Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

irelandrover wrote: »

For all you know your partner has a secret bank account as well. Which could have a secret credit card attached.

For all anyone knows their partner could be leading a double life and have a second family or when they go out to work in the morning they could really be a hit man, assassinating people for thousands of euro when they're supposed to be working in an office job. When you share much of your life and try to be fair and honest with each other there isn't much need or room for paranoia. The only person I've known with a secret account was a woman who had it as an escape fund because she didn't trust her partner. And she was a stay at home parent, he was a high earner who wasn't big on sharing with her anyway.

It's a bit unworkable though - sure it'll work while everything is hunky dorey and no kids and no health concerns but life has a way of messing that all up.

In my own marriage we started out on equal footing with great high paying jobs, just after we bought our house the hubby lost his job, then got a lesser paying one, then we were grand again because he took on extra jobs on his days off.

That worked great for a while and we got married. Then I lost my job and it took a year to get another one. I was literally two months into the job when I found out I was pregnant, just about made it in time to pass my probation period and just by the skin of my teeth got my maternity government benefit. Which was little more than the dole really. I had health problems after the birth too, so I was forced to take unpaid leave for a few months extra.

Struggled away with that and then just as I was getting ready to go back to work the company went into liquidation. So I was left with zero money for a while as all my credits were gone and my husband made too much for me to get unemployment. At the same time the hubby had to give up his second job because he physically couldnt do it anymore and he also wanted time with his child.

So, this is life. Things are grand again now but that was a shakey five years where if we were doing the 50/50 thing I would have had zero money to put into that pot for a long time!

On the other side of things, my husband is absolutely dismal at finances, he spends money without thinking of bills he has to keep money for. He is just a disaster. I took over (with his agreement, of course) all his finances and make sure that all bills are paid, debts are sorted and money is put aside for emergencies and diy etc and also that there is leisure money for us to go out or holidays or whatever we want to do. I can do that easily while he struggles to do that and often left himself short for money. When things were very tight for us money wise I had to do a fair bit of juggling. I also helped him clear a huge debt he had since he was in college that he was barely paying at all.

Separate finances just wouldnt work in this situation, I was able to give himself my credits to help us make more money when we were on one income and if I hadnt known about his huge debt and been able to clear it for him, it would still be hanging over us and messing up our credit rating, we would never have gotten our mortgage!

I just can't see how you can work it any other way....sure when we were first together and had only ourselves to look out for and the option of walking away whenever, then it was ideal but not once things get serious and kids come along, then it gets messy and awkward.

pilly wrote: »

Why do you feel the need to defend someone well able to defend themselves?

I agree with you though on the point that this is not what the thread was initially about.

I'm not defending him. I don't agree with how he deals with money in a relationship. But i'm not going to tell him he's wrong either or when he grows up he'll realise that his current way of doing things is wrong. It obviously works for his relationshi pnow.

I was just curious, why are so many people wanting to tell him he's wrong. Its baically been the last few pages of the thread.

Wouldn't you almost have to deliberately hide paperwork like the P60s to have secret income anyway. I hadn't seen your comment Electric Sheep..good point..hmm

Cyrus wrote: »

because i make a lot more money and have more scope to make more money at the moment.

and i do the drop offs, my wife goes in very early say 7.30 and leaves around 5 and i goto work for 9 and leave and 7/8

its not sustainable long term though

And you will continue to make more money and more headway in your career, while she treads water or moves backward through working less. Works for you, I bet, not so much for her, career wise.

irelandrover wrote: »

I was just curious, why are so many people wanting to tell him he's wrong. Its baically been the last few pages of the thread.

I don't think there is wrong on right arrangement, most of us adapt as we go. It's more thant his system has potential to be extremely unfair if people stick to it no matter how the circumstances change. Similar arrangements are quite often subject of threads in PI for a good reason. It works perfectly fine if incomes are similar. And even then, what happens if one person is gifted a site for a house, does that mean the other person has to pay more of the mortgage until the contribution becomes more 50/50.

Splitting something in half is certainly the fairest arrangement in a house share, it's rarely the fairest arrangement in a family.

In general I don't think forced equality is the best solution in most cases. Expecting parents to do equal amount of parenting is just as daft as expectation to contribute equally financially. Mostly we just adapt to whatever works the best for family.

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

I've caught fraud on my account one or twice before the bank even noticed because if it.

I do the same myself. A few years back I got an email to say I ordered 7 Samsung Galaxy S4 phones from amazon.

I only needed 6 so I knew something was up

Check it everyday now.

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

Let it ring away, if you want to have a nice lifestyle, be able to afford things you want and not just be living purely to pay the mortgage and feed the family then two incomes are almost always required.

Kids should be an addition to your life not change everything and prevent you doing things you did before, buying things you bought before, saving etc.

wait until you are in a situation where you have two people working their asses off and a baby in creche 10 hours a day and see how nice a lifestyle it is

pilly wrote: »

Kids should be an addition to your life?? Really nox, I'm convinced that you're trolling now.

I think he means just because you have kids that doesn't mean you have to stop enjoying life and your money as you please.

If you have a enough time and money to do both I see no problem with that.