What's the etiquette here??

JohnnyFlash

Utter Consternation wrote: »

It's a real rookie error. You have to expect the worst when dropping the load off in any stadium. No exceptions.

You're guaranteed there'll be some cnut with Covid19 of the hole who has gone in before you and destroyed the place.

The mistake was having coffee instead of tea. Maxwell House or Nescafé type stuff was served to me. Had a few Marlboro Reds as well before I took my seat. That lethal combo would loosen up the most constipated of men.

Utter Consternation

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The mistake was having coffee instead of tea. Maxwell House or Nescafé type stuff was served to me. Had a few Marlboro Reds as well before I took my seat. That lethal combo would loosen up the most constipated of men.

True enough, Jonathan. It's bad to hold it in too, regardless of the surroundings.

Fireball81

All this talk of working from home due to the Coronavirus may be what's causing the panic buying on toilet paper- people will be ****ting more and having a sneaky tugg at home.

Fireball81

Fireball81 wrote: »

All this talk of working from home due to the Coronavirus may be what's causing the panic buying on toilet paper- people will be ****ting more and having a sneaky tugg at home.

It's gone beyond crazy, work have barred stores from ordering in the larger 16-32 size packs of bog roll. They will be rationed out by head office. We sold over 3,600 andrex 9pks last week alone, never mind the other brands. We have been doing more business than Christmas week over the last few days. With the parades cancelled next week, people will just hit the pub instead or house parties. Sales of Guinness slabs are also spiking so all that loo roll will likely be needed.
Harrowing times indeed.

Bullocks

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It's gone beyond crazy, work have barred stores from ordering in the larger 16-32 size packs of bog roll. They will be rationed out by head office. We sold over 3,600 andrex 9pks last week alone, never mind the other brands. We have been doing more business than Christmas week over the last few days. With the parades cancelled next week, people will just hit the pub instead or house parties. Sales of Guinness slabs are also spiking so all that loo roll will likely be needed.
Harrowing times indeed.

This is turning into the best pandemic ever. Only in Ireland would we go mad buying porter and jax roll to cope with a virus.
I don't care what anyone says about our politicians, this is the best country in the world to live in!

Bullocks

Oh and I forgot, they are lashing out €300a week if you "have" to self quarantine. I can see the uptake being high on this

Fireball81

Bullocks wrote: »

Oh and I forgot, they are lashing out €300a week if you "have" to self quarantine. I can see the uptake being high on this

Where do I sign up?

Bullocks

Fireball81 wrote: »

Where do I sign up?

Don't sign anything, you'd only be spreading the virus. Phone it into the dole office and hope for the best

sligojoek

The reason there's such a "run" on toilet paper is because, every time one person sneezes, ten people sh1t themselves.

The "run" on jax paper has now put our warehouse under too much pressure to maintain regular service. Starting today they have cut back on the range of other products delivered to stores. Starting with the off licence. All relatively slow moving beers and spirits have been blocked from ordering.
A surplus of bog roll causing a shortage of beer, **** just got real.

Pintman Paddy Losty

Have the scientist boffins studying this virus worked out if it can be spread by farts? I let a particularly rotten fart this morning - now I did have 5 pints of Guinness followed by a curry chips (Chinese takeaway variety) last night. It did have a virulent twang off it though. I'm not normally one to "self-isolate" when letting rip, but might be something I should consider?

gerrybbadd

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Have the scientist boffins studying this virus worked out if it can be spread by farts? I let a particularly rotten fart this morning - now I did have 5 pints of Guinness followed by a curry chips (Chinese takeaway variety) last night. It did have a virulent twang off it though. I'm not normally one to "self-isolate" when letting rip, but might be something I should consider?

Padjoe, you have me thinking in philosophical terms here now. A bit like, if a tree falls in the woods, with nobody around to hear it, does it make a sound? Well, a fart let loose in self isolation, does it have a fent you'd cut through with a butter knife? whos to say?

Hector Savage

Been drinking a lot of that German Franziskaner beer lately.
Jaysus before I went to bed last night I deposited about 2KG of baby bright brown eels into the jacks, thought to myself at least the mornings delivery will be easier - I was wrong.

Got up this morning around 7AM and made a beeline for the jacks, must have been 3KG of arse yobble this time - shotgun blasted to the back of the pewter - fent would've knocked out a Chinese doctor in a hazmat suit.


I'm beginning to think I disobey the law of conservation of energy/matter whatever, for every kilo of foodage/drinkage I ingest I seem to produce about 3KG of midden.


rotten stuff..

Hector Savage

Hector Savage wrote: »

Been drinking a lot of that German Franziskaner beer lately.
Jaysus before I went to bed last night I deposited about 2KG of baby bright brown eels into the jacks, thought to myself at least the mornings delivery will be easier - I was wrong.

Got up this morning around 7AM and made a beeline for the jacks, must have been 3KG of arse yobble this time - shotgun blasted to the back of the pewter - fent would've knocked out a Chinese doctor in a hazmat suit.


I'm beginning to think I disobey the law of conservation of energy/matter whatever, for every kilo of foodage/drinkage I ingest I seem to produce about 3KG of midden.


rotten stuff..

That weissbier is very gassy stuff. Bound to blow through the system like a hurricane blowing any residue midden before it.

Nevin Parsnipp

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Have the scientist boffins studying this virus worked out if it can be spread by farts? I let a particularly rotten fart this morning - now I did have 5 pints of Guinness followed by a curry chips (Chinese takeaway variety) last night. It did have a virulent twang off it though. I'm not normally one to "self-isolate" when letting rip, but might be something I should consider?

Sommat you should consider pal ?

They have developed a new airtight tube to encase yourself in to protect from the virus.

Pop into one of those and blow out a volley of your sour wind emissions .

See how you like that Dude ...filthy kernt !

Fireball81

Not impressed, we have to work from home for the next month from tomorrow.

The additional toilet paper is going to cost me a fortune!

Pintman Paddy Losty

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Sommat you should consider pal ?

They have developed a new airtight tube to encase yourself in to protect from the virus.

Pop into one of those and blow out a volley of your sour wind emissions .

See how you like that Dude ...filthy kernt !

Another unnecessary broadside against my good character! I've come to expect this from you. It's a real sign that you're bound up pal. A few glasses of prune juice or a strong Italian coffee should see you right.

You'll have a much cheerier disposition once you clear out the blockage compadre.

gerrybbadd

Fireball81 wrote: »

Not impressed, we have to work from home for the next month from tomorrow.

The additional toilet paper is going to cost me a fortune!

Look at it this way - the **** won't have to be sneaky

Deebles McBeebles

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Look at it this way - the **** won't have to be sneaky

Nothing like shouting one out in the privacy of your own home.

EmmetSpiceland

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Nothing like shouting one out in the privacy of your own home.

Speakers on.

Hector Savage

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Nothing like shouting one out in the privacy of your own home.

.. in the kitchen ...

tgdaly

Wow lads, over 5000 posts now on this thread. Just want to say how proud I am of all involved, we are halfway towards a part 2! I think the support offered by this thread will be even more important in the coming weeks, with the country on effective lockdown it is bound to play havoc with some peoples "brown clock", and I'm sure help will be needed

Cartman78

It’s an amazing thread alright and also a very influential one...I have no doubt that the information published here is the main reason for the recent surge of bog roll panic buying

Fireball81

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Look at it this way - the **** won't have to be sneaky

Nope....had a bit of self pleasure about an hour ago, being paid while doing it (and supposed to be working) makes it even sweeter.

I seem to a bit off course today, normally a mid morning ****ter but today's hasnt come yet.

EmmetSpiceland

Fireball81 wrote: »

Nope....had a bit of self pleasure about an hour ago, being paid while doing it (and supposed to be working) makes it even sweeter.

Jesus but I haven’t had a “loud one” in years.

gerrybbadd

Fireball81 wrote: »

Nope....had a bit of self pleasure about an hour ago, being paid while doing it (and supposed to be working) makes it even sweeter.

I seem to a bit off course today, normally a mid morning ****ter but today's hasnt come yet.

Sure ya don't know if you're coming or going....

armaghlad

Fireball81 wrote: »

Nope....had a bit of self pleasure about an hour ago, being paid while doing it (and supposed to be working) makes it even sweeter.

I seem to a bit off course today, normally a mid morning ****ter but today's hasnt come yet.

I thought you preferred the confines of your workplace gentlemen’s room to relieve yourself? Be interesting to see how you and other likeminded perverts will cope without your twisted fetish for a few weeks. Most people will be concerned about protecting their kids and parents while office gofers like you will be wondering when they’ll next get playing with themselves in the work jacks. Pathetic

perrito caliente

Anus mouth has been popping and cracking like a firing squad the last two days. Too many legumes. Usually manage to squeeze out one tail of sticky wet fondant first, but afterwards it's all firecrackers and busted exhaust pipes. Spitting out very adhesive and hard to clean pellets of oily brown at light speed towards the porcelain, and put the fear of God into a few losers at work who were taking a slash in the urinals. Tried to break the ice with one lad when I came out and said something along the lines of "that's Seán Mac Diarmada and James Connolly done for too" but he gave me a sickened look you might give a mass murderer.

Was letting off fierce bangs then again in the toilet at home tonight, and told the wife I might have the "Peroni" virus as I'd had a few bottles, but she looked at me like I was a piece of chite she wouldn't wipe off the bottom of her shoe. Awful fent in fairness, cabbage, clotted blood, steak and beans, unwashed hood, but people need to lighten up FFS.

Fireball81

armaghlad wrote: »

I thought you preferred the confines of your workplace gentlemen’s room to relieve yourself? Be interesting to see how you and other likeminded perverts will cope without your twisted fetish for a few weeks. Most people will be concerned about protecting their kids and parents while office gofers like you will be wondering when they’ll next get playing with themselves in the work jacks. Pathetic

Lad - cool the jets.

Nevin Parsnipp

Lad is clearly suffering from a bad case of "Bell Rash" when the bell end is extremely sore and coloured like the tail pipe of an F 15 jet.

Throw on the Savlon and a dusting of antiseptic powder and all should be OK .