What's the etiquette here??

gerrybbadd

Fireball81 wrote: »

New cleaner of the work facilities by the looks, banging a feckin mop around and hitting the bottom of the trap doors as a result.

Was finishing a dump and contemplating having a quick hand shandy but that really put me off - got me in a real bad mood, will need relief later.

Good enough for ya, the cleaner is sick of having to wipe up your splatters of enjaculate after you.

perrito caliente

Fireball81 wrote: »

New cleaner of the work facilities by the looks, banging a feckin mop around and hitting the bottom of the trap doors as a result.

Was finishing a dump and contemplating having a quick hand shandy but that really put me off - got me in a real bad mood, will need relief later.

Should have shot a load out underneath the partition dude. That would've stoped em clean in their tracks.

EmmetSpiceland

Fireball81 wrote: »

Was finishing a dump and contemplating having a quick hand shandy but that really put me off - got me in a real bad mood, will need relief later.

I’ve stated my unease, and disgust, at the communal toilet “tug” previously. I don’t like it. It’s very inconsiderate.

However, I can see how it can be a necessary stress “reliever” for those working in low grade jobs, basic admin types. But please, for the love of god, take it to the disabled jacks.

Now, my complaint with the above here is the time of day. What are you thinking? “Knocking” one out before 2pm is a terrible idea. Imagine how long your boring afternoon will be if you blow your “beans” before lunch even? Would be unbearable. Doubly so on a Friday.

Mid afternoon is the “sweet spot”. Head for lunch at 1pm, return for 2pm and then you can do the “needful” after 2:30/3pm then go for a tea break after.

“Time management” is an incredibly useful skill in the workplace environment and one every staff member, from the lowly admin all the way to the CEO should have more than a basic “grasp” of it.

Tumbleweed2

perrito caliente wrote: »

Sorry lads you’ve got me all wrong. Very thick and healthy skin with lots of collagen in my cheeks. Very good genetics due to mother eating simple country foods and home-reared dairy. Still pumping DCU chicks wearing nothing but sports socks and adidas originals. Keep a wad of elastic bands in my pocket. Tub of lube beside the bed with a few novels by Sartre and Camus to keep ‘em guessing. No I’ve nothing to hide boys. Big fat length of meat hanging between my legs, with a teeny tiny little red and weathered cherry top. Usually keep it unpeeled until the last minute as the proportions are off. Anything else just ask.

Tyranical back-seat moderators can piss off. Use the ignore button if you don’t like a fellah’s posts. Some of ye have a serious want for originality. They may be short and sweet, but you’re writing the same posts over and over again going back eighteen months. Get a grip, preferably on another man's shaft.

Enough room here for everyone. Hit me up if you're looking for hand sanitizers.

Hotblack Desiato

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Mid afternoon is the “sweet spot”. Head for lunch at 1pm, return for 2pm and then you can do the “needful” after 2:30/3pm then go for a tea break after.

“Time management” is an incredibly useful skill in the workplace environment and one every staff member, from the lowly admin all the way to the CEO should have more than a basic “grasp” of it.

Definitely one for the CV, that.

Utter Consternation

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Definitely one for the CV, that.

Linkedin is the only place for that blurb.

NeinNeinNein

Emmet, you should discuss your ideas with HR. I could see you being very influential in the design of new and highly efficient induction procedures.

EmmetSpiceland

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Emmet, you should discuss your ideas with HR. I could see you being very influential in the design of new and highly efficient induction procedures.

I’m not sure my “crowd” would go for it, N. Not very “progressive”.

What I might do is chance my arm with contacting “Carr Communications” and seeing if they could add a section into their time keeping “module”.

Couldn’t hurt to try, right?

JohnnyFlash

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Emmet, you should discuss your ideas with HR. I could see you being very influential in the design of new and highly efficient induction procedures.

Could call it the EMMET technique for workplace ****.

E - erection
M - mental imagery
M - maintain stroke
E - ejaculation
T - timekeeping.

Woke Hogan

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Could call it the EMMET technique for workplace ****.

E - erection
M - mental imagery
M - maintain stroke
E - ejaculation
T - timekeeping.

E - Emmet
M - Manually
M - Maintains
E - Erections’
T - Tumescence

EmmetSpiceland

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Could call it the EMMET technique for workplace ****.

E - erection
M - mental imagery
M - maintain stroke
E - ejaculation
T - timekeeping.

That first “M”, I can’t emphasise this enough, that first “M” is incredibly important.

The easy way out is to use your phone to look up some “dirty” pictures or, videos. This is to be discouraged, unless absolutely necessary.

The use of the “**** bank” is essential for maintaining a healthy mind. Viewing too much of that ghastly, rough and humiliating online hardcore pornography really isn’t great for you, or your sexual partner(s).

A lot of men in their 30s suffer from reduced stimulation from “strangling” their todgers with a “death grip”, the type that leaves bruising, or marks.

It’s just not right. It shouldn’t take videos of tiny young ones getting their faces absolutely “pasted” by 14 lads just to squibble out less than a thimbleful.

At least 3, of any young man’s, weekly **** should be “imagi-****” without any external aids.

NeinNeinNein

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That first “M”, I can’t emphasise this enough, that first “M” is incredibly important.

The easy way out is to use your phone to look up some “dirty” pictures or, videos. This is to be discouraged, unless absolutely necessary.

The use of the “**** bank” is essential for maintaining a healthy mind. Viewing too much of that ghastly, rough and humiliating online hardcore pornography really isn’t great for you, or your sexual partner(s).

A lot of men in their 30s suffer from reduced stimulation from “strangling” their todgers with a “death grip”, the type that leaves bruising, or marks.

It’s just not right. It shouldn’t take videos of tiny young ones getting their faces absolutely “pasted” by 14 lads just to squibble out less than a thimbleful.

At least 3, of any young man’s, weekly **** should be “imagi-****” without any external aids.

Excellent points. Can you please PM me the PowerPoint slides when they are finished?

Bullocks

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Excellent points. Can you please PM me the PowerPoint slides when they are finished?

Like his hand shandies ,that lecture is given straight from the mind Nein

Sober Crappy Chemis

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That first “M”, I can’t emphasise this enough, that first “M” is incredibly important.

The easy way out is to use your phone to look up some “dirty” pictures or, videos. This is to be discouraged, unless absolutely necessary.

The use of the “**** bank” is essential for maintaining a healthy mind. Viewing too much of that ghastly, rough and humiliating online hardcore pornography really isn’t great for you, or your sexual partner(s).

A lot of men in their 30s suffer from reduced stimulation from “strangling” their todgers with a “death grip”, the type that leaves bruising, or marks.

It’s just not right. It shouldn’t take videos of tiny young ones getting their faces absolutely “pasted” by 14 lads just to squibble out less than a thimbleful.

At least 3, of any young man’s, weekly **** should be “imagi-****” without any external aids.

I don’t “like” your internet “persona” ... but..
These are true and right words my friend.
Kudos.

Nevin Parsnipp

This thread has gone way off course and not in a good way ....

I was all set to post about a huge sh1te I blew out this am ...but reading the current scutter on this thread threw me right off.

She was an interesting mix of sour gaseous pale midden ( like a young nun's sh1te) and a fent you could take a Stanley knife to ...

Left a bit of "muzzle burn" around the blow hole ...and a thin yellow scree in the armitage ...

But enough of that healthy sh1te discussion and debate ...back to clearly depraved chimpers .....

JohnnyFlash

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

This thread has gone way off course and not in a good way ....

I was all set to post about a huge sh1te I blew out this am ...but reading the current scutter on this thread threw me right off.

She was an interesting mix of sour gaseous pale midden ( like a young nun's sh1te) and a fent you could take a Stanley knife to ...

Left a bit of "muzzle burn" around the blow hole ...and a thin yellow scree in the armitage ...

But enough of that healthy sh1te discussion and debate ...back to clearly depraved chimpers .....

Sounds pretty fücking disgusting, Nev, if you don’t mind me saying.

You back on the lager and sausage roll diet?

Fireball81

Speaking of sausage rolls, was little rough after pints last night. Needed some bread this morning and while I was in the local centra there were some some small hot sausage rolls with my name on them.

This afternoon the gas coming out of my arse was burning but couldn't produce a ****e - just had a dump there and **** me it was potent. A mix of runny liquid and bright yellow on the paper.

Was it the pints (delayed) or the Centra sausage rolls?

Fireball81

Fireball81 wrote: »

Speaking of sausage rolls, was little rough after pints last night. Needed some bread this morning and while I was in the local centra there were some some small hot sausage rolls with my name on them.

This afternoon the gas coming out of my arse was burning but couldn't produce a ****e - just had a dump there and **** me it was potent. A mix of runny liquid and bright yellow on the paper.

Was it the pints (delayed) or the Centra sausage rolls?

It was the sausage rolls, without a doubt.

haydeyhi

Anyone ever look in the bowel after taking a massive ****e and say to yourself "This is magnificent. I feel so proud of myself and want to show people what you produced"

Bullocks

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It was the sausage rolls, without a doubt.

I'll second that, he's lucky he wasn't sweating and puking while squitting out his bright yellow streel of ****e.
It mightn't happen today or tomorrow but some day them delis will be brought to the highest court in the land for the damage they have caused, both short and long term...

Ush1

Had some sort of weird blockage in the bowels there yesterday. Very odd sounding farts. At one point my arse actually said "Michael D Higgins".

Bullocks

Ush1 wrote: »

Had some sort of weird blockage in the bowels there yesterday. Very odd sounding farts. At one point my arse actually said "Michael D Higgins".

Sign of an upcoming general election I'd say

Fireball81

haydeyhi wrote: »

Anyone ever look in the bowel after taking a massive ****e and say to yourself "This is magnificent. I feel so proud of myself and want to show people what you produced"

Every now and again I can produce unique pieces of art.

There used to be a website where you could upload pics of proud productions to share - think it's gone now.

Ush1

Fireball81 wrote: »

Every now and again I can produce unique pieces of art.

There used to be a website where you could upload pics of proud productions to share - think it's gone now.

Deviant behaviour if ya ask me. One rung below saddle sniffing.

JohnnyFlash

Was down in Galway for the weekend and decided I’d head into Pearse Stadium to see the hurlers play before I made the trip back to Dublin.

Had a cup of coffee before throw in and needed to go for a shïte something awful at half time. Real rookie mistake to head into the traps behind the stand. Fücking queue 5 deep, piss all the over the seat when I did get into the trap, there was about 3 hand wraps of single ply left to clean up a fairly loose load (had a large quantity of porter and fish pie last night), and there was some little speccy fücker of about 8 waiting outside the door for the whole time asking his long string of misery of a father why I was taking so long.

In sour old mood, and got fücking soaked heading back to the car afterwards. The hurlers look very good this year in fairness.

Going for a shïte in Pearse Stadium - bad idea. Fücking kip of a place.

NeinNeinNein

Ush1 wrote: »

Had some sort of weird blockage in the bowels there yesterday. Very odd sounding farts. At one point my arse actually said "Michael D Higgins".

Did you have some smoked salmon for your breakfast?

Aglomerado

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Was down in Galway for the weekend and decided I’d head into Pearse Stadium to see the hurlers play before I made the trip back to Dublin.

Had a cup of coffee before throw in and needed to go for a shïte something awful at half time. Real rookie mistake to head into the traps behind the stand. Fücking queue 5 deep, piss all the over the seat when I did get into the trap, there was about 3 hand wraps of single ply left to clean up a fairly loose load (had a large quantity of porter and fish pie last night), and there was some little speccy fücker of about 8 waiting outside the door for the whole time asking his long string of misery of a father why I was taking so long.

In sour old mood, and got fücking soaked heading back to the car afterwards. The hurlers look very good this year in fairness.

Going for a shïte in Pearse Stadium - bad idea. Fücking kip of a place.

The name says it all... Pee-arse Stadium.

Fireball81

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Was down in Galway for the weekend and decided I’d head into Pearse Stadium to see the hurlers play before I made the trip back to Dublin.

Had a cup of coffee before throw in and needed to go for a shïte something awful at half time. Real rookie mistake to head into the traps behind the stand. Fücking queue 5 deep, piss all the over the seat when I did get into the trap, there was about 3 hand wraps of single ply left to clean up a fairly loose load (had a large quantity of porter and fish pie last night), and there was some little speccy fücker of about 8 waiting outside the door for the whole time asking his long string of misery of a father why I was taking so long.

In sour old mood, and got fücking soaked heading back to the car afterwards. The hurlers look very good this year in fairness.

Going for a shïte in Pearse Stadium - bad idea. Fücking kip of a place.

As a rule of thumb, no stadium is nice when it comes to having a dump, unless of course you are in a VIP area.

Even the premium levels of the Aviva are horrible when busy.

When in the RDS I'll quite often pop out of the Anglesea Stand at half time to the warmer surroundings of the Intercontinental hotel next door - much more pleasant with fully stocked facilities.

Utter Consternation

Fireball81 wrote: »

As a rule of thumb, no stadium is nice when it comes to having a dump, unless of course you are in a VIP area.

Even the premium levels of the Aviva are horrible when busy.

When in the RDS I'll quite often pop out of the Anglesea Stand at half time to the warmer surroundings of the Intercontinental hotel next door - much more pleasant with fully stocked facilities.

It's a real rookie error. You have to expect the worst when dropping the load off in any stadium. No exceptions.

You're guaranteed there'll be some cnut with Covid19 of the hole who has gone in before you and destroyed the place.

Cartman78

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You're guaranteed there'll be some cnut with Covid19 of the hole who has gone in before you and destroyed the place.

That would be very rare strain known as Covid20....the scientists haven't got to the bottom of it yet