"Money isn't everything"

Calhoun

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

True but what I mean is that some people use it indiscriminately without even stopping to consider the circumstances of the person they're saying it to.

If you know your friend is financially secure and they're weighing up whether to take on more stress to have some extra money, then OK. But a lot of people say it to people who are really hard up without even stopping to consider how much easier the person's life would be if they had more money.

Apologies for the delay in the responding. Generally its a given that unless you walk a mile in someone else's shoes that you shouldn't really judge any person. As much as you don't like people indiscriminately saying it without thinking at the same time the language you used in your post was fairly judgmental.

If we banned general phrases we did not like then we would say very little to each other. We as individuals need to have the resilience to let it go, if the people we are talking to are really our friends then maybe they are trying to tell us something or maybe we need to explain to them why we need it.

eviltwin

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

What I'm saying is that most people who say money isn't everything take for granted a certain basic level of comfort that many would struggle to attain.

I guess it's more a case of 'know your audience'. I wouldn't turn around to someone on minimum wage struggling to pay the bills and say 'money isn't everything' because tbh when you're really poor, just about everything is made easier with money. What I mean is that I don't think some people have ever been that poor to say something which is quite flippant.

No, I think some people have learnt that happiness doesn't come from having the ability to buy stuff. Sure, having things you like and things to make life more comfortable will give you a certain level of happiness but there comes a point when you have that and then what? Real contentment doesn't equate to your bank balance and that's a very simplistic way of looking at it but it doesn't mean we don't do it, course we do. It's the most natural thing in the world to think money will make everything okay when you have none. I don't believe it actually makes a huge difference in reality though.

lainey_d_123

The One Doctor wrote: »

€3000? Hah. Try €500 tops.

500 euro for a holiday for a family of 4? No way on earth.

lainey_d_123

eviltwin wrote: »

No, I think some people have learnt that happiness doesn't come from having the ability to buy stuff. Sure, having things you like and things to make life more comfortable will give you a certain level of happiness but there comes a point when you have that and then what? Real contentment doesn't equate to your bank balance and that's a very simplistic way of looking at it but it doesn't mean we don't do it, course we do. It's the most natural thing in the world to think money will make everything okay when you have none. I don't believe it actually makes a huge difference in reality though.

I mean I love the idea of living a basic lifestyle and having few possessions and doing yoga all day, but personally I wouldn't be able to feel happy or secure not knowing what would happen to me in the future without a pension, or needing to pay for something really important and just not being able to. That seems extraordinarily stressful. As much as it would be nice to think otherwise, the modern world relies on money for everything, from the roof over your head, to the food you eat.

I read your OP again Lainey. You seem a damn sight more financially better off than me.
Any chance of a loan?

Would you rather a job that paid 70k but you were expected to do overtime every day and get home at 8/9pm or 40 and be home at 5pm every day?

Stheno

BrownFinger wrote: »

Would you rather a job that paid 70k but you were expected to do overtime every day and get home at 8/9pm or 40 and be home at 5pm every day?

What if the 70k job is more fulfilling?

OP is one of those people who appears to resent her life and where she has found herself and is disparaging to others frequently.

I have a well paid job but have financial commitments at the moment which don't leave me a huge amount to spare but I prioritise that money.

I also have a job where I can work 60+ hours a week at times

Am I happy? Yes it works for me.

My partner has a job where he works the minimum, hates the place and earns 4 times less than me. He also spends far less.

Are we happy? Very much so.

It's not all about money. This Christmas some of the gifts I most cherished were less than 10e and reflected far more than their cost.

When I am working late evenongs/weekends and I can ask my oh to keep me supplied with coffee that support means more than money

OP is being narrow minded

anewme

It's nice to not have to worry about unexpected bills, or the boiler breaking, etc. A big one for me weird as it might seem, was to be able to select furniture, carpets, goods for my home that I liked and wanted rather than have to buy the very cheapest Bargaintown had.

Recently when my Mam's TV broke (shes on the state pension) it was great was just to replace the TV for her straight away without having to wonder if that spare cash was in my account that month.

I was poor and I probably have a phobia about being poor again. I'm happy being comfortable, dont need to be rich.

Padre_Pio

Money is like air.

You only worry about it when you don't have it.

JMMCapital

Greed is good

Say Your Number

When you see rich people like Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington take their own lives, it makes you come to the conclusion that money means f*ck all really, it's nice to have the security and freedom that comes with it, but I'd place health, work that gives you a purpose and family/friendship above it.

lainey_d_123

Stheno wrote: »

What if the 70k job is more fulfilling?

OP is one of those people who appears to resent her life and where she has found herself and is disparaging to others frequently.

I have a well paid job but have financial commitments at the moment which don't leave me a huge amount to spare but I prioritise that money.

I also have a job where I can work 60+ hours a week at times

Am I happy? Yes it works for me.

My partner has a job where he works the minimum, hates the place and earns 4 times less than me. He also spends far less.

Are we happy? Very much so.

It's not all about money. This Christmas some of the gifts I most cherished were less than 10e and reflected far more than their cost.

When I am working late evenongs/weekends and I can ask my oh to keep me supplied with coffee that support means more than money

OP is being narrow minded

Hilarious and totally wrong. I've worked very hard to be in a good/better place after years of hardship and poverty. Which is why I never take having any money for granted.

I wonder if your partner didn't have your financial support and had to deal with an insecure living situation, would he be as happy? What he earns is irrelevant if the household wage is enough to live comfortably.

I know quite a few people whose mental health directly corresponds to their living situation which in itself directly corresponds to their income...people who are 37, 38 years old and because they are single AND low earners, living in overcrowded house shares, no privacy, no space to themselves, can't even have a shower or cook dinner when they want to, awkward if they want to bring someone home...of course having more money would vastly improve their lives.

lainey_d_123

anewme wrote: »

It's nice to not have to worry about unexpected bills, or the boiler breaking, etc. A big one for me weird as it might seem, was to be able to select furniture, carpets, goods for my home that I liked and wanted rather than have to buy the very cheapest Bargaintown had.

Recently when my Mam's TV broke (shes on the state pension) it was great was just to replace the TV for her straight away without having to wonder if that spare cash was in my account that month.

I was poor and I probably have a phobia about being poor again. I'm happy being comfortable, dont need to be rich.

Same...I think it is hard to get over this.

anewme

Say Your Number wrote: »

When you see rich people like Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington take their own lives, it makes you come to the conclusion that money means f*ck all really, it's nice to have the security and freedom that comes with it, but I'd place health, work that gives you a purpose and family/friendship above it.

And at the other end, I lost my friend at 36 in the Recession because he could not get paid for jobs he did and was afraid the house would be repossessed.

Depression, mental health issues, alcoholism, addictions, family tragedy impacts everyone, all walks of life.

It's better not to have money worries on top. Dont under estimate how much of a relief it is to be financially secure.

Raconteuse

These threads always become "I don't need to be rich to be happy" but hardly anyone is saying you do. Struggling financially is sh1t. Of course no longer struggling financially will make a person happier - that's still miles off rich though. There's rich, poor and a wide chasm in between.

NSAman

anewme wrote: »

And at the other end, I lost my friend at 36 in the Recession because he could not get paid for jobs he did and was afraid the house would be repossessed.

Depression, mental health issues, alcoholism, addictions, family tragedy impacts everyone, all walks of life.

It's better not to have money worries on top. Dont under estimate how much of a relief it is to be financially secure.

I have been that person. Looking at the lorries passing by and wondering would I? Should I? When things are bleak and your mind brings you to dark places, it is not unthinkable that you could do that to yourself.

Then something brings you back. In my case a simple phone call from a friend. It is a long story and one I do not want to tell, but it saved me from myself.

Money obviously makes things easier in life.

HOWEVER, family, good friends and simply having people to depend on and talk to for me, are invaluable.

You can buy anything you want with money, but you cannot buy those items listed above.

cannotlogin

Money is great and there's a huge freedom to having it but the phrase money isn't everything really rings true when you want or need something that it can't by you.....

Health, happiness, confidence, security, freedom, friends, family, love , peace of mind etc.

jaxxx

No amount of money can buy the things that makes life worth living: family, good friends, love.

LaFuton

my happiest time was when i was poor and didn't care. had my youth, bohemian kinda 20s, doin odd jobs to make the cheap rent and just about eat most days.
but I'd a lot of friends in the same boat so that helped and I was getting way more women back then.
doing ok these days, starting to have more than i need, all thats left is to keep getting more. depressing really.
money really isnt everything, i knew that when i was broke, hungry and 'between flats/sofa surfing' and it helped.
i know it now and it helps.

rob316

Family is everything to me. My wife and son that's all I really care about at the end of the day. I need money to live but breaking my bollox for a load of crap I don't need isn't the way to live. I know a couple of millionaires and honestly they are the most miserable people I know because that's all they have, money.

Don't get me wrong money can make your life easier but I'd that's all you have you won't be happy.

When you go in the ground at the end of it all it doesn't matter if you were a billionaire or pauper.

My dad was self employed spent his entire life working, I never saw him. 3 kids he missed there childhood because he worked and worked. He now drives a van part time for 250 quid a week and is the happiest man you would meet.

Raconteuse

I totally get where Lainey is coming from. All the people who say money isn't everything are people who aren't struggling financially. They're not rich but that's not the point.

Imagine losing your job and not having enough money to pay for electricity bills, gas bills (so having to be really sparing in this weather), rent or mortgage repayments, health insurance - and then you or a loved one becomes ill. Imagine barely scraping by and having children. The worry and despair this all entails - the sleepless nights. Of course you'd be happier if you didn't have those worries, and if you had some left over for an occasional treat. That's still miles off being rich.

And when you're a young student you don't have much in the way of responsibilities so of course it's easier.

I won't ever be rich as I couldn't take the stress of such a job, but I'm damn glad I earn a moderate amount that ensures not being broke, being able to save for a rainy day, and an occasional holiday/nice meal/new item of clothing.

Calhoun

I think there is a lesson here in being happy with what you have to a degree sure we need to look after the basics of security and housing ect but its also important to be happy enough in yourself that phrases like money isn't everything gets your back up.

had rough years and good years growing up, and had lean years working and now reasonable comfortable

money- steady, guaranteed money- is mighty stuff. no doubt about it.

but it isnt everything. plenty of good times in the poor years, plenty bad times in the comfortable years, money's a factor in yr freedom but not everything can be insured against with it.

by the way im loving the 100% hitrate of miserable rich people ye all know. all the rich people i know are fcukin *deliriously* happy tbh.

One eyed Jack

Raconteuse wrote: »

I totally get where Lainey is coming from. All the people who say money isn't everything are people who aren't struggling financially. They're not rich but that's not the point.

Imagine losing your job and not having enough money to pay for electricity bills, gas bills (so having to be really sparing in this weather), rent or mortgage repayments, health insurance - and then you or a loved one becomes ill. Imagine barely scraping by and having children. The worry and despair this all entails - the sleepless nights. Of course you'd be happier if you didn't have those worries, and if you had some left over for an occasional treat. That's still miles off being rich.

And when you're a young student you don't have much in the way of responsibilities so of course it's easier.

I won't ever be rich as I couldn't take the stress of such a job, but I'm damn glad I earn a moderate amount that ensures not being broke, being able to save for a rainy day, and a holiday/nice meals/new clothes.

I’m not missing Lainey’s point. Those are worries over not being able to cope with the kinds of life events that can happen to the average person. Been there, done that, was donated the tee shirt. And that’s really the point of saying that money isn’t everything, that there are far more important things in life that no amount of money can buy. I’ve always said what is the point in having all the money and all the ‘nice things’ in life, if a person has nobody to share it with?

Accumulating wealth and maintaining it is almost a full-time job in itself if a person is that way inclined, they’ll never have enough money and will always be insecure about having enough money to feel secure. Thinking that money offers security and support is one perspective, and it’s not one I share, precisely because as I said earlier - my parents were wealthy, but they were miserable. Having all the money in the world wouldn’t have made them any happier, because they cared more about status and it was like others have said - the fear of being poor, that motivated them to hoard their wealth. For what purpose?

Because their perception of what it is to be poor was based upon their own experiences of what it was to be poor - they considered the idea solely in material terms and short term thinking - the next medical bill, not being able to afford heat and light, etc. They simply regarded poverty and people in poverty as beneath them, and it was that which they were more afraid of than anything - being anything like the people they regarded as beneath them.

I know plenty of people who live in poverty, and they are generally happy with their lifestyles. They don’t concern themselves with pensions and security and all the rest of it. They live in the present and don’t dwell on either the past or the future, and they don’t have any cloth to cut (to borrow a phrase Lainey used earlier). I said earlier that wasn’t a lifestyle I wanted for myself, but if it happened again that I found myself in that position, I know I’d be ok, because being resourceful is far more important than resources - at least being resourceful, one finds ways to manage as opposed to being consumed by worries about money or insecurity about the future.

That’s why I say that money isn’t everything, because I don’t agree that it is. I think far more important than money is a sense of perspective and being able to understand that different people are motivated by different things. Having money is clearly important to Lainey. It’s never been important to me, and not because I’m not struggling financially. I never considered myself to be struggling financially even when I couldn’t afford things, because my thought processes don’t revolve around being dependent upon money to provide security and support and all the rest of it. My thought processes have always revolved around people, and sharing what resources I have rather than hoarding them up in case one day I might lose everything. I think the fear of losing everything is an impediment to being able to enjoy and appreciate life and see that when put in it’s appropriate context - money isn’t everything, there are far more important things in life that if you lost them, no amount of money could replace or provide comfort for what has been lost.

Calhoun

Deleted User wrote: »

had rough years and good years growing up, and had lean years working and now reasonable comfortable

money- steady, guaranteed money- is mighty stuff. no doubt about it.

but it isnt everything. plenty of good times in the poor years, plenty bad times in the comfortable years, money's a factor in yr freedom but not everything can be insured against with it.

by the way im loving the 100% hitrate of miserable rich people ye all know. all the rich people i know are fcukin *deliriously* happy tbh.

Well it comes down to your personal views and how you view money, like as i said if you are unhappy generally then chasing money and being rich wont make you happy. In fact some of the worst people in the world are those that only chase money, i think AH still has its stingy people thread as example.

Always Tired

Money is like sex. They both seem much more important when you don't have any.

Raconteuse

Raconteuse wrote: »

I totally get where Lainey is coming from. All the people who say money isn't everything are people who aren't struggling financially. They're not rich but that's not the point.

Imagine losing your job and not having enough money to pay for electricity bills, gas bills (so having to be really sparing in this weather), rent or mortgage repayments, health insurance - and then you or a loved one becomes ill. Imagine barely scraping by and having children. The worry and despair this all entails - the sleepless nights. Of course you'd be happier if you didn't have those worries, and if you had some left over for an occasional treat. That's still miles off being rich.

And when you're a young student you don't have much in the way of responsibilities so of course it's easier.

I won't ever be rich as I couldn't take the stress of such a job, but I'm damn glad I earn a moderate amount that ensures not being broke, being able to save for a rainy day, and a holiday/nice meals/new clothes.

The number one financial security I have is a roof over my head. Its massive I know and I'm very lucky I never have to worry about not having a place to live.

I can't afford to save, I can't afford to go to the doctor, I can't afford new clothes. Earlier on I had a coffee and thought shìte the price of that along with the little cake, should I have spent it?

Maybe if I did worry about losing my home then I'd be consumed by my lack of money. I don't know. Point is that even though I struggle its possible to still feel happy.

In fact I remember only last year having more money and being absolutely miserable.

misterme123

Deleted User wrote: »

The number one financial security I have is a roof over my head. Its massive I know and I'm very lucky I never have to worry about not having a place to live.

I can't afford to save, I can't afford to go to the doctor, I can't afford new clothes. Earlier on I had a coffee and thought shìte the price of that along with the little cake, should I have spent it?

Maybe if I did worry about losing my home then I'd be consumed by my lack of money. I don't know. Point is that even though I struggle its possible to still feel happy.

In fact I remember only last year having more money and being absolutely miserable.

Imagine you had said "ah money isn't everything, I'll treat myself to a coffee for a change". Could have really riled your mates up with your sheltered worldview.

misterme123

misterme123 wrote: »

Imagine you had said "ah money isn't everything, I'll treat myself to a coffee for a change". Could have really riled your mates up with your sheltered worldview.

Luckily I keep good company


I have to go light the candles now to warm my hands over the flame.

One eyed Jack

misterme123 wrote: »

Imagine you had said "ah money isn't everything, I'll treat myself to a coffee for a change". Could have really riled your mates up with your sheltered worldview.

If someone doesn’t share your opinion, they’re the person with the sheltered world view?

I guess that would make sense from your perspective.