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Online dating in 2017

135

Comments

  • #62
    Brussels Sprout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,972 ✭✭✭Brussels Sprout


    EPAndlee wrote: »
    What is a typical message you'd send? You need to remember that women will get a lot of messages and if you just sending a 'Hey what's up' or someother genetic message then you probably won't get a reply.

    So you're saying "Hey, nice chromosomes!" won't work?


  • #63
    _Kaiser_
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 29,964 ✭✭✭✭_Kaiser_


    Brussels Sprout wrote: »
    So you're saying "Hey, nice chromosomes!" won't work?

    I always thought the "nice outfit... be better on the floor beside my bed though!" was a sure-fire winner!

    No?


  • #64
    MadYaker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,341 ✭✭✭✭MadYaker


    I've nevber tried it but id imagine if you used the ones you have to pay for there'd probably be a lot less time wasters?

    Also I don't know where you live but to be honest if you're in the middle of nowhere you might be better off moving to a decent sized town, Galway, Limerick, Cork etc.


  • #65
    Vela
    Closed Accounts Posts: 437 ✭✭Vela


    Right, here's a no BS opinion from a female who's done the whole online dating thing on and off for years.

    Not everyone will be interested in you. You might not be their type physically, or you might not come across like someone they'd get on with. However, if you're not getting any messages back at all then there are things you can do to improve your chances.
    1. Put up a decent profile photo and a few others including a full length one. Don't just put up a group photo and expect us to know which one you are. Because 9/10 times I'll think you're the hot one, and if you're not... sh1t gets awkward fast.
    2. If you don't think you're that attractive - it doesn't fcuking matter. Seriously. It doesn't. Attraction is subjective. There are plenty of conventionally attractive guys I've dated who I just wasn't that into in the end. You'll always be someone's type, you just have to find that someone. Also, don't forget to amp up the attractive parts of your personality. For example, I think confidence is really attractive. There was a guy messaging me recently who I wasn't into lookswise at all but he came across as really confident, funny, and secure in himself, so I found myself replying and becoming more interested.
    3. Don't send messages like "hey", don't use words like "sexy" and don't copy paste the same sentence 10 times over because the person has set a minimum message limit and you're too ****ing lazy to write a proper message. They won't reply. If it was me, I'd also block you. But then again, I block anyone I'm not interested in now because of the abuse I get for saying I'm not interested or not responding (that's what women have to deal with on these sites).
    4. Don't be overly keen. I'm not saying to play games, but if you get chatting to someone try to remember that you haven't actually met yet. If a guy messages me 3 times in a row when I've yet to respond, I won't be responding. It's a turn-off. And then there are the self-depreciating opening messages like "hun you're so beautiful, I know I'm not that good looking, but... " - I mean, no. Just no. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.
    5. Don't write "no drama" or "I hate drama" or something like that on your profile. It says the exact opposite and just screams out to women that you invite drama into your life or like to create it.
    6. No fcuking dick pics. For the love of every woman's sanity.
    7. Don't use text speak and try to spell properly.

    Look, the whole online dating thing is pretty ruthless. I've had guys send me pretty nasty essays about why they're not interested about 24 hours after I've politely said I'm not interested. This is why women just don't reply if they're not into you. It's ****ty, but that's how it is. So it's important to make a good first impression to get your foot in the door and have an actual conversation to get to know the person. Which means; a completed profile (none of this 3/4 lines of bull**** about your hobbies), a few clear and recent photos, and a genuine first message.

    I'd also suggest widening your search to Ireland in general if you're willing to travel. It's a small country, so it's hardly even "long distance" to date someone from elsewhere.

    Don't give up on it, you never know who might pop up next.:)


  • #66
    andekwarhola
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,687 ✭✭✭andekwarhola


    Never did online dating as it wasn't around when I was last single.

    Judging by the stuff you hear and read in places like this, I think if the circumstances arose again, I'd stay single rather than do it.


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  • #67
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    quinnd6 wrote: »
    I'm friendly I just was asking for advice.
    I'm not Shrek for those wondering anyway.
    Just pof.com has never worked for me.

    Not to be a dick but if your use of language is like this it might be a reason (also it shouldn't need to be mentioned but never just leave 'hi' as a message!). There's nothing 'wrong' with it, you don't come over as rude of anything but it's just, well, not too engaging. I mean it's standard lad text speak, but the problem is on those sites you need to try to get a good bit of your personality onto the page for people reading it and the same when you send messages.

    I'm seeing someone now but when I was on it I had a good bit of success with POF. Be nice and respectful and all that but don't be afraid to have a laugh or message something random (that's not your cock! :D ) as a message and go from there. And don't be afraid to ask for a phone number or Facebook or something sooner rather than later or they'll likely lose interest. Most women I know who've used it get absolutely flooded with mundane, generic or just creepy posts non stop so you can get lose in the tide even after a few messages back and forth!


  • #68
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    Brussels Sprout wrote: »
    So you're saying "Hey, nice chromosomes!" won't work?

    I just figured it was a euphemism for a dick picture. :D


  • #69
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,079 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    Back in my day you went out, had a few drinks and shifted some young one. Good times, more innocent times.


  • #70
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    andekwarhola wrote: »
    Never did online dating as it wasn't around when I was last single.

    Judging by the stuff you hear and read in places like this, I think if the circumstances arose again, I'd stay single rather than do it.

    I actually found it a good bit of fun; I'm one of the last people to go around chatting up every woman in the bar/club/etc but on those online yolkies you just need to go in with a mentality of not caring what anyone thinks and enjoying yourself chatting with randomers who you might probably never meet or even hear back from. Launch your actual self into every message you send is really the right way to go about it, because if you're putting on an act or trying to be someone else (like trying to match what they say they're looking for) in hopes of grinding a date out of it, it would be a torturous experience.

    Oh yeah, and read their f***ing profiles! Makes it much easier, also saves time in the long run, gives you something to talk about off the bat if you find something interesting (and helps figure out if despite looking like your boyhood fantasy, their personality just wouldn't make up - I'd never have sent messages to a blank profile or one "rittin n txt tlk 4eva")... and women tend to really appreciate when you've actually read what they put effort into writing. It's actually one of the easiest ways to stand out from the other 55 messages they've gotten in the last hour.


  • #71
    Grandeeod
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Grandeeod


    andekwarhola wrote: »
    Never did online dating as it wasn't around when I was last single.

    Judging by the stuff you hear and read in places like this, I think if the circumstances arose again, I'd stay single rather than do it.
    Micky Dolenz wrote: »
    Back in my day you went out, had a few drinks and shifted some young one. Good times, more innocent times.

    WTF happened to all that ordinary stuff? For hundreds of years we met face to face, tried it on, lucked out or got told to fook off, then went again. These days you aren't suppose to wolf whistle at a woman in public, yet its acceptable to try your luck online and arrange random meet and fook gigs. You can't piss crooked in real life, but it seems you can do what you want online. No wonder online dating is a wasteland of the desperate, decent and messed up.


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  • #72
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    Grandeeod wrote: »
    WTF happened to all that ordinary stuff? For hundreds of years we met face to face, tried it on, lucked out or got told to fook off, then went again. These days you aren't suppose to wolf whistle at a woman in public, yet its acceptable to try your luck online and arrange random meet and fook gigs. You can't piss crooked in real life, but it seems you can do what you want online. No wonder online dating is a wasteland of the desperate, decent and messed up.
    Much like wolf whistling in real life, "nice tits!" or whatnot as an introduction isn't really going to get you anywhere on a site like POF either, to be honest. I was in two relationships from dating sites and went on a good few extra dates etc at well from them, but my current girlfriend I met on a night out and someone I was briefly seeing before that worked in the coffee shop below my old office.

    It's just another option, really.


  • #73
    MadYaker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,341 ✭✭✭✭MadYaker


    Grandeeod wrote: »
    WTF happened to all that ordinary stuff? For hundreds of years we met face to face, tried it on, lucked out or got told to fook off, then went again. These days you aren't suppose to wolf whistle at a woman in public, yet its acceptable to try your luck online and arrange random meet and fook gigs. You can't piss crooked in real life, but it seems you can do what you want online. No wonder online dating is a wasteland of the desperate, decent and messed up.

    Nothing happened to it. It's still the way most people meet. I'venever tried online dating. I've used tinder succesfully twice but that's just for hook ups really.


  • #74
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 44,079 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    Grandeeod wrote: »
    WTF happened to all that ordinary stuff? For hundreds of years we met face to face, tried it on, lucked out or got told to fook off, then went again. These days you aren't suppose to wolf whistle at a woman in public, yet its acceptable to try your luck online and arrange random meet and fook gigs. You can't piss crooked in real life, but it seems you can do what you want online. No wonder online dating is a wasteland of the desperate, decent and messed up.

    I don't know, you kinda sold it to me right there. Where do I sign up? :pac:


  • #75
    Grandeeod
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Grandeeod


    Billy86 wrote: »
    Much like wolf whistling in real life, "nice tits!" or whatnot as an introduction isn't really going to get you anywhere on a site like POF either, to be honest. I was in two relationships from dating sites and went on a good few extra dates etc at well from them, but my current girlfriend I met on a night out and someone I was briefly seeing before that worked in the coffee shop below my old office.

    It's just another option, really.

    Despite the age old wolf whistle being compared to an online remark of "nice tits", I agree with you. Not a great comparison, but I know what you're saying. That said, you must see my point. You met your current partner in the real world. That's the best way. The online option is merely a gateway to facing weirdos, those that lack confidence, the desperate and the committed. That's a bigger mix than you would ever find in a bar or club.


  • #76
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    Grandeeod wrote: »
    Despite the age old wolf whistle being compared to an online remark of "nice tits", I agree with you. Not a great comparison, but I know what you're saying. That said, you must see my point. You met your current partner in the real world. That's the best way. The online option is merely a gateway to facing weirdos, those that lack confidence, the desperate and the committed. That's a bigger mix than you would ever find in a bar or club.
    I'd disagree on the second part to be honest. Now don't get me wrong, you come by the odd weirdo but just don't respond to their message - and you can come by some odd balls in real life too. An advantage for lads here though is that we're much more likely to be the ones sending the initial message so reading profiles helps filter out the normies from the loonies and the airheads, so it could well ring more true for women where they're getting messages far more frequently.

    Of all the dates I went on, being honest every single one of them was a completely normal person. An advantage to meeting someone online as opposed to on a night out also is that you can get a better idea of who they are and vice versa rather than if you're both locked.

    They're really just different options in terms of meeting people online or offline, I wouldn't consider one better than the other. Though mileage will vary for each person - fro example I'm fairly good at getting somewhere with a woman I'm interested in in a pub, house party, or even say coffee shop etc (e.g. a situation like with the girl who worked below me) but I'm absolutely useless in the likes of nightclubs!


  • #77
    Grandeeod
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Grandeeod


    Billy86 wrote: »
    I'd disagree on the second part to be honest. Now don't get me wrong, you come by the odd weirdo but just don't respond to their message - and you can come by some odd balls in real life too. An advantage for lads here though is that we're much more likely to be the ones sending the initial message so reading profiles helps filter out the normies from the loonies and the airheads, so it could well ring more true for women where they're getting messages far more frequently.

    Of all the dates I went on, being honest every single one of them was a completely normal person. An advantage to meeting someone online as opposed to on a night out also is that you can get a better idea of who they are and vice versa rather than if you're both locked.

    They're really just different options in terms of meeting people online or offline, I wouldn't consider one better than the other. Though mileage will vary for each person - fro example I'm fairly good at getting somewhere with a woman I'm interested in in a pub, house party, or even say coffee shop etc (e.g. a situation like with the girl who worked below me) but I'm absolutely useless in the likes of nightclubs!


    I appreciate that, but I guess we are on different planets mainly due to age I'd say. I was always good in public, drunk or sober, pub or club. Actually met my wife, while she was working and I was having a few! But I genuinely have no experience of online dating apart from feedback from colleagues and general observations. It seems like a really wild west type of place and I feel sorry for some people that rely on it entirely.


  • #78
    Billy86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,495 ✭✭✭✭Billy86


    Grandeeod wrote: »
    I appreciate that, but I guess we are on different planets mainly due to age I'd say. I was always good in public, drunk or sober, pub or club. Actually met my wife, while she was working and I was having a few! But I genuinely have no experience of online dating apart from feedback from colleagues and general observations. It seems like a really wild west type of place and I feel sorry for some people that rely on it entirely.
    Well yeah I'm 31 - I've got the most woeful hearing if there is loud background noise and am the f***ing worst/most awkward dancer you'd ever see even if I was too drunk to remember my own name, hence my being of feck all use in those spots particularly. It was also why I always the person who spent 90% of the night out in a nightclub in the smoking area. :p

    I definitely do see how online dating could be scary or genuinely stressful if someone were getting desperate to get into a relationship and didn't have many other options though. I would forget I send a message not long after doing so usually, but since rejection online is basically just no response, I'd have no doubt some lads are constantly refreshing their inbox which could get pretty soul destroying over time (and sadly, probably come across in their next messages, and so on and so on).


  • #79
    Dr Crayfish
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,960 ✭✭✭Dr Crayfish


    Online dating is grand just don't let it dictate your life. I did it for a while and met loads of nice women through it. Put up good recent pictures where they definitely know what to expect if you meet, and write a profile which might show a little bit of your personality, and be realistic about your expectations and who you're messaging.


  • #80
    quinnd6
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭quinnd6


    I'm going to be giving up online dating in a week and also giving up looking for a girlfriend.
    I don't feel like there is any hope of me ever meeting anyone.


  • #81
    Surreptitious
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,130 ✭✭✭Surreptitious


    quinnd6 wrote: »
    I'm going to be giving up online dating in a week and also giving up looking for a girlfriend.
    I don't feel like there is any hope of me ever meeting anyone.

    What about all the feedback you were given? People took the time to try to help you out.


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  • #82
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 36,496 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    quinnd6 wrote: »
    I'm going to be giving up online dating in a week and also giving up looking for a girlfriend.
    I don't feel like there is any hope of me ever meeting anyone.

    Yeah, you need to completely change your outlook on life before you even start looking again. Until you're happy and confident in yourself you're on a loser.


  • #83
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 16,208 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    quinnd6 wrote: »
    I'm going to be giving up online dating in a week and also giving up looking for a girlfriend.
    I don't feel like there is any hope of me ever meeting anyone.

    Move location. Gives you a fresh perspective on dating.


  • #84
    Grandeeod
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Grandeeod


    quinnd6 wrote: »
    I'm going to be giving up online dating in a week and also giving up looking for a girlfriend.
    I don't feel like there is any hope of me ever meeting anyone.

    You are 35 years old. You live in a fast paced society, driven by social media and all it's constant connectivity and instant gratification. You can't find a woman. While I feel sorry for your particular position, I'm also stunned. Seriously. If we were having this conversation 20 years ago, I'd get it.

    Get out and about. Fook the online ****. Join something. Anything. Oh and don't look desperate. The wrong ones smell that a mile off.


  • #85
    MadYaker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,341 ✭✭✭✭MadYaker


    I've never conciously looked for a girlfriend. It's just something that's happened over time. Do people really do that? I mean I've ended up in relationships with people through college and work and hobbies but I've never purposely tried to meet new people with the aim of getting in a relationship.


  • #86
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,401 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    Burial. wrote: »
    If you know what you're doing Instagram is the best dating site/app at the moment. You're basically advertising yourself, your personality and your interests on it anyway and the best thing is that you won't have tonnes of competition as most men won't even realise the potential in messaging aul dolls on Instagram.

    Funny enough, you have a point. I have met more women from Instagram in the last 6 months than I did in 6 years with online dating. I love photography and Instagram is a great platform that has allowed me to meet people with similar interests. It doesn't have to be photography either. I know people that are big into fitness and have used it the same way. Find something you're passionate about.

    The way I see it, you can keep pursuing something that makes you unhappy in the hope that you may eventually find someone, or you can do something you actually enjoy and meet people that way.


  • #87
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,740 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    OP your attitude which points to a lack of self belief is the only thing which is holding you back. I've engaged with online dating more up and down throughout the years. Luckily for me it was a mostly positive experience but a word of caution; If you are in any way feeling low in yourself then stay the hell away.

    Instead build yourself up by concentrating on just living your life. Do stuff. Go places. Throw out any notion you may have of finding that one special person. You may find someone for five years or ten. It may happen next month or next year.

    My point is put all thoughts of searching out of your mind. Take the focus off wanting a relationship.


  • #88
    dd972
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭dd972


    Some folk are born to meet 'other halves/soulmates'. They've either have personalities conducive to it happening or they're people that God/the Cosmos/Fate likes and looks after.

    There are older people I know of and it's almost as if they met some sort of twin sibling of the opposite gender by chance at 19 years of age, don't know how they do it.

    I'm coming around to the idea at my age that maybe I'm too strong minded and independent for such a thing, it's pissed me off over the years in the sense of feeling inferior, lack of social status, lack of sex but I've never really wanted to jump off a cliff about it or felt like 'half a person' because of it. I'd have liked to have had kids though.


  • #89
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,740 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    dd972 wrote: »
    Some folk are born to meet 'other halves/soulmates'. They've either have personalities conducive to it happening or they're people that God/the Cosmos/Fate likes and looks after.

    There are older people I know of and it's almost as if they met some sort of twin sibling of the opposite gender by chance at 19 years of age, don't know how they do it.

    I'm coming around to the idea at my age that maybe I'm too strong minded and independent for such a thing, it's pissed me off over the years in the sense of feeling inferior, lack of social status, lack of sex but I've never really wanted to jump off a cliff about it or felt like 'half a person' because of it. I'd have liked to have had kids though.

    Or maybe they were all just people who met other people and decided to give things a shot.


  • #90
    0ph0rce0
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,302 ✭✭✭0ph0rce0


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    Sounds like it's your website and you're recruiting.

    "My Saturday nights consisted of Netflix and a Dunlop sock, but thanks to LDS Singles they now consist of the hottest and horniest babes this side of Spiddal. Thanks LDS Singles!"

    "When my friends first recommended online dating, I admit I was skeptical. But I've gone from **** into a sock to getting wanked off into a sock and it wouldn't have been possible with LDS Singles. Thanks LDS Singles!"

    "I knew it was time to try online dating when my sock suddenly broke in half like a cream cracker one day. I went on to LDS Singles and I haven't looked back. I've gone from pulling my plum to pulling horny chicks. Thanks LDS Singles!"

    Hmmm, I was wondering why I couldn't buy Dunlop socks anymore. Thanks for the clarification.

    Seems the entire company stock has been wanked into or onto.

    I'll pick up some nikes instead.


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  • #91
    euser1984
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,995 ✭✭✭euser1984


    inspired by this very thread

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057801804


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