Anyone else enjoy being single?

Gimme A Pound

Deleted User wrote: »

If don't mean one night stands and casual flings what do you mean? Sex every night of the week with a different person?

The second one - although it doesn't have to be every night. Every weekend even. I said *the occasional* one night stand or casual fling doesn't seem to indicate issues. Frequency and numbers of people are what I'm referring to.

Promiscuity can be connected to a lot of emotional difficulties and is sometimes a symptom of certain personality disorders. Seeking out sex because you feel it will satisfy a void, because you need reassurance of being wanted, because you associate having sex with your self worth, that's damaging and needs to be looked at.

The giving of oneself in the hope that a greater need will be met will chip away at whatever self-esteem is intact.

And that's what I'm referring to.

However there are plenty of people out there who have no such issues when it comes to having sex outside of a relationship. A number of years ago I had a friends with benefits situation. It was great and some of the best sex I ever had. I was able to take it for what it was, a relationship wouldn't have worked between us but what we had was perfect at the time.

Having sex outside a relationship is in no way indicative of inner troubles.

And I'm not referring to that. It's pretty clear I'm not referring to that. I said "countless strangers".

Tucker Hot Bell

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

The second one - although it doesn't have to be every night. Every weekend even. I said *the occasional* one night stand or casual fling doesn't seem to indicate issues. Frequency and numbers of people are what I'm referring to.

And that's what I'm referring to.

And I'm not referring to that. It's pretty clear I'm not referring to that. I said "countless strangers".

What about having sex with countless strangers and it not meaning anything more than liking sex?

coffee_cake

having your own hobbies and space is super important

.......

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

I said "countless strangers".

But what if someone just enjoys having sex?

Gimme A Pound

Deleted User wrote: »

What about having sex with countless strangers and it not meaning anything more than liking sex?

Not healthy imo. As said, it's the most intimate thing you can do - if someone wanted to go to the cinema regularly with a different stranger each time, they'd be considered a right weirdo. But the most intimate thing you can do? That's totally the norm according to our culture which has done a 180-degrees swing since the sexual repression times. Neither situation is healthy imo. Both are repressed. There's a middle ground.

Tucker Hot Bell

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Not healthy imo. As said, it's the most intimate thing you can do - if someone wanted to go to the cinema regularly with a different stranger each time they'd be considered a right weirdo. But the most intimate thing you can do? That's totally the norm according to our culture which had done a 180 swing since the sexual repression times. Neither situation is healthy imo. Both are repressed. There's a middle ground.

I disagree. It is your opinion though so I'll leave it at that.

You can have sex with strangers constantly and it can be an indication of some deeper issue. You can have sex with strangers constantly and it can simply indicate you like having sex with strangers. I imagine both those statements are true.

Anything done to excess or compulsively can be harmful, would be my take. Most of us have some aspect of our behaviour that isn't necessarily good for us. I can over exercise to the point of injuring myself or put away my bodyweight in chocolate, others might risk take or behave in other harmful ways. Having sex with countless strangers seems like compulsive behaviour and carries it's own risks, and it's okay to consider it possibly problematic. Of course we all bring our biases into play and when it comes to judging others behaviour, it's through the lens of our personal experience or morality.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

....... wrote: »

Even if it was different people all the time - so what?

Someone who is having casual sex with different people all the time is exposing him- or herself to significant health risks.

Promiscuity is linked to a higher incidence of STIs, cervical cancers, and unplanned pregnancies. Women are more likely than men to experience long-term health complications from STIs.

Researchers also find that people who frequently engage in casual sex have lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of depression and anxiety.

It's nice in theory to say "So what?" but there are significant health implications.

Gimme A Pound

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Someone who is having casual sex with different people all the time is exposing him- or herself to significant health risks.

Promiscuity is linked to a higher incidence of STIs, cervical cancers, and unplanned pregnancies. Women are more likely than men to experience long-term health complications from STIs.

Researchers also find that people who frequently engage in casual sex have lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of depression and anxiety.

It's nice in theory to say "So what?" but there are significant health implications.

Yeah I don't buy "they just enjoy sex" - enjoyment of sex doesn't require shagging countless strangers.

EmmetSpiceland

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Researchers also find that people who frequently engage in casual sex have lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of depression and anxiety.

Surely that’s just the women.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Surely that’s just the women.

Actually, no. It's men as well.

.......

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Someone who is having casual sex with different people all the time is exposing him- or herself to significant health risks.

Promiscuity is linked to a higher incidence of STIs, cervical cancers, and unplanned pregnancies. Women are more likely than men to experience long-term health complications from STIs.

Researchers also find that people who frequently engage in casual sex have lower levels of self-esteem and higher levels of depression and anxiety.

It's nice in theory to say "So what?" but there are significant health implications.

I did say at the outset that so long as everything was consensual and people were practicing safe sex I didnt see a problem.

I still dont. Some people like to have a lot of sex, with a lot of different partners.

Humans engage in plenty of behaviours with significant health implications.

I see no reason to call women "slappers" or "sex mad sluts who want dick daily" because they enjoy sex.

EmmetSpiceland

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Actually, no. It's men as well.

That can’t be true, can it??

I mean, the gang I would have ran with back in the day would all have done fairly well with the ladies. Some of us settled down but others didn’t and would still be out and “putting it about”.

The ones still out there would be fairly well adjusted men who seem to thoroughly enjoy their lifestyle.

Maybe they only surveyed those awful “pick up artist” types who play the numbers game, getting refused and turned down by all the good looking girls before dropping their standards way down and claiming it as a victory and blatantly lying to their “crew” about their “conquest”. Imagine going up to a girl and opening with “tell me something interesting about you?” in a weak Americanised accent while another weasel watches on and takes notes.

I can totally see those saddos getting saddled with low self esteem and depression.

.......

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Not healthy imo. As said, it's the most intimate thing you can do - if someone wanted to go to the cinema regularly with a different stranger each time they'd be considered a right weirdo. But the most intimate thing you can do? That's totally the norm according to our culture which had done a 180 swing since the sexual repression times. Neither situation is healthy imo. Both are repressed. There's a middle ground.

I wouldnt consider sex the most intimate thing you can do with someone.

Its physically intimate alright, but it doesnt have to be emotionally intimate.

Certainly if I were to recall the most intimate situations I have been in with my husband, they probably wouldnt be times when we were having sex but more likely to be times when one of us was vulnerable and the other was comforting them.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

....... wrote: »

I did say at the outset that so long as everything was consensual and people were practicing safe sex I didnt see a problem.

Again, that's great in theory. But according to research, many people don't practice safe sex during casual encounters. A survey carried out by Healthy Ireland found that when Irish people are having sex with someone they have just recently met, condoms are used in just 70 percent of cases. Startlingly, in 20 percent of cases, no form of contraception whatsoever is used.

Also, casual sex with someone you hardly know, often when one or both parties are intoxicated, is hardly a good way to ensure that boundaries are respected around consent.

Some people like to have a lot of sex, with a lot of different partners.

Agreed. But there are significant potential health implications to promiscuity, too, as noted above.

Humans engage in plenty of behaviours with significant health implications.

They do indeed. But if someone is drinking too much, eating too much sugary or fatty food, or driving too fast, it's common to point out the downsides and risks. Let's not pretend that having lots of sexual partners doesn't come with its own set of downsides and risks.

I see no reason to call women "slappers" or "sex mad sluts who want dick daily" because they enjoy sex.

I don't either. I don't think that kind of language is warranted. But the temptation is to go to the opposite extreme and celebrate women who are having lots of casual sex and high numbers of partners -- which isn't ideal either, given the risks.

dd973

There's seems to be some people who'd find relationship's and marriages at a bus stop, it's just in their personalities and others whom even if they didn't want to be are doomed to be single/celibate/childless even if they lived to be 300, a few others as well who meet soulmates by sheer random chance.

Statistically there probably is 'someone for everyone' yet this overlooks the real chance that this person is in Chile or New Zealand or even just 150 miles away and you're never going to meet them.

.......

Raelynn Pitiful Minion wrote: »

Again, that's great in theory.

But according to research, many people don't practice safe sex during casual encounters. A survey carried out by Healthy Ireland found that when Irish people are having sex with someone they have just recently met, condoms are used in just 70 percent of cases. Startlingly, in 20 percent of cases, no form of contraception whatsoever is used.

Also, casual sex with someone you hardly know, often when one or both parties are intoxicated, is hardly a good way to ensure that boundaries are respected around consent.

Again, in this imaginary scenario, there is consent and the people are practicing safe sex.

However, as I already said, people do plenty of things with significant health risks - sex is just one of many dangerous activities. So its not relevant to the point I am making whether or not its more or less dangerous than any other activity.

The point I am making is that I do not think it is right to refer to women who enjoy a lot of sex as slappers, sex mad sluts who crave dick daily or any other derogatory term. That says far more about the person using those terms than anyone engaging in any kind of promiscuity IMO.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

....... wrote: »

Again, in this imaginary scenario, there is consent and the people are practicing safe sex.

Well, you're talking about imaginary scenarios and I'm talking about people's actual real-world behavior. The latter is a bit more relevant, don't you think?

The point I am making is that I do not think it is right to refer to women who enjoy a lot of sex as slappers, sex mad sluts who crave dick daily or any other derogatory term. That says far more about the person using those terms than anyone engaging in any kind of promiscuity IMO.

I expanded my post above. I'm not condoning this kind of language. But I think that it's tempting to react to it by portraying these so-called "slappers" in a wholly positive light, as if they represent carefree and liberated female sexuality. It's not quite as simple as giving such people a thumbs-up and a "You go, girl!" Having numerous casual encounters is not generally good for someone's physical or mental health.

facehugger99

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That can’t be true, can it??

I mean, the gang I would have ran with back in the day..............

I believe they generally use more than one person's personal anecdotes when compiling that kind of data.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That can’t be true, can it??

I mean, the gang I would have ran with back in the day would all have done fairly well with the ladies. Some of us settled down but others didn’t and would still be out and “putting it about”.

The ones still out there would be fairly well adjusted men who seem to thoroughly enjoy their lifestyle.

Well, researchers studying casual sex on college campuses found similar outcomes among men and women with regards to self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

Remember that the "Jack the Lad" bravado that young men display in front of their friends isn't necessarily indicative of their true feelings.

The research also shows that people who settle down and get married are generally happier than those who are "putting it about."

Sephiroth_dude

Mod - TomasMacR attacking other posters is not on, do not post in this thread again.

kowloon

....... wrote: »

And every woman having a lot of sex with different partners, well each of those partner is a man, so why no shaming language towards the men in this imaginary scenario?

No worries, people, I've been on the forum long enough, I've got this:

When a woman is a lock with a key a man can have many keys for more locks but a woman is a lock and has no keys because men have keys for good locks... no, sorry, I've lost it.

Mister Vain

dd973 wrote: »

There's seems to be some people who'd find relationship's and marriages at a bus stop, it's just in their personalities and others whom even if they didn't want to be are doomed to be single/celibate/childless even if they lived to be 300, a few others as well who meet soulmates by sheer random chance.

Yep, some people just land in relationships without having to actually pursue it. If you're single and constantly pursuing a relationship but not getting anywhere, that can make you very unhappy. Negative thoughts start to creep in but there's no point in beating yourself up over something that is essentially a lottery.

As for being in a relationship, I have found that I'm happiest at the beginning because its new and exciting. The honeymoon phase as its called. After a while routine sets in and my happiness is about the same as what it is when I'm single. You just get used to your life either way and that becomes the norm.

Dalomanakora

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yep, some people just land in relationships without having to actually pursue it. If you're single and constantly pursuing a relationship but not getting anywhere, that can make you very unhappy. Negative thoughts start to creep in but there's no point in beating yourself up over something that is essentially a lottery.

As for being in a relationship, I have found that I'm happiest at the beginning because its new and exciting. The honeymoon phase as its called. After a while routine sets in and my happiness is about the same as what it is when I'm single. You just get used to your life either way and that becomes the norm.

Yeah I think generally if you're a happy, well adjusted person in general, you'll be happy in or out of a relationship.


I'm usually quite happy. I'm happy in a good relationship, and I'm happy single. I just roll with it. I was happy while my last relationship was good, and I'm happy now that I'm out of it, because for me a relationship is adding to my happiness, not causing it.

Gimme A Pound

....... wrote: »

And every woman having a lot of sex with different partners, well each of those partner is a man, so why no shaming language towards the men in this imaginary scenario?

Oh I think whether a person is male or female, if they are going around shagging multiple strangers like an alley cat, it seems like they have issues (and I despise when men say stuff like "I cut contact when she put out" even though he also put out; and as for that flipping lock and key thing...) You said you didn't think sex was the most intimate thing a person can do, but it is definitely the most physically intimate thing a person can do.

Absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex whatsoever - of course. It's perfectly natural and healthy. And nothing wrong with casual sex now and again either, but shag shag shag, different person or people every week, that is destructive behaviour in my opinion.

givyjoe

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Oh I think whether a person is male or female, if they are going around shagging multiple strangers like an alley cat, it seems like they have issues (and I despise when men say stuff like "I cut contact when she put out" even though he also put out; and as for that flipping lock and key thing...) You said you didn't think sex was the most intimate thing a person can do, but it is definitely the most physically intimate thing a person can do.

Absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying sex whatsoever - of course. It's perfectly natural and healthy. And nothing wrong with casual sex now and again either, but shag shag shag, different person or people every week, that is destructive behaviour in my opinion.

Your quite judgmental opinion to be fair. I'm honestly bemused that you think there is some kind of 'acceptable' level of casual sex. You've repeatedly cast negative aspersions over people who frequently have casual sex. It comes across as being a bit uptight and prudish to be honest. How did you come to your conclusion of what frequency of casual sex is acceptable?

You do realise that there are many people/couples who (safety) frequently have sex with others and are extremely happy. By all means say it's not for you (frequent casual sex I mean), but maybe leave out the judgmental condoscention.

As for it being destructive, destructive to who and how?

Gimme A Pound

givyjoe wrote: »

Your quite judgmental opinion to be fair. I'm honestly bemused that you think there is some kind of 'acceptable' level of casual sex. You've repeatedly cast negative aspersions over people who frequently have casual sex. It comes across as being a bit uptight and prudish to be honest. How did you come to your conclusion of what frequency of casual sex is acceptable?

You do realise that there are many people/couples who (safety) frequently have sex with others and are extremely happy. By all means say it's not for you (frequent casual sex I mean), but maybe be a bit less judgemental.

As for it being destructive, destructive to who and how?

Do you think it's healthy for a person to shag a different person or people every week and that's it, one sexual encounter, and then move on to the next person? How come they can't make more of a connection?

There is of course a difference between that and, between relationships, having a one-night stand every month or six weeks (although if they really like them, they'll want to see them again surely) or a short-term fling or friends with benefits situation.

And it absolutely does not automatically mean being prudish or uptight - a person who is in the same relationship for years could be an absolute freak in bed. And a person who is shagging all around them might not be in the least bit liberated.

givyjoe

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

Do you think it's healthy for a person to shag a different person or people every week and that's it, one sexual encounter, and then move on to the next person? How come they can't make more of a connection?

There is of course a difference between that and, between relationships, having a one-night stand every month or six weeks (although if they really like them, they'll want to see them again surely) or a short-term fling or friends with benefits situation.

And it absolutely does not automatically mean being prudish or uptight - a person who is in the same relationship for years could be an absolute freak in bed. And a person who is shagging all around them might not be in the least bit liberated.

Where did you get the idea that not doing it is healthy? You seem to have come to the conclusion that people who do it, do so because there is something wrong with them.

Why do you assume that someone having casual sex can't make a connection? Someone who is able to get casual sex on the extremely frequent basis you suggest, arguably has lots of options and is quite likely making a choice.

You continue to make judgements on people solely based on the frequency at which they have casual sex, you can argue it's not prudish but it's most definitely an outdated outlook.

Gimme A Pound

givyjoe wrote: »

Why do you assume that someone having casual sex can't make a connection?

You and others keep saying I said stuff which I didn't. I mean that alcohol analogy used by your man who's gonna be banned was pretty lame.

I didn't say casual sex full stop is unhealthy - I don't see an issue with it on occasion. I said a different partner or partners every week is. That's not an outdated attitude at all - thinking casual sex full stop is bad behaviour, is.

givyjoe

Tucker Hot Bell wrote: »

You and others keep saying I said stuff which I didn't. I mean that alcohol analogy used by your man who's gonna be banned was pretty lame.

I didn't say casual sex full stop is unhealthy - I don't see an issue with it on occasion. I said a different partner or partners every week is. That's not an outdated attitude at all - thinking casual sex full stop is bad behaviour, is.

Eh, what?! you did say what I referred to. You asked 'whats wrong with them that they can't make a connection?'

Again, how have you come to the conclusion at what frequency is acceptable/healthy? Who are you to judge for others what is healthy or not in their sex lives and that casual sex is fine on occasion, but not more. If they're happy, what exactly is the problem with it?

I also think the alcohol analogy is terrible.