Leaving 9 yr old in car?

jobeenfitz

My daughter was just telling me a story about being at shop today. Her nine year old daughter didn't want to go into shop so my daughter told me she locked her in the car.

I was surprised and thought this was unsafe and let my daughter know but she just got annoyed.

I'm not sure if car can be opened from inside once locked but I will be checking.

Am I being unreasonable?

jobeenfitz

Just for clarity, my daughter was in shop for less than ten mins.

SoupyNorman

jobeenfitz wrote: »

...my daughter told me she licked her in the car...

I hope she washed her first.

Ballso

Is the kid disabled or something?

jobeenfitz

Not disabled

Ballso

Then you are being unreasonable yeah

Del2005

jobeenfitz wrote: »

My daughter was just telling me a story about being at shop today. Her nine year old daughter didn't want to go into shop so my daughter told me she locked her in the car.

I was surprised and thought this was unsafe and let my daughter know but she just got annoyed.

I'm not sure if car can be opened from inside once locked but I will be checking.

Am I being unreasonable?

Depends on how you lock the car. On most cars if you hit the lock button once it'll lock the door, but you can open from inside, if you hit lock again it'll dead bolt the car and can't be opened from inside.

Regardless a child should not be left in a vehicle. What if they let off the handbrake of just get out and walk off, not to mention the risk of overheating.

Ballso

She's nine, not three. Are nine year olds not allowed to be unsupervised now?

Ballso

She's nine, not three. Are nine year olds not allowed to be unsupervised now?

Atlantic Dawn

The risk of the car going on fire would be the biggest danger.

Dial Hard

Atlantic Dawn wrote:

The risk of the car going on fire would be the biggest danger.

People always bring this up as if vast swathes of cars spontaneously combust every day of the week. Driving your children around in the car is far, far, far more dangerous than leaving them sitting in it alone for any length of time, but no-one ever suggests people should stop driving, because the risk, on a real level, is still tiny.

If you tried to legislate for every potential danger that *might* happen you'd never leave the house. Assess the risks on a realistic basis and make the choice you're happy with. Would I leave a sensible 9-year-old alone in the car for a few minutes while I ran a quick errand? Absolutely.

mvl

First, how was the daughter, was she ok with it ?
- I would not be comfortable letting my pre-teen daughter alone in the car, if she is upset: I would rather drop her home if she is, or even postpone my shopping - this is just me.

- its not a fire I'd be fearing (cause this is Ireland, far from being too hot), but how another driver can crash into my car, or something might happen to me - and I wouldn't want to have any passenger locked waiting for me to return if that happens;

Also, note that my daughter would have no phone to ask for help...


So OP I think your reaction was not an exaggeration - but of course you are not the parent in charge on this one ... maybe be mindful that things can be communicated in various ways so that your daughter doesn't feel criticized ...

khaldrogo

Ballso wrote:

She's nine, not three. Are nine year olds not allowed to be unsupervised now?

It's all part of the SJW, God bothering nanny state we live in nowadays.....we were left in the car for 10s of minutes many times in the 80s.....I burnt my finger on the cigar lighter once....I'm still alive and learnt a valuable lesson.

harr

I think a nine year old should be well capable of staying in car for a couple of minutes and should have the sense to keep car locked and to open car and get out if a problem comes up before parents return.
Good to give the kid some responsibility and to show you trust them to behave a lot of kids are wrapped in cotton wool these days.

mvl

but what is the minimum age children can be left alone in the home in Ireland ?
cause I would think leaving them alone in a car would follow same guideline ?
- some states in America 9 yos cannot be left home alone // link

lazygal

mvl wrote: »

but what is the minimum age children can be left alone in the home in Ireland ?
cause I would think leaving them alone in a car would follow same guideline ?
- some states in America 9 yos cannot be left home alone // link

There's no prescriptive legislation on leaving a child alone in Ireland, just child neglect offences. I doubt leaving a capable 9 year old for a few minutes comes under that law. At 10 I was allowed to walk home from school and let myself in one afternoon a week because my mum had to bring my siblings to an appointment every week. I was fine.

Chocolate fiend

I really would not see an issue with it. I'd rather leave them in the car than dragging a grumpy 9 year old around the shop with me.

Neyite

I leave my 7yo in the car if I'm going into the shop for a few minutes. I lock it so that nobody can open the door from the outside but he can open it at the inside if there's any sort of emergency.



He's had a lot of car safety instructions so is fairly cautious and I know he's content to sit and wait, and won't touch the car controls. Another kid might not, so it depends on the child.



And it also depends on where I'm popping in to. Usually if the car is within sight then I'm ok with that, but if it's not or if I don't know how long I might be, he comes with me.

Hoboo

I wouldn't leave a bag with a million euro in the car unattended. Nor a 9 year old. But each to their own.


If be more concerned about allowing a 9 year old dictate to an adult.

OP id probably let your daughter be the parent here, or try to be.

idayang

my daughter is 8 yrs old.

i did try to leave her alone in the car but both of us felt bad so now i won't do it unless i stop for the butcher for 2 minutes and the car is just 2 meters away from the door.

if she wish to leave the kid in the car, at least she should open the window even in cold days.i am not sure whether she'd lock the car. If she locks it , which can block the girl's way out in emergent situation. if she doesnt lock the door i'm afraid if someone else will enter the car.....

spurious

I really don't know how I survived childhood.

pwurple

Dial Hard wrote: »

People always bring this up as if vast swathes of cars spontaneously combust every day of the week. Driving your children around in the car is far, far, far more dangerous than leaving them sitting in it alone for any length of time, but no-one ever suggests people should stop driving, because the risk, on a real level, is still tiny.

If you tried to legislate for every potential danger that *might* happen you'd never leave the house. Assess the risks on a realistic basis and make the choice you're happy with. Would I leave a sensible 9-year-old alone in the car for a few minutes while I ran a quick errand? Absolutely.

I know I've only been driving 20 odd years, but in those years, two of my cars have gone on fire. One was a battery fault, it went up in flames while switched off and parked. The other was after an impact... the fuel line was hit. It's still a box sitting on a tank of flammable liquid, and they go up fairly quickly... I wouldn't assume a child could get out in those circumstances. Why lock it?

To be honest, I'd be happier leaving a child at home, or UNLOCKED, than locked in a car, but it really depends on the circumstances. Is it busy there, could the car be side-swiped by a passing bus, or reversed into by some muppet in a carpark... etc

Dravokivich

I wouldn't do it at all. If I'm going to the shops, the kid is coming in with me. If they want to throw a strop, they can do it wherever as far as I'm concerned.

https://youtu.be/dwEg1RoULBw

If I'm waiting on someone when I'm parked up in the car, I always have the windows down because it gets quite hot. Just sitting there. Electric windows which would be on most cars now, need the key in the ignition.

gctest50

Dial Hard wrote: »

People always bring this up as if vast swathes of cars spontaneously combust every day of the week.....

It doesn't take vast swathes to do it, it just takes your car to do it

.

radiata

I was smoking when I was 9.
You'd swear it was a 9 month old

whelan2

radiata wrote: »

I was smoking when I was 9.
You'd swear it was a 9 month old

I saw a toddler left in a car last week. It didn't rest easy with me. A 9 year old would be fine imo.

gctest50

whelan2 wrote: »

I saw a toddler left in a car last week. It didn't rest easy with me. A 9 year old would be fine imo.

If it's an electrical fault the 9 year old may not be able to open the door

The toddler will just get roasted to death

Interior fire :

whelan2

How often do cars go on fire realistically ?

facehugger99

gctest50 wrote: »

It doesn't take vast swathes to do it, it just takes your car to do it

This is the kind of attitude that encourages millions to buy lottery tickets.

Dravokivich

whelan2 wrote: »

How often do cars go on fire realistically ?

Every day.

facehugger99

whelan2 wrote: »

How often do cars go on fire realistically ?

How many don't go on fire?

Dravokivich

facehugger99 wrote: »

How many don't go on fire?

The issue isnt about potential for the car going on fire. Its horribly uncomfortable to be left sitting in a car. So what if its locked. They unlock it to get out and you've a car lying around that's unlocked. Its not worth the hassle.

Bob Harris

If you can't leave a 9-year old in a car for a few minutes then we may as well give up.

facehugger99

Dravokivich wrote: »

The issue isnt about potential for the car going on fire.

So why did you reply "every day" to the question of how often cars go on fire?

You obviously thought it was relevant.

sydthebeat

If a nine year old refuses to go into a shop and wants to be left in the car.....

WTF is the problem???

Leave the windows down a notch.
The doors will open from the inside.

Dravokivich

facehugger99 wrote: »

So why did you reply "every day" to the question of how often cars go on fire?

You obviously thought it was relevant.

I just answered a question.

Dravokivich

sydthebeat wrote: »

If a nine year old refuses to go into a shop and wants to be left in the car.....

WTF is the problem???

Leave the windows down a notch.
The doors will open from the inside.

A notch in the windows doesn't create any airflow for a parked car.

Bob Harris

Dravokivich wrote: »

The issue isnt about potential for the car going on fire. Its horribly uncomfortable to be left sitting in a car. So what if its locked. They unlock it to get out and you've a car lying around that's unlocked. Its not worth the hassle.

Ah here now....

Dravokivich

Bob Harris wrote: »

Ah here now....

Check out the video I posted earlier. Or sit in one with the windows up and the ac off for 15 minutes later.

olestoepoke

I leave my 9 year old son in the car alone when I run into our local spar all the time. Don't see any problem with it at all.

sydthebeat

Dravokivich wrote: »

A notch in the windows doesn't create any airflow for a parked car.

First off that's BS.
All you need for air flow is a pressure differential which a bare breeze can cause.
Second off, your idea of a notch and mine could be competely different.

And third off....
They're nine years old, not nine months.
If they want to get out of the car, they can.
My nine year old walks to the shop himself.
If they come into the shop, give them the keys and tell them to go lock the car.

Seriously.... The utter scare mongering and over mothering in this thread is baffling

Bob Harris

Dravokivich wrote: »

Check out the video I posted earlier. Or sit in one with the windows up and the ac off for 15 minutes later.

If it's 30 degrees and the car is in the sun then it gets hot.
If it's -5º and blowing a gale you'd be delighted to be in a car.

olestoepoke

This is how snowflakes are created, mollycoddled children end up being useless adults that can do nothing for themselves.

Dravokivich

olestoepoke wrote: »

This is how snowflakes are created, mollycoddled children end up being useless adults that can do nothing for themselves.

My kid is far from mollycoddled.

pconn062

olestoepoke wrote: »

This is how snowflakes are created, mollycoddled children end up being useless adults that can do nothing for themselves.

A bit like adults who can't think for themselves and just spout stupid catchphrases and buzzwords they've heard imported from the States.

My bigger issue would be the 9 year old not wanting to get out of the car. They're nine, when I was 9 that wouldn't have been my choice!

Foweva Awone

When I was nine and even much younger, my dad (self-employed engineer) would very often bring me to work with him for the day and I'd be left sitting in the car for hours on end outside his workshop or outside whatever pub or hotel or restaurant he was working in. I'd know to bring plenty of books, colouring books, games, whatever to keep myself entertained. (Obviously mobile phones/tablets weren't around back then!) If the car got too hot, I'd open the windows or I'd get out of the car and sit in the shade. By 9 years old I certainly had enough cop on not to mess with the handbrake or controls.

I'm certainly not endorsing leaving a 9 year old alone in a car for hours at a time in this day and age, but I see no problem whatsoever in leaving a responsible child that age for a few minutes while running into a shop. You have to start giving them independence and responsibility in small chunks eventually. I wouldn't do it with my 5 year old, but would really hope he'd be sensible enough to leave alone for a few minutes by the time he's 9, if not sooner.

olestoepoke

pconn062 wrote: »

A bit like adults who can't think for themselves and just spout stupid catchphrases and buzzwords they've heard imported from the States.

My bigger issue would be the 9 year old not wanting to get out of the car. They're nine, when I was 9 that wouldn't have been my choice!

Funny I never heard a yank say "mollycoddled" I always thought that was an Irish phrase. Sounds like you had very controlling parents, probably the reason for your aggressive reply

pconn062

olestoepoke wrote: »

Funny I never heard a yank say "mollycoddled" I always thought that was an Irish phrase. Sounds like you had very controlling parents, probably the reason for your aggressive reply

Don't be such a snowflake.

spurious

'Didn't want to go to the shop'.
She's nine. She does what her parent says, or there are consequences.
I would start with leaving her in the car while I went in, but it wouldn't finish there. Little madam. She does what she is told, or she cleans her room/misses her TV show/gets the wifi turned off, whatever.

What happens when she 'doesn't want' to go to school/do her homework/pick up after herself?

sydthebeat

spurious wrote: »

What happens when she 'doesn't want' to go to school/do her homework/pick up after herself?

its called teaching personal responsibility.....

all those youve mentioned above have a consequence on the childs life.... going into a shop doesnt. So if nine year old asks why do i have to go into the shop and the response is "because i said so"... well thats just poor parenting.

spurious

sydthebeat wrote: »

its called teaching personal responsibility.....

all those youve mentioned above have a consequence on the childs life.... going into a shop doesnt. So if nine year old asks why do i have to go into the shop and the response is "because i said so"... well thats just poor parenting.

Apparently she could be incinerated for her freedom of choice if you go by the nonsense here.