Anyone else enjoy being single?

Gimme A Pound · 11-04-2019 08:57PM

givyjoe wrote: »

Eh, what?! you did say what I referred to. You asked 'whats wrong with them that they can't make a connection?'

In relation to people who are just shagging shagging shagging one person after another after another, just flitting from person to person on a constant frequent basis - why are they so desperate to move on move on move on all the time?

I didn't say people who have any casual sex at all can't make a connection - obviously nearly all can.

Again, how have you come to the conclusion at what frequency is acceptable/healthy? Who are you to judge for others what is healthy or not in their sex lives and that casual sex is fine on occasion, but not more. If they're happy, what exactly is the problem with it?

It's just my opinion - well it's good if they're happy, but I would be surprised if they actually are.

We all judge - even those who think they don't judge.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 11-04-2019 09:33PM

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

In relation to people who are just shagging shagging shagging one person after another after another, just flitting from person to person on a constant frequent basis - why are they so desperate to move on move on move on all the time?

Grass is always greener mentality?

Meanwhile, they are missing out on the much greater pleasure of being with the same person and building a relationship and a future.

givyjoe · 11-04-2019 09:42PM

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

In relation to people who are just shagging shagging shagging one person after another after another, just flitting from person to person on a constant frequent basis - why are they so desperate to move on move on move on all the time?

I didn't say people who have any casual sex at all can't make a connection - obviously nearly all can.

It's just my opinion - well it's good if they're happy, but I would be surprised if they actually are.

We all judge - even those who think they don't judge.

No, we don't all judge and certainly not to the extent you seem determined to in this regard. That's a pretty weak defense. So far you've said there is something wrong with them, can't make a connection and now they're 'desperate' to move on. How on earth would you know if they're happy or not?! How many folks do you actually know with the sexual habits you're describing?! Has it not occured to you that these folks are making a conscious choice that makes them happy. This is literally as bad if not worse than the comments looking down on those who choose to be single, nothing wrong with that either if it makes you happy!

Next poster seems to think that they're missing out on something better as if it's fact.. have you folks never heard of different strokes and all that?!

11-04-2019 09:44PM

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Grass is always greener mentality?

Meanwhile, they are missing out on the much greater pleasure of being with the same person and building a relationship and a future.

Well it is possible that a person who is single yet engages in regular sex has no interest in a relationship yet loves having sex.

Gimme A Pound · 11-04-2019 09:50PM

I agree that people who are off-the-scale promiscuous may not be happy with a relationship either.

But everyone does judge - those who think they never judge ever are delusional (you're judging me btw, givyjoe). Just my opinion - not saying it's right.

If a person just shags one person after another on an extremely frequent basis, and makes no further connection, and they're happy, that still doesn't mean people can't have an opinion on it.

givyjoe · 11-04-2019 09:57PM

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

I agree that people who are off-the-scale promiscuous may not be happy with a relationship either.

But everyone does judge - those who think they never judge ever are delusional (you're judging me btw, givyjoe). Just my opinion - not saying it's right.

If a person just shags one person after another on an extremely frequent basis, and makes no further connection, and they're happy, that still doesn't mean people can't have an opinion on it.

I'm quite clearly not judging you, I'm disagreeing with your point of view which is to persistently judge/look down on others because of their sexual appetite. I've not once said there is something wrong with you, or that you're like an alley cat, or have unhealthy level of sexual desire or that your lifestyle is X y or z. There is a very clear difference, which shouldnt really need to be spelled out.

Have an opinion all you like on something, be prepared to be called out in it though if you're going to judge people negatively because they don't abide by what you believe to be acceptable.

11-04-2019 10:07PM

Saying something is probably unhealthy is not the same as looking down on people. You can have a voracious sexual appetite without having a voracious appetite for different partners, something that can carry risks to health and personal safety. It's as valid an opinion as anyone elses. Again with putting words in the posters mouth too.

Apparently it's okay to advocate for moderation in just about anything other than sexual partners. We are talking about extremes here, few people would consider 'countless strangers' - not FWB or even moderately frequent casual encounters - to be a healthy option, most would consider 'countless strangers' to be bordering on compulsive behaviour.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 11-04-2019 10:58PM

givyjoe wrote: »

I'm quite clearly not judging you, I'm disagreeing with your point of view which is to persistently judge/look down on others because of their sexual appetite.

I don't think that's what the poster to whom you're referring is doing at all.

Nobody is saying there should be a limit to sexual appetite. However, there are demonstrated risks to frequent casual sex with different partners, in terms of higher instances of physical or sexual assault, unplanned pregnancy, STIs, and various kinds of cancers. Untreated STIs in women are a leading cause of infertility.

Someone who wants sex but not a relationship would be far better served by having a "FWB" type arrangement and maintaining a trusted sexual partner (or small number of such partners) than going around sleeping with numerous people.

pgj2015 · 11-04-2019 11:09PM

Angliru wrote: »

I think some people need to be in a relationship to function as they need that comfort and the security whereas other people are better suited to being lone wolves. I'd fall into the latter group. I wouldn't be needy and I am very comfortable spending a lot of time by myself, especially with how full on daily life is so I enjoy that. It is interesting to see more people tend to be happier to be single now than before, or maybe that's because the technology era broadcasts it more.

I have no tolerance or time for drama and arguments so that's another big reason why I'll probably be single forever. I also think marriage is a pretty crazy concept, but then again I think children not raised in a married family are at a huge disadvantage and marriage is a great thing that way.

I wouldn't agree that the family has to be married. what difference would it make if the parents were married or if they were just together but not married?

Eircom_Sucks · 12-04-2019 12:57PM

So who’s out tonight on dublins northside ?

Anybody about around phibsboro for a few scoops ?

Tell me how · 12-04-2019 01:06PM

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

So who’s out tonight on dublins northside ?

Anybody about around phibsboro for a few scoops ?

Northside?

That doesn't fit with how my see myself and so I am going to disregard this potential opportunity immediately and permanently.

Welcome to online dating. :pac:

Eircom_Sucks · 12-04-2019 02:56PM

Tell me how wrote: »

Northside?

That doesn't fit with how my see myself and so I am going to disregard this potential opportunity immediately and permanently.

Welcome to online dating. :pac:

Wasnt into you anyway ha ha

Grayson · 12-04-2019 03:07PM

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

In relation to people who are just shagging shagging shagging one person after another after another, just flitting from person to person on a constant frequent basis - why are they so desperate to move on move on move on all the time?
.

Why not?

Sex is fun. Sex with loads of people is fun. Sex in a committed relationship is fun. It's just sex.

Grayson · 12-04-2019 03:08PM

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

So who’s out tonight on dublins northside ?

Anybody about around phibsboro for a few scoops ?

I'm heading out in smithfield after work. I may fall asleep halfway through the first pint.

Eircom_Sucks · 12-04-2019 03:24PM

Grayson wrote: »

I'm heading out in smithfield after work. I may fall asleep halfway through the first pint.

I’ll be in “ The Bald Eagle “ tonight in phibsboro if anybody fancies a few pints and banter

wyf437gn6btzue · 12-04-2019 07:59PM

pgj2015 wrote: »

the relationship issues on boards is full of threads about couples not having sex at all for years after maybe 5 to 10 years of marriage, apparently its a very common thing.

I much prefer being single, no drama, my money is my own, im a workaholic so a partner would just be nagging me about that most likely. no fear she will cheat on me or divorce me taking half my wealth. no listening about her problems with her friends, boss, parents etc zzzzzzzzzz

accurate

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 08:10PM

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Not healthy imo. As said, it's the most intimate thing you can do - if someone wanted to go to the cinema regularly with a different stranger each time, they'd be considered a right weirdo. But the most intimate thing you can do? That's totally the norm according to our culture which has done a 180-degrees swing since the sexual repression times. Neither situation is healthy imo. Both are repressed. There's a middle ground.

In your opinion I think is the important part of the above post.

Sex is not that big a deal to some people and is not an intimate act to some.

It's like having a drink or smoke, it's a pleasure that some people enjoy, some don't. Some do it once every once in a while, some do it every day. It's just a pleasure.

Your posts are coming across as quite judgy. IMO of course.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 08:18PM

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Oh I think whether a person is male or female, if they are going around shagging multiple strangers like an alley cat, it seems like they have issues (and I despise when men say stuff like "I cut contact when she put out" even though he also put out; and as for that flipping lock and key thing...) You said you didn't think sex was the most intimate thing a person can do, but it is definitely the most physically intimate thing a person can do.

Absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex whatsoever - of course. It's perfectly natural and healthy. And nothing wrong with casual sex now and again either, but shag shag shag, different person or people every week, that is destructive behaviour in my opinion.

It really isn't the most physically intimate thing a person can do Gimme, think about giving birth in front of someone, ****ting yourself in front of someone, dying from cancer in front of someone.

Sex seems suddenly a trivial act in comparison.

Jester232 · 12-04-2019 08:25PM

I think most people like to be in a relationship as it's the "normal" thing to do, it shows someone wants you etc. too.

But for me, and maybe it's committment issues or other problems, but the minute someone gets attached I immediately think I'll be with them forever, then I think of things I want to do like travel the world eventually or maybe move jobs or country and how that wouldn't be possible, or at least very difficult.

I love not having to worry about anyone else. I don't have to be home at a certain time to make dinner or agree to plans they make. My time is my own. I can get up whatever time I want tomorrow, I can go for a walk and a breakfast roll if I want without having to think of anyone else.

Of course being single has it's drawbacks too, no one to support you to make life easier, do tasks for you you might need help with etc.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 08:25PM

Someone once said to me if everyone genuinely does have a soulmate what are the chances that that soulmate lives within 20kms of them? And yet most married couples come from the same area?

Made complete sense to me. People marry out of convenience because they find someone who lives close by, comes from the same background etc. etc. And I say that as someone who was once married so I know what I'm talking about.

There's a whole wide world out there. No way is your soulmate just going to fall in your lap.

12-04-2019 08:44PM

Isnt this abit like the Mgtow movement where its suppose to be about going your own way but ends up talking about the opposite sex incessantly

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 08:47PM

BBFAN wrote: »

Someone once said to me if everyone genuinely does have a soulmate what are the chances that that soulmate lives within 20kms of them? And yet most married couples come from the same area?

Made complete sense to me. People marry out of convenience because they find someone who lives close by, comes from the same background etc. etc. And I say that as someone who was once married so I know what I'm talking about.

There's a whole wide world out there. No way is your soulmate just going to fall in your lap.

People usually settle with people of similar backgrounds, similar cultural reference points, similar views, similar values. It’s no surprise those people are often from the same neighbourhood, county or country.

I live abroad and always find myself drawn to Irish men for all of those reasons (god love me!!!) if I met and fell for a west of Ireland lad I wouldn’t think “sure I’m only settling for him out of convenience”, there’d be genuine attraction there based on being “wired the same way” as my mam would say.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 08:51PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

People usually settle with people of similar backgrounds, similar cultural reference points, similar views, similar values. It’s no surprise those people are often from the same neighbourhood, county or country.

I live abroad and always find myself drawn to Irish men for all of those reasons (god love me!!!) if I met and fell for a west of Ireland lad I wouldn’t think “sure I’m only settling for him out of convenience”, there’d be genuine attraction there based on being “wired the same way” as my mam would say.

No, it is genuinely a surprise. If we all only have one true soulmate, the chances that they are from the same neighbourhood are MINUTE.

Yes, we tend to go towards what we find familiar. Does not mean that's what our destiny is or what is best for us. It's like we go toward a fry up for breakfast, it's what we're used to. Doesn't mean it's good for us.

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 09:05PM

BBFAN wrote: »

No, it is genuinely a surprise. If we all only have one true soulmate, the chances that they are from the same neighbourhood are MINUTE.

Yes, we tend to go towards what we find familiar. Does not mean that's what our destiny is or what is best for us. It's like we go toward a fry up for breakfast, it's what we're used to. Doesn't mean it's good for us.

Who said anything about one true soul mate? Most people aren’t walking around with fairytale notions of one Prince Charming. Most people have multiple relationships throughout their lives and come to a point where they want to settle down and have found someone they love who wants the same things.

Sometimes that lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t see how it’s somehow an offensive notion that most people’s lives follow this pattern

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 09:12PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Who said anything about one true soul mate? Most people aren’t walking around with fairytale notions of one Prince Charming. Most people have multiple relationships throughout their lives and come to a point where they want to settle down and have found someone they love who wants the same things.

Sometimes that lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. Don’t see how it’s somehow an offensive notion that most people’s lives follow this pattern

Never said it was an offensive notion, just that it was a defective one.

The fact that you say settle says it all though.

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 09:15PM

BBFAN wrote: »

Never said it was an offensive notion, just that it was a defective one.

The fact that you say settle says it all though.

“Settle down” is a fairly common, well understood term, don’t know why you’re reading negatively into that. Most adults want to settle down eventually.

BBFAN · 12-04-2019 09:35PM

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

“Settle down” is a fairly common, well understood term, don’t know why you’re reading negatively into that. Most adults want to settle down eventually.

And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy.

ginandtonicsky · 12-04-2019 09:59PM

BBFAN wrote: »

And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy.

According to who? You? Based on what?

xi5yvm0owc1s2b · 12-04-2019 10:04PM

BBFAN wrote: »

And that's exactly why so many people end up unhappy.

Exactly the opposite is true, in fact. Marriage is correlated with many economic, physical, and social benefits. Married people report higher levels of happiness and satisfaction, and married men live longer on average than men who are single or divorced.

Eircom_Sucks · 12-04-2019 10:09PM

Anybody out ?

Anyone else enjoy being single?

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