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wake etiquette

  • 10-11-2017 1:32pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,873 ✭✭✭✭


    Attended a wake yesterday evening at our neighbours house (well I think thats what you call it where someones just died and they are in the living room with the lid off the coffin) very sad it were, only a young man his whole life ahead of him, only in his 30's used top see him from our back garden and give him a nod and a quick hello and thats about as much as it got. They only moved in about 6 months ago and I was always thinking one day I should get around to chatting to him a bit more and say a proper hello and having a good chat ... but alas never got around to it which is a shame. Real shock that he was taken away too early.

    So anyway, me and the mrs called around and paid our condolences to his fiance (so heartbreaking) but today now i am beating myself up over things like whether I put my foot in it by saying the wrong thing (i do have a habit of saying wrong things sometimes, its nerves really and not knowing what to say, and coming out with crap especially in quiet, awkward situations and then thinking what the hell did i say that for!)

    Anyway I checked with my mrs afterwards and she said that i was fine and thanked me for coming with her. But we literally must have been there 10 minutes maximum around to the house. We gave our condolences to his Fiance and said how heartbreaking it is then we didnt want to hold up other people paying their condolences to her, we then went and signed a book of condolence and popped a few quid into a envelope of his chosen charity. everyone was being offered drink. I am not a mad drinker myself but there was also tea and coffee on offer. But me and my wife knew nobody else there and my wife just whispered to me to make a move . - its seemed to be mainly family and close friends there I would say.

    Anyway so i have eating away at me today that i hope I acted ok and didnt say wrong thing, and the fact that we didnt even stay for longer or for a drink or to toast him - do you think the Fiance and others there will think that a bit off and disrespectful?

    I dont even know if we made the right decision to go in, because we are only neighbours, my wife would know her more than me though and has talked to her in the past, and im thinking now maybe we should have dropped a condolence card through the letterbox maybe, but we wanted to pay our respect still.

    is there any kind of right way to 'act' when you attend these kind of situations and do you think we were bad for only turning up for 10 minutes and left (I hope we werent and i hope his fiance didnt take it as dis-respectful) - my wife thinks I am just overthinking things and that it was and I was fine.


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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 429 ✭✭JimmyMcGill


    Did you get a few hang sangiches out of it? Couple of shots of whiskey?


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,844 ✭✭✭✭somesoldiers


    Sounds to me like you did the right thing. Some eejits think its time for a session regardless of how close or not they are.

    As a neighbour a quick in/ Joe Dolances/ out- Perfect


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭i71jskz5xu42pb


    my wife thinks I am just overthinking things
    Smart woman


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,744 ✭✭✭diomed


    Meeting the relatives and saying a few words helps them.
    If you had a prepared speech it would sound insincere.
    My old English teacher used to say "emotion destroys words" meaning it is difficult to speak in emotional times.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered


    You did fine op. Respectful enough to show your face, sensitive enough to not hang about.
    As for what you said to his fiancé, again I'm sure you did fine but even if you did mess up somehow, she is unlikely to remember. Poor lady is probably on autopilot and barley registering anything.


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  • Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Worrying about nothing. Generally if you're not going to be there a long time then it should just be a short time. Wakes are funny though, they can ebb and flow, one room will become sombre then you'll hear laughing from the kitchen. :pac: Realistically though showing your face is enough unless you're "part" of the whole thing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,873 ✭✭✭✭Andy From Sligo


    Whispered wrote: »
    You did fine op. Respectful enough to show your face, sensitive enough to not hang about.
    As for what you said to his fiancé, again I'm sure you did fine but even if you did mess up somehow, she is unlikely to remember. Poor lady is probably on autopilot and barley registering anything.

    thank you, that helps - and makes sense


  • Registered Users Posts: 162 ✭✭nmg_ire


    You were spot on in what you did, unless you are very close to the person that died or the family just go in pay your respects and out again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,300 ✭✭✭✭razorblunt


    "I'm sorry for your loss, move on"


    Wait no,

    "I'm sorry for your loss", then move on.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    Yeah, she won’t even remember you were there I would say. She’ll get condolences from hundreds of people over the next few days and is probably in complete shock anyway. All the faces will just blend into one.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,048 ✭✭✭Bunny Colvin


    Sounds like you and your Mrs did everything right. Nothing to worry about.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,964 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    At my husband's wake my daughter's boss (only in the job, - Jobbridge - a couple of months) drove all the way across the country -around 5 hours trip - to offer his condolences, then was all set to get back in his car and drive away again home, another 5 hours. We insisted he stay for a cup of tea and a bite to eat, and offered a bed if he didn't want to drive back immediately, but no, he had the tea and a sarnie and off he went again. Lovely guy, very traditional Irish country person, we were all deeply appreciative that he did it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Are Am Eye


    and paid our condolences


    I'm not sure but I think you are meant to offer condolences and pay respects. Optionally you can also share experience, feel their pain, venture a hug, bring a lasagna, lend an ear.


  • Registered Users Posts: 795 ✭✭✭kingchess


    Any thing can happen at a wake when the whiskey is flowing freely,I remember one wake for an elderly Farmer where his sons beat up their sisters husband ,and this was a very respected Family in the Parish.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,964 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Are Am Eye wrote: »
    I'm not sure but I think you are meant to offer condolences and pay respects. Optionally you can also share experience, feel their pain, venture a hug, bring a lasagna, lend an ear.

    Oh what a smart and witty response!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    OP you done the right thing, paid your condolences, spoke a few words to his fiance left again. Its not like you were best friends or relatives, you had no reason to hang around any longer.

    When my dad died, the people that stood out at his wake were people that lived in the area but we didn't personally know, just knew them to say hello or wave at if meeting them while driving. I thought it was nice of them to come even though we didn't really know them.

    The others were people who we knew for years and they sat around talking and drinking and chatting the usual shíte and expected me and my family to have full conversations with them where as all I wanted was peace to grieve.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Are Am Eye


    looksee wrote: »
    Oh what a smart and witty response!

    What's that supposed to mean - you do offer condolences. Factual as opposed to "smart". What else is to discuss - there's nothing you can really say or do that isn't a little awkward and futile. Just be there and empathise. Anyone under the age of ten that doesn't know this can have their parents explain it to them


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Unless you said something spectacularly stupid then what you said to his bereaved family was likely fine. A sincere "sorry for your loss" is enough. Sharing a nice (and appropriate!) memory you have of the person with their family is nice and personalised. Trying to be funny, not so good.

    And in leaving again, I've done it. No offence was taken. They knew I'd driven 2 hrs to get there and needed to hit the road again. Staying for a cuppa is also fine. The ones who go in and keep the cups washed and fresh tea brewing are very much appreciated. The ones you give top marks to are the ones that come bearing milk and teabags and food, or whisk away the littler kids to be minded.

    What's not so fine are the ones that turn up before lunch and stay until bedtime and don't take the hint that the family need to go get wreathes or funeral clothes or milk for all that tea. At the last family funeral the neighbours haunted us. Fcuking sick looking at them. They turned up when we were in our PJ's in the morning and were still there at midnight, being waited on hand and foot.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    In these scenarios it's easy to analyse your actions and wonder if you caused offence.

    In reality, the bereaved only remember that you came and not what you said or how you acted. Unless you did something outrageous like perch your cup of tea on the body, you'll have done nothing wrong.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,067 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    To me a wake is when you go in pay your respects and you might drop off food to the family. Unless your close/family I don't think you should spend ages hanging around. You might have a cup of tea to be polite but it shouldn't be an excuse for you to have an evening out.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,299 ✭✭✭✭The Backwards Man


    Never go into or leave a wake house the same time as a member of the clergy.
    Never go into a wake house around the stroke of the hour.
    Never go into a wake house on the morning of the funeral.
    Never go into a wake house when the corpse is after arriving.

    You're only asking to be caught in the rosary.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Your presence alone would mean a lot.
    It's an incredibly tough time for the bereaved, but they will always remember the crowds who showed up to pay their respects and show the love and appreciation they had for the deceased.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    I always felt the wake was for very very close friends and family.

    Not sure if that's correct or not buy I would not have wanted anyone but those I loved in my house during the wake.

    Have never been to the house of anyone I wasn't extremely close to either.

    Maybe that's a Dublin thing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Sneeze *away* from the coffin.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,633 ✭✭✭✭Buford T. Justice XIX


    You did fine, OP.

    We've had a few close family members pass away in the last few years and everybody offering condolences seemed to be a bit embarrassed to be there but the family appreciated everybody taking the time to travel and having the respect for the deceased to pay their respects to the families there.

    I barely remember anything said at either of my parents wakes but appreciate folk coming, some from very long distances, to share their memories.

    I was chatting to an American lady at a friends mothers funeral recently and it was her first time at an Irish funeral. She was blown away, both with the numbers coming and how much it meant to the family that they did. She said she practically knew the woman from hearing stories, both happy and sad, about the woman and was left very confused between laughing at funny things the deceased lady had done or said and crying at the sad stories about her final years.

    You were grand, I wouldn't worry in the least:)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered



    Maybe that's a Dublin thing.

    I'd say it is. I'm from a small town in the south east and wakes are usually crowded affairs. Uncomfortable to be sure, but it seems to be the done thing where I'm from anyway.


  • Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    You did grand Andy. I understand your concern but there is no magic formula for how to behave at a wake. As long as you're respectful to the family because really that's all you can be. Grief can be so raw and people will express it in different ways. You don't know if you will be met with a person roaring crying or sitting quietly barely saying a word. There's nothing to say that will make any of that better.

    Chances are the family and other loved ones won't even notice how you are or what you say or don't say. People can sometimes go through it all like in a daze and if asked about it at a later date can't remember much about the wake and funeral at all.

    A neighbour of mine passed away suddenly last year. I went to the wake but only to give my condolences and then left again. It was awful. God love them. "I'm sorry for your loss. If there's anything you need you know where we we are". Then I left.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    Where I'm from, a small village in Galway, wakes are basically piss ups. I find it peculiar myself and not something I'd be at all into or want for my family. It seems to be a generational thing. I've noticed that it seems to be the older people in the community who organise them, get drinks in, tell stories etc..
    I've been to a few where the guitar is taken out and a few songs are sang (usually for when someone elderly passes, there is more decorum for when it's someone young)
    It's a really bizarre practice when you think about it. The person is laid out dead in the room and everyone is having a piss up around them. My mother has told me she wants none of it when she passes and to not tell anyone she's dead until she's buried a week :pac:

    Op I think you did well. In and out is the way to do it if you're not overly familiar with the person.


  • Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    My dad sometimes talks about what we will do when mammy passes away. He has it all planned out :( The funeral director, made sure there is enough space in the plot, Jaysus like. I can't stand that kind of talk at all.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,359 ✭✭✭ChippingSodbury


    I always felt the wake was for very very close friends and family.

    Not sure if that's correct or not buy I would not have wanted anyone but those I loved in my house during the wake.

    Have never been to the house of anyone I wasn't extremely close to either.

    Maybe that's a Dublin thing.

    "Down the country", it's different. I was at a wake for the whole weekend just outside Donegal town last week and there were literally hundreds of people passed through the house. The death was relatively sudden and I was chatting to the son of the deceased on the second day and he had moved on from complete shock to tremendous pride about how people thought of his dad, the funny stories they told etc. He was still sad of course but in a much better place than the day his dad had passed: that's what country wakes are all about...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,037 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes


    Andy you did fine. All that is required is to drop in to offer condolences when you don't know the family or deceased all that well.

    They will remember that. What is also remembered is those who didn't bother calling!

    Relax, what you did was just right.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    Living in the UK now a few years and there's a stark contrast over here in how they handle death. There is no wake, the funeral is anywhere from 4 - 8 weeks after the actual death and is by invite only. All very hush-hush and taboo and "let's pretend it doesn't happen" in general.

    The first time I took my ex fella back to Ireland, my Dad ending up taking him to a removal in Co. Mayo of the brother of a guy he used to work with about 20 years back. Loves a good removal, does Dad. An excuse to hop in the car and show him the sights of the wesht of Ireland and sure Jimmy Harrington's brother is dead, we'll pop in and pay our respects while we're in the area. My very British ex was mortified and recited the story to everyone we knew for months after that. It was his first time seeing a dead body too.

    Anyway I digress. I agree with Seamus - your presence at these things is all that will be remembered really and will probably give great comfort to the family when they begin to really process their grief in the weeks and months after.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    My dad sometimes talks about what we will do when mammy passes away. He has it all planned out :( The funeral director, made sure there is enough space in the plot, Jaysus like. I can't stand that kind of talk at all.

    My mam always said she wanted a Muslim burial. All over and done with in the one day! And she doesn't want an obituary in the paper for people to be looking at her :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    Andy you did fine. All that is required is to drop in to offer condolences when you don't know the family or deceased all that well.

    They will remember that. What is also remembered is those who didn't bother calling!

    Relax, what you did was just right.

    Fully agree with all that. And certainly you remember who called and who didn't.

    Andy, relax. You did everything perfectly.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,037 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes


    On another note, when my lovely sister passed away at a relatively young age, she was waked at the funeral home, that was her wish. She said family only, no friends or colleagues, she did not want everyone filing in, looking at her dead in the box and saying how lovely she looked or anything like that!

    Her wishes were observed, and there was no mention of which funeral home she was resting in so it was as she wanted.

    We had a great reception after the cremation though. She would have loved that bit!

    Miss her terribly, but there we are.


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  • Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    anna080 wrote: »
    My mam always said she wanted a Muslim burial. All over and done with in the one day! And she doesn't want an obituary in the paper for people to be looking at her :pac:

    That way there will be a hape of gorgeous men waiting in paradise :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭missmatty


    My granny says she'll come back to haunt us if we do a eulogy at her funeral, she hates the thought of people 'going up on the altar talking about you' :D In saying that, she's already given us detailed instructions for the funeral.

    I'm west of Ireland and wakes can be huge affairs all right and we've had quite a few in our house. The best atmosphere is one where it's an elderly person who lived a long life and didn't suffer at the end. Neighbours rally round to clean the house and do the tea, drink and food and they are amazing. The recent book 'My Father's Wake' by Kevin Toolis really captured the atmosphere of west of Ireland wakes and funerals, it's a really interesting read.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,558 ✭✭✭✭castletownman


    My grandfather passed away not even a month ago.

    The whole community feel of the two day house wake, and the numbers that attended the funeral home part of the wake, made me immensely proud of the high esteem people held for him. I will never forget either my neighbour making the 3 hour trip from Wexford to Galway just to pay his respects.

    Strangely enough, the GF's granny died this week, and the shoe was on the other foot, in that I felt I had to make myself available. While that literally meant bringing the dog for a walk, picking up the odd thing from the shop or whatever, I knew me on hand to do the arbitrary things was appreciated.

    It's often joked about how the Irish "love a good funeral" but I truly believe it brings out the good in people. And trust me, making an effort to pay your respects means a lot to those grieving. Be it a fleeting visit, tea and sandwich making duty, or even the odd comic relief.

    We can be proud of our community spirit in times of mourning.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,359 ✭✭✭ChippingSodbury


    My grandfather passed away not even a month ago.

    The whole community feel of the two day house wake, and the numbers that attended the funeral home part of the wake, made me immensely proud of the high esteem people held for him. I will never forget either my neighbour making the 3 hour trip from Wexford to Galway just to pay his respects.

    Strangely enough, the GF's granny died this week, and the shoe was on the other foot, in that I felt I had to make myself available. While that literally meant bringing the dog for a walk, picking up the odd thing from the shop or whatever, I knew me on hand to do the arbitrary things was appreciated.

    It's often joked about how the Irish "love a good funeral" but I truly believe it brings out the good in people. And trust me, making an effort to pay your respects means a lot to those grieving. Be it a fleeting visit, tea and sandwich making duty, or even the odd comic relief.

    We can be proud of our community spirit in times of mourning.

    Well said, young man!


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Yeah, auld folk are probably more pragmatic and often have great dark humour.

    One very elderly man at the last family funeral came up to shake the hand of the widow of his old friend at the graveside and looked down at the coffin, and said "well, tis barely worth me while leaving here at all" with a bit of a wink at us and it was really funny.

    At another funeral a sibling was at, people were filing out of the graveyard and a tourist stopped an old man and asked "excuse me sir, do people get buried here often?" well, he sucked on his pipe for a bit then answered in a thick country accent "Only the once" and shuffled on.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,633 ✭✭✭✭Buford T. Justice XIX


    On another note, when my lovely sister passed away at a relatively young age, she was waked at the funeral home, that was her wish. She said family only, no friends or colleagues, she did not want everyone filing in, looking at her dead in the box and saying how lovely she looked or anything like that!

    Her wishes were observed, and there was no mention of which funeral home she was resting in so it was as she wanted.

    We had a great reception after the cremation though. She would have loved that bit!

    Miss her terribly, but there we are.
    Sorry to hear about your sister, Spanish eyes.

    I used be in the same position as your sister but now I'd be more agreeing with ChippingSodbury, it's a great comfort and relief to the family when someone come in and takes over the tea and sandwich duties and starts telling tales about the deceased.

    We had a funny story about my grandfathers funeral when my father died. My grandfather had lost an eye when he was young and used wear a glass eye.

    Now, the glass eyes were fairly fragile and would break easily when dropped and my grandfather used keep them in a glass of water beside the bed at night and pop them in every morning. They used come in boxes of 12 so they were frequently broke when he used fumble putting them in or knock the glass containing the eye off the dresser.

    Anyway, my grandfather had just put in the first glass eye out of a new box when he died and there was much discussion over keeping the box or returning the complete box with one freshly washed eye. It was finally decided to bury him with the box of 11 eyes and his last one left in place.

    It was decided to bury my father in the family tomb and my uncle, the joker, decided that just before the cleaning out of the tomb was the correct time to tell this story to the guy whose job it was to clean out the tomb. He was telling me in the graveyard after the closing of the tomb that he was petrified of coming across one of the glass eyes in case it was the one left in my grandfathers eye when buried.

    I have to admit it was the hardest I ever laughed in a graveyard and I treasure that story, my father would have loved to be telling that one in the pub with a pint of a Saturday night:)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,037 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes


    Sorry to hear about your sister, Spanish eyes.


    We had a funny story about my grandfathers funeral when my father died. My grandfather had lost an eye when he was young and used wear a glass eye.


    I have to admit it was the hardest I ever laughed in a graveyard and I treasure that story, my father would have loved to be telling that one in the pub with a pint of a Saturday night:)


    Great story, but I'd never be able for you and your "tombs" Sorry don't mean to offend but tombs are unusual....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 203 ✭✭Delphinium


    You did just right. The people you barely know staying all day are a pest. Your visit will be appreciated and there will come a time in the future when the books of condolences will be perused and you will be noted then again. Relax in future and just be yourself.


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,193 ✭✭✭✭Kerrydude1981


    My dad passed away during the summer,he wasnt waked at home but we had a busy house for a few days with relations,neighbours and friends calling to see us,I found it a great help at the time and got strength from it you could say,

    Of course it was a sad time for our family but it there was great humour over them few days recalling old stories about Dad


    So OP you did the right thing calling around to your neighbours so dont be beating yourself up over it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 16,500 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    Bambi985 wrote: »
    Living in the UK now a few years and there's a stark contrast over here in how they handle death. There is no wake, the funeral is anywhere from 4 - 8 weeks after the actual death and is by invite only. All very hush-hush and taboo and "let's pretend it doesn't happen" in general.

    The first time I took my ex fella back to Ireland, my Dad ending up taking him to a removal in Co. Mayo of the brother of a guy he used to work with about 20 years back. Loves a good removal, does Dad. An excuse to hop in the car and show him the sights of the wesht of Ireland and sure Jimmy Harrington's brother is dead, we'll pop in and pay our respects while we're in the area. My very British ex was mortified and recited the story to everyone we knew for months after that. It was his first time seeing a dead body too.

    Anyway I digress. I agree with Seamus - your presence at these things is all that will be remembered really and will probably give great comfort to the family when they begin to really process their grief in the weeks and months after.

    I hate their customs surrounding death. So cold and formal.

    When I die I don't want to be stored in a freezer for 6 weeks. I want to be buried within 3 days.

    Just a good traditional Irish Funeral. A nice mixture of heavy drinking and Catholicism.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,085 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Guaranteed no one remembers things at these times. They're too engulfed in grief.
    Your going was fine. Short visit. Say your sympathies. Go.
    Nothing more to do.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,434 ✭✭✭Robsweezie


    above all, remember it's beloved aunt,not beloved C UNT


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,186 ✭✭✭✭jmayo


    Bambi985 wrote: »
    Living in the UK now a few years and there's a stark contrast over here in how they handle death. There is no wake, the funeral is anywhere from 4 - 8 weeks after the actual death and is by invite only. All very hush-hush and taboo and "let's pretend it doesn't happen" in general.

    The first time I took my ex fella back to Ireland, my Dad ending up taking him to a removal in Co. Mayo of the brother of a guy he used to work with about 20 years back. Loves a good removal, does Dad. An excuse to hop in the car and show him the sights of the wesht of Ireland and sure Jimmy Harrington's brother is dead, we'll pop in and pay our respects while we're in the area.

    So that funny very embarrased English lad at Franky Harringtons wake was your fellow.
    Shure we haven't stopped talking about him since.
    BTW it was good move to ditch him. ;)
    anna080 wrote: »
    My mam always said she wanted a Muslim burial. All over and done with in the one day! And she doesn't want an obituary in the paper for people to be looking at her :pac:

    Just so long as she doesn't go for the sometimes preferred method of death things wont be so bad.

    OP you should be grand so long as you don't say, as two old biddies were once heard saying whilst lookin in at the corpse, "We never saw him lookin so good".

    BTW you will now have to start listening to the deaths on Ocean FM and better still on MidWest to broaden your horizons.

    I am not allowed discuss …



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,037 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes


    I hate their customs surrounding death. So cold and formal.

    When I die I don't want to be stored in a freezer for 6 weeks. I want to be buried within 3 days.

    Just a good traditional Irish Funeral. A nice mixture of heavy drinking and Catholicism.

    I know funerals in Britain take forever to happen, but in fairness it has one advantage, it gives relatives/friends time to book a reasonably priced flight over for it and plan childcare and time off work etc.

    When someone dies here, (it may be delayed a day or so to enable those from US or OZ to arrive), it happens within days really, but often those closer i.e Britain have to make arrangements the day before and it can be VERY expensive for them.

    One thing I don't get with UK funerals, the bereaved have to continue day to day life i.e. work and so on for weeks after the death, then have the funeral.

    But it is a different country with different rules and regs re registration of the death and so on.

    In many ways we are fortunate that the funeral directors here look after everything for us, and within two to three days too. I don't know if fortunate is the right word, but I hope you all understand what I mean.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,186 ✭✭✭✭jmayo


    I hate their customs surrounding death. So cold and formal.

    When I die I don't want to be stored in a freezer for 6 weeks. I want to be buried within 3 days.

    Just a good traditional Irish Funeral. A nice mixture of heavy drinking and Catholicism.

    What about at Christmas or Easter.
    They'll have to stretch it a couple of days.

    I am not allowed discuss …



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