What's the etiquette here??

gerrybbadd

Got a mere amount of revenge there for an ettiquette breaker there a minute ago.

In trap 1, having a fine time, when in lands a grunter, with speed, no doubt under high pressure. Huffing and puffing, loudest unzipping and dropping of keks i've ever heard.

Anyhow, obviously a shy shítter, and i could tell there was serious pressure, judging by the gasps. But by hell, he was holding on to the cargo, with the exception of a few of the Jackson 5 that were beyond his purse lip grip. So, first of all, i sat there for 5 minutes. Just to increase the anal tension.

Eventually, I decided he'd had enough, but not before the trick was played. I got up, and left. Opened the main jacks doors, then closed it to make it sound like i'd walked out.

Lads, all hell broke loose. The sense of relief that must have been experienced. There were fart noises i've never heard before - 2 toners. Simultaniously high pitched and deep bassed. And the MASSIVE "aaaahhhhhhh" out of him as he dropped off the load, sounded like a body wrapped in a carpet rolling down some stairs.

So, i burst out laughing, and just to let him know of my prescence, let out 3 or 4 good loud "tut tuts". That'll learn him not to ball into a trap when the one beside it is occupied. He'll remember ettiquette the next time.

2 tone malone

Hotblack Desiato

I thought the 2-Tone Movement was to do with music in the British West Midlands...


.. but wait...

This Jaaaaacks is getting like a Ghost Jacks
All the traps have been closed down
This Jaaaaacks is getting like a Ghost Jacks
Lads can't poo no more
Too much pissing on the jacks floor

aaaaaa-a-a aaaaaa-a-a etc (not typing all that you know what I mean)

gerrybbadd

]

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

I thought the 2-Tone Movement was to do with music in the British West Midlands...


.. but wait...

This Jaaaaacks is getting like a Ghost Jacks
All the traps have been closed down
This Jaaaaacks is getting like a Ghost Jacks
Lads can't poo no more
Too much pissing on the jacks floor

aaaaaa-a-a aaaaaa-a-a etc (not typing all that you know what I mean)

Aglomerado

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Got a mere amount of revenge there for an ettiquette breaker there a minute ago.

In trap 1, having a fine time, when in lands a grunter, with speed, no doubt under high pressure. Huffing and puffing, loudest unzipping and dropping of keks i've ever heard.

Anyhow, obviously a shy shítter, and i could tell there was serious pressure, judging by the gasps. But by hell, he was holding on to the cargo, with the exception of a few of the Jackson 5 that were beyond his purse lip grip. So, first of all, i sat there for 5 minutes. Just to increase the anal tension.

Eventually, I decided he'd had enough, but not before the trick was played. I got up, and left. Opened the main jacks doors, then closed it to make it sound like i'd walked out.

Lads, all hell broke loose. The sense of relief that must have been experienced. There were fart noises i've never heard before - 2 toners. Simultaniously high pitched and deep bassed. And the MASSIVE "aaaahhhhhhh" out of him as he dropped off the load, sounded like a body wrapped in a carpet rolling down some stairs.

So, i burst out laughing, and just to let him know of my prescence, let out 3 or 4 good loud "tut tuts". That'll learn him not to ball into a trap when the one beside it is occupied. He'll remember ettiquette the next time.

2 tone malone

Beautiful!

I was in Paddy Burke's in Clarinbridge with my folks some years back and my dad slipped off to the jacks to drain the spuds so to speak. He came back in stitches laughing as some lad in the gents had been furiously and noisily evacuating his colon, probably following a surfeit of oysters and Guinness.

My dad banged on the trap door and shouted "You dirty f**ker!" and raced out before the smell hit him.

About 10 minutes later a fairly anxious looking fella emerged from the jax area looking around him.

Hector Savage

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Got a mere amount of revenge there for an ettiquette breaker there a minute ago.

In trap 1, having a fine time, when in lands a grunter, with speed, no doubt under high pressure. Huffing and puffing, loudest unzipping and dropping of keks i've ever heard.

Anyhow, obviously a shy shítter, and i could tell there was serious pressure, judging by the gasps. But by hell, he was holding on to the cargo, with the exception of a few of the Jackson 5 that were beyond his purse lip grip. So, first of all, i sat there for 5 minutes. Just to increase the anal tension.

Eventually, I decided he'd had enough, but not before the trick was played. I got up, and left. Opened the main jacks doors, then closed it to make it sound like i'd walked out.

Lads, all hell broke loose. The sense of relief that must have been experienced. There were fart noises i've never heard before - 2 toners. Simultaniously high pitched and deep bassed. And the MASSIVE "aaaahhhhhhh" out of him as he dropped off the load, sounded like a body wrapped in a carpet rolling down some stairs.

So, i burst out laughing, and just to let him know of my prescence, let out 3 or 4 good loud "tut tuts". That'll learn him not to ball into a trap when the one beside it is occupied. He'll remember ettiquette the next time.

2 tone malone

We need audio recordings on here next!!!

no pics/video it must be stressed ... audio would be hilarious tho!

EmmetSpiceland

Hector Savage wrote: »

We need audio recordings on here next!!!

no pics/video it must be stressed ... audio would be hilarious tho!

An aural “assault” would still be crossing the line of common decency, but would also be morbidly hilarious. You’d want to be very careful with making any recordings as you could be mistaken for a “deviant” or a “pest”.

Deebles McBeebles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

An aural “assault” would still be crossing the line of common decency, but would also be morbidly hilarious. You’d want to be very careful with making any recordings as you could be mistaken for a “deviant” or a “pest”.

A scatman, if you will.

Utter Consternation

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

An aural “assault” would still be crossing the line of common decency, but would also be morbidly hilarious. You’d want to be very careful with making any recordings as you could be mistaken for a “deviant” or a “pest”.

I think producing a phone to make a recording of any variety in the toilet may have serious consequences.

I must check the legislation and see if recording the farts of a data controller contravenes any GDPR rules.

Ecce No Homo

A little mic you clip on the inside of the toilet bowl!! Dragon's Den here I come. Live stream indeed.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I think producing a phone to make a recording of any variety in the toilet may have serious consequences.

I must check the legislation and see if recording the farts of a data controller contravenes any GDPR rules.

I don’t think a fart is personally identifiable information.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I don’t think a fart is personally identifiable information.

I'd say your work mates recognise the fcuking bang off you from a 100 yards.

Smelly bastard.

Pintman Paddy Losty

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I don’t think a fart is personally identifiable information.

If there was a way to record the smell it would certainly be considered personally identifiable.

There are some times you walk in to the latrines and get an unmistakable fent and know that the Polish lad who eats pickled cabbage and kippers for lunch has just deposited a meaty load in the pan. An mistakable acidic fent of vinegar. If that could be recorded it would certainly be in scope for GDPR. Any unauthorised processing of such a smell clip would have the Data Protection Commissioner all over your arse.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I'd say your work mates recognise the fcuking bang off you from a 100 yards.

Smelly bastard.

You bound up or on the turps, pal?

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You bound up or on the turps, pal?

Apologies for the outburst, JF. Most out of character.

Hotblack Desiato

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I must check the legislation and see if recording the farts of a data controller contravenes any GDPR rules.

Is there a reasonable expectation of privacy when farting in a public place? Maybe the Legal Discussion forum can help us out here.

JohnnyFlash

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Is there a reasonable expectation of privacy when farting in a public place? Maybe the Legal Discussion forum can help us out here.

What is very worrying in this digital world is the rollout of devices that listen to you - like those fools who get an Amazon Alexa in their living room. Employers can’t install cameras in the shïtters, but what’s the law on listening devices? Using AI and machine learning to identify who is using the facilities and for how long.

A dystopian world where you will be identified by the farts, squeaks and groans unique to you. Data sent to your health insurance provider that it’s a 95% confidence rating that you had 10 pints and a kebab last night. Anal acoustic monitoring. Frightening stuff.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

What is very worrying in this digital world is the rollout of devices that listen to you - like those fools who get an Amazon Alexa in their living room. Employers can’t install cameras in the shïtters, but what’s the law on listening devices? Using AI and machine learning to identify who is using the facilities and for how long.

A dystopian world where you will be identified by the farts, squeaks and groans unique to you. Data sent to your health insurance provider that it’s a 95% confidence rating that you had 10 pints and a kebab last night. Anal acoustic monitoring. Frightening stuff.

Getting profiled by your farts. I'm sure the Chinese or Russians could do scary things with valuable data such as that.

You'd start getting bombarded online with advertisements for stomach remedies and air fresheners.

Fcuk that!

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Getting profiled by your farts. I'm sure the Chinese or Russians could do scary things with valuable data such as that.

You'd start getting bombarded online with advertisements for stomach remedies and air fresheners.

Fcuk that!

It would almost certainly be the end or top-decking as a form of legitimate protest as well. The police state, UC.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It would almost certainly be the end or top-decking as a form of legitimate protest as well. The police state, UC.

Every toilet would be like a fingerprint machine. Faecal DNA profile.

If we lose the individuality afforded to us by our toilet routine, we are lost as a race....

gerrybbadd

Utter Consternation wrote: »

Getting profiled by your farts. I'm sure the Chinese or Russians could do scary things with valuable data such as that.

You'd start getting bombarded online with advertisements for stomach remedies and air fresheners.

Fcuk that!

Alexa has a fair amount of "data" gathered on me the last week so...

Brendan Bendar

Ecce No Homo wrote: »

Absolutely love that women. Kind of woman who'll still be super hot when she's in her 60s. That sop from Coldwad was a fool to cheat on her. I'd sit in a bath full of her brown slop.

Filthy kernt.

Utter Consternation

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Alexa has a fair amount of "data" gathered on me the last week so...

'Alexa, order more toilet roll and Preparation H.'

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

It would almost certainly be the end or top-decking as a form of legitimate protest as well. The police state, UC.

Only one thing for it, J. The “upper-upper decking”, up to the roof and into the water tank.

Will take a while but the “scent” will start to come through the taps and cisterns. I’d recommend advising any of the colleagues you like to “refrain” from brushing their teeth in the jacks for a bit.

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

'Alexa, order more toilet roll and Preparation H.'

Alexa, play the ‘brown note’.

Aglomerado

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

What is very worrying in this digital world is the rollout of devices that listen to you - like those fools who get an Amazon Alexa in their living room. Employers can’t install cameras in the shïtters, but what’s the law on listening devices? Using AI and machine learning to identify who is using the facilities and for how long.

A dystopian world where you will be identified by the farts, squeaks and groans unique to you. Data sent to your health insurance provider that it’s a 95% confidence rating that you had 10 pints and a kebab last night. Anal acoustic monitoring. Frightening stuff.

Terrifying ANALysis :O

Hotblack Desiato

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Only one thing for it, J. The “upper-upper decking”, up to the roof and into the water tank.

Will take a while but the “scent” will start to come through the taps and cisterns. I’d recommend advising any of the colleagues you like to “refrain” from brushing their teeth in the jacks for a bit.

Dunno about that, E.

There's been well rotted dead bodies found in water tanks before, and the users of said water never noticed.

EmmetSpiceland

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Dunno about that, E.

There's been well rotted dead bodies found in water tanks before, and the users of said water never noticed.

Good point, H.

I’m guessing to get the full “effect” you’d probably have to “bag” up some dumps from home and tumble them into the tank.

Unless you’re dealing with a more “domestic” sized tank.

Borderfox

Piles of midden plague our motorway network :-)

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/environment/drivers-warned-to-stop-leaving-faeces-along-irish-motorways-1.3974293?mode=amp

Pintman Paddy Losty

Borderfox wrote: »

Piles of midden plague our motorway network :-)

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/environment/drivers-warned-to-stop-leaving-faeces-along-irish-motorways-1.3974293?mode=amp

"GSJ Maintenance, the company responsible for maintaining the motorway network in the Greater Dublin Area on behalf of Transport Infrastructure Ireland (TII), has now urged members of the public to refrain from throwing items out of their vehicle windows and leaving hazardous material and excrement in lay-bys and on road edges."

I'd say Brendan Bendar is responsible for quite a large amount of the detritus involved. Swinging plastic bags filled to the brim with warm watery scutter out the driver window of his 1995 Datsun Sunny.

Hector Savage

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

An aural “assault” would still be crossing the line of common decency, but would also be morbidly hilarious. You’d want to be very careful with making any recordings as you could be mistaken for a “deviant” or a “pest”.

oh jebus yeah, that could lead to very awkward office scenarious !!