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Leaving 9 yr old in car?

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    #92
    sydthebeat
    Subscribers Posts: 41,021 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    eagle eye wrote: »
    I disagree, I call it common sense with a kid under 12 years of age.


    I allow then go play but their supervised. They mightn't know they're supervised unless something goes wrong.
    I'd never allow a kid under 12 go to the shop on their own.


    I don't ingrain any fears in them.

    well, obviously we have very different parenting styles and im not going to knock choices of anyone... but unfortunately your posts do convey that you are very fearful and your kids certainly do pick up on things like that.

    Covert surveillance while they play with friends??? thats actually disturbed. why arent you up front and tell them that you are watching them?

    kids have to be allowed the space to learn independence and the responsibilities that come with that..... they need to be allowed to make mistakes and suffer the consequences.

    if you dont allow your kid to go to the shop on their own until they are 12 years of age then you are severely stiffing them.
    At that age they are preparing to go to secondary school... and discos etc... and if they havent even got the confidence to walk un-escorted at that age then im afraid for them as to how they will interact with their peers, makes new friends and survive in the much more socialised world that comes with being that age.


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    #93
    B_ecke_r
    Registered Users Posts: 491 ✭✭B_ecke_r


    it's not so long ago kids were left sitting in the car with a bottle of Red Lemonade and crisps while parents were in the pub all day.

    while I agree it's a non issue leaving a 9 year old in a car for 10 minute shop run, I also agree that a 9 year old shouldn't dictate they're not going somewhere.


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    #94
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    My mums a GP and often we'd be going somewhere and she'd get a call to see someone straight away. She'd leave me in the car while she ran into the nursing home, patients house etc etc and I was younger than 9. It was daylight, she locked the car but left the car keys. I'd sit there happy out for 15 mins listening to the radio. My mum knew she could trust me but she'd never have done the same with my brother. Parents know their own kids, some you know are sensible and can be trusted while others .... not so much. My brother is an adult now and I still think my mum would think twice before leaving him on his own!


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    #95
    Tombo2001
    Registered Users Posts: 6,470 ✭✭✭Tombo2001


    What is the problem with an 11 year old going to the shop on their own?

    What is the reason for not allowing it?

    Genuine question.


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    #96
    Tombo2001
    Registered Users Posts: 6,470 ✭✭✭Tombo2001


    B_ecke_r wrote: »
    it's not so long ago kids were left sitting in the car with a bottle of Red Lemonade and crisps while parents were in the pub all day.

    while I agree it's a non issue leaving a 9 year old in a car for 10 minute shop run, I also agree that a 9 year old shouldn't dictate they're not going somewhere.

    We all know that......the issue is - how do you deal with that.


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    #97
    sydthebeat
    Subscribers Posts: 41,021 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    B_ecke_r wrote: »
    while I agree it's a non issue leaving a 9 year old in a car for 10 minute shop run, I also agree that a 9 year old shouldn't dictate they're not going somewhere.

    a nine year old shouldnt be ordered around for a pointless 10 minute shop n dash.... what exactly is achieved by making them do something they dont want to do at that age?? they are expressing independence in a very, very minimal way... and that should actually be encouraged to happen, and framed with conditions obviously.


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    #98
    B_ecke_r
    Registered Users Posts: 491 ✭✭B_ecke_r


    I agree, but it's a fine line for parents.

    next time they could be parked somewhere unsafe for example and it's better if they go in.

    I walked home from school when I was that age, stayed in the car regularly and walked to the shop every sunday for the papers.


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    #99
    nthclare
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,316 ✭✭✭nthclare


    Tombo2001 wrote: »
    Are you brilliant in every way or just parenting?

    I don't understand what your post is about.

    Why ask me a question about my abilities outside of parenting.

    I never said I was a brilliant parent.

    I think you're just being pedantic to be honest, you're not really interested in how good I am outside parenting.

    I think my post triggered you in ways.

    Telpis


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    #100
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    I think it's ok to give in to 9 when you are happy enough to do so. Once you give in because they kick up too much fuss otherwise then you are loosing control. But in the end it's balancing act, you give in sometimes and hold your ground other times. I'm fairly strict about accesss to internet and what they are allowed to access (parental controls on everything). You judge each situation separately, each activity separately and hope you won't screw up.


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    #101
    sydthebeat
    Subscribers Posts: 41,021 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    B_ecke_r wrote: »
    I agree, but it's a fine line for parents.

    next time they could be parked somewhere unsafe for example and it's better if they go in.

    I walked home from school when I was that age, stayed in the car regularly and walked to the shop every sunday for the papers.

    exactly, and that would be the perfect example of teaching the the conditions of their independence.

    say the argument goes "but i was allowed to stay in the car last time"
    the new response isnt "well im saying you have to come with me now".. thats pointless...
    the new response is the explanation as to why this situation is different.
    "im going to be gone for much longer"
    "i wont be able to see the car from where im going but i am able from the supermarket"
    "you dont know this area, so if you get out of the car looking for me you could get lost"
    etc etc

    give the kids some credit with an explanation, rather than a blunt order... cos we all know how "cos i said so" will be reacted to ........


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    #102
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    sydthebeat wrote: »
    give the kids some credit with an explanation, rather than a blunt order... cos we all know how "cos i said so" will be reacted to ........

    I just tell them my job is to make kids miserable or that my favourite word is no. :D I think some situations need to be explained but I wouldn't bother everytime, especially when it's the same issue repeatedly and they know very well why no is no.


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    #103
    sydthebeat
    Subscribers Posts: 41,021 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    yeah they will always push the boundaries :D


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    #104
    Tombo2001
    Registered Users Posts: 6,470 ✭✭✭Tombo2001


    nthclare wrote: »
    I don't understand what your post is about.

    Why ask me a question about my abilities outside of parenting.

    I never said I was a brilliant parent.

    I think you're just being pedantic to be honest, you're not really interested in how good I am outside parenting.

    I think my post triggered you in ways.

    Telpis


    Oh you are absolutely right; one thing I don't like at all is parents who sneer at other parents, and give examples of ways that they are better.


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    #105
    facehugger99
    Registered Users Posts: 7,225 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    B_ecke_r wrote: »
    I agree, but it's a fine line for parents.

    next time they could be parked somewhere unsafe for example and it's better if they go in.

    .

    Why would you park anywhere unsafe?


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    #106
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    sydthebeat wrote: »
    completely agreed..... do people actually equate their kids to material goods??
    and therefore see them as a similar value for theft??

    of course they dont, which just shows the ridiculousness of the argument


    No. I don't give a hoot about my car. It's insured. My handbag can be replaced and same with my laptop. My son is far more precious to me than anything. So damn right I'm going to assess potential risks in his life. And leaving him somewhere in an unlocked car or with the windows half down is not something I would do unless the car was in sight such as at a petrol station.



    In a matter of the sixty seconds it took to go to the loo next door's three-year old got into my parked car, discovered and demolished a kinder egg, pulled my sat nav off it's holder, turned the lights on, wipers/indicator levers and changed all the radio settings. I was lucky he didn't have the strength to let down the handbrake or he could have rolled it back on the other kids playing in the drive. So sometimes it's not the danger posed to them, it's the danger they pose to others.


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    #107
    nthclare
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,316 ✭✭✭nthclare


    Tombo2001 wrote: »
    Oh you are absolutely right; one thing I don't like at all is parents who sneer at other parents, and give examples of ways that they are better.

    Sorry if my post came across as sneering, but that wasn't me intention.

    Is that clear enough for you?


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    #108
    poeticjustice
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭poeticjustice


    nthclare wrote: »
    Sorry if my post came across as sneering, but that wasn't me intention.

    Is that clear enough for you?

    Actually, that also came across as kinda sneering...


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    #109
    eagle eye
    Registered Users Posts: 37,527 ✭✭✭✭eagle eye


    sydthebeat wrote:
    Covert surveillance while they play with friends??? thats actually disturbed. why arent you up front and tell them that you are watching them?
    It's only covert if you tell them they are not being watched. We are not hiding in the trees, we make sure our kids play locally is all.
    My kids are doing fine socially. My eldest is 14 and Captain of his gaa football team. My second is 12 and doing fine.
    I've never shown them fear, in fact it's the opposite. Two of them witnessed me taking down a guy who knocked one of them over while running away from a Garda.
    And as that little tale tells you, **** does happen to kids. I'll do my best to make sure they avoid up until they are 12.
    Even after that age they get pulled back in if they abuse the privelege.


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    #110
    ncmc
    Registered Users Posts: 4,852 ✭✭✭ncmc


    I think at that age, with regards to playing outside/ going to the shop etc it depends on the child but also where you live. I live in a quiet estate in a small village so I wouldn’t hesitate to let a 9 year old go to the shop, but if I lived in Dublin where they would be walking on a busy road, I wouldn’t. I don’t think there’s a ‘one size fits all’ answer to that.


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    #111
    the_pen_turner
    Registered Users Posts: 7,506 ✭✭✭the_pen_turner


    i have a hbit of locking my van everytime i leave it mainly due to working alone. a few weeks ago i was taking my father someplace and went into a shop on the way. i came out about 15min later to find him trapped inside due to the van going into economy mode (im guessing) or just the time frame after me locking it. no harm no foul in my case but it is alarming to think that he couldnt open the door or let down the window.

    everyone should try out their cars and see if you can actually get out if you needed to


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    #112
    olestoepoke
    Registered Users Posts: 2,386 ✭✭✭olestoepoke


    pconn062 wrote: »
    Don't be such a snowflake. ;)

    You say that to all the boys:D


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    #113
    Aethan Dor
    Registered Users Posts: 93 ✭✭Aethan Dor


    Neyite wrote: »
    No. I don't give a hoot about my car. It's insured. My handbag can be replaced and same with my laptop. My son is far more precious to me than anything. So damn right I'm going to assess potential risks in his life. And leaving him somewhere in an unlocked car or with the windows half down is not something I would do unless the car was in sight such as at a petrol station.



    In a matter of the sixty seconds it took to go to the loo next door's three-year old got into my parked car, discovered and demolished a kinder egg, pulled my sat nav off it's holder, turned the lights on, wipers/indicator levers and changed all the radio settings. I was lucky he didn't have the strength to let down the handbrake or he could have rolled it back on the other kids playing in the drive. So sometimes it's not the danger posed to them, it's the danger they pose to others.

    OP asked about a 9 year old though, vastly different levels, this thread has been mind-blowing and hilarious how little trust some people have in their older children :confused:


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    #114
    WAW
    Registered Users Posts: 229 ✭✭WAW


    You can always leave the key with your older child and they can lock or unlock the car from inside. That way the risk of getting dead bolted in is removed and if needs be, the child can get out. Obviously, you need a responsible child not a head the ball eejit of a child who might be messing with the key. Two 9 years can be worlds apart in sense and maturity. Parents generally know their own kids and kids generally know what they're comfortable with themselves at given ages.


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    #115
    tjjber
    Registered Users Posts: 8 ✭tjjber


    I think it also depends where you park your car. In my town a child was left locked in a car parked at the bottom of a hill. A diabetic driver passed out at the top of the hill and crashed into the back of the car the child was in. No serious injury but the mother was only gone for 10 minutes. She returned to find her car written off and her child being helped out from the car window by the gardai as no one could open any of the doors.


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    #116
    Foweva Awone
    Registered Users Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭Foweva Awone


    tjjber wrote: »
    I think it also depends where you park your car. In my town a child was left locked in a car parked at the bottom of a hill. A diabetic driver passed out at the top of the hill and crashed into the back of the car the child was in. No serious injury but the mother was only gone for 10 minutes. She returned to find her car written off and her child being helped out from the car window by the gardai as no one could open any of the doors.

    But here's the thing ... imagine if the mother had brought the child with her. The runaway car, if it had taken a different path, could easily have hit the mother and child, and probably done a lot more damage from hitting them directly rather than in a parked car, and the mother could be left wishing she'd decided to leave the child in the car where she was comparatively safer.


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    #117
    Claw Hammer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,163 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    Aethan Dor wrote: »
    OP asked about a 9 year old though, vastly different levels, this thread has been mind-blowing and hilarious how little trust some people have in their older children :confused:

    The real issue is not something happening to the child. What if something happens to the parent? For example, a heart attack or mugging which leaves the parent unconscious. What would happen then with the child locked into a car not knowing what's going on?


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    #118
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    tjjber wrote: »
    I think it also depends where you park your car. In my town a child was left locked in a car parked at the bottom of a hill. A diabetic driver passed out at the top of the hill and crashed into the back of the car the child was in. No serious injury but the mother was only gone for 10 minutes. She returned to find her car written off and her child being helped out from the car window by the gardai as no one could open any of the doors.

    I'm surprised that wasn't splashed all over the media.


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    #119
    Claw Hammer
    Registered Users Posts: 6,163 ✭✭✭Claw Hammer


    tjjber wrote: »
    I think it also depends where you park your car. In my town a child was left locked in a car parked at the bottom of a hill. A diabetic driver passed out at the top of the hill and crashed into the back of the car the child was in. No serious injury but the mother was only gone for 10 minutes. She returned to find her car written off and her child being helped out from the car window by the gardai as no one could open any of the doors.

    Let that be a lesson to her.


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