Anyone else enjoy being single?

misstearheus

*Cough cough!*

kunst nugget

kunst nugget wrote: »

And right arms that could crush steel.

Plenty in "relationships" have the same skill I'd say, maybe even more so.

KathleenGrant

kunst nugget wrote: »

And right arms that could crush steel.

Plenty of single people I know are getting more sex than couples in LTR's

I am prone to feeling the grass is greener however I can say with certainty that I was mostly happy being single. Of course there were times when I was fed up and longed for a boyfriend even though the dating road was paved with hurt. There was the little voice inside that said 'you aren't good enough' which threatened to turn me fearful of connection and being rejected again. Overall though it was ok. I loved the sense of hope around the future. I loved wondering "what will he be like" It reminded me a little of my early twenties when the future spread out in front of me new and shiny.

Not everyone finds it easy and it can be hard to not become so sad and low. We live in a world that's geared towards couples. Love is an industry that is worth billions. As hard as it is to do, for anyone who is struggling with being single, makesure you have a brilliant relationship with yourself. Spend time doing things you love, meet your friends, if you have a few euro head on off on a nice holiday. Don't ever stop living because you are single.

I am in a relationship now and it's not always easy. I'm ok with that, sometimes Even though the 'not good enough' voice is much quieter my previous experiences with relationships have left a mark. Sometimes I get sad about them. Having someone in my life today doesn't undo what went before. All those expectations I had and all the empty words I heard.

Basically it's ok to be whoever you are. If singledom is your reality right now embrace the life you do have.

TomasMacR

KathleenGrant wrote: »

Plenty of single people I know are getting more sex than couples in LTR's

Can you give an age comparison between these two groups of people that you know...seeing as you say long term relationships.

ancapailldorcha

Great post, P.

Aye, finding someone has developed into an industry as well. I use a few apps and even getting messages on them is a bit... I'd be so much happier meeting someone face to face than building up expectations via text-based chatting.

I've been trying to do my own thing like going to the pics, travelling, museums and so on and, yeah... I really enjoy it. Problem there is that it can become a new normal that one might hesitate to leave behind and might hold one back if they do meet someone.

SusieBlue

TomasMacR wrote: »

Can you give an age comparison between these two groups of people that you know...seeing as you say long term relationships.

Can only speak for myself but there was absolutely zero intimacy in my LTR for the final year/18 months, and we were both in our 20's.
Have had friends report similar issues in theirs too, and they'd be around my age as well.

ancapailldorcha

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Great post, P.

Aye, finding someone has developed into an industry as well. I use a few apps and even getting messages on them is a bit... I'd be so much happier meeting someone face to face than building up expectations via text-based chatting.

I've been trying to do my own thing like going to the pics, travelling, museums and so on and, yeah... I really enjoy it. Problem there is that it can become a new normal that one might hesitate to leave behind and might hold one back if they do meet someone.

Thanks ad

It can be difficult alright to adjust to sharing your life after spending a while doing things on your own. Thing is though you might be perfectly content to continue in that vein when you meet someone and she will be just fine with it. In my eyes there should be space in a relationship for both people to have independence, to be able to take off alone and then come back together.

ancapailldorcha

Deleted User wrote: »

Thanks ad

It can be difficult alright to adjust to sharing your life after spending a while doing things on your own. Thing is though you might be perfectly content to continue in that vein when you meet someone and she will be just fine with it. In my eyes there should be space in a relationship for both people to have independence, to be able to take off alone and then come back together.

That possibility never occurred to me at all.

On the odd occasion I do get a message, I immediately fear the idea of surrendering all of my hobbies and free time for some reason. It does vary. I told one woman I worked with that she wouldn't let her partner go away with his friends for two weeks while another said she'd be fine with it.

ancapailldorcha

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

That possibility never occurred to me at all.

On the odd occasion I do get a message, I immediately fear the idea of surrendering all of my hobbies and free time for some reason. It does vary. I told one woman I worked with that she wouldn't let her partner go away with his friends for two weeks while another said she'd be fine with it.

Oh no don't ever give up the things that make you happy. Now if drinking a bottle of vodka a night is one of those things, or robbing cars, then fair enough it's a problem

ancapailldorcha

Deleted User wrote: »

Oh no don't ever give up the things that make you happy. Now if drinking a bottle of vodka a night is one of those things, or robbing cars, then fair enough it's a problem

I'm more of a tea, chocolate and Netflix sort of chap to be honest.

ancapailldorcha

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I'm more of a tea, chocolate and Netflix sort of chap to be honest.

But what sort of tea?

B0jangles

Deleted User wrote: »

But what sort of tea?

Was just about to ask: Barrys or Lyons?


Choose carefully.

ancapailldorcha

Deleted User wrote: »

But what sort of tea?

Lyons Gold Blend of course! Not a massive fan of the English stuff. Twinnings is ok. Never gave the green or fruity stuff a go.

kunst nugget

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

That possibility never occurred to me at all.

On the odd occasion I do get a message, I immediately fear the idea of surrendering all of my hobbies and free time for some reason. It does vary. I told one woman I worked with that she wouldn't let her partner go away with his friends for two weeks while another said she'd be fine with it.

Most of the hobbies I do would revolve around the house - gaming, reading, collecting vinyl, making music on my laptop - so I suppose I'm generally on hand when I'm needed. We've different interests and wouldn't be annoyed by the other doing their own thing. You need to keep doing stuff that stimulates - whether you're on your own or in a couple. Giving up your hobbies to satisfy someone else is a recipe for disaster imo. At the other end of the scale - obsessing over a hobby and continually ignoring your partner is a terrible way to behave.

Going away with mates for two weeks would hold zero appeal to me. I couldn't bear to be away from my wife and children for that amount of time and that money would be better spent on our family holidays.

B0jangles

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Lyons Gold Blend of course! Not a massive fan of the English stuff. Twinnings is ok. Never gave the green or fruity stuff a go.

That is objectively the one and only correct answer!

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

That possibility never occurred to me at all.

On the odd occasion I do get a message, I immediately fear the idea of surrendering all of my hobbies and free time for some reason. It does vary. I told one woman I worked with that she wouldn't let her partner go away with his friends for two weeks while another said she'd be fine with it.

God that word "let" drives me mental when partners use it about each other. The idea of my letting him do anything is weird, he's a grown man! He informs me of his plans and vice versa, obviously we're considerate of each other in making those plans but neither of us have a veto.

ancapailldorcha

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Lyons Gold Blend of course! Not a massive fan of the English stuff. Twinnings is ok. Never gave the green or fruity stuff a go.

Oh feck. No hope for you so!

TomasMacR

SusieBlue wrote: »

Can only speak for myself but there was absolutely zero intimacy in my LTR for the final year/18 months, and we were both in our 20's.
Have had friends report similar issues in theirs too, and they'd be around my age as well.

Yeah, before relationship breakdown...who would expect anything else.

It’s apples and oranges.

Compare a functioning long term relationship between two and a single person.

Compare a non functioning loveless relationship between two and a single person

SusieBlue

TomasMacR wrote: »

Yeah, before relationship breakdown...who would expect anything else.

It’s apples and oranges.

Compare a functioning long term relationship between two and a single person.

Compare a non functioning loveless relationship between two and a single person

That's the point I was making, though. You'd expect the person in the LTR to be having more but it doesn't always work out that way.

ancapailldorcha

B0jangles wrote: »

That is objectively the one and only correct answer!

Yeah. My local Asda has Barry's Tea. I bought a box. Wasn't impressed.

Ramona Shrilling Matchmaking wrote: »

God that word "let" drives me mental when partners use it about each other. The idea of my letting him do anything is weird, he's a grown man! He informs me of his plans and vice versa, obviously we're considerate of each other in making those plans but neither of us have a veto.

When you're a career singleton you might not know these things.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

When you're a career singleton you might not know these things.

Ah yeah wasn't getting at you at all it's just a pet peeve of mine I can't let it past

jimgoose

Ramona Shrilling Matchmaking wrote: »

Ah yeah wasn't getting at you at all it's just a pet peeve of mine I can't let it past

I've known a few of chaps with quite pathological cases of it down through the years, though. It bemuses me.

ancapailldorcha

Ramona Shrilling Matchmaking wrote: »

Ah yeah wasn't getting at you at all it's just a pet peeve of mine I can't let it past

No worries. Didn't think you were at all.

TomasMacR

SusieBlue wrote: »

That's the point I was making, though. You'd expect the person in the LTR to be having more but it doesn't always work out that way.

Agreed...but I suppose a bit of context is needed if comparing a single person to a couple on how much sex they are having.

If the relationship is functioning then it most likely is the couple. Unless you’re talking about some serious slapper who craves dick daily.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

jimgoose wrote: »

I've known a few of chaps with quite pathological cases of it down through the years, though. It bemuses me.

It's a very common dynamic in heterosexual relationships in this country. I'd never speak like that myself but even so...awhile ago I finished up a double shift, went to meet himself at our friend's house where they were playing games and drinking. I had the one and then said "I'm wrecked I'm going to head home but you stay here if you like, have the craic". Our friend piped up "Nice one man you got permission!' I said " Hey he can do what he likes, he doesn't need to get my permission" at which it was pointed out to me "And yet you just gave it to him"

He had me kind of stumped there :eek:

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Ramona Shrilling Matchmaking wrote: »

It's a very common dynamic in heterosexual relationships in this country. I'd never speak like that myself but even so...awhile ago I finished up a double shift, went to meet himself at our friend's house where they were playing games and drinking. I had the one and then said "I'm wrecked I'm going to head home but you stay here if you like, have the craic". Our friend piped up "Nice one man you got permission!' I said " Hey he can do what he likes, he doesn't need to get my permission" at which it was pointed out to me "And yet you just gave it to him"

He had me kind of stumped there :eek:

But would he have come home if you said so? Kinda just seems like polite parting words on your part.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

But would he have come home if you said so? Kinda just seems like polite parting words on your part.

Oh it definitely was, that fella just really likes winding me up, he knew well how I'd respond when he started going on about permission.

ancapailldorcha

jimgoose wrote: »

I've known a few of chaps with quite pathological cases of it down through the years, though. It bemuses me.

Think this is where I got that impression from.

Wanderer2010

One of the things that sticks out a lot for me amongst my married friends is when they say something like "Oh id love to go to see Iceland but himself absolutely hates the cold" or "Id love a sun holiday but herself gets awful sunburnt!". I actually said to one of them one day "Why don't you just go without him?" and you swear I slapped them, they looked so confused. Its as if the concept of having separate time to enjoy your hobbies or travel is completely alien to them.
If being attached means not being able to do a single thing without your other half or not being able to enjoy your own company then im glad im single!