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What's the etiquette here??

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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Arse recognition cameras. Jeezus.

    Butthole biometrics.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19,131 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    What sort of thoughts? Dirty ones?

    Like Bro. Celsus Bennett had at the scout jamboree?

    Spatthered the back wall of the ‘big tent’ regularly they say....uhmmm.

    Anaway... George got out of the chokey in Geelong.


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,113 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    B62919-C6-04-B7-496-B-BAE6-477-D2-EBB9-B32.png

    eurovision-classic-logo.jpg

    Coincidence??

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    eurovision-classic-logo.jpg

    Coincidence??

    Nevin P would sit on that toilet and it would return the message “Anus not identified, scan area too wide’.


  • Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Au contraire mon ami......way wide of the mark.

    Nipped out some nice saucy chumps of solid ar$e buttle this am.......snipped neatly by a fully functioning sphyncter.

    Was very satisfying to hear them go ...

    Plop

    Plop.....plop

    Plo - op.


    Even got a few drops of splashback.......

    Capice ...?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 34,113 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Top of the plops.

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



  • Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Au contraire mon ami......way wide of the mark.

    Nipped out some nice saucy chumps of solid ar$e buttle this am.......snipped neatly by a fully functioning sphyncter.

    Was very satisfying to hear them go ...

    Plop

    Plop.....plop

    Plo - op.


    Even got a few drops of splashback.......

    Capice ...?


    Apologies, Nevin, I presumed the old 'prison purse' would be like the south bore of the Jack Lynch tunnel after your years of popping into the parochial house for 'guidance on scripture'....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 133 ✭✭Urethral Buttercup


    Yah, mine often look like brown shafts with brown glans heads, but this one tonight had a seam of almost transparent marbling like vaseline cutting right across where the foreskin would be, so pretty picture perfect, although I doubt you'd want to see a picture of that.

    Toenails have gone long and sharp like beaver's teeth with some sludge underneath, was observing while squeezing out the mahogany shaft. Funny old world.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,563 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    Anyone know if sudden, and rather violent, diarrhoea is a “symptom” of this Covid-19?

    I was out shopping earlier and that would be the first time in a week since I’ve been “out and about”. I’ve, obviously, been out walking the dog and getting, general, “exercise” but I haven’t been around anyone other than the immediate family.

    Anyway, while I was doing the shopping I took all the precautions, within reason. So I was “gloved up” and had pre-sanitised. This was all well and good but as I was returning the trolley a bit of leaf, or, possibly, some paper, blew up and hit me on the mouth. Before I had time to think I’d done a couple of spitting gestures and brought my right index finger up to my mouth.

    I had been shopping in a “discount” store so I can only assume I’m infected. If I’d just gone to SuperValu, or even Dunnes, there wouldn’t be half the worry.

    Earlier in the evening I was doubled over with cramp and had to flounce like Quasimodo over to the jacks. No time for “papering down”, barely got my trousers down if I’m honest. The first couple of “rounds” were of a light consistency but in very short bursts. The bowl was ruined.

    The last number of “parting shots” were like something you’d get from a fully pumped Super Soaker 50, no solid pieces, entirely “liquid”. Two other trips to the toilet followed. Again, mostly liquid squirts coupled with some loud gas.

    Thankfully, I’d restocked the paper supply so I wasn’t too worried about that. Had a shower before bed too so I wouldn’t be bringing any “streaks” in with me. Decided to throw on a pair of boxers to protect from any, potential, sharts. You can’t be too careful.

    Hoping to have turned a “corner” by morning so I can enjoy a nice breakfast. The last thing I ate was a large tin of pineapple after my dinner. We’ll see how things are then, I guess.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,445 ✭✭✭Rodney Bathgate


    They must be a record for use of “

    Do you use ‘air quotes’ in real life conversation Emmet?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 133 ✭✭Urethral Buttercup


    My worry is that you are not using recyclable gloves? All this hoo hah about wet wipes and you are dumping out your surgical gloves every time you buy roquito peppers Emmet? Who does the cooking in your house? Time to start schrunching as folding may work in the virus on the backstroke. I've a whole load of chite under my nails since the pandemic began.


  • Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    Apologies, Nevin, I presumed the old 'prison purse' would be like the south bore of the Jack Lynch tunnel after your years of popping into the parochial house for 'guidance on scripture'....

    Or " Up to the monastery" for "Latin lessons" as it was in our school


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,113 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Anyone know if sudden, and rather violent, diarrhoea is a “symptom” of this Covid-19?

    Media have been extremely quiet on that question, E.

    We demand "the truth in the poos"

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



  • Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Anyone know if sudden, and rather violent, diarrhoea is a “symptom” of this Covid-19?

    I'd say you are safe enough dude. If that was the case, I must have it this past 12 months.

    On another note. Has nobody else recognised the religious connectation of that earlier picture of an arsehole?

    holy-spirit-statue-with-rays-of-light-wood-painted-val-gardena.jpg


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,563 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    I'd say you are safe enough dude. If that was the case, I must have it this past 12 months.

    On another note. Has nobody else recognised the religious connectation of that earlier picture of an arsehole?

    holy-spirit-statue-with-rays-of-light-wood-painted-val-gardena.jpg

    Thanks for support, G. Haven’t had any “reoccurrences” today, so far. I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

    A word of concern for your “immortal soul”, you might remember Matthew 12:31:

    “Wherefore I say unto you, all manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.”

    I’m not sure if likening the Spirit’s radiant “glow” to that of a “ring piece” constitutes blasphemy but you really can’t be sure with these things.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    When it comes to the Good Book there are lots of verses that give sage advice and wisdom when it comes to the movements of ones lower intestines.


    One that poster around here should take heed of is
    Deuteronomy 23:12-13



    “You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you"


    See that, dig a hole and bury your sh1te... God didn't say sh1t in a bag and fling it out the window of a car moving at high speed. It certainly doesn't mention anything about flattening it out and freezing it so you can casually fling it away. I haven't decided what the book's position on storing it in a lunch box to bring in to work is however.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,810 ✭✭✭Hector Savage


    When it comes to the Good Book there are lots of verses that give sage advice and wisdom when it comes to the movements of ones lower intestines.


    One that poster around here should take heed of is
    Deuteronomy 23:12-13



    “You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you"


    See that, dig a hole and bury your sh1te... God didn't say sh1t in a bag and fling it out the window of a car moving at high speed. It certainly doesn't mention anything about flattening it out and freezing it so you can casually fling it away. I haven't decided what the book's position on storing it in a lunch box to bring in to work is however.



    :D:D:D:D


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,563 ✭✭✭✭EmmetSpiceland


    See that, dig a hole and bury your sh1te... God didn't say sh1t in a bag and fling it out the window of a car moving at high speed.

    To be fair, P, that was an impossible “feat” for the time. If these “instructions” were to be updated I could well see “bag shítting” being included.

    I don’t, however, for one second, believe Our Lord would condone any “flinging”, at any speed.

    “It is not blood that makes you Irish but a willingness to be part of the Irish nation” - Thomas Davis



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,689 ✭✭✭NeinNeinNein


    It's heartening to see such a regard for religious affairs in here especially with the week that's in it.

    Bind us together lord...


  • Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    When it comes to the Good Book there are lots of verses that give sage advice and wisdom when it comes to the movements of ones lower intestines.


    One that poster around here should take heed of is
    Deuteronomy 23:12-13



    “You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you"


    See that, dig a hole and bury your sh1te... God didn't say sh1t in a bag and fling it out the window of a car moving at high speed. It certainly doesn't mention anything about flattening it out and freezing it so you can casually fling it away. I haven't decided what the book's position on storing it in a lunch box to bring in to work is however.

    Anything in it about sh1ting in Golf Bags ?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 19,131 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Anything in it about sh1ting in Golf Bags ?

    Apparently after the 3.30 bumper camel race in the Alexandria,Egypt, track back in 231ad ,some jockey backed out a strong gout of dense midden into his steeds saddle bags.

    Golf bags weren’t mentioned, but the saddle bags were weighed after several races later,and weighing discrepancies led to several disqualifications.

    That was it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    Anything in it about sh1ting in Golf Bags ?

    I'll refer you to Deuteronomy again Nev where it says:

    "It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.”

    I imagine some prick who wronged you on the golf course having a golf bag full of brown sludge slushing around the boot of his Mercedes CLS is covered here. Their doom rushing upon them indeed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,445 ✭✭✭Rodney Bathgate


    Anything in it about sh1ting in Golf Bags ?

    Or Pringle tubes?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 461 ✭✭Sober Crappy Chemis


    Bind us together lord...

    Most folks here are already well 'bound'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 25,420 ✭✭✭✭sligojoek


    Lot of "Monastery" lads round here. "Birds of a feather", "Aithnán ciarog, ciarog eile" type of stuff.


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,113 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Don't know what the point of that golf thing is at all, just seems to leave its practitioners in bad form if this thread is anything to go by, it's expensive, you have to dress up like a complete tosser, and there's all this "etiquette" wankery.

    If you are that desperate to get away from the ball and chain for a few hours at the weekend, get a motorbike. Which is also expensive and you have to dress up like a tosser but it's fun :)

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



  • Registered Users Posts: 19,131 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    Don't know what the point of that golf thing is at all, just seems to leave its practitioners in bad form if this thread is anything to go by, it's expensive, you have to dress up like a complete tosser, and there's all this "etiquette" wankery.

    If you are that desperate to get away from the ball and chain for a few hours at the weekend, get a motorbike. Which is also expensive and you have to dress up like a tosser but it's fun :)

    Sure it is.... stinky leathers, soaked in piss,a fcuking tin can on your head and Patrick Power would give good odds of not returning from the week end.

    Fork off pal.


  • Registered Users Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Nevin Parsnipp


    Sure it is.... stinky leathers, soaked in piss,a fcuking tin can on your head and Patrick Power would give good odds of not returning from the week end.

    Fork off pal.

    hard to know which is the most obnoxious Ben.....the smelly noisy air polluting bike ....or the can of p1ss riding it ?

    So detrimental to global warming these things ....whereas with Golf the only slight pollutant might be a small self satisfied fart arter sinking a 10 footer on the 18th.


  • Registered Users Posts: 19,131 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    hard to know which is the most obnoxious Ben.....the smelly noisy air polluting bike ....or the can of p1ss riding it ?

    So detrimental to global warming these things ....whereas with Golf the only slight pollutant might be a small self satisfied fart arter sinking a 10 footer on the 18th.

    Correct Nevin,although a small self-satisfied fart might not cover some rippers.

    Lad did that to me, rather portly cove with short legs, giving him about 11 shots but he was like dog shïte on my shoe couldn’t shake him off.

    All square on the 18th and the fcuker had two putts for the win from distance.

    Snuggled her up to the hole and as I conceded, unloaded a deep seated low guttural barrack buster that rippled the back of his trousers.

    I delayed the handshake as long as I could while the bang of cabbage drifted off.

    Greasy kernt.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,445 ✭✭✭Rodney Bathgate


    Just goes to show, there are some dirty feckers out there.


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