“Ireland has a rape culture”

manonboard wrote: »

I dont think this would work for me and my partner. I know she would find it an incredible turn off to verbally check if we are going to have sex. It forces the person to create this decision, for anyone with any anxiety around these things, this would be a very unpleasant situation.
Just the other day, we had a chat and she told me that she felt pressure to have sex that day because I was leaving for the weekend and we wouldn't get to for a few days. It apparently started because in the morning i said i'd like to have sex before i leave (5 hours later i was due to leave).
She expressed it creates this time window type of pressure.

Its very clear to me that she would prefer if i just randomly initiate sex without bringing her cognitive decision making/decision planning into it.
Her body and mind enjoy it alot more if it 'just happens in the moment'.

This is something that perplexes me in these situations. I myself would strongly dislike someone asking me to have sex each time verbally. I much prefer they initiate and i will check in with my body/mind as it continues and stop it if i have a problem or need to adjust something.

I find an important part of enjoyable sex is the ability the more active thinking part of the mind and just allow things to happen unless our bodies say no.

Could i ask you to share your thoughts on this aspect? I understand and partially agree about the verbal consent model being proposed alot, but i find it quite incompatible with how people like things in the moment.

Thanks OEJ

Ray

Don't you see what's happened here? You've had a consent discussion and come to an agreement re consent.

You've agreed a long term arrangement which can work in a long term relationship. That's one sound outcome from discussing consent. Job's oxo.

theballz wrote: »

I understand where she's coming from and rape is a truly terrible thing. However, she's trying to get justice where it's practically impossible to find.

Saying Ireland has a "rape culture" was probably bad phrasing, she's understandably emotional and needs an outlet so there you have it.

She also started anti sexual assault group that includes males, so considering everything I can't really be angry at her for saying something she might not have completely understood or meant.

I do agree, however, that the term "rape culture" is not only nonsensical but misandric (as people seem to still automatically relate rape to men) overused as an excuse for male bashing.

Completely agree. It's hyperbole that really doesn't help

manonboard wrote: »

Could i ask you to share your thoughts on this aspect? I understand and partially agree about the verbal consent model being proposed alot, but i find it quite incompatible with how people like things in the moment.

Thanks OEJ

Ray

Well as I’ve consistently said throughout this thread, relationships are based upon trust, and from the sounds of it, yourself and your partner trust each other and have a great relationship because of it, and you’re able to talk about what you both like and don’t like and your expectations and all the rest of it. It’s working out pretty sweet for both of you from what I can see, and that’s fantastic, I’m genuinely happy for both of ye



This though, is a different ball game altogether -

OMM 0000 wrote: »

I can't get behind this because that's not how sex works in the real world.

Let's do some simple and inaccurate maths:

Let’s make it even simpler - it’s exactly how sex works in the real world, as demonstrated above by manonboards example of his relationship with his partner. It’s exactly how sex works for the vast majority of adults.

There’s no point in doing any simple and inaccurate maths because that’s not how Irish law at least, works in the real world. In the real world, if you plough on regardless, a woman then has the choice as to whether or not she wants to make a complaint against you. You lost the right to call foul when you decided to plough on and claim she consented because she didn’t explicitly say no. That excuse won’t keep you out of jail if a woman makes a complaint against you.

OMM 0000 wrote: »

We need to move past the idea that women need to be coddled so much that even expecting them to speak is too much to ask for. It's an incredibly sexist mentality.

I can't keep repeating myself so this is my last post here unless the usual weirdos come along making up things like I'm saying rape should be legalised or love rape or whatever.

I think you need to move past a mentality where you imagine that just because you think the law is stupid, that somehow your attitude grants you immunity from any wrongdoing. That attitude was excusable when you were a child and weren’t expected to know better, but as an adult you think that attitudes gonna fly? It’s exactly why we have laws to punish people for their wrongdoing which causes harm to other people, which those people have every right to make a complaint to the authorities about.

Enough is Enough! wrote: »

Sounds like an excellent way to get laughed out of the bedroom.

It's pretty obvious when a girl is in to you.

And by that same token, it’s pretty obvious when a girl isn’t into you. What this thread is about is when a person knows the other person isn’t into them, yet carries on anyway.

Rape culture, mansplaining, manspreading etc are phrases coined by nutjob feminists.

Dangerous creatures.

We've a drinking culture... That's it

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Which is fine. The key phrase in Jack's post was, "if you carry on under the assumption that because they haven’t tried to stop you and you’ve made no effort to make sure they’re as into it as you are - that’s when you could find yourself in a whole boatload of trouble.

IN other words, it's not the initiation and whether it's verbal or not that's important, it's what happens after the initiation is important. If the partner says "no" and you keep going, that;s when you're violating consent.

and if the partner doesn't say no?

maybe it's women who need consent classes...

anewme wrote: »

"A damaged Cow"

"some cow"

"sexist bitch"


Just downright nasty.

Did you read what happened to the lady?

They're just being edgy. It's virtue signalling for someone who fancies them self a great big hard lad.

Quantum Erasure wrote: »

ah here, ye tried to reverse the meaning of 'snowflake' with your 'I know you are but what am I?' nonsense.

lets leave virtue signalling alone

We'll, it's just the normal use of the term "virtue signalling" for people who consider that sort of thing virtuous.

Did you read their posts? They knew what they were doing but nobody would bite until the poster a couple of posts back.

Justin Credible Darts wrote: »

Nasty is when she is the sexist one with her rape culture comments labeling all men.


I find that offensive. It was horrible what happened to her, but slating all men gets her less sympathy from me.

Its really horrible the comments you have passed about this lady.

To comment on a lady who was raped as "a damaged cow" really does not read well.

Your comments show absolutely no filter, you just can't abuse people you don't agree with. No justification.

Quantum Erasure wrote: »

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Which is fine. The key phrase in Jack's post was, "if you carry on under the assumption that because they haven’t tried to stop you and you’ve made no effort to make sure they’re as into it as you are - that’s when you could find yourself in a whole boatload of trouble.

IN other words, it's not the initiation and whether it's verbal or not that's important, it's what happens after the initiation is important. If the partner says "no" and you keep going, that;s when you're violating consent.

and if the partner doesn't say no?

maybe it's women who need consent classes...

If it's someone you've been with for a while, you really should know by the reactions.

Justin Credible Darts wrote: »

Wrong I am sick of women demeaning men , but if a man says a thing about women he is attacked and called a sexist.



Are you too dense to comprehend this, or are you brainwashed so much you have stopped thinking for yourself and allow others to dictate how you should feel.

Yeah it's just being an edgelord. I get it and were all shockin' impressed.