Weddings - a terrible day out.

splinter65 · 03-05-2018 12:03PM

LirW wrote: »

That mentality is really awful. It really doesn't sit right with me and I'd find it financially unwise to speculate with presents to cover the cost of my wedding.
Main thing why I'm having a small thing is because I couldn't justify spending more than the amount we are going to. That's what we can shoulder ourselves without help, so we're not going to be in debt or a financial predicament when the whole thing with presents doesn't pan out :pac:

Over on the weddings forum I remember a poster telling of being in the bridal suite the morning after a wedding as the B&G desperately tore open the accumulated envelopes desperately trying to gather together the cash to pay the hotel bill which was to be settled of course at departure.
The foul language at the sight of a solitary €50 was in stark contrast to the demure couple standing at the alter not 24 earlier.

jk23 · 03-05-2018 12:07PM

splinter65 wrote: »

Over on the weddings forum I remember a poster telling of being in the bridal suite the morning after a wedding as the B&G desperately tore open the accumulated envelopes desperately trying to gather together the cash to pay the hotel bill which was to be settled of course at departure.
The foul language at the sight of a solitary €50 was in stark contrast to the demure couple standing at the alter not 24 earlier.

I am sure there are brides and grooms who have it all sorted in advance financially. However behavior like that would put you off weddings.

A lot is to do with the pressure on the bride and groom to have certain things at weddings seen in the media or at friends weddings I think!

LirW · 03-05-2018 12:09PM

I've just read about a bride going on a horrible rant towards their venue that she's paying 140 quid per head for the party but would have to pay 5 euros supplement pP for Steak if she wanted it on the menu, she's oblivious. I don't get how people can get so worked up over that.

Grand when you have all the money or a tight savings plan, but I don't get why you'd put up such a huge gamble on such an important day for yourself.

Just reminded me of that lady that tried chancing her arm with a hotel by threatening them into knocking costs down because a few people couldn't show up because the GAA team made it to some important game unexpectedly. Why. Would. You. Do. That.

LirW · 03-05-2018 12:10PM

A lot is to do with the pressure on the bride and groom to have certain things at weddings seen in the media or at friends weddings I think!

I constantly get to hear what cake we need to have, what shoes I need to wear and the list goes on. Now I can easily tell people off, no problem, but I know a lot can't and might even get blackmailed into doing things.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 03-05-2018 12:12PM

LirW wrote: »

What issue exactly? That the couple decided to get married in a super fancy location that puts them out of pocket in the first place? I don't really see why the guests should be expected to pay for the couple's choices.
If you can't afford getting married in Castle X, then there are a lot other, more budget friendly options or save for it.

If I can only afford 50 quid and a tin of biscuits, that's what I can afford to give them.

I think Qwerty was actually agreeing that guests are being put under undue pressure to attend extravagant weddings and put a minimum amount of cash in a card.

LirW · 03-05-2018 12:16PM

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I think Qwerty was actually agreeing that guests are being put under undue pressure to attend extravagant weddings and put a minimum amount of cash in a card.

My bad then, but the point stands! It's all going hand in hand really.
I find it hard to hear about people (even here on boards) that give their presents according to how fancy the wedding is.

meeeeh · 03-05-2018 12:18PM

I found that if you don't discuss the wedding then you don't have to suffer other people's opinions about what you should do.

LirW · 03-05-2018 12:20PM

meeeeh wrote: »

I found that if you don't discuss the wedding then you don't have to suffer other people's opinions about what you should do.

You'd be surprised how many people involve themselves in the planning.
Weddings are these occasions that bring the crazy out in people and slumbering conflicts to the surface.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 03-05-2018 12:22PM

LirW wrote: »

I constantly get to hear what cake we need to have, what shoes I need to wear and the list goes on. Now I can easily tell people off, no problem, but I know a lot can't and might even get blackmailed into doing things.

Yes, I imagine a lot of brides start out wanting a smaller, more personal wedding and then get brainwashed by friends or sisters into believing that their wedding will be a disaster if they don't have it in a proper hotel, with a sit down meal, and a loud band, and a burger van for the 'afters' and a photo booth and a load of other gimmicks that might have been unusual and quirky the first time somebody thought of them but not after they've been copied a million and one times.

meeeeh · 03-05-2018 12:25PM

LirW wrote: »

You'd be surprised how many people involve themselves in the planning.
Weddings are these occasions that bring the crazy out in people and slumbering conflicts to the surface.

Only people I had some issues with were my parents and even that was mostly about what restaurants to pick for people travelling outside the wedding. I ignored them on just about everything and after the wedding they were among those who commented the most how much they liked the wedding.

My reply to questions how the planning is going on would be usually 'fine' and that was the end of discussion.

meeeeh · 03-05-2018 12:29PM

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Yes, I imagine a lot of brides start out wanting a smaller, more personal wedding and then get brainwashed by friends or sisters into believing that their wedding will be a disaster if they don't have it in a proper hotel, with a sit down meal, and a loud band, and a burger van for the 'afters' and a photo booth and a load of other gimmicks that might have been unusual and quirky the first time somebody thought of them but not after they've been copied a million and one times.

Is every bride now supposed to be an idiot who is barely able to breathe without others telling them how to do it.

Maybe they just want a photo booth, ice cream van or a big wedding. And not some quirky unique experience.

duffman13 · 03-05-2018 12:29PM

Honeymoons are what it's all about, I'll spend more on my honeymoon than my wedding and that makes me happy, a honeymoon is two or three weeks of luxury, the wedding day will be great but i dont get people borrowing for a wedding and spending 30k on a day especially when they don't own there home. Like splurging a deposit of a house on a wedding day would break me.

I think the vast majority of people enjoy weddings when

-not too far from home
-not much travelling between church and venue
-Weekend ie Friday or Saturday
-Reasonable price for hotel or easily commutable home
-Good and regular food
-Decent Music
-Plenty of notice

If those boxes are ticked off on the day I usually enjoy the day and have a great time.

flexcon · 03-05-2018 12:30PM

Just back from Croatia and attended a wedding.

The difference in atmosphere compared to an Irish weddings I have been to is crazy.

I realize the amazing weather had some part to play but everything was better.
1)6 course food menu. Came out on a big shared plate between the table to share each time.
2) Drinks were half the price ( ok this is a bit unfair as it isn't just weddings)
3) The standing up and dancing and clapping and the jut joyfulness is on another level.
4) People don't go to the church. Only close family and a few friends. It takes 30mins max. Not an dreaded hour.

Overall I had my mind blown by this wedding.

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 03-05-2018 12:31PM

meeeeh wrote: »

Is every bride now supposed to be an idiot who is barely able to breathe without others telling them how to do it.

Maybe they just want a photo booth, ice cream van or a big wedding. And not some quirky unique experience.

Yes some of them do and that's fine. But I've often heard brides say they regret not sticking to their guns re the wedding they wanted and bowing to pressure from others. That's not being an idiot, it's someone who's anxious that people enjoy the day and are bombarded with well meaning but often not great advice from friends and relatives.
It does happen!

TerrorFirmer · 03-05-2018 12:31PM

Only one I've ever really enjoyed is when a friend got married in Greece - small ceremony with about 30 people, very laid back and genuine and just good relaxing fun. If I ever get married I'd love something like that.

Aurora1966 · 03-05-2018 12:33PM

All up for a proper knees up and day out at weddings, but after reading all this stuff on here I've been converted against them. They really do seem to trouble people..

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 03-05-2018 12:33PM

duffman13 wrote: »

Honeymoons are what it's all about, I'll spend more on my honeymoon than my wedding and that makes me happy, a honeymoon is two or three weeks of luxury, the wedding day will be great but i dont get people borrowing for a wedding and spending 30k on a day especially when they don't own there home. Like splurging a deposit of a house on a wedding day would break me.

I think the vast majority of people enjoy weddings when

-not too far from home
-not much travelling between church and venue
-Weekend ie Friday or Saturday
-Reasonable price for hotel or easily commutable home
-Good and regular food
-Decent Music
-Plenty of notice

If those boxes are ticked off on the day I usually enjoy the day and have a great time.

Agreed except, as well as decent music, could we add 'not too loud' music so that people like me, who have two left feet. can sit back and enjoy chatting to friends over a few drinks while others are enjoying the dancefloor.

duffman13 · 03-05-2018 12:33PM

flexcon wrote: »

Just back from Croatia and attended a wedding.

The difference in atmosphere compared to an Irish weddings I have been to is crazy.

I realize the amazing weather had some part to play but everything was better.
1)6 course food menu. Came out on a big shared plate between the table to share each time.
2) Drinks were half the price ( ok this is a bit unfair as it isn't just weddings)
3) The standing up and dancing and clapping and the jut joyfulness is on another level.
4) People don't go to the church. Only close family and a few friends. It takes 30mins max. Not an dreaded hour.

Overall I had my mind blown by this wedding.

Had similar experience at a wedding, my friend was marrying a Pacific islander, absolutely brilliant craic, really different experience but do you know what people enjoy most about it? The novelty! I've a wedding in Poland next year im looking forward to aswell but again this is mainly cause it'll be interesting to see a different take on it.

I know if I went to ten of those kinds of weddings aswell it would probably start to feel formulaic

duffman13 · 03-05-2018 12:36PM

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Agreed except, as well as decent music, could we add 'not too loud' music so that people like me, who have two left feet. can sit back and enjoy chatting to friends over a few drinks while others are enjoying the dancefloor.

agreed, most bands have that sorted now I think/hope though!

The one thing that does annoy me is that people rarely criticise suppliers aswell. When researching and you look at weddings online and the like, everyone is reviewed 5 out of 5, no one ever criticises their own wedding which i find bizarre! Your paying a wedge, there is no way every supplier you had on the day was perfect

Jamsiek · 03-05-2018 12:46PM

LirW wrote: »

Another thing outside of the city is that the popular venues, especially in the peak season and on weekends require a very high minimum number number of guests (between 80 and 100).
So if you want to book one of the hotels that do all in service you can't really have a small wedding with let's say 50 people. You might get away with it if you're doing it in a Tuesday on January if you negotiate well but generally it really limits your option.
The remaining options are: Go to Dublin, pick one of the venue that focus on small parties (they're horrifyingly expensive) and you often have to order a separate caterer or do it very low key in a local function room and sort out all the suppliers yourself.

When we started looking around we estimated 50 people max in the wider area where we live and boy, was I surprised how limited all in options were, so we scrapped numbers and went to Dublin.

Another option would be to scrap the hotel idea. No need for a hotel for a small gathering IMO.

I’m getting marrried in July and the whole thing is outdoors for family only. We have caterers and servers coming to the venue which is in a garden.

We have a party for our friends 2 days later in a brewery pub.

GoneHome · 03-05-2018 12:54PM

Jamsiek wrote: »

the whole thing is outdoors

In Ireland??? What about the rain???

c68zapdsm5i1ru · 03-05-2018 12:58PM

duffman13 wrote: »

agreed, most bands have that sorted now I think/hope though!

The one thing that does annoy me is that people rarely criticise suppliers aswell. When researching and you look at weddings online and the like, everyone is reviewed 5 out of 5, no one ever criticises their own wedding which i find bizarre! Your paying a wedge, there is no way every supplier you had on the day was perfect

I think that proves how many B&Gs are determined to believe that their wedding was the best ever, nothing went wrong, and everyone had a brilliant time.

Understandable I suppose. After all the stress and emotion that's gone into the day they don't want to believe that the beef was tough, the ice cream van wasn't properly staffed and guests had to queue for forty minutes, the table centres were a bit bedraggled looking or whatever.

Steve F · 03-05-2018 01:00PM

duffman13 wrote: »

agreed, most bands have that sorted now I think/hope though!

The one thing that does annoy me is that people rarely criticise suppliers aswell. When researching and you look at weddings online and the like, everyone is reviewed 5 out of 5, no one ever criticises their own wedding which i find bizarre! Your paying a wedge, there is no way every supplier you had on the day was perfect

Because they feel it would somehow reflect badly on them,that the day wasn't "PERFECT"
Pure nonsense of course

WHIP IT! · 03-05-2018 01:01PM

Always surprises me how much people find weddings a chore (as in, attending those of friends)... I love a good wedding! You generally get to spend a day with people who never get to be in a room together, having the craic, getting fed and a few beers... I'm all for it

LirW · 03-05-2018 01:08PM

Jamsiek wrote: »

Another option would be to scrap the hotel idea. No need for a hotel for a small gathering IMO.

I’m getting marrried in July and the whole thing is outdoors for family only. We have caterers and servers coming to the venue which is in a garden.

We have a party for our friends 2 days later in a brewery pub.

My part of the family travels in, 2 people having mobility issues so on-site or closest as possible would have been a crucial thing.

But for real, outside in Ireland with the weather? I mean fair play, I wouldn't have the balls and if it's any kind of Marquee, which I find beautiful, couldn't justify the money for it personally.

_Dara_ · 03-05-2018 01:16PM

duffman13 wrote: »

Had similar experience at a wedding, my friend was marrying a Pacific islander, absolutely brilliant craic, really different experience but do you know what people enjoy most about it? The novelty! I've a wedding in Poland next year im looking forward to aswell but again this is mainly cause it'll be interesting to see a different take on it.

I know if I went to ten of those kinds of weddings aswell it would probably start to feel formulaic

Exactly! If you’re Croatian, it’s just as boring.

03-05-2018 01:30PM

Leaving all else aside I really can't see how people can describe weddings as boring. You basically have access to a bar from early afternoon until 4 or 5am there is no event that would be boring in these circumstances never mind a wedding where there is loads going on, friends to catch up with and just a general good feeling about the day.

LirW · 03-05-2018 01:37PM

Dayana Massive Poker wrote: »

Leaving all else aside I really can't see how people can describe weddings as boring. You basically have access to a bar from early afternoon until 4 or 5am there is no event that would be boring in these circumstances never mind a wedding where there is loads going on, friends to catch up with and just a general good feeling about the day.

Yeah but not everyone is a mad drinker like yourself :pac:

_Dara_ · 03-05-2018 01:42PM

Dayana Massive Poker wrote: »

Leaving all else aside I really can't see how people can describe weddings as boring. You basically have access to a bar from early afternoon until 4 or 5am there is no event that would be boring in these circumstances never mind a wedding where there is loads going on, friends to catch up with and just a general good feeling about the day.

So... drinking heavily. Yeah, that’s boring and messy to me. I was in the resident’s bar at wedding recently and I was sober. The state of people in there. It was messy. And kinda downbeat because people were so worse for wear.

splinter65 · 03-05-2018 01:44PM

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Yes, I imagine a lot of brides start out wanting a smaller, more personal wedding and then get brainwashed by friends or sisters into believing that their wedding will be a disaster if they don't have it in a proper hotel, with a sit down meal, and a loud band, and a burger van for the 'afters' and a photo booth and a load of other gimmicks that might have been unusual and quirky the first time somebody thought of them but not after they've been copied a million and one times.

Not so much any more but over on the weddings forum you would see an innocent thread started by someone who was planning a very simple affair with no frills for a small crowd and simply looking for a venue with a private room they could hire till 7pm just a bar and a buffet no music etc.
The first few responses would be helpful but then you’d get “well at least get buttonholes” “ make your own buttonholes and a bouquet” “get someone to put your playlist on their iPod and get speakers and play it” “put disposable cameras on the table so you’ll at least have some pictures” “don’t dress casual or you’ll be sorry afterwards. Everyone deserves to look special on their wedding day. There’s a kooky wedding dress shop in temple bar ...”

Weddings - a terrible day out.

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