Nice turn of phrase you've heard

CPTM

His memory was so bad he could plan his own surprise party

everlast75

Every dog deserves a home, but not every home deserves a dog.

The Tetrarch

At the golf in Northern Ireland a few weeks ago a spectator farted.
A group of young lads were passing and one said "those frogs are everywhere".

nthclare

No the now but later, I hear that frequently from the Scot's...

Not now but later to us...

everlast75

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts.

1800_Ladladlad

All of my family are from the inner city and some of the sayings they come out with, to me, is what I love about it. There are so many that they have become apart of our vocab in general so to document them or point them out off the bat is difficult. There are few that come to mind.

My nanny
I hope you get 5 minutes in heaven before the devils knows that you're dead
Thanks for all your help, I think I'll give it back. 
You look like something scraped off the floor of a public swimming pool
On the scale of 1 to a pen without ink, how useless are you
Jesus wept and Mary wondered
We all have the same 24 (hours)
If you want to know what God thinks about money just look at who he gives it too.
If they were drowning I wouldn't throw him a brick
You have a face like a melted welly
The second mouse always gets the cheese
Saint Anthony couldn't find her virginity
I would rather talk to your grandad
She’s been on everything but the titanic
Your man couldn't run a bath never mind a country
Sure you’re a racist now if you take a piss and not pay the fella in the toilets
Live your life like the fear of death can never enter your heart
This fella looks like a sock full of yogurt
You are just a flower growing in a dark room, all you need is some light
You couldn’t lead a dog to scraps.
Who had you?
Well if you ask for the weather, don’t get mad when I tell you it's going to rain
Its easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission
Rome was burned in a day, don't take forever buildin it
Who dressed you? A priest?
Sure A little suffering makes life more meaningful
Live your truths, so nobody can use your truths against you
Every room is better cause you are there.
Now, did the Holy Heart care about being liked (Always said this to us as a kid)


Some others that my uncles have said

I'll throw you about like a wet towel
If you have a **** and still want to talk to her after then you know you like her
She has a gash like a burst couch/yawning hippo
a JCB couldn't dig me out of her
Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
Face like a bull dog chewing a brick
That lad is a space odyssey
I'd rather sh*t in my hands and clap
While the Irish pray on their knee’s, the English preyed on their crops and land
Ask the back of my balls
You were dropped on your head as a child (or down the stairs)
Should have left you with the sisters(covenant)
My beds getting star fished.
I would rather go purple on the end of a rope


They Are lovely people Most are sarcastic, some are light heart, some are always said but there are loads more that just done come to mind.

The Tetrarch

Horse racing trainers

He couldn't train ivy up a wall
He couldn't train pigs to be dirty

sbsquarepants

sbsquarepants wrote: »

More men than the grand old duke of york is another version i've heard:D

Speaking of the Duke of York, I've heard something similar about people who only half-rise out of their chair when someone comes over to shake hands

"Like the Grand old Duke of York -- he was neither up nor down"

the_pen_turner

1800_Ladladlad wrote: »

All of my family are from the inner city and some of the sayings they come out with, to me, is what I love about it. There are so many that they have become apart of our vocab in general so to document them or point them out off the bat is difficult. There are few that come to mind.

My nanny
I hope you get 5 minutes in heaven before the devils knows that you're dead
Thanks for all your help, I think I'll give it back. 
You look like something scraped off the floor of a public swimming pool
On the scale of 1 to a pen without ink, how useless are you
Jesus wept and Mary wondered
We all have the same 24 (hours)
If you want to know what God thinks about money just look at who he gives it too.
If they were drowning I wouldn't throw him a brick
You have a face like a melted welly
The second mouse always gets the cheese
Saint Anthony couldn't find her virginity
I would rather talk to your grandad
She’s been on everything but the titanic
Your man couldn't run a bath never mind a country
Sure you’re a racist now if you take a piss and not pay the fella in the toilets
Live your life like the fear of death can never enter your heart
This fella looks like a sock full of yogurt
You are just a flower growing in a dark room, all I need is some light
You couldn’t lead a dog to scraps.
Who had you?
Well if you ask for the weather, don’t get mad when I tell you it's going to rain
Its easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission
Rome was burned in a day, don't take forever buildin it
Who dressed you? A priest?
Sure A little suffering makes life more meaningful
Live your truths, so nobody can use your truths against you
Every room is better cause you are there.
Now, did the Holy Heart care about being liked (Always said this to us as a kid)


Some others that my uncles have said

I'll throw you about like a wet towel
If you have a **** and still want to talk to her after then you know you like her
She has a gash like a burst couch/yawning hippo
a JCB couldn't dig me out of her
Face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.
Face like a bull dog chewing a brick
That lad is a space odyssey
I'd rather sh*t in my hands and clap
While the Irish pray on their knee’s, the English preyed on their crops and land
Ask the back of my balls
You were dropped on your head as a child (or down the stairs)
Should have left you with the sisters(covenant)
My beds getting star fished.
I would rather go purple on the end of a rope


They Are lovely people Most are sarcastic, some are light heart, some are always said but there are loads more that just done come to mind.

any chance yo could translate some of them. a lot dont make sence without context

CPTM

If there was work on the bed he'd sleep on the floor

sligojoek

If going to the toilet was work he'd piss in the bed.

Up Donegal

...like something you'd see growing on a cat's sh*t!

Blaizes

Teacher told us this in school years ago ‘burn everything British except their coal.’

Blaizes

Rows Grower wrote: »

Stick out your tongue and i’ll see if you’re lying.

Another one said to a kid for using bad language was ‘I’ll boil your tongue in vinegar.’

sligojoek

What that fellow needs is a red hot poker up the ar$e, cold end first so nobody can pull it out.

khalessi

Kicky mare kicky foal

like mother like daughter

funnyname

Here's your hat, where's your hurry

Seanachai

A pretty crass one for somebody who keeps farting in an enclosed space, 'Pull them down and we'll all s**te in them!'

aoh

My Mum used to say "he had him by the short and curlies" until somebody explained to her what that actually meant!

"what's yours will find you" If you're meant to have/be something, it'll happen in its own time.

"Even a hungry wolf looks to the woods" Sometimes we all want more than we need.

Both Russian proverbs.

Feisar

He has a lodgers reach.

silverharp

Do that again and I'll hit you so hard you will be done for speeding in Drogheda!

enfield

My Da used to say-'All things look yellow to a jaundiced eye.'
Two months ago I got jaundice and I can tell you everything looks normal to a jaundiced eye.

RobbingBandit

Too much time on your hands

carbsy

Even a broken clock is right twice a day...

Lundstram

Yiz are two cheeks of the same arse.

GreenandRed

I haven't time to turn.

DrPhilG

He's a prick. If he was drowning I'd throw him a cinder block.

*Tony Soprano

jimbobaloobob

When a blind person carries a lame person both go forward.

Mehaffey1

Seen a video of a fella talking about customers trying to tell him how to do his job.

'I've been doing this more than a few years now. It's the auld dog for the good road and the young pup for the boreen'