so had all the time to spend with them.
If I had any doubts about him I wouldn't have let them go but he has been present in their lives since birth and they love him to bits.

OP needs to figure out what he is worried about.

Its clear what he is worried about, he doesnt have the same level of trust that you have for your Brother In Law.

What is complicated about that?

votecounts

A sad state of affairs when an uncle bringing his niece on holidays is considered a paedo, jesus. Unless there is some back story i'm missing, I would have no problem my child going on holiday with his/her uncle.

ToddDameron

Jaysus my nephews and nieces are my favourite people in the world. I had planned to take them to Oakwood this summer but had to cancel for obvious reasons. Their parents are very busy with work and love that the kids and still head off and do things with uncles and aunts. But that's our family, everyone is close.

Tombo2001

votecounts wrote: »

A sad state of affairs when an uncle bringing his niece on holidays is considered a paedo, jesus. Unless there is some back story i'm missing, I would have no problem my child going on holiday with his/her uncle.

Chinese whispers

irish_goat

The child is presumably supposed to be going to school so can't go to Britain for a holiday without missing 2 weeks of school when she comes back. That should make the decision for you, OP.

JayRoc

votecounts wrote: »

A sad state of affairs when an uncle bringing his niece on holidays is considered a paedo, jesus. Unless there is some back story i'm missing, I would have no problem my child going on holiday with his/her uncle.

Would you put yourself in the position of sharing a room with an 11year old niece when it's just the two of yee? Personally I find that naive, although I agree it is sad we have to think like that.

I just can't imagine putting myself in such a vulnerable situation.

ToddDameron

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Its clear what he is worried about, he doesnt have the same level of trust that you have for your Brother In Law.

What is complicated about that?

"I was shocked when she said it to me am I over reacting ? as I wouldn't even drop any of her friends off without her been in the car."

It's obvious what his actual concern is.

Sleeper12

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

The OP hasn’t mentioned when the trip would be. For all we know the brother in law could have been having a convo around the kitchen table that started with “when all this Covid crap is over I want to......”

TBH I never for a second thought that the trip would be in the next few months. Covid is reason enough not to let her go out of the country

Tombo2001

.........

LessOutragePlz

I'd let her go on the trip if she wants to, I don't see any issues with it.

Pawwed Rig

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Its clear what he is worried about, he doesnt have the same level of trust that you have for your Brother In Law.

What is complicated about that?

Where does the OP say that?


All he really says is

SCOL wrote: »

He is 40 and still lives with Mammy and Daddy only got a Girlfriend a few months ago. I was shocked when she said it to me am I over reacting ? as I wouldn't even drop any of her friends off without her been in the car.

So is the issue the OPs paranoia with regard to himself being alone with kids? Does he not think it is inappropriate for a non parent to be alone with kids?

Hard to know what the OP is asking to be honest as he hasn't outlined any reasoning behind the fear as of yet.

wildwillow

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

My 6 year old and 4 year old recently went to the other side of the country with my sisters husband. They had a great time as he is off work at the moment so had all the time to spend with them.
If I had any doubts about him I wouldn't have let them go but he has been present in their lives since birth and they love him to bits.

OP needs to figure out what he is worried about.

The difference is that your sister's husband has been a part of their lives. We don't know if this is the case here.

irelandrover

wildwillow wrote: »

The difference is that your sister's husband has been a part of their lives. We don't know if this is the case here.

The brother lives with the grandparents (who i would assume see the child regularly) and has been on holiday before with the child.

JayRoc

JayRoc wrote: »

Would you put yourself in the position of sharing a room with an 11year old niece when it's just the two of yee? Personally I find that naive, although I agree it is sad we have to think like that.

I just can't imagine putting myself in such a vulnerable situation.

I feel very sorry for you that you would think that with your family, that is a vulnerable situation.

RurtBeynolds

munchkin_utd wrote: »

EDIT: Ive a daughter barely younger than yours and I wouldnt be bothered on a city trip on my own with her, and I have mulled it over a couple of times (planning spins for football matches, family occassions with hotel overnights) and it was too much of a hassle to have her tag along compared to just going on my own.

Father of the year right here.

OP, this seems like a non runner with covid going on.

eleventh

OP, the answer to the question of the trip has to be No, because you don't know or trust that in-law enough.

Another thing- does he know you don't like him? If he does then he was wrong to ask in the first place.

Pawwed Rig

wildwillow wrote: »

The difference is that your sister's husband has been a part of their lives. We don't know if this is the case here.

We do. The OP hasn't said much but he has stated that they have a relationship (although OP was vague) and he stated that they have travelled together before as part of a larger group.

SCOL wrote: »

A standard sort of relationship, because he still lives with his parents he would be in the house when we are there, he has gone to Legoland with my wife/ kids and the Grandmother in the past.

He lives with the Grandparents so presumably sees the kids whenever they visit.

SCOL wrote: »

He is 40 and still lives with Mammy and Daddy only got a Girlfriend a few months ago.

Sounds like a fairly close family tbh given that 40 year old siblings still holiday with their parent. It is notable that the OP did not go on the extended family trip away. I wonder is this the issue the OP has in that he does not like the wife's family. It would be interesting to know the OPs wife's opinion on the matter.

Without more information to understand the actual objections the OP has it is hard to say if he is being unreasonable or not. To date I haven't seen them mention anything that would be a cause for concern. But if he has no issues letting his child be around this guy I am finding it hard to see what his current concerns are.

JayRoc

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I feel very sorry for you that you would think that with your family, that is a vulnerable situation.

It's nothing to do with me thinking it is a vulnerable situation; it IS a vulnerable situation.


If you don't agree that's your prerogative...but I have been on enough child protection etc courses to tell you any man who stays in a hotel room alone with an 11 year old girl who is not his daughter is putting himself at risk.

If you are saying you think that is a pity, then I agree with you.

But you can't just stick your fingers in your ears and insist the world isn't what it is.

JayRoc

JayRoc wrote: »

It's nothing to do with me thinking it is a vulnerable situation; it IS a vulnerable situation.


If you don't agree that's your prerogative...but I have been on enough child protection etc courses to tell you any man who stays in a hotel room alone with an 11 year old girl who is not his daughter is putting himself at risk.

If you are saying you think that is a pity, then I agree with you.

But you can't just stick your fingers in your ears and insist the world isn't what it is.

If you think me overnighting with my niece or nephew is putting me in a vulnerable position then I DO insist the world isn't what you think it is.

May as well use the Mike Pence technique and make sure you are never alone with any female as you are vulnerable to false accusations there too.

JayRoc

[Deleted User] wrote: »

If you think me overnighting with my niece or nephew is putting me in a vulnerable position then I DO insist the world isn't what you think it is.

Fair enough. We'll agree to disagree

Duke of Url

Whats the issue again.

Did her uncle do something that makes him untrustworthy in the past?

Duke of Url

Duke of Url wrote: »

Whats the issue again.

Did her uncle do something that makes him untrustworthy in the past?

Op hasn't told us.

Kaybaykwah

I wouldn't allow this to happen.

The great majority of child abuse events take place in proximate circumstances, i.e: family/friends. Wouldn't chance it.

ZeroThreat

SCOL wrote: »

..... and Daddy only got a Girlfriend a few months ago.

:eek: I'd say this could be causing some tension within that household for a start.

Pawwed Rig

Kaybaykwah wrote: »

I wouldn't allow this to happen.

The great majority of child abuse events take place in proximate circumstances, i.e: family/friends. Wouldn't chance it.

Ever?
How about scouts? School trips? Football? Visits to Granny and Grandad?

As a parent all you can do is make the best decisions you can. You cannot protect your child 24 hours a day. It comes to a stage where you have to trust people whether they are schoolteachers, creche workers, scout leaders, football coaches etc. You can reduce perceived risk but you can't eliminate it without restricting the childs movements to an unreasonable degree.

antix80

My brother living abroad was visiting with his girlfriend and meeting some nieces and nephews for the first time. My bro was travelling Ireland and he offered to take some of the kids away for a few days to get to know them and give the parents a break.
Lovely idea. Flipping bonkers. They didn't know him and only ever spent 1 night (if any) away from their parents. And he sees no harm in having one or two drinks and driving. And he and the gf smoke, even though they don't know any other smokers. Naturally my sister declined! She didn't make a bit deal out of it, she just said thanks but no thanks.

Pawwed Rig

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Ever?
How about scouts? School trips? Football? Visits to Granny and Grandad?

As a parent all you can do is make the best decisions you can. You cannot protect your child 24 hours a day. It comes to a stage where you have to trust people whether they are schoolteachers, creche workers, scout leaders, football coaches etc. You can reduce perceived risk but you can't eliminate it without restricting the childs movements to an unreasonable degree.

actively involved in clubs, vetted and not usually sharing a hotel alone with the child though.

Granny and grandad sleepovers are normal and is they were child abusers, the parent would know from their own childhood.

Also, the fact that uncle's abuse more kids than all the above combined.

I think people's like to ignore that as it's been stated a few times. Reality; if you're child is subject to abuse, it will probable be a relative.

Duke of Url

antix80 wrote: »

My brother living abroad was visiting with his girlfriend and meeting some nieces and nephews for the first time. My bro was travelling Ireland and he offered to take some of the kids away for a few days to get to know them and give the parents a break.
Lovely idea. Flipping bonkers. They didn't know him and only ever spent 1 night (if any) away from their parents. And he sees no harm in having one or two drinks and driving. And he and the gf smoke, even though they don't know any other smokers. Naturally my sister declined! She didn't make a bit deal out of it, she just said thanks but no thanks.

But the OPs daughter knows her Uncle.

The OP and many posters here think the Uncle is a peado.

lawrencesummers

If you say no I’ve a few kids he can take off my hands for a few days.